Rant on remodeling vs. decor

[lucky_bee]

Sounds like my husband...

I wanted new floors downstairs and he said "but I like carpet." I knew it would look so much better with just one flooring downstairs. Instead, at the time, we had hardwood coming in the front door to linoleum in our kitchen, lament in our laundry, carpet in our living room and side room. FOUR different floorings in our downstairs alone. The hardwood needed sanded, the lament and carpet, replaced.

He kept banging his foot on the kitchen table so I moved it over to the edge of the kitchen. It really couldn't stay there because every time you pulled out a chair, you were 1/2 on and off the carpet. Our kids were home at the time and said "mom, I love that table over there but you know you cannot keep it there because of the carpet right?"

Finally, hubby gets up and says "I will replace all the floors with one flooring if you promise that once I finish it all, the table stays right there, that everyone helps, that we put a large area rug in the living room and I get to have input on the flooring." I said DEAL. He did the right thing because I was real close to having it done the next time he was out of town.

Yea we have 3 different types of flooring (all original in our 22 yr old house) in our downstairs including carpet in the DINING ROOM I don't want to think about that impending argument. He gets the cold sweats anytime I show him a paint chip outside of a neutral.

 

[lucky_bee]

I

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the peel and stick wallpapers available from Amazon Prime! I have used them on accent walls in two bathrooms and as the below-chair rail accent in my master bedroom. Thrilled with the result and that if I ever get tired of it I peel and paint or put up a new design. Oh yeah, put up all of it completely by myself (though it would be easier with another set of hands).

My inbox is open and ready for that link please

 

[kwillia]

My inbox is open and ready for that link please

give me a minute and I will try to upload some pics to PM you!

 

[Dakota]

Yea we have 3 different types of flooring (all original in our 22 yr old house) in our downstairs including carpet in the DINING ROOM I don't want to think about that impending argument. He gets the cold sweats anytime I show him a paint chip outside of a neutral.

I used to be that way and my husband cured me of that. He loves color. He took our sons out to get paint for their bedrooms. One wanted red and the other blue and that is what they came home with.

I nearly kirked out but I was told it wasn't my bedroom. The red turned out great - the blue was hated from day #1 and my happiest moment was when it went a sage green.

Now, I do have a lot of color in our house. It isn't as bold but color.

 

[kwillia]

A part of a full room panoramic pic of bedroom so demensions are distorted but you get the drift

 

[RoseRed]

A part of a full room panoramic pic of bedroom so demensions are distorted but you get the drift

Looks great!

 

[kwillia]

Looks great!

I am in love with my bedroom! The king sized 4 post cherry mahogany bed goes center under the far pictures with the tapestry on my side so when I wake up I see the Tuscany hills.

 

[Dakota]

Oh and once our flooring was done, he admitted how much better it all looked. He gets tons of compliments on it.

We all worked on it and I paid a kid in our neighborhood to also help. He pulled out all the staples on the floor and helped install. My husband will tell anyone that hands down, I picked the absolute best helper for him and I organized the project ordering, paying the help, etc. He did pick the flooring but it was in my top 3 anyway so I was good with that.

Just before all that, a woman I work with came into the office one morning and said something profound that stuck with me.

She said, I work hard for my money and I refuse to spend another minute begging and kicking my husband around to do a project in our house so from this point forward, if I want something done I cannot do myself, I will pay somebody to do it or pay somebody to help me do it.

I thought about that and decided it was my new motto in life. The same kid that helped him with the floors was paid to help me with my flower beds, put down mulch, move furniture, clean the shed, clean the garage, etc.

One day I said, oh, I have somebody coming to give me an estimate on sealing our driveway. My husband was like I said you told me you didn't think it needed to be done and I disagree with you so since I don't want to do it myself, I am hiring this man to do it.

He was mad at me until it was done. I work, I paid for it and it was way easier than just being pissed off about it.

Same thing when I wanted to add on to our fence. I said I have 3 people coming to give estimates to install the fence I told you I wanted up. I couldn't be there for the time frame the one person had and asked him to handle it. I already had 2 estimates so when the 3rd person came, it was a better deal and my husband signed the contract. We now have a fence.

It was such a difference to what I use to do that I still don't think he can grasp it but now when I mention something he says he'll do it and not to hire anyone.

 

[kwillia]

what do you mean by that? I'm sensing a passive aggressive manifestation and long suspected ulterior motives, in yur swag. By the way, high top Chucks with orange laces is wayyyy 1960's....

Oh yeah, well I heard Tesla lovers can't go the distance and cannot keep a full charge...

 

[RoseRed]

I am in love with my bedroom! The king sized 4 post cherry mahogany bed goes center under the far pictures with the tapestry on my side so when I wake up I see the Tuscany hills.

I was wondering what room that was.

 

[mydoghasfleas]

yeah???? yeah???? well, ummmmm...your mashed potatoes are runny and your hat smells like hair spray!!!

