You discover you have an invasive cancer - too far gone to treat. Your time is limited. You have a loving and supportive spouse. You have a loving and supportive network of family of friends. You only have one child at home in grade school. Do you tell that child that your time is limited?
What would you do?
- Thread starter bresamil
- Start date
SoMDGirl42
Well-Known Member
I'd make plenty of videos and buy lots and lots of cards for birthday's, holidays and other special ocassions and personalize each one. You may not be there in body, but you'll always be there in spirit.
Eventually the child would have to be told, but I wouldn't do it right away, I'd wait. You'll know when the time is right. Kids have a hard time with time, 5 minutes seems like eternity much less telling a kid you have only 8 months (as an example) to live.
Eventually the child would have to be told, but I wouldn't do it right away, I'd wait. You'll know when the time is right. Kids have a hard time with time, 5 minutes seems like eternity much less telling a kid you have only 8 months (as an example) to live.
migtig
aka Mrs. Giant
Not until I was too sick for that child to not notice. However, I'd probably do something really weird like pull my child out of school and have a mother child vacation. I'd also start a diary/blog or video tape collection telling my child all the things that I remember about my childhood, what I wanted for her/him in the way of happiness,college, etc, and how much I love them.
I missed my mother most as an adult. I wish she had had the time to tell me things as an adult. Love, relationships, friendships, recipes. Who she knew and where she went. What events shaped her life the most. Things like that.
I missed my mother most as an adult. I wish she had had the time to tell me things as an adult. Love, relationships, friendships, recipes. Who she knew and where she went. What events shaped her life the most. Things like that.
W
Wenchy
Guest
Yes. I would tell my child. My child would see that I was sick, and I wouldn't want him/her to be misled, and think that I would get better. It would be a good time to teach my child about life/death/faith and love, and the last teaching I would be able to do on this earth. Yes, I would tell them.
This is how I feel.kwillia said:
The person in question went from diagnosis to death in only 3 months. Her child knew she was very ill, but didn't know she was dying. We had to be careful what we did and said because he didn't know. I'm sure his family knows him better than I and chose what they felt was the best course for him. I asked my kids and they all said they would want to know. They wouldn't want to waste a minute.
nachomama
All Up In Your Grill
How old is the child? I remember when Dyl was sick, I didn't tell my kids just how bad he was until the week he passed. Those 3 days from the time I told them until the day he died seemed like an eternity.
I agree with Mig. They may want to tell the child that they are sick, but maybe hold off on all the details they absolutely have to tell them. No one ever knows how much time they have on this earth.
I agree with Mig. They may want to tell the child that they are sick, but maybe hold off on all the details they absolutely have to tell them. No one ever knows how much time they have on this earth.
kwillia
n/a
Exactly. Death is a part of the circle of life. Who better to help my child understand this than me? Months of knowing gives that child the opportunity to think it through and to ask all those questions that would go unanswered if I was gone and to say all those things that would be left unsaid.Wenchy said:
I’ve been in this situation with my mother and having to tell my young sister. I saw a big change in my sister with the news of just being sick to “she’s dying.” My sister was afraid and the fear was clearly seen when she visited her in her bed.
I decided that if I was ever in that position I would wait until I was really sick to tell my children, and I mean sick to the point that I just knew I’d be in bed before long, sick.
Gosh this thread is sad.
Awful to think about these sorts of things, but it seems like so many people are finding out they have cancer and dying within a month or so lately.
I decided that if I was ever in that position I would wait until I was really sick to tell my children, and I mean sick to the point that I just knew I’d be in bed before long, sick.
Gosh this thread is sad.
Awful to think about these sorts of things, but it seems like so many people are finding out they have cancer and dying within a month or so lately.She's pretty much been in the hospital these last few weeks. Such an incredible giving woman, it seems so unfair she had to suffer. The thing is I think little one knew it was bad, he's really smart, and I hope he never gets mad at his parents for not coming out and telling him. I've seen that happen.Pandora said:I’ve been in this situation with my mother and having to tell my young sister. I saw a big change in my sister with the news of just being sick to “she’s dying.” My sister was afraid and the fear was clearly seen when she visited her in her bed.
I decided that if I was ever in that position I would wait until I was really sick to tell my children, and I mean sick to the point that I just knew I’d be in bed before long, sick.
Gosh this thread is sad.
bresamil said:
If she is in bed, he needs to know, JMO. Does he at least know she "might die?" I left it at that with my sister for about a month before I said, she IS dying and the doctor's have said a few weeks.
Cancer is just so unfair, and I just don't understand how we can put a man on the moon, correct vision, but we cannot cure cancer.
kwillia
n/a
But as a mom, I'd want to get my child over the "fear". We all have to accept our mortality. I would want my child to accept even as my life nears an end, their life must go on and they must go forward. My child would not be on a "death watch" vigil at my bedside. My child would be guided to carry on a normal schedule. I believe that this would help them to get back to a normal life after I am gone rather than having the rug ripped out from under them after I am no longer there to console them.Pandora said:I’ve been in this situation with my mother and having to tell my young sister. I saw a big change in my sister with the news of just being sick to “she’s dying.” My sister was afraid and the fear was clearly seen when she visited her in her bed.
I decided that if I was ever in that position I would wait until I was really sick to tell my children, and I mean sick to the point that I just knew I’d be in bed before long, sick.
Gosh this thread is sad.
She died early yesterday morning. He came to school.Pandora said:If she is in bed, he needs to know, JMO. Does he at least know she "might die?" I left it at that with my sister for about a month before I said, she IS dying and the doctor's have said a few weeks.
Cancer is just so unfair, and I just don't understand how we can put a man on the moon, correct vision, but we cannot cure cancer.
I think I'd tell my kids what I knew as I knew it. That way they'd be prepared. It seems to me that it would be a lot less scary to have Mom tell you she's very ill but is going through some treatments that might make her better, etc, etc, than to just hit them with "Mommy's dying".
That's too bad about your friend, Bres. Losing a parent at any time is bad enough, but when you're a little kid.....
That's too bad about your friend, Bres. Losing a parent at any time is bad enough, but when you're a little kid.....
Geek
New Member
Pandora said:If she is in bed, he needs to know, JMO. Does he at least know she "might die?" I left it at that with my sister for about a month before I said, she IS dying and the doctor's have said a few weeks.
Cancer is just so unfair, and I just don't understand how we can put a man on the moon, correct vision, but we cannot cure cancer.
Prayers for this family that has so many tough decisions to make
I really believe however the parents want to handle it will be the right way for their child. Gut instinct is a great tool for tough decisions.
That's a shame. How's he doing?bresamil said:
