Who pays for the wedding?

[lisa8439]

It is very selfish of her to ask your parents to pay for it if they aren't wealthy and can afford to do so. I agree that most people pay for their own weddings now - and the bride's parents typically help out with the dress and other little things, and sometimes the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon.

Traditionally the bride's parents paid for everything - but we don't do a lot of things 'traditionally' anymore

Parents who can afford it usually do offer to pay for a few things - dress, catering, flowers, whatever. My parents paid for our VERY small reception (it was actually at a nice restaurant and only 50 people) - they paid for the use of the room, the catering, and the flowers for the reception. They also did pay for my dress (and it wasn't a designer one ) but my IL's didn't do squat - and we didn't care. We barely talk to them and even though they have grandchildren (our kids) they don't call us either.. and they live about 2 hours away.

Bottom line is that she shouldn't 'count' on anything. If your parents can afford to chip in, I think that's nice. Perhaps pay for the dress or something. But pay for the entire wedding???? Um, no. And the fact that they paid for her degree??? D@mn she should consider herself lucky - I am STILL paying off my college degrees (bach. and masters) from 10 years ago and will be for many years to come. If my parents had paid for my degrees I wouldn't even ASK them to drop a dime on my wedding.. she should consider herself super loved that they did the degree.

 

[lisa8439]

Sounds like champagne taste on a beer budget. Live within your means and in today's economy they'd better learn that quickly. Mom and Dad should tell them that they're on their own and just give them a wedding gift.

Sounds like they are already well on their way to be victims of tons of credit card debt and a mortgage that they can't afford... OK maybe those are bad assumptions but seriously, they need to live within their means. The groom should KNOW that her parents are not able to pay and that's that. If he isn't satisfied with that and keeps pushing then maybe he shouldn't marry her :shrug:

 

[Sweet 16]

Most couples (bride2b and groom2b) pay for their own weddings. Sometimes families will contribute by purchasing the dress, paying for the rehearsal dinner, wedding cake, etc. But the family doesn't pick up the whole tab, nor should they.

Wow, times have changed. Traditionally, the bride's parents are responsible for the wedding and the groom and/or his parents are responsible for the rehearsal dinner and groom's expenses. At least that's the way it was back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth -- twenty years ago! Neither one of my parents is college-degreed yet my dad paid for my college and my wedding so I guess I am a selfish brat?

 

[dn0121]

Wow, times have changed. Traditionally, the bride's parents are responsible for the wedding and the groom and/or his parents are responsible for the rehearsal dinner and groom's expenses. At least that's the way it was back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth -- twenty years ago! Neither one of my parents is college-degreed yet my dad paid for my college and my wedding so I guess I am a selfish brat?

Did you expect it or they offered it? Then I can answer your question.

 

[lisa8439]

Wow, times have changed. Traditionally, the bride's parents are responsible for the wedding and the groom and/or his parents are responsible for the rehearsal dinner and groom's expenses. At least that's the way it was back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth -- twenty years ago! Neither one of my parents is college-degreed yet my dad paid for my college and my wedding so I guess I am a selfish brat?

No - I think times WERE different 20 years ago. My grandparents paid for my Mom's wedding and they were not well off at all! But they did it... I suppose they just took out a loan or something? I can't see how they had the money to do it because they had a nice house that was bought 70 years ago so it was cheap, but they were paycheck by paycheck. I think MOST bride's parents paid 20 years ago - maybe even 10 years ago. But it has evolved to where the couple pays for most of the stuff - most parents aren't in a position to pay for the wedding now. I think the ones who ARE, do pay for most of it.... but I know lots of my friends' parents who couldn't pay a penny for their wedding because they were upside down in their mortgage, or had tons of CC debt, or whatever - and it's not a huge 'no no' where everyone is going to look down on you and shun you if you don't pay for your daughter's wedding anymore.

I think that hubby and I will be able to contribute to our daughter's wedding, if not pay for most of it - as long as she doesn't want a 30K wedding and as long as she doesn't elope first LOL

 

[DuffMan]

Tell them to go to Vegas! Thats what I'm doing next month.

 

[RareBreed]

We eloped. Only paid to get a marriage license. We also took a short week-end noneymoon up to PA.

 

[hurricane]

I think that hubby and I will be able to contribute to our daughter's wedding, if not pay for most of it - as long as she doesn't want a 30K wedding and as long as she doesn't elope first LOL

I told the youngest of my 3 daughters that I would be happy to pay for the ladder!

