social mores: b'day party invites?
- Thread starter foxxynhounds
- Start date
bulldog
New Member
Difference in perspective, I suppose. IMO, parties are for friends, not every kid in the class...unless they are all really that tight and are friends. I would never discourage my kid from inviting anyone, but I'm certainly not going to encourage them to invite someone they are not friends with just for the sake of not hurting that kid's feelings. Likewise, if I got wiff that my kid was invited as an all enclusive effort, I'd discuss it with them, but let them decide to go or not.
bulldog
New Member
But, you're a self-proclaimed Misfit. You don't count.
See, and I felt it was important to teach my kids to not hurt someone else's feelings, especially when it's easy to avoid. I don't like to see children being excluded for something that isn't their fault, and it never hurt my kids to make a new friend or two and practice their compassion skills. It's good for them.
sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
School is for learning, not for party planning. If they are such good of friends, they can invite them outside of school hours. Teachers should not have to put up with that drama.
Misfit
Lawful neutral
sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
You can come sit at my lunch table.
I can promise you that he will not eat any of your lunch.
bulldog
New Member
Interesting discussion.
Just for sake of discussion...let's say that for the most part your child is fine with your way of doing things and is therefore okay inviting 'most' of their classmates. However, there are these two that are really jerks and that nobody likes or gets along with. Will they be invited because you don't want your kid to be a jerk by hurting their feelings?
If the answer is that they will be invited, how do you reason that to your kid? Two wrongs don't make a right? Maybe this is what they need to change their ways? Be the bigger person?
If the answer is that they will NOT be invited because they are jerks, where do you draw the line for jerkdom? Small, medium, large Jerk? Only a jerk some of the time? Only a jerk to certain people?
Misfit
Lawful neutral
pebbles
Member
Isn't this standard for SMCPS??? I think it's a bunch of BS.
Mine does the same.My kid will often tell me he doesn't want to go when invited because he "doesn't like that kid".
I can't afford nor do I have the space to host 20+ classmates in addition to family friends for a Winter b-day party. I ask my kid who he would like to invite from class & it's usually limited to about 3 people, & then I find a way to invite or ask the parents. I don't see how not inviting the entire class (some of which the kids don't even really associate with) is rude or could be considered bullying.
I always ask my child if he wants to attend the party. If he says no then I don't waste my time. I rsvp that we won't be there & that's it.
Schools & the Government in general have gotten too involved in our everyday lives but that's a whole other thread.
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sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
bulldog
New Member
I agree. I just find it interesting that the school felt they needed to make a policy about it.
My point is that if a kid gets butt-hurt over not being invited to a party, there is an opportunity for the parents to explain the "facts" of life and in this instance, the facts are that life sometimes sucks and not everybody gets along so you just have to deal with it.
sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
I think the school should have made it a rule and not because of the butt-hurt issue. School time does not need to be wasted on this crap. As I posted before, my kids know that we're not going to attend any of the parties. The invites go straight to the trash. We have other things to do with our money.
bulldog
New Member
Kids have their whole lives to learn to deal with rejection. I don't want that lesson for some little kid to be on my karma. Or my conscience.
bulldog
New Member
Kids have their whole lives to learn to deal with rejection. I don't want that lesson for some little kid to be on my karma. Or my conscience.
But, Vrai, that's part of my point. I think that very often, kids are protected from these things...for far too long. They continue to be protected and eventually the parents forget to quit being SO protective. By the time it hits them, it's too late and the kid has become so used to it, they have no idea how to deal with life when life jumps up and slaps the crap out of them.
I'm not saying that we should be so hard core that we are raising emotionless robots, but raising spoiled, wimpy-azz kids is not the answer either.
sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
Oooooooh let's give EVERY kid a trophy. Another peeve of mine.
bulldog
New Member
You're not going to convince me that it's a good thing to hurt a 5 year old kid's feelings by excluding and rejecting them.
You all are mean.