very important

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SingerLady

New Member
mAlice said:
I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.
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Okay and like I said.......Some woman who do get up and leave, their friggin husbands end up killin there a*s. Or they hunt em down and countinue abuse mentally and physically even though they're not in the same household anymore. You were lucky.........some woman aren't so lucky.
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
SingerLady said:
Okay and like I said.......Some woman who do get up and leave, their friggin husbands end up killin there a*s. Or they hunt em down and countinue abuse mentally and physically even though they're not in the same household anymore. You were lucky.........some woman aren't so lucky.
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Excuses.

Staying isn't going to make it better. You will either have a long and miserably painful death, or you will get out and do everything you can to stay away from the abuser.

I wasn't lucky. I did what I had to do.
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
sweetprincess23 said:
I watched my best friend in middle school get abused by her BF. I watched him throw her head threw a wall, hit on her, etc and told myself I would never allow that to happen to me. I was wrong. You are right to say they learn it from somewhere or maybe the girl has low self esteem. Although I would not consider myself to have low self esteem, I get plenty of men offering to take me out. I love my life and wake up happy everyday. In the past my friends would actually say I am to mean to guys and to blunt when I am not interested in someone. What caused me to stay with this man? i truelly don't know why in the beginning. I should have left the first time he threw me across the room but I didn't, yes that is partly my fault. But at some point I was too scared to get out. We all know the police can't do anything to protect us. As far as doing what the man says the first time, I don't think all the violence starts from the women doing soemthing wrong or not listening. My ex pulled a gun out on me while I was in the shower for no reason, I believe it was just a way to show me I couldn't do anything to stop him or protect myself. Who knows?
My point of the thread was to get parents, friends and family to get involved before it is too late.

To johnny. You are right most girls have some guy friend who could step in. My first wake up call was when my bf's friends came to me and told me I deserved better. They offered any support they could. i have one friend that I would have gone to but unfortunatly he is not around at this time. Also though most girls are too ashamed of the situation to let anyone know what is going on.
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I watched my parents beat the crap out of each other every day. I swore I'd never live like that. When it happened to me, I left. If women want to make excuses for their sorry relationships, that's their problem. Don't ask society to take pity on you.
 
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SingerLady

New Member
mAlice said:
Excuses.

Staying isn't going to make it better. You will either have a long and miserably painful death, or you will get out and do everything you can to stay away from the abuser.

I wasn't lucky. I did what I had to do.
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Where was I making excuses?
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
SingerLady said:
Where was I making excuses?
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When you try to justify someone not leaving an abusive relationship, that's making excuses.

Anyone who stays in an abusive relationship does so because s/he thrives on the drama and attention....oh, you poor thing. Whatever will you do?
 
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SingerLady

New Member
mAlice said:
When you try to justify someone not leaving an abusive relationship, that's making excuses.

Anyone who stays in an abusive relationship does so because s/he thrives on the drama and attention....oh, you poor thing. Whatever will you do?
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Well we are all entitled to our own opinion........And quite honestly I'm not looking for anything. I was just stating what my views were.
 
Beta84

Beta84

They're out to get us
The first step in preventing domestic abuse is smackin the crap out of everyone who considers abusing or disobeying you. Once you establish Alpha, there's no need to get physical other than to occasionally remind them of who's in control :coffee:

SingerLady, what about a restraining order? Kinda prevents the hubby from having any sort of contact with an ex/wife they're abusive toward. Sure they can break it, but that's when they can get in trouble.

Honestly, I know you can't always predict what a person is gonna turn out to be, but that's why you have to do a lil research while in a relationship...some people aren't very bright and get married before they ever have a chance to figure these things out. I always hear women say "oh he might be mean to everyone else but he treats me great" while they're dating and often it ends where they are eventually treated the same way. Not always, not close to always, but stuff like that is a big red flag. If you're gonna be with someone like that, you already know what you might be getting into.
 
