Spanking a child

[AnonymousPenguin]

Just curious...
Do you involve spanking/hitting as part of disciplining your child?

I'd like to spare the rod (when I have children) and discipline them by other means.
Eventhough I would like to do this, I don't know how it will be when I have children...and I'm being tested...and I run out of patience. I don't think it's horrible to hit your children (in a non-abusive manner of course).... but I think it's better to avoid it.

My mom spanked me when I was little...and it's ok...I don't see anything wrong w/ what she did.

I'd like to know how others feel on this subject...

 

[RoseRed]

I have spanked my daughter with a bare hand on occassion, but not as a regular punishment. I usually use time outs, either in the corner or in the chair or send her to her room, which is upstairs away from the rest of us.

I too was spanked when I was younger, some of which would be considered abuse (i.e. wooden spoons, plant stakes and brooms). Later in life I was also punched with slaps to the face and actual beatings.

There have been times that she has pushed EVERY last button and I have to leave the house and go away rather than get the feeling that I want to beat the snot out her, which of course I would never do since I know first hand how it feels as a child.

There is a BIG difference between a spanking punishment and abuse.

 

[cattitude]

NOPE

Don't believe in it at all. I was spanked by my mother, and she used the metal end of the flyswatter. I wasn't abused, that was just her form of punishment and it certainly wasn't often. Was only hit once by my dad, when I was 18 and called my mom the "b" word when I was moving out.

I would pat their butts when my kids were little to get their attention but that's as far as it went. Just didn't seem right to me to hit a child -- in any fashion.

 

[pixiegirl]

I totally agree w/ Bch. Even though I haven't had to cross this bridge with my son yet I'm sure those days are coming. I spend a lot of time with my nephew and I have no problem popping him one on the butt or the hand. I have only once spanked him with a bare butt and he really deserved it. When my son was only 4-5 weeks old I was rocking him to sleep and for no reason at all my nephew came to the rocking chair and and spit on us. If I'd have yelled I'd of probably lost my voice and damaged his ear drums. Instead I wiped my faces and the baby's, put Noah in the porta crib, grabbed my nephew, yanked his pants down and gave him a few good swats on his butt. It worked, he hasn't spit on anyone since.

I don't think of spanking as a last resort either. I think there are some things that deserve a yelling at, some a time out, some a swat and some a spanking.

 

[justhangn]

In my instance........


It strongly depends on the child. I have two and they are both on opposite ends of the spectrum. One I can just look at and he knows he’s done wrong and will chill, usually. Now the other, he he he he he he, she’s a different beast all together. MOST times a timeout will do the trick, when that fails to get through, a spanking is in order and there are even times when that doesn’t work. It becomes a test of wills, hence why I am always reading books on the subject.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
When my son was only 4-5 weeks old I was rocking him to sleep and for no reason at all my nephew came to the rocking chair and and spit on us. If I'd have yelled I'd of probably lost my voice and damaged his ear drums. Instead I wiped my faces and the baby's, put Noah in the porta crib, grabbed my nephew, yanked his pants down and gave him a few good swats on his butt. It worked, he hasn't spit on anyone since.

I don't think of spanking as a last resort either. I think there are some things that deserve a yelling at, some a time out, some a swat and some a spanking.

 

[RoseRed]

Originally posted by BchBns
That being said, sometimes, it's the only thing you can do to get a child's attention.

I totally agree, I haven't had to spank her in a loooong time. She now understands that if she misbehaves she will be punished in some sort of fashion (not physical though) and that if she is good, she gets rewards. Just because she says please doesn't mean she always gets what she asks for either.

I also agree that there are some kids out there that perhaps should have been better disciplied as younger children because they show NO respect whatsoever now. It burns me up to see some parents just look the other way when their children are disruptive and do absolutely nothing about it. When my daughter is disruptive, we go... NOW. Whether it is outside for a talk or go straight home.

It also bugs the heck out of me when I am discipling my child and some other adult looks at me like I am some sort of monster for doing so.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by RoseRed
It also bugs the heck out of me when I am discipling my child and some other adult looks at me like I am some sort of monster for doing so.

Been here, done this........ I thought I was going to have to jerk a knot on someones head for this once or twice. GOD forbid if someone actually makes their child accountable for their actions.

 

[RoseRed]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
I totally agree w/ Bch. Even though I haven't had to cross this bridge with my son yet I'm sure those days are coming. I spend a lot of time with my nephew and I have no problem popping him one on the butt or the hand. I have only once spanked him with a bare butt and he really deserved it. When my son was only 4-5 weeks old I was rocking him to sleep and for no reason at all my nephew came to the rocking chair and and spit on us. If I'd have yelled I'd of probably lost my voice and damaged his ear drums. Instead I wiped my faces and the baby's, put Noah in the porta crib, grabbed my nephew, yanked his pants down and gave him a few good swats on his butt. It worked, he hasn't spit on anyone since.

I would have done the exact same thing. My daughter was jealous of her cousin (my niece) when she was born and came up to me and did something (I can't remember now) to her. I put the baby down and gave her a swat on the bum. She straightened up VERY quick and never did it again. I also popped her bum after she bit mine, the second time.

