Why women "don't like nice guys"

[vraiblonde]

Dating & Relationships: Why don't girls like nice guys? - Quora

I thought John Taylor's response was well thought out and dead on, but there were several interesting answers. One of the posters brought up the possibility that these self-described "nice guys" aren't really all that nice, and are hiding some pretty nasty passive-aggression tendencies. I've seen that one a few times - all guys think they're "nice" and "not like other guys". Women do the same thing.

I'm thinking about dating and relationships in general, so here's one more:

Booty Call, #### Buddy, or Friend With Benefits?
(this article has the f-word several times and may be NSFW, be aware)
I don't remember it being this complicated (or simple, depending on how you look at it) last time I was out running around, 15 years ago or so. I'm curious if our more casual attitudes toward sex these days contributes to confusion regarding what's what.

What's interesting is that apparently there are numerous STDs out there, hiding in the most innocent looking men and women, just waiting to infect you for life. Yet "one-night stands" and "booty calls" - sex with strangers that could potentially rot your genitals - are more popular than ever.

So...discuss? Either/or - both topics are interesting to me.

 

[Nickel]

One of the posters brought up the possibility that these self-described "nice guys" aren't really all that nice, and are hiding some pretty nasty passive-aggression tendencies.

Guys (or people in general) who feel the need to label themselves are almost always off the mark entirely. The self-described "nice guys" are usually socially retarded at best and use the "nice guys finish last" schtick as an excuse for not being able to sustain a normal relationship. Or, like you said, they say they're nice but they're really a tool. I think that some women like the drama and excitement of dating #######s, but just as many actually want to spend their time with someone who isn't an idiot.

This was my favorite comment:

"Nice guys", as in the guys who complain about how women don't like them because they're too nice, are more often uninteresting, insecure, and VERY entitled. They are the sort of guys who believe that if they open a door for a girl she should sleep with them, and if she doesn't give them the time of day it's because women only like jerks.

 

[libertytyranny]

Depends on what you mean by "nice." sometimes "nice" is a euphamism for fantastically annoying. I don't want a puppy dog that follows me and agrees with everything I say and do, and never challenges me on anything. Been there, had that, and it bored me to tears. "nice" can mean so many things. I like actual nice men..but most that actually first and foremost identify themselves as a "nice" guy are mostly just obnoxious men who need to have something to explain why they can't keep a decent chick. oh yeah, im "nice" and women don't like that


as for booty calls..not every relationship needs to be an Im going to marry you because you are my souuulllllmmmaaatttteeee type deal. However I am too proud and too attached to my junk being healthy to want any kind of relationship with someone who is sleeping with other people. that's it. I don't really see anything wrong, if two people are on the same page and enjoy each other, why they can't sleep together and not consider themselves in line for the alter. but it's gotta be exclusive, sorry. I have watched friends sleep with guys who never call them or talk to them again, and its pathetic. I never put myself in that position. I've never had it happen to me...It could be because I am sooo fantastic they all want to marry me but more likely it is because I am not stupid and some guy that has rarely talked to me all the sudden wants to get busy just isn't getting any. I wish more moms would teach their daughters this crap. my mom used to tell me "when devoid of any options, goat herders in the desert would screw a goat. If they would screw a goat, why the hell do girls feel like they are special? they are just that night's goat" best advice ever. So many girls think because a man will sleep with them, it means they love them. THATS what causes the confusion in these casual relationships, stupid girls (and sometimes guys) who believe they have won some kind of war by getting into someone's pants.

 

[jetmonkey]

Booty call is not sex with a stranger.

 

[vraiblonde]

Booty call is not sex with a stranger.

Sure it is. The very definition of the booty call is that you don't care to know that person on any level other than sex. That makes them a stranger. If you like them okay and see them socially occasionally, then they level up to f-buddy.

 

[Tilted]

I think women want a guy to be 'nice' (whatever that means), they just don't want him to have to be 'nice' in order to attract women. Right or wrong, when a guy presents as too nice, it sends a subconscious signal to women that he's otherwise pathetic to the extent that he feels he has to be over-the-top nice in order to get or keep them (never mind the reality that many people are nice just because that's what they find fulfilling, and not because they feel they have to be in order to get something).

Whether we want to admit it or not, the attention and affections of someone we perceive as being attractive to others (physically or for whatever reasons) goes further toward making us feel good about ourselves than the attention and affections of someone we perceive as not being attractive to others do. And, a big part of being attracted to someone is how they make you feel about yourself. Part of us figures, if this guy or girl could be spending time with any girl or guy they want, yet they are spending time with and doing things for me, that must mean I'm a pretty good catch myself. It's that validation - that affirmation of our own goodness or attractiveness - that resonates strongly within us and, to some extent, fuels our attraction to the other person. Sometimes, the less attractive we perceive the other person as being to others, the less potent that fuel is.