-H

 

[jsouthan]

Couple in question are 25 and 28. Mom and Dad offered a local wedding at The Crystal Room but that doesn't suit sis and her snotty upity groom. They want it in Charleston SC grooms hometown because St Mary's county has "nothing suitable for their finer taste".

I would say that if mom and dad still want to contribute (and they probably still do), tell them to offer whatever the value of this wedding would be (say $5000) and whatever else they decide to do is on them. That way they have 2 options: have it here and the parents pay for it like they offered or they take a "cash equivalent" and pay for any excess themselves, if they really want to have it somewhere else.

 

[frogman123]

Brides parents pay- From the second she was born they knew that she would go to college and then get married. And $10k is a cheap wedding. If she wanted a huge wedding than the couple should pay the extra but 10k is not a lot to ask. The father is giving away his daughter- it should be a big deal to the mom and dad

 

[BadGirl]

Brides parents pay- From the second she was born they knew that she would go to college and then get married. And $10k is a cheap wedding. If she wanted a huge wedding than the couple should pay the extra but 10k is not a lot to ask. The father is giving away his daughter- it should be a big deal to the mom and dad

Since both of my parents are dead, then perhaps you won't mind paying for my wedding. Seeing, of course, that you don't think $10K is a lot of money for a wedding....

 

[sockgirl77]

Brides parents pay- From the second she was born they knew that she would go to college and then get married. And $10k is a cheap wedding. If she wanted a huge wedding than the couple should pay the extra but 10k is not a lot to ask. The father is giving away his daughter- it should be a big deal to the mom and dad

What do you do for a living?

 

[kvj21075]

i think he means 10k isnt alot for a wedding these days, they are so dam.n expensive! but 10k is alot of money for anything! not many people have 10k to give away, even for thier daughters wedding. im sure there arent that many situations where the parents wipe thier butts with money and then tell the daughter they wont pay for a wedding, im sure if the brides parents had the money they would pay, but most people dont these days.

 

[sockgirl77]

i think he means 10k isnt alot for a wedding these days, they are so dam.n expensive! but 10k is alot of money for anything! not many people have 10k to give away, even for thier daughters wedding. im sure there arent that many situations where the parents wipe thier butts with money and then tell the daughter they wont pay for a wedding, im sure if the brides parents had the money they would pay, but most people dont these days.

I've been married and have been in plenty of weddings. It's very easy to have a spectacular wedding for much less than $10K.

 

[rich70]

Since both of my parents are dead, then perhaps you won't mind paying for my wedding. Seeing, of course, that you don't think $10K is a lot of money for a wedding....

 

[thatguy]

I've been married and have been in plenty of weddings. It's very easy to have a spectacular wedding for much less than $10K.

if you say so....

it has been my experience that it is about 6K just for catering for 100 people. and thats not a huge wedding by any means. when you add in all the extras you are over 10K easy.

that being said, i think if they can the parents should help, if they cant, then you are on your own.

 

[kvj21075]

if you say so....

it has been my experience that it is about 6K just for catering for 100 people. and thats not a huge wedding by any means. when you add in all the extras you are over 10K easy.

that being said, i think if they can the parents should help, if they cant, then you are on your own.

socki serves them Lays potatoe chips and water from the hose




but catering is expensive, i work for a catering company so im getting a great deal, but for a regular buffet dinner, you are looking at it starting at about $20-25 a person.

 

[thatguy]

socki serves them Lays potatoe chips and water from the hose




but catering is expensive, i work for a catering company so im getting a great deal, but for a regular buffet dinner, you are looking at it starting at about $20-25 a person.

even with that break, after the bar and gratuity you are probably looking at 4-5K, and that doesn't include the site fee if there is one, decorations, flowers, gifts for the bridal party, DJ......

 

[sockgirl77]

socki serves them Lays potatoe chips and water from the hose




but catering is expensive, i work for a catering company so im getting a great deal, but for a regular buffet dinner, you are looking at it starting at about $20-25 a person.

 

[kvj21075]

even with that break, after the bar and gratuity you are probably looking at 4-5K, and that doesn't include the site fee if there is one, decorations, flowers, gifts for the bridal party, DJ......

no regular price starts at 20-25, im getting a huge discount on that. it just takes ALOT of time and research to have a nice wedding on a under 10k budget, but we are making it work