snfr02chic said:
Bruzilla~~~..Research has been done to prove that this car is one of the safest cars on the market right now. I understand what you are saying about the heavier cars etc but honestly...are we supposed to go to junk yards and get our kids cars now? How many car dealers do you actually see selling cars that were made in the early 90's much less any in the 80's or God forbid the 70's. It is not my aunt's fault because this car wasn't as safe as the research proved for it to be, and I pray to God that that is the only referrence you are using when putting the blame on her. I think it has already been established that as teens, we aren't always where we say we are! How can you punish a child for being somewhere when you didn't even know they were there? Newsflash: kids lie, kids sneak...anything to have fun and seem cool to their friends.
As far as the parents being charged with the underage drinking...if the parents supply the alcohol and get caught then by all means charge their butts, but in such a case as this...I don't think my aunt should be charged b/c she wasn't the one that supplied it. I'm not sure if the clipping was saying that or not, but I'm just referring to it...and 1 more comment on that....how else would a kid get beer if not from an adult? You can't get it from another kid...some way shape or form it's always from an adult...lol...sorry thought that line was pretty funny.
I can't imagine that there is a single parent in this nation who isn't already fully aware that kids can lie about where they are or where they are going, that kids drink and smoke when they're not supposed to, that kids can come up with all kinds of ways to get things they aren't suppossed to get, etc., so it should not be a newsflash for anyone... yet sadly that's almost always the reaction. All parents were kids once, and I think all of us either did similar things ourselves or at the least knew someone who did. What's bothered me so much in my time working with law enforcement is this shocked attitude that parents in these and similar situations have when something goes wrong with their child. If you look at these situations en masse, you quickly see that the events leading to the situations are nearly always the same, and the reactions of the parents are nearly always the same.
The core problem, as I see it, are more and more parents are trying to negotiate with their kids rather than parent them. They tell the kids that they'll help them buy the car "the kid wants" if they get a job and help pay for it. They smell booze or cigarettes on their kids, and accept the explanation that "someone else" was smoking or drinking near them rather than get into a confrontation. They accept promises that the kids will be where they're supposed to be even though they know there's a good chance they might not be there.
My daughter is almost 20, but she still calls in if she's going to be late or if she's going somewhere's besides where she said she was going. I don't require this, and it's not really necessary, but that was the way that she was raised. If my daughter missed a return time by more than 30 minutes, I was on the phone to every one of her friends raising hell. Kids don't have a good grasp of a lot of issues, but one they grasp quickly is when a parent, any parent, is ticked. I knew that even if the kids I talked to on the phone lied about knowing where my daughter was, they would quickly be on the phone to her saying "hey your dad just called and he's pissed!" and she would amazingly be back shortly thereafter. I just find it unconscionable that a parent would allow their 16-year old to be out at 3:40AM. There's very few legitimate needs for anyone to be out that late, yet alone a 16-year old. It should also come as no surprise to any parent that there's nothing for teenagers to be doing after midnight that doesn't entail some risky or illegal activity. When my daughter was that age, she was free to drive to friends' houses, go to the movies or the mall, whatever. But she was in the door by 11:00PM or there were consequences. I'm sure she hated me doing that to her, but she's never been in trouble with the law, and has never been drinking and driving. In short, if you control your kid, and ensure that they have no opportunity to be out partying and drinking at 3:00AM, you don't have to worry about where the kids that are got their booze from. But sadly, too many parents want to be more of a friend than a parent, or are willing to overlook what they should know is a bad situation because they did it when they were kids. Parents are rolling the dice everytime they do that, and just because they survived the situation doesn't guarantee that their kid will.
As for cars, I didn't have to go to any junkyards to find cars for my kids. The Auto Trader mag and their website is full of them. And as a bonus, most good, solid, and safe, cars from the 70s and 80s that are in good condition these days are owned by seniors who have taken great care of them. Some might say that paying $4,000 to $8,000 for a 70s/80s grocery getter is a bad investment, but the car isn't going to lose any value and they're far safer than anything you buy new for $25,000 today.
Let me finish by saying I'm not trying to slam your aunt, just trying to make a point to other parents. Right now your aunt is busy asking herself what she could have done differently to prevent the death of her child. Other parents, who want to avoid asking themselves that same question, should be asking themselves "what can I do differently to prevent the death of my child." I think your aunt would agree that never have the differences between the words "could have done" and "can I do" meant so much. I know that many parents who read about what's happened here won't take the experience that you and your aunt are bringing to them and use it. They'll focus on the sympathy and sorrow aspect of it and miss that they are on the same road as your aunt was on, but hopefully a few will learn the lesson and start asking the "can I do" question.
We were VERY lucky. I too am sporting a scar from a crash. Can we let this thread fade now?