Hey, you people have weird ideas about what you consider "marriage". I've grown accustomed to it.
I obviously can't speak for vrai, but this is how I would respond to the idea of what a marriage (or committed intimate relationship) should be - and where I see the problem with how that guy behaved in light of that.
I'm just going to refer to committed relationships, to include marriages obviously. Relationships represent a lot of things, there are a lot of ways to describe them. But one of the important ways in which I see a committed intimate relationship is as a team. It's me and you - boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, whatever. And if there's any 'against' to be had, it's us against whatever. Always, or at least first and foremost, the team is made up of us - me and my relationship partner. If there's conflict with the world, it's her and I against the world. If there's conflict with her work, it's her and I against her work. If there's conflict with friends, it's her and I against friends.
Whatever conflict there is between us is between us (except for stuff such as physical abuse), not between one of us plus outsiders and the other of us. And that's certainly the case when it comes to strangers. Perhaps I can talk to a close friend about some problem I'm having with my girlfriend, but I shouldn't air whatever dirty laundry there is in our relationship with strangers - or, worse, with the world. We can discuss our problems, we can resolve our problems (or not), but we don't go trying to make each other look bad to strangers. For what purpose? To make ourselves feel better? That particular strain of feel better isn't lasting, and it comes at the expense of our teammate. We don't intentionally disrespect each other for the benefit of others or to win relative favor with others.
Maybe I could express what I'm trying to say this way. I'm on a football team and have a teammate. This teammate has a flaw, maybe he drops too many passes. I might try to figure out what we can do to fix that flaw. Or I might just accept it. Or I might just leave the team (or try to get him to leave the team). But, what I won't do is go around to other teams telling them how many passes he drops. I won't indulge some need to demonstrate to other teams that my teammate is the one at fault - that it isn't my throws that are bad, it's that he can't catch the damn ball. So long as he's my teammate, he's my teammate. And I'll not bad mouth him outside of the locker room. That's not what teammates do.
I've probably not lived up to that standard enough, but it's part of what I'd aspire to.
Well... other than I still think the video offers valid reason for him to toss her in the lake as she keeps demanding.
My voice has been heard. 