 

[Dakota]

hummmm

 

[RareBreed]

If something doesn't appeal to me, I keep my comments to myself. What someone does with their home is their business and if they like it- that's cool!
Guess some people didn't heed their Mama's advice: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
In today's world it would be STFU!

I am a minimalist so clutter really triggers me negatively. Makes me feel claustrophobic. But... I keep it to myself because I wouldn't want anyone commenting on how my house is set up. What matters is how someone's house makes them feel.

 

[Dakota]

I am a minimalist so clutter really triggers me negatively. Makes me feel claustrophobic. But... I keep it to myself because I wouldn't want anyone commenting on how my house is set up. What matters is how someone's house makes them feel.

yep... my grandparents used to manage Three Oaks Motel | Hotel Titusville Florida | Hotel in Titusville Florida (threeoaksmoteltitusvillefl.com) back in the 80's and 90's and I worked with my grandfather redoing many of those rooms at that place so I do have skills that I was able to use in all the houses we have lived at. I signed up for the forum thinking it was all about remodeling but have found that a large majority of the posters are more about the decoration. Decoration, to me, is a personal choice and so much different than the remodeling and/or refinishing of furniture pieces.

I have also adapted to the more minimalist style. I don't like crap on my end tables but a lamp and only appliances I use daily have a place on our countertops in our kitchen. I hate crap all over my bathroom vanity.

I kid you not, when I go to my in-laws house, there isn't room on the end table for a cup of coffee with all the pictures on display and the actual coffee table is also cluttered with bowls. I always knock chit over there and it was something I never did. I had a lab with big tail so things on tables like that would be futile. Just because I hate it doesn't mean she didn't put in a lot of time and effort decorating her space.

My step mother has plants all over her coffee table so when you sit at a seat that isn't on the sofa she is sitting on, you feel like you are sitting in a forest, stretching your neck to see her.

My BIL once came to our house and used our upstairs bathroom. He asked my husband if our vanity is always so clear of clutter and only saw my husband's shaving gear next to the sink. My husband is like - well yeah. My husband has only lived with me so he doesn't realize that his brother never had space in the bathroom to even shave his face with any of his live ins.

I hate clutter so I look at things with an open mind. They created this for them and I am different. Like you, clutter causes me to feel anxious.

 

[lucky_bee]

A part of a full room panoramic pic of bedroom so demensions are distorted but you get the drift

Thank you! And the room looks fantastic!

 

[RareBreed]

yep... my grandparents used to manage Three Oaks Motel | Hotel Titusville Florida | Hotel in Titusville Florida (threeoaksmoteltitusvillefl.com) back in the 80's and 90's and I worked with my grandfather redoing many of those rooms at that place so I do have skills that I was able to use in all the houses we have lived at. I signed up for the forum thinking it was all about remodeling but have found that a large majority of the posters are more about the decoration. Decoration, to me, is a personal choice and so much different than the remodeling and/or refinishing of furniture pieces.

I have also adapted to the more minimalist style. I don't like crap on my end tables but a lamp and only appliances I use daily have a place on our countertops in our kitchen. I hate crap all over my bathroom vanity.

I kid you not, when I go to my in-laws house, there isn't room on the end table for a cup of coffee with all the pictures on display and the actual coffee table is also cluttered with bowls. I always knock chit over there and it was something I never did. I had a lab with big tail so things on tables like that would be futile. Just because I hate it doesn't mean she didn't put in a lot of time and effort decorating her space.

My step mother has plants all over her coffee table so when you sit at a seat that isn't on the sofa she is sitting on, you feel like you are sitting in a forest, stretching your neck to see her.

My BIL once came to our house and used our upstairs bathroom. He asked my husband if our vanity is always so clear of clutter and only saw my husband's shaving gear next to the sink. My husband is like - well yeah. My husband has only lived with me so he doesn't realize that his brother never had space in the bathroom to even shave his face with any of his live ins.

I hate clutter so I look at things with an open mind. They created this for them and I am different. Like you, clutter causes me to feel anxious.

I started decluttering while on Christmas break a couple of years ago. I thought I was pretty minimalistic then and was surprised at all the stuff I found that was going unused around the house once I really started looking.

Your house sounds like mine. End table only has a lamp and phone on it. Only appliances on the kitchen counter are the microwave and coffee pot. Bathroom vanity has our toothbrushes/toothpaste/mouthwash and air freshener spray. We messed up and got a vanity with a cabinet and no drawers or else all that would be on it would be the air freshener. In hindsight, we should have gotten one like we have in our boys' bathroom.

My mom's house gives me anxiety. Once she became an empty nester and quit working, she became a hoarder. No place to sit. No place to eat. She hasn't done laundry in over a year. She just buys more clothes. Plus her house has mice and her dog isn't house trained. She just has puddle pads all over for him to use. I am dreading going for Christmas. Last year was a Godsend with Covid. Perfect excuse to not go.