 

[vraiblonde]

I don't believe in hitting children. Which is not to say that I didn't spank my kids on occasion when they were little, but it was very rare. When they were small, I'd just remove them from whatever the problem was, distract them, sit them in time-out or something like that. As they got older, I found the "Bruzilla" method very effective - make the punishment fit the crime. I still stand my kids in the corner when they act like jerks - even the oldest got to stand in the corner about two months before he left for boot camp.


Mine and Larry's favorite phrase is "Oh, good - I'm glad you (insert offensive action here). Now I don't have to drive you to your friend's house this weekend." I think it was Sierra that said, "If you're not nice, I'm not nice."

 

[RoseRed]

My husband broke her mini mop in one day after telling her numerous times not to swing it around or he would break it. Well, the last time she swung, she got him in the gonads and he broke it in about 3-4 pieces. She was devastated but stopped swinging those things around. I have also tossed a toy in the trash if she didn;t listen. It is very effective.

 

[Kyle]

As someone who doesn't have any kids... you may throw the tomatoes at your leisure! (Another know-it-all who doesn't have kids )

The only hard looks I've ever given parents, and I think they deserved it, were over their children when the little monsters are screaming, yelling, stamping their feet or throwing a tantrum in some way while in the store.(Usually in the checkout line)

On more than one occasion voicing my opinion that they need a physics lesson with a willow branch/paddle or the instrument of the parents choice.

What really amazes me is how often parents let their kids get away with the "I want! I want! I want!" and won't discipline them... to, allegedly, avoid making a scene... But, HELLO! The kids already doing a damn fine imitation!

 

[cattitude]

Thank God Vrai

Originally posted by vraiblonde
I don't believe in hitting children. Which is not to say that I didn't spank my kids on occasion when they were little, but it was very rare. When they were small, I'd just remove them from whatever the problem was, distract them, sit them in time-out or something like that. As they got older, I found the "Bruzilla" method very effective - make the punishment fit the crime. I still stand my kids in the corner when they act like jerks - even the oldest got to stand in the corner about two months before he left for boot camp.


Mine and Larry's favorite phrase is "Oh, good - I'm glad you (insert offensive action here). Now I don't have to drive you to your friend's house this weekend." I think it was Sierra that said, "If you're not nice, I'm not nice."

I was beginning to think I was weird. Well...for not spanking my kids anyway. Incidentally, all three are well-adjusted, normal, and productive human beings. Lucked out I guess.

 

[vraiblonde]

When my kids would act up in a store or something I used to march them to the bathroom and give them a talking to or (you guessed it) stand them in the corner. A lot of times screaming kids are the parents' own fault - the kid is obviously cranky and needs a nap, but Mommy MUST go to Target or the grocery store instead. In those cases I'd like to give Mommy a smack rather than the kid.

 

[RoseRed]

Originally posted by Kyle
The only hard looks I've ever given parents, and I think they deserved it, were over their children when the little monsters are screaming, yelling, stamping their feet or throwing a tantrum in some way while in the store.(Usually in the checkout line)

I was given one of those look by a woman with a newborn at Wal-Mart once. My daughter (then 22 months) decided that she was going into meltdown mode and threw herself on the floor. I tried to get her up calmly, but finally had to just grab her around the waist and carry her out of the store as fast as I could.

After my quick departure, she made a comment to her baby (whatever!) that she would NEVER act like that. My friend that was with me and stayed in the store looked right at her and laughed in her face and told her to just wait her turn, her time would come.

Geez, at least I delt with the situation qucikly and didn't let her get away with her behavior. I ended up taking her home and then went back to the store without her.

 

[cattitude]

once of my favorite scenes

Going through a store and seeing a mom with two children fighting, hitting on one another. The mother begins smacking one of the perpetrators..."how..many...time...(whack)..have I..(whack)...told you not to (whack) hit your brother." Great message, mom.

 

[Kyle]

Actually Rose I was directing it more along the lines of the ones that "don't" try to correct it.

My parents wouldn't have allowed in when I was growing up and, to my knowledge, neither did most of the kids I grew up with.
We'd get our hides tanned right there in the checkout line for behavior like that.

 

[RoseRed]

Re: once of my favorite scenes

Originally posted by cattitude
Going through a store and seeing a mom with two children fighting, hitting on one another. The mother begins smacking one of the perpetrators..."how..many...time...(whack)..have I..(whack)...told you not to (whack) hit your brother." Great message, mom.

Kinda like my Mom grabbing my sister and I by the hair and smacking our heads together. Nice....

 

[SxyPrincess]

I'm ALL for a butt-smack however, I seldom have to do this with my daughter. I use the "1-2-3" method and that has seemed to work well.

 

[Kyle]

Re: Thank God Vrai

Originally posted by cattitude


I was beginning to think I was weird. Well...for not spanking my kids anyway. Incidentally, all three are well-adjusted, normal, and productive human beings. Lucked out I guess.

(Again-No Kids )

But I think a lot of it depends on the kids themselves what works for one may not work for all of them. Some seem to need a whack to get their attention on occasion.