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sweetprincess23

New Member
mAlice said:
I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.
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First i would like to say i am not asking for pity from anyone. I put up with things i shoudlnt have for whatever reason. I didnt go crying to friends at first i kept it too myself and hid it I didnt ask for pity. When people finally came to me i told them i would handle it.
As said before it is easier said than done to just get up and leave. My abusive ex was living with me in my house. I tried several times to get him out. I went to the police they said becuase he lived there for longer than 7 days i had to give him 30 day notice, nothing for me to do, even if i filed abuse charges they couldnt arrest me they would file the paper work and a court date would be set up. I gave him his 30 day notice and tried to make it as peaceful for the next 30 days as possible. when the 30 days came up he wouldnt leave and the police wouldnt help. I went to the police on numerous occasions they kept telling me to take him to court get a lawyer, etc. Maybe this is an excuse but i felt stuck. Finally when he wouldnt leave i got a protective order, that night i woke up with a gun to my head. He broke in and told me i could call the police but i would be dead before they got there. I dont care who you are in a situation like that anyone would be scared. Yes i put up with it for several reasons one being that i was scared and had no one to go to. Finally I filed abuse charges in November, we go to court in March. he was never arrested and walks around making threats to me. I am not scared anymore and if i die than atleast i died standing up for myself.

I do not ask for pity. I am not telling people to pity those in these situations. I am not asking for the community to take in the abused and car for them. I am only asking for parents to teach there children to respect others and try to end a cycle of violence.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
sweetprincess23 said:
I am not scared anymore and if i die than atleast i died standing up for myself.
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That's the bottom line. Staying in an abusive relationship just makes you the walking dead... you're life is not your own.

I do not ask for pity. I am not telling people to pity those in these situations. I am not asking for the community to take in the abused and car for them. I am only asking for parents to teach there children to respect others and try to end a cycle of violence.
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You have a good thread. :yay:
 
mAlice

mAlice

professional daydreamer
sweetprincess23 said:
First i would like to say i am not asking for pity from anyone. I put up with things i shoudlnt have for whatever reason. I didnt go crying to friends at first i kept it too myself and hid it I didnt ask for pity. When people finally came to me i told them i would handle it.
As said before it is easier said than done to just get up and leave. My abusive ex was living with me in my house. I tried several times to get him out. I went to the police they said becuase he lived there for longer than 7 days i had to give him 30 day notice, nothing for me to do, even if i filed abuse charges they couldnt arrest me they would file the paper work and a court date would be set up. I gave him his 30 day notice and tried to make it as peaceful for the next 30 days as possible. when the 30 days came up he wouldnt leave and the police wouldnt help. I went to the police on numerous occasions they kept telling me to take him to court get a lawyer, etc. Maybe this is an excuse but i felt stuck. Finally when he wouldnt leave i got a protective order, that night i woke up with a gun to my head. He broke in and told me i could call the police but i would be dead before they got there. I dont care who you are in a situation like that anyone would be scared. Yes i put up with it for several reasons one being that i was scared and had no one to go to. Finally I filed abuse charges in November, we go to court in March. he was never arrested and walks around making threats to me. I am not scared anymore and if i die than atleast i died standing up for myself.

I do not ask for pity. I am not telling people to pity those in these situations. I am not asking for the community to take in the abused and car for them. I am only asking for parents to teach there children to respect others and try to end a cycle of violence.
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Buy a gun and learn how to use it. Get a protective order to CYA. Leave...if you feel your life is threatened, disappear.
 
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sweetprincess23

New Member
mAlice said:
Buy a gun and learn how to use it. Get a protective order to CYA. Leave...if you feel your life is threatened, disappear.
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My point of the thread isnt to argue about how to get out of the situation. My point is to try to prevent it.

the last example i will give is from about 4 years ago. A sister of a friend of mine was killed by her abusive ex. She got the protective orders filed for abuse charges did everything she could have. When she got the opportunity to leave the state and disappear she did. She packed up her child and their things and was ready to start a new life. As she put the last bag in the trunk of the car and was minutes from leaving the state, her ex came out of no where ( he had been hiding and watching her pack) shot her in the head and killed her in front of their child. She was minutes from getting away but never got the chance.
My point of this example is that no matter what you might do if someone wants you dead you cant stop it. As stated before I am not arguing about how to get out of the relationship. I am only stating that we need to stop the cycle of abuse before it starts.
 
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