very important

[sweetprincess23]

It'll never happen. Children learn by example.

I know that it will never completly end. The world will never be perfect like we want. But if a parent can stop one child from abusing than maybe that child's kids will never learn it which means stopping two people and the cycle may continue.

When I get passionate about something I will make every effort to get my point across. I am passionate about not drinking and driving, domestic violence and helping the youth in general. I know that things will never completly end but that doesnt mean I should sit at home and keep my mouth shut. People argue all day about gun laws on here because it is something that they are passionate about and feel strongly for or against. this happens to be my topic that I stand for. If you want to continue to believe that domestic violence is not serious or will never happen to a loved one of yours than that is fine. But I will continue my fight against violence.

 

[kwillia]

I know that it will never completly end. The world will never be perfect like we want. But if a parent can stop one child from abusing than maybe that child's kids will never learn it which means stopping two people and the cycle may continue.

When I get passionate about something I will make every effort to get my point across. I am passionate about not drinking and driving, domestic violence and helping the youth in general. I know that things will never completly end but that doesnt mean I should sit at home and keep my mouth shut. People argue all day about gun laws on here because it is something that they are passionate about and feel strongly for or against. this happens to be my topic that I stand for. If you want to continue to believe that domestic violence is not serious or will never happen to a loved one of yours than that is fine. But I will continue my fight against violence.

Don't just focus on the boys... the girls need to be raised to think better of themselves and want better for themselves.

I swear it was just this morning my 16 yr old boy was talking about the pregnant girls in his high school that aren't even with the baby daddy and the large number of girls that txt out slutty pics of themselves desperately seeking attention... he said it's a shame and those girls are obviously broken in some way and he is holding out and has high hopes that he will find a girl that thinks better of herself.

 

[Cowgirl]

Don't just focus on the boys... the girls need to be raised to think better of themselves and want better for themselves.

I swear it was just this morning my 16 yr old boy was talking about the pregnant girls in his high school that aren't even with the baby daddy and the large number of girls that txt out slutty pics of themselves desperately seeking attention... he said it's a shame and those girls are obviously broken in some way and he is holding out and has high hopes that he will find a girl that thinks better of herself.

Sounds like you've raised a very nice young man.

 

[toppick08]

Any "man", who hits or abuses a woman for what ever reason they have in their head..........is a coward, and a POS..

Just walk away, when it gets too heated....

 

[sweetprincess23]

Don't just focus on the boys... the girls need to be raised to think better of themselves and want better for themselves.

I swear it was just this morning my 16 yr old boy was talking about the pregnant girls in his high school that aren't even with the baby daddy and the large number of girls that txt out slutty pics of themselves desperately seeking attention... he said it's a shame and those girls are obviously broken in some way and he is holding out and has high hopes that he will find a girl that thinks better of herself.

You are correct. Not only do we need to stop young men from abusing but teach our daughters to not put up with it.

As listed in my original post I had the idea that as parents we should teach our daughters what to expect from a man. If a father was to take his daughter out on a "date" once a month or so and talk to her about what she should be treated like maybe she would learn. While out on the date of the father was to pull her chair out, open her doors, etc maybe she would higher her standards for what she expects from a man. This seems cheesy but maybe it would work for some insecure girl. A daughter should not have to watch her father hit on her mother because this will only show her it is acceptable behavior and she will probably end up in bad relationships also. Maybe she wont but most cases of domestic violence where a girl puts up with it are because she saw it growing up.

with that said, it is not always the girl being abused. Guys can be abused also, maybe not physically as much but emotionally. This isn't any less serious.

the world will never be perfect but if more people try harder to end bad cycles than maybe it can get better. I consider myself a optimistic person and refuse to complain about things and do nothing about it. Not everything will end the way we want but I feel better at the end of the day if I am able to say atleast I tried.

 

[Sonsie]

When you try to justify someone not leaving an abusive relationship, that's making excuses.

Anyone who stays in an abusive relationship does so because s/he thrives on the drama and attention....oh, you poor thing. Whatever will you do?

Maybe not in all cases but I've seen this kind of behavior first hand. I had a friend back in the day who thrived on the drama, she managed to turn every relationship she had into a violent one. She would drink and get all crazy and hit and slap men then come boo hooing to all her pals about how he "beat" her. Eventually she found one who didn't run away from her and as far as I know they are happily beating the drunken crap out of each other to this day. I hope they never had kids...

