The only son (or daughter)...

[libby]

I'm raising my BF's children with him. Technically they're not mine, but they may as well be.

Larry, I still don't think you're actually getting what I'm saying. I'm NOT talking about losing an only child.

Lets say you have two daughters and a son. If you lose your son, people would say, "OH, he lost his only son." Get it? Like losing your son wouldn't be as bad if you had a "spare" son at home. Get it?

Please, please tell me you get it. Please.

I misunderstood at first, but I get it now.

 

[Larry Gude]

This is...

I'm raising my BF's children with him. Technically they're not mine, but they may as well be.

Larry, I still don't think you're actually getting what I'm saying. I'm NOT talking about losing an only child.

Lets say you have two daughters and a son. If you lose your son, people would say, "OH, he lost his only son." Get it? Like losing your son wouldn't be as bad if you had a "spare" son at home. Get it?

Please, please tell me you get it. Please.

...what you wrote that I responded to;

Ok, we've all heard it. Someone loses a son (or daughter) and you hear, "he was her only son." So, would it be better if there were 2 boys? Oh, don't worry, she has a spare. Why do they say that? It's awful to lose a child, and it's not any easier if you have another child of the same sex. I just think it sounds stupid.

It does not sound stupid to me. At all.

 

[vraiblonde]

Ok, we've all heard it. Someone loses a son (or daughter) and you hear, "he was her only son." So, would it be better if there were 2 boys? Oh, don't worry, she has a spare. Why do they say that? It's awful to lose a child, and it's not any easier if you have another child of the same sex. I just think it sounds stupid.

I don't think people who say that mean any harm. They're just clucking like people do when they can't think of anything else to say.

I've never lost a child but I imagine it would be harder to lose an "only", be it the only child, or the only son, only daughter. It's not so much that you have a "spare" but there's a specialness to an only. You have 6 sons, and 1 daughter, I think it would be a big blow to lose that daughter. (Not that it wouldn't be a blow to lose one of the sons, but the experience of raising a daughter is different than raising a son. It would be the same if you had 6 daughters and 1 son.)

I can't think of how to explain it without some huge dissertation. When you lose an "only" you lose the uniqueness that went along with them, and the experiences you would have had.

 

[kom526]

I don't think people who say that mean any harm. They're just clucking like people do when they can't think of anything else to say.

Conversely, if you DON'T say anything, you get considered a heartless bastard.

 

[RareBreed]

I don't think people who say that mean any harm. They're just clucking like people do when they can't think of anything else to say.

I've never lost a child but I imagine it would be harder to lose an "only", be it the only child, or the only son, only daughter. It's not so much that you have a "spare" but there's a specialness to an only. You have 6 sons, and 1 daughter, I think it would be a big blow to lose that daughter. (Not that it wouldn't be a blow to lose one of the sons, but the experience of raising a daughter is different than raising a son. It would be the same if you had 6 daughters and 1 son.)

I can't think of how to explain it without some huge dissertation. When you lose an "only" you lose the uniqueness that went along with them, and the experiences you would have had.