So, I think women tend to be attracted to guys that they sense could attract plenty of women even if they were an ####### - guys that don't have to be as 'nice' in order to find whatever companionship they want. But, at the same time and given that a particular guy wouldn't have to be so nice, they'd prefer him to go ahead and actually be nice anyway.

 

[Pete]

The gig is up. I'm not really a nice guy.

 

[vraiblonde]

Part of us figures, if this guy or girl could be spending time with any girl or guy they want, yet they are spending time with and doing things for me, that must mean I'm a pretty good catch myself. It's that validation - that affirmation of our own goodness or attractiveness - that resonates strongly within us and, to some extent, fuels our attraction to the other person. Sometimes, the less attractive we perceive the other person as being to others, the less potent that fuel is.

That's very true. It's not particularly flattering to be "chosen" by some guy who'll take anything. It just means you were the only loser available to him.

 

[vraiblonde]

"Nice guys", as in the guys who complain about how women don't like them because they're too nice, are more often uninteresting, insecure, and VERY entitled. They are the sort of guys who believe that if they open a door for a girl she should sleep with them, and if she doesn't give them the time of day it's because women only like jerks.

I liked that one, too.

 

[vraiblonde]

they are just that night's goat

I think women in particular get into trouble when they take offense at being "used" for sex, completely forgetting that they're just using the guy as well. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of what the "relationship" actually is.

I'm surprised this topic isn't getting more play.

 

[libertytyranny]

I think women in particular get into trouble when they take offense at being "used" for sex, completely forgetting that they're just using the guy as well. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of what the "relationship" actually is.

I'm surprised this topic isn't getting more play.

You can only get used if you let yourself. I see no issue with a woman, because she wants some, going to get it. Same with men. But I don't know why people look at things so shallow..are they really clueless that the other person just wants them for sex? Are they ignoring key signs on purpose, or do they not recognize them. I had a friend who had a booty call relationship with someone in college. he ONLY called her when he was drunk at like 2am. She was convinced that it was because he was too shy to talk to her any other time. For real. It took her several months to get it. Despite what I had been telling her since day one.

 

[jetmonkey]

Sure it is. The very definition of the booty call is that you don't care to know that person on any level other than sex. That makes them a stranger. If you like them okay and see them socially occasionally, then they level up to f-buddy.

I didn't read the article, but I always thought they all meant sex with someone you were not in a relationship with. Author is just splitting hairs to come off as being less slutty.

 

[jetmonkey]

You can only get used if you let yourself. I see no issue with a woman, because she wants some, going to get it. Same with men. But I don't know why people look at things so shallow..are they really clueless that the other person just wants them for sex? Are they ignoring key signs on purpose, or do they not recognize them. I had a friend who had a booty call relationship with someone in college. he ONLY called her when he was drunk at like 2am. She was convinced that it was because he was too shy to talk to her any other time. For real. It took her several months to get it. Despite what I had been telling her since day one.

That is a classic booty call.

 

[EmptyTimCup]

So many girls think because the sex was Great, then it must be love ....

THAT'S what causes the confusion in these casual relationships,

:fixed:

 

[EmptyTimCup]

Part of us figures, if this guy or girl could be spending time with any girl or guy they want, yet they are spending time with and doing things for me, that must mean I'm a pretty good catch myself. It's that validation - that affirmation of our own goodness or attractiveness -

naa We are just being nice so we can Hit IT ...... and move on

 

[EmptyTimCup]

That's very true. It's not particularly flattering to be "chosen" by some guy who'll take anything.

some guys will hit anything with a heart beat

It just means you were the only loser available to him.

 

[vraiblonde]

I had a friend who had a booty call relationship with someone in college. he ONLY called her when he was drunk at like 2am. She was convinced that it was because he was too shy to talk to her any other time. For real. It took her several months to get it. Despite what I had been telling her since day one.

Yep, classic booty call

Which is fine, as long as everyone's on the same page. I find that I do not do well with the booty call, or even the f-buddy, and my suspicion is that most women don't. I think that's something guys invented to pressure women into accepting the type of sex scenarios they've always wanted, but couldn't get most chicks to go along with back in the day.

 

[vraiblonde]

I didn't read the article, but I always thought they all meant sex with someone you were not in a relationship with. Author is just splitting hairs to come off as being less slutty.

Men have been doing that since the beginning of time, and they aren't considered "slutty". Why is it slutty if a woman has a casual sex attitude?

 

[jrt_ms1995]

The gig is up. I'm not really a nice guy.

Not true; you're just trying to get some!

 

[jetmonkey]

Men have been doing that since the beginning of time, and they aren't considered "slutty". Why is it slutty if a woman has a casual sex attitude?

Because other women are jealous of her. Men call a woman a slut when she WON'T have sex with him.