 

[misshelper]

I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. He hit me once, I left. Simple. You don't threaten to leave, you just leave. Anything else is just making excuses.

It's not that easy for everyone.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Any "man", who hits or abuses a woman for what ever reason they have in their head..........is a coward, and a POS..

Just walk away, when it gets too heated....

Or better yet, hit back & THEN walk away. Kinda shocks 'em & gives you the time to get outta there quick. Most of these dirtbags aren't used to being stood up to. They're cowards that are used to walking all over people who don't fight back. I always said, if someone hits me they'd better knock me out. If not, they're gonna get hit back. My ex-fiance started to beat on me when I told him it was over. He wasn't going to "allow" me to leave him. He got hit back & dumped for good. I was scared that if I just sat there he wouldn't stop hitting so I fought back. Then I ran & thank God a cop saw me, bleeding & banged up, but I was safe for the moment. Sadly enough, he wouldn't leave me alone & restraining orders do no good so I moved out of state to get away from him. Best move I made.

My parents raised me to defend & respect myself. Girls need to be taught at a young age to be self sufficient so they have the strength & financial means to leave an abusive relationship. That's a common excuse abused women use - that they can't afford to make it on their own so they feel trapped.

 

[misshelper]

Or better yet, hit back & THEN walk away. Kinda shocks 'em & gives you the time to get outta there quick. Most of these dirtbags aren't used to being stood up to. They're cowards that are used to walking all over people who don't fight back. I always said, if someone hits me they'd better knock me out. If not, they're gonna get hit back. My ex-fiance started to beat on me when I told him it was over. He wasn't going to "allow" me to leave him. He got hit back & dumped for good. I was scared that if I just sat there he wouldn't stop hitting so I fought back. Then I ran & thank God a cop saw me, bleeding & banged up, but I was safe for the moment. Sadly enough, he wouldn't leave me alone & restraining orders do no good so I moved out of state to get away from him. Best move I made.

My parents raised me to defend & respect myself. Girls need to be taught at a young age to be self sufficient so they have the strength & financial means to leave an abusive relationship. That's a common excuse abused women use - that they can't afford to make it on their own so they feel trapped.

Hitting back just pisses them off more.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Hitting back just pisses them off more.

I understand what you're saying. If I was planning to stay with him, I probably wouldn't have hit back because then he would have sought revenge, I'm sure. And God only knows what he would have done then. But I knew I was done & gone. I knew I had to get in a real good hit or two & then run like I'd never run before.

For me, I always talked tough when he started talking stupid. We argued constantly & he was verbally abusive, tried to control me constantly. Stupid me, should have seen the writing on the wall. But when it came down to it & he actually started hitting me, a range of emotions came over me. First I was confused, like "is he seriously hitting me?" Then I was scared chitless, like "is he going to beat me to death?" Then I remembered what I always told him. That if he ever laid a hand on me that I'd hit back. Suddenly, I just knew I needed to get away from him & fighting back was the only way. I wasn't about to be a human doormat for some loser with anger mgmt issues.

 

[tygrace]

Maybe not in all cases but I've seen this kind of behavior first hand. I had a friend back in the day who thrived on the drama, she managed to turn every relationship she had into a violent one. She would drink and get all crazy and hit and slap men then come boo hooing to all her pals about how he "beat" her. Eventually she found one who didn't run away from her and as far as I know they are happily beating the drunken crap out of each other to this day. I hope they never had kids...

I believe that when people continue to create chaos/drama/fighting, etc. in their lives, it is because they're comfortable in that environment, and anything different is them being like a fish out of water. They know that life, and are comfortable with it. Even though it makes no sense to you or anyone else, if they only grew up with that type of environment, only seeing chaos/drama/fighting, how do they know how to live differently? It would be the same as someone who has never been exposed to chaos, etc., being put in that environment. That person only knowing a life without chaos, etc. would not be able to survive in that environment.
In no way am I saying that they can't choose to change from that environment, but until they're ready, it's to scary for them I believe, and it's probably easier and less stressful.

 

[marybek]

I feel very fortunate that I have never been invovled in a domestic violence situation, even though I have been divorced.