This is bad.
- Thread starter notthatone
- Start date
RPMDAD
Well-Known Member
This is affecting you and your entire family especially your children much more than you even thought by your original post. The children aren't blind and watch and learn. if he is not willing to help himself and family it is time for you to take the kids and leave. Hopefully the situation will not get violent for you or the children to realize this.
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
I really hope this is a joke thread. WHY would you put your kids through this? If he is kicking the animals and making you cry, do you think it's good for the kids to see that? If you're too stupid or stubborn to leave for yourself then do it for the kids. He obviously doesn't care or he would be on meds.
notthatone
New Member
Unfortunately,no it is not a joke. But,I appreciate those of you who PMed me and gave some feedback..thanks for the clarity. I think sometimes making a big step is easier when at least one person agrees and says it is right-I catch a lot of flak from my family,to them as long as he pays the bills,I should take whatever he dishes out,so I don't have any support,really. Thanks again.
Because as someone who has lived with and through this very same type of situation, It is much easier said than done. I cried more tears, lived in fear that I could not even describe etc. All because I was in fear that the threats he made would one day come true.
Please do not be so harsh to someone who is just reaching out for a bit of hope and understanding. It took me six years and a chain of numerous events to be free of that situation. In the end the one person who helped me the most was my ex's mother. I am still close to her and her husband to this day as well as all of my ex's siblings and even now my ex himself as he finally got the help he needed.
I look back know almost five years later and am ashamed that I was so weak to not go sooner. In retrspect I had hope it would all work out and it didn't. I laid all the cards on the table in June of 2004 and stated that I would stay if he got help. He chose not to and I finally had reached my last straw.
It so pisses me off that people who have never lived in these types of situations can be so judgemental and flippant in saying well just leave. So someone explain to me where is a woman with kids supposed to go when she make's 30k a year but has two kids in daycare and a teenager. Where can you live bringing home 550.00 per week, paying utilities, providing food and necessities, insurance premiums and all the other exspenses of life. People in this income range get next to nothing in assistance.
Oh I am sure it's easy to say go to court and get child support. So what do you do if the other person doesn't work, won't work or evade the law? It is so easy to say just go. This is real life though and in most cases it is not that easy.
Yeah in the end I should have made better choices but in reality mental illness' have their peaks and valley's. It can take years before the true signs come out.
PrepH4U
New Member
I have been reading some of your past posts and I am really confused. You believe in open marriage - you owe over 8K in insurance violations - you have never had a checking account because you were afraid they would take your money - you are overdue for free pap smear which you waited until the last minute to make the appointment... and you are just now searching for a peditrician that takes gov't provided insurance.
You posted that your daughter was crying uncontrollably and to me it sounded like she almost had an hormonal/emotional breakdown because of your lack of motivation to get your azz out of an unhealthy situation. But yet instead of consoling her, here you sit posting crap to people who do not agree with you. Go sit & talk with your daughter now!
Now I really have to ask myself, is this person that is baring her soul for real? Or is she the one with a problem? :shrug:
If your bi-polar hubby is not a figment of your imagination, then get off your azz and do something about it instead of relying on advice from strangers on the net.
If the reason you are setting up your bank account, gotten the insurance, and researching doctors that accept it. Is because you are completing the steps to make your leaving transition easier THEN GOOD FOR YOU!
You posted that your daughter was crying uncontrollably and to me it sounded like she almost had an hormonal/emotional breakdown because of your lack of motivation to get your azz out of an unhealthy situation. But yet instead of consoling her, here you sit posting crap to people who do not agree with you. Go sit & talk with your daughter now!
Now I really have to ask myself, is this person that is baring her soul for real? Or is she the one with a problem? :shrug:
If your bi-polar hubby is not a figment of your imagination, then get off your azz and do something about it instead of relying on advice from strangers on the net.
If the reason you are setting up your bank account, gotten the insurance, and researching doctors that accept it. Is because you are completing the steps to make your leaving transition easier THEN GOOD FOR YOU!
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Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry, but I can honestly say I would never stay with someone who was abusive to me, especially if I had kids. It's not hard. :shrug: There are programs for women and children. Food stamps, daycare assistance, etc. It would be better to live in a 1 bedroom apartment with no TV and hand-me-down clothes than to stay with an abusive person who may permanently cause my children (or me) harm.
it just is not such a cookie cutter answer. If you have not been there than you can't relate with that level of emotion. I also hope that is something that you never have to know.
This is not about me, I simply shared my perspective from my past. Maybe the orginal poster justs needs to know that there is a light on the other side of that tunnel.
Would you be willing to open your door for a mother and her kids in need, if it meant that she got out? I would and will, if needed.
C
CalvertNewbie
Guest
You're right. It is easy for people to judge others when they haven't been in a specific situation. I'm guilty of it at times as well.
I understand what you went through to a great extent, although I didn't have kids in the picture. It's ironic that it also took me 6 yrs to walk away from my past crappy relationship & that I also walked away in June 2004, just like you. I guess we both opened our eyes & started to live our lives at the same time. Now, life is good & I too realize that I should've left my ex a lot sooner than I did. Many times, I feel like a complete idiot for having dealt with his crap for so long. I hope the OP can find the strength to do what's right for her kids.
misshelper
New Member
It's hard when he threatens to hurt you or even kill you if you leave. Oh and btw that wonderful piece of paper won't save you either. I'm just sayin'.
hotmomma
mmmmhmmmmm
Do you want to spend the rest of your life unhappy? Do you want your kids to be unhappy and resentful? I would leave him in hopes that he would wake up and get the help he needs. I'm sure it will be difficult but no one said life is easy. You deserve to be happy and if you have tried everything you shouldn't sit around beating yourself up.
I'm not sure if anyone asked this but does he have relatives around? Habe they confronted him?
I'm not sure if anyone asked this but does he have relatives around? Habe they confronted him?
I pride myself in having lived, and learned and most importantly gaining the inner strenghth to be a survivor.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
You're so good and nice and stuff. I was looking for a nice way to tell her she was a douche for letting her kids be exposed to such a person/environment. It's a very foolish person who thinks they can "love somebody better."
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
That's the biggest cop-out b/s I've ever heard. You never know if you don't try now do ya? It's a sorry excuse to stay. You live in fear EITHER way.
misshelper
New Member
That's the biggest cop-out b/s I've ever heard. You never know if you don't try now do ya? It's a sorry excuse to stay. You live in fear EITHER way.
But hey, atleast you won't have to live in fear anymore if you are dead...
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
But hey, atleast you won't have to live in fear anymore if you are dead...
I'd rather die trying to better my life and the life of my kids than roll over and let our lives be miserable.
misshelper
New Member
I'd rather die trying to better my life and the life of my kids than roll over and let our lives be miserable.
So who takes care of the kids if he kills you? Or what if he kills the kids too? Then what?
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
So who takes care of the kids if he kills you? Or what if he kills the kids too? Then what?
If he kills all of us than it really doesn't matter to us now does it? If he kills me then my kids go to my sister who is very capable of raising them. What if I die in a car accident tomorrow? Same thing happens to them. It could happen and I'd be willing to bet my chances are higher getting killed in a wreck than some man killing me. I'd venture to bet the statistics of men who actually kill their estranged women to those who just threaten are pretty low. I use reason opposed to being a drama queen who looks for sympathy.