 

[lucky_bee]

Oh and once our flooring was done, he admitted how much better it all looked. He gets tons of compliments on it.

this happens to my husband every time I'll finally get him to give a little and everyone will just ooh and ahh over the finished product. I let him act like it was all his idea he did do most of the work. My friends (and both our moms) are smart enough to know who was really behind the vision. When it came time to sell his bachelor pad, which by then I'd decorated enough to make it look like a family actually lived there, EVERYONE had so many compliments - our realtor, buyers, nosy friends checking out our Zillow pics - he managed to sell it quickly and with a small, unexpected profit. You're welcome

She said, I work hard for my money and I refuse to spend another minute begging and kicking my husband around to do a project in our house so from this point forward, if I want something done I cannot do myself, I will pay somebody to do it or pay somebody to help me do it.

Smart woman. I'm glad you took her advice. I'm stuck with Student Loans for another year, so he's been financing the majority of our projects, but when a sizable portion of my pay finally comes home with me, then it's ON. I'll hire someone next time he takes too long for something. It drives him nuts - he's a very handy guy but can't stand paying someone else to do what he can do himself I was furious when he refused to hire painters for our new house when I was 4-8 months pregnant and he was on travel all the time. Sure, we can paint ourselves, but PEACE OF MIND is worth something too. So here it is, 2 years later and we still have 5 out of 14 rooms that haven't been painted and he wants to curse every time I mention the next room. Usually I used to help him in our renovations, but with a toddler now, he was stuck redoing the master bath all by himself this time. It's a full time job just keeping Little Man away from the tools, all he wants to do is be like Dad. He definitely wished he'd contracted some of it out by the time he was done.

 

[lucky_bee]

I hate clutter so I look at things with an open mind. They created this for them and I am different. Like you, clutter causes me to feel anxious.

I try very hard to minimalize my decor - it's helped a lot over the years. Especially if you saw my mother's old house. She's better now, since they downsized but while she was definitely not a hoarder, and she kept their house very clean, she just had a lot of STUFF - decor, collectables, etc. Tasteful, but a lot of it. The past couple years she's had to clean out her aunt's house when she passed, her brother's when he passed, and recently my grandmother's when she moved to an assisted living facility. Plus her own from downsizing and moving. She tried to pass a LOT of it on to me and my brothers. After a couple times, we wised up and would just take it and trash it on our own so she didn't have to worry about it. "You want this?" "Sure" (immediatly tosses in the dump upon her leaving). Rinse and Repeat.


(I swear my husband has some redeaming qualities but... ) but he says the same thing about hating clutter - but then leaves his random crap everywhere - And then gets mad when I clean and collect it all and throw it into one big pile and out onto his workbench/his office. He gave me a hard time over this cute little decor tray in the bathroom that also organized our toothbrushes and stuff. Said it looked cluttered. But go take a look at MY kitchen island AND the breakfast nook table AND the hallway table, covered in his random crap/tools. "That's not clutter, that serves a purpose/I need that soon/I'm not finished with it"

 

[Dakota]

Smart woman. I'm glad you took her advice.

I never said one word to her at the time she vented to me that I had the same problems at home but a good year later I did tell her. The kid I hired for projects is no longer a kid now but will always be a kid to me. I think he is getting ready to turn 21 and ended up following my oldest son to work and is now an apprentice in the union. My son told me he got raving reviews for recommending him for a job with his company because he is such a hard worker. He is indeed an excellent kid who not only followed my orders but anticipated my needs on projects we worked on.

And you are right, I found out later my husband hates when I pay somebody else to do what he can do and now, he is much more willing to help or do himself. It is a good thing because I hired this kid's younger brother to help me a few times and it isn't the same. His brother talks way too much.

 

[Dakota]

My mom's house gives me anxiety. Once she became an empty nester and quit working, she became a hoarder. No place to sit. No place to eat. She hasn't done laundry in over a year. She just buys more clothes. Plus her house has mice and her dog isn't house trained. She just has puddle pads all over for him to use. I am dreading going for Christmas. Last year was a Godsend with Covid. Perfect excuse to not go.

My father passed away last year and his wife controlled much of his clutter although his sheds were horrific and he had 2 terrible rooms in his house. We spent days cleaning junk out of.

My husband's mother is also a clutter bug and if I am still around when his parent's pass, I will suggest burning the place down.

His father once said to me, it is all her, not me. He could grab a small box and put his things in it and it irked him that whenever he wanted something of his out, she had no room for it. I am not kidding when I say that his words broke my heart.

My husband's mother said she has been going room to room and giving things away to nieces and stuff which I hope that is true. She seemed disturbed when my husband told her that when cleaning my father's house, much went to charity or in the trash. She gasped... but that is what happens in most cases when people who keep clutter pass on.