She has the makings of a good dog. A lot of wild ass puppy behavior, of course, but she's a good learner with a great temperament.
She wouldn't eat and it was freaking me out, but
@frequentflier gave me some good tips and this morning she had an acceptable breakfast (Gretel, not FF, although FF probably had a nice breakfast as well). She's not food-centric like Apollo, which is kind of annoying because I can't reward her with treats when she potties outside or walks nice on her leash. I'm going to try bits of cheese instead, which is more difficult to always keep in my pocket.
I've determined that internet puppy advice from the "experts" (AKC, Chewy, vets, etc) is largely worthless. FF is a much better resource.
I'll post pics once I can get her to sit still long enough. EVERYTHING distracts her unless she's doing something naughty, like chewing a shoe - then she's focused and single-minded.