sunnyside393
New Member
How long is acceptable for divorced parents to fight over who is gonna get the kids? (All of the kids are now in their 20's) 
The Kids
- Thread starter sunnyside393
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NextJen
Raisin cane
How long is acceptable for divorced parents to fight over who is gonna get the kids? (All of the kids are now in their 20's)
In their 20's? So you mean fight like - You take them! No, You take them!
Toxick
Splat
How long is acceptable for divorced parents to fight over who is gonna get the kids? (All of the kids are now in their 20's)
18th birthday.
If fighting continues, everyone involved - including the adult children - should be slapped in the face until they agree that it's beyond ridiculous, and all anyone is trying to do is hurt each other by any means necessary.
Dumbasses.
slotpuppy
Ass-hole
How long is acceptable for divorced parents to fight over who is gonna get the kids? (All of the kids are now in their 20's)
Sounds like the parents should not have reproduced in the first place.
sunnyside393
New Member
Thank you for such a sane answer, but this is ingrained in the family situation so badly I think it may be irreparable.
sunnyside393
New Member
They won't move out--gotta live at one parents house or another.
Bay_Kat
Tropical
Each parent should write how much they want for rent on a piece of paper and well as rules for living there and give it to the kids without either parent knowing what the other wrote. Let the kids decide. If they don't like either price, or rules, time for them to try to make it on their own. Wish them luck and buy them a microwave.
Yep, they are old enough to make their own decision, even though it might insult one of the parents. I would take the parent who would be less harder on me, ha ha.
sunnyside393
New Member
The thing is....is that it's not about rent money.....it's about which parent the kids are gonna love more...which parent each kid will support in the next family fight....which parent can give each kid the most....it's still about which parent "gets" the kids' affection.....the father feels as if he is "winning" right now because he has more money to dish out....but it's a catch 22 for him...if he doesn't keep it up, he afraid his kids will cut him off, so to speak, and punish him with lack of affection and support.....not have anything to do with him----he will "lose" them
I am divorced and let my Ex keep my Son. No so much that I thought she was better for him but we had another son who was not mine by blood. He still comes over and calls me dad because I am the only dad he ever knew. But I knew I was not going to be able to get both of the boys in the divorce and I did not want to break them up. I was an only child and never had a sibling and I was not about to take that away from my son.
The Ex has them both, 1 is 19 and the other 15. Both have mentioned coming to live with me at one time or another, usually when they have had arguments with their mother. I have always made it clear to them that they are "NOT" welcome to live here unless we all have a sit down and their mother is perfectly OK with everything. I never wanted them to get it in their head that if "If I don't like it here at Mom's I can always go to Dad's and live". I just felt that giving them an easy out would make them throw that up in her face every time she tried to punish them or they had an argument.
If the situation you are laying out is honestly driven by who can give the kids the most and it boils down to money. I suggest someone needs to think about those kids more than themselves. They are never going to be totally independent in a situation as you describe and are only going to be weaker for it in the long run.
It's not about which parent the kids are gonna love more. It's about the kids
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sunnyside393
New Member
It's not really about the money.....money is a tool on the father's side to "win" the kids..."winning" the kids is a get back at their mother for the things she did (affairs)during the marriage, she did the things she did as a get back at the things their father required of her in the marriage (abortion), and on and on it goes, physical fights erupt, public drunkeness, drugs, but the worst of all to me about these kids is the finesse they have developed at manipulating the situation
Ya kids sure can try to manipulate if given enough room. In our situation, I was on travel a lot and the Ex decided to fool around. I quit traveling and gave it one year to try to save the marriage but eventually found a credit card bill where she had decided to pay to fix her boyfriend's car. That was the day I called the lawyer.
But as for the kids I had plenty of time to think about them and what I felt was best for them. I ended up having to make sacrifices, I don't like it but I felt it was best.
We divorced in '05 and the Ex and I still keep in touch. She just went through knee surgery and is having a hard time making ends meet so I helped out there a bit. We talk periodically and she always say she wished I had taken the boys because I was always very strict with them but was fair. The boys knew I NEVER repeated myself. If I said something to them they knew I was not going to do it twice. If they did not do what I said they knew the computer, TV, Xbox or some other privilege was about to go away. I did not leave them much room to manipulate me, whereas the Ex would tell them 10x not to do something or do something and it would go in one ear and out the other.
But in the end it should boil down to the kids and what is best for them. If the parents are still trying to hurt each other they just need to grow up and learn to let the past stay in the past and move on.
Sucks to be those kids.
sunnyside393
New Member
All the kids are adults now and exult in the influence they wield in the situation......what do you think would be the path for this family back to something more healthy?....the problem is......they don't see it as unhealthy......
How long is acceptable for divorced parents to fight over who is gonna get the kids? (All of the kids are now in their 20's)
If they're fighting over "kids" who are in their 20's, they're just idiots. They really should be seeking psychiatric help. Fast.
Sounds to me like the parents need to learn to act like parents instead of acting out of spite for one another.
Can't really suggest a way out as I tried to put thought into putting things in place before the Ex and I even separated that would minimize the chances of something like this happening because I did not want to put my kids through such things.