What's the best way...
- Thread starter vraiblonde
- Start date
Exactly. You can't tell a guy - and you DEFINITELY can't tell a woman - you just like them as a friend because they do think if they hang in there it can be something more.
Rejection is such a harsh word. Sometimes there's nothing really wrong with this person, you just don't find them attractive or the compatibility isn't there. You'd hook them up with your best friend, but they just don't do it for you and it's nothing personal. I had a great date last night with a guy who is terrific and there is nothing at all wrong with him. We had a good time and sat up talking until 1am. But the *click* wasn't there on either of our parts, so doubtful there will be a second date.
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mamatutu
mama to two
You would be amazed at how many men will not only date but chase down a woman who they know does not like sex. It's like an instant aphrodisiac, right up there with "I'm a virgin."
Seriously.
It's like they think THEY! :flexesbiceps: will be the one to push her love button and turn her into a raving nympho.
That is a big word for me, so I will have to google it.
Baja28
Obama destroyed America
Here's what ya say......to tell a guy you don't want to go out with him without hurting his feelings?
Seriously. No Lance jokes or heads will roll.
I suspect this will only get worse once I go public with Tox's Match ad and have men crawling all over me. So a guy you know socially who hangs out with your group of friends asks you out, even though you have never encouraged this sort of communication in any way, to the point of avoiding eye contact so he doesn't misconstrue your accidentally glancing in his direction as a sign of interest. How do you NICELY!! tell him no?
I've tried the old "I'm not looking for dates right now," only to get caught dating someone else and looking like a lying bitch.
I've tried the "I think we should just be friends," and they hang around trying to get some benefits or hoping I'll change my mind.
In short, since I cannot seem to lose my freak magnet and I'm too nice (no really!) to laugh in their face, I need a surefire "not interested" that won't hurt their feelings but will send the strong message that I do not want to date them and they are not to bring this up again EVER. Something that firmly communicates disinterest now and forever.
Keep it brief because I don't want to have conversations or make a production out of it. I have a great breakup line "You're a nice guy but this has run its course and I don't want to waste any more of your time" so something like that - a perfect one-liner.
GO!
"Look Pete,
We've been friends way to long to screw up a good friendship by dating. And you really just don't do it for me.
Love ya pal."
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Dakota
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Dakota
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Sometime you just got to throw things at people so they understand how pissed you are... say a coffee cup.
Sometime you just got to throw things at people so they understand how pissed you are... say a coffee cup.
If people wouldn't be stupid we wouldn't have to throw coffee cups at them.
Toxick
Splat
I never told a girl that I liked her as a friend. It never occurred to me that road can go both ways.
I would still bet the male population of the Friend Zone is significantly higher than the female.
I guess it sounds harsh, there are only three ways options. Yes (Acceptance), No (Rejection), or Maybe (Maybe). Sounds to me like this dude doesn't score an Acceptance or a Maybe - so that leaves one last option.
It's not rejection of him as a human being or a dismissal of his overall worth, but a rejection nonetheless.
Maybe there's a better word, but it's not coming to me.
ZARA
Registered User
Vrai, just be honest and tell him you can be friends but you must feel a physical attraction as well as a mental attraction to date someone. You have no control on what your body finds physically attractive, it’s not his fault, he’s a great guy, but you just aren’t feeling it and you don’t want to take advantage of his kindness on something that will not result in a relationship.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
...to tell a guy you don't want to go out with him without hurting his feelings?
Seriously. No Lance jokes or heads will roll.
I suspect this will only get worse once I go public with Tox's Match ad and have men crawling all over me. So a guy you know socially who hangs out with your group of friends asks you out, even though you have never encouraged this sort of communication in any way, to the point of avoiding eye contact so he doesn't misconstrue your accidentally glancing in his direction as a sign of interest. How do you NICELY!! tell him no?
I've tried the old "I'm not looking for dates right now," only to get caught dating someone else and looking like a lying bitch.
I've tried the "I think we should just be friends," and they hang around trying to get some benefits or hoping I'll change my mind.
In short, since I cannot seem to lose my freak magnet and I'm too nice (no really!) to laugh in their face, I need a surefire "not interested" that won't hurt their feelings but will send the strong message that I do not want to date them and they are not to bring this up again EVER. Something that firmly communicates disinterest now and forever.
Keep it brief because I don't want to have conversations or make a production out of it. I have a great breakup line "You're a nice guy but this has run its course and I don't want to waste any more of your time" so something like that - a perfect one-liner.
GO!
Direct them to this tread.
Then, when they persist even more, you can...I dunno...just date 'em? Shoot them?
Your problem is that you are attractive and not just physically. Because you are a talker, a thinker, philosophical, generally interested in people and specifically in relationship dynamics, guys, no matter the obvious incompatibilities, no matter the "NO GO" signs you may throw off, what you exude is the possibility of hope. It's an odd balance of frankness, "I AM NOT INTERESTED" coupled with "WEIRDER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED".
You could tell a guy to #### off.
You could fart in front of them and their mom.
Stop bathing.
You could wear a T shirt that says "You have no Chance" and because of your nature, appearance, all of that, a lot of guys are STILL going to hold out hope that you will come to your senses and recognize just how perfect they are for you because they are flat out convinced you are perfect for them.
Sux to be you. :shrug:
Direct them to this tread. :shrug:
Then, shoot 'em. Or date 'em.
Or both.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Winnah winnah...
From what I hear, it's a lot like ejecting from a doomed aircraft; it sux, hurts, incredibly dangerous and may kill you any way but, it is a WHOLE lot better than sticking around to see if things improve.
Rip that bandaid right off!
Vince
......
Zactly. Just tell the truth, but I could have told you that if someone didn't blow me off for coffee this week.So short and simple - I'm not interested, but thanks. Just like that. No blame on him, no "you're not good enough", no conversation or any rejoinder possibilities on his part.
I think that's the one.
GWguy
*
Zactly. Just tell the truth, but I could have told you that if someone didn't blow me off for coffee this week.
She was trying to tell you she wasn't interested, but you just keep coming back.....
You would be amazed at how many men are very put off by a woman who is interested in them and wants to know them beyond banal bull####. Being my inquisitive self has been an excellent gardening tool for weeding out men who have issues that preclude any further involvement.
You and I like to naval gaze not only with ourselves but with others. People who are unfortunate enough to find themselves on the receiving end of our interest end up telling us far more about themselves than they intended. Many people are not comfortable revealing themselves like that. You like it; I like it; most people don't like it.
It's like getting a gift wrapped present: some folks want admire it before they carefully remove the bow (oh, how pretty! save that!), then carefully remove the wrapping paper, then exclaim about how nice it was for someone to give them a gift before they carefully open the box, sift through the packing materials, read the card first and pass it around....
You and I are like, give me that ####ing package, rip the thing open and see what we got here, screw the card. Even when it's someone else's present.