Why women "don't like nice guys"

[RoseRed]

Funny tread!

 

[struggler44]

Kinda like a bad rash, it's there whether you're itching or not

 

[ItalianScallion]

I don't think you should worry about what strangers on the internet think of you.

I don't "worry" about what they think but I'm not above learning from the opinions of others (which is why I asked)...

Actually, Scallion, you've never done anything to me so I don't dislike you or have a negative impression.

Thank you; Same here.

 

[EmptyTimCup]

If you don't have that in the first place - that spark and attraction -

that 'chemistry' got me laid on Sooooo many 1st dates, or I was dating a bunch of loose women, lying 'Ooo I NEVER have SEX on the 1st date'

 

[vraiblonde]

I don't "worry" about what they think but I'm not above learning from the opinions of others (which is why I asked)...

You know what they say about opinions...

If it's someone I respect and admire, I'll care about what they think of me. If it's someone who knows me well, I'll listen to their criticism and consider it. But if it's some dick on the internet who really could use some therapy, or some flake who should be thinking about their own dysfunctional life and not worrying about anyone else, they get a big resounding and heartfelt, "meh."

Anyway, that said, I'll ramble a bit because it's the middle of the damn night and my sleep schedule is hosed. It's either prattle on here or mop my grubby basement floor. Decisions decisions...

Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac (after money, power and fame, that is). If a guy is secure with who he is, and assumes any woman in her right mind would like him as much as he likes himself, he will have chicks piled all over him. But it has to be authentic. Fake it til you make it does not apply in the dating arena, because some insecure schlump trying to project bravado just comes off as creepy.

Basically, if you think she's out of your league, she is. Move on to a woman you're more comfortable with.

A lot of the "nice guys" that inspired this thread aren't really nice at all, they're just overcompensating for what they perceive as a shortcoming, and many times are quite passive-aggressive. That's creepy, too, and we discussed that earlier in this thread. Insecurity makes you come on too strong and project desperation, which is a total turn-off for most women (and men).

"Nice" guys and gals don't even like each other. When someone is trying too hard, there's an underlying martyrdom present - they need a bad guy to validate and enhance their good guy self-image. So in a "nice" person relationship, there is no bad guy and the martyr is unsatisfied because they can't be the "good" guy.

I've actually been in relationships like that. I project a "b*tch" image in general, and this attracts "nice" men because I am what they believe is the perfect contrast to their "good guy" image. They think they'll look great next to me. Of course, they find out that I'm not really all that "bad", and can actually be quite generous, loving and kind, which throws them off. Then they either have to *make* me bad (by embellishing my flaws or picking fights) or go find someone who is meaner than me so they can be "good" again.

And, in all honesty, I've done the same thing - dated some jerk so that I can look like a nicer person next to them. It's just all so tedious and long-suffering.



Anyway, what it all boils down to is what dating books have been saying since the beginning of time: if you're happy and secure with yourself, you're more likely to find happy secure relationships. And the most solid relationships are typically between genuinely nice people - not "nice" people who are looking for a contrast.

 

[ItalianScallion]

You know what they say about opinions...
If it's someone I respect and admire, I'll care about what they think of me. If it's someone who knows me well, I'll listen to their criticism and consider it. But if it's some dick on the internet who really could use some therapy, or some flake who should be thinking about their own dysfunctional life and not worrying about anyone else, they get a big resounding and heartfelt, "meh."
Anyway, that said, I'll ramble a bit because it's the middle of the damn night and my sleep schedule is hosed. It's either prattle on here or mop my grubby basement floor. Decisions decisions...

We're on the same page. Not bad stuff for being up at 3am...

Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac (after money, power and fame, that is). If a guy is secure with who he is, and assumes any woman in her right mind would like him as much as he likes himself, he will have chicks piled all over him. But it has to be authentic. Fake it til you make it does not apply in the dating arena, because some insecure schlump trying to project bravado just comes off as creepy.

Fake is for sure! Knowledge is power and confidence. This is why I say: Don't hate me because I'm knowledgeable about something. Everyone on here (well most of them) does something that they're very good at. We can all learn a lot on here..................both what to do and what not to do.

Very few nice guys are truly nice. Of course anyone can change when provoked but listening to the arrogance in a public setting is sickening. I've never ever imagined myself as arrogant so, when someone says I am, it makes me think for a momment but, as you've said: "If they are someone I respect and admire, I'll care what they think of me". (That's why I asked you )

A lot of the "nice guys" that inspired this thread aren't really nice at all, they're just overcompensating for what they perceive as a shortcoming, and many times are quite passive-aggressive. That's creepy, too, and we discussed that earlier in this thread. Insecurity makes you come on too strong and project desperation, which is a total turn-off for most women (and men).

Fakers & liars are surely "P.A." is running rampant in society and, very often, not diagnosed; A time bomb just waiting to go off.

I've actually been in relationships like that. I project a "b*tch" image in general, and this attracts "nice" men because I am what they believe is the perfect contrast to their "good guy" image. They think they'll look great next to me. Of course, they find out that I'm not really all that "bad", and can actually be quite generous, loving and kind, which throws them off. Then they either have to *make* me bad (by embellishing my flaws or picking fights) or go find someone who is meaner than me so they can be "good" again. And, in all honesty, I've done the same thing - dated some jerk so that I can look like a nicer person next to them. It's just all so tedious and long-suffering.

It sure is. I've found that the more I act indifferent to (some) women, the more they're interested in me but I only act that way because I'm really NOT interested in them. Why, then, should I have to be that way with someone I AM interested in? It's just not who I am...

So Vrai:
Do you think that people (today) don't get along more than they do get along?
Do people often change who they are in a relationship, just to be able to deal with the other person?
Do you think people are becoming more difficult to get along with in general?

Anyway, what it all boils down to is what dating books have been saying since the beginning of time: if you're happy and secure with yourself, you're more likely to find happy secure relationships. And the most solid relationships are typically between genuinely nice people - not "nice" people who are looking for a contrast.

I know I won't find perfect people who have no "issues" but darn; I don't need someone who challenges all of my patience at one sitting...

 

[vraiblonde]

So Vrai:
Do you think that people (today) don't get along more than they do get along?
Do people often change who they are in a relationship, just to be able to deal with the other person?
Do you think people are becoming more difficult to get along with in general?

I think women are no longer willing to settle for bull####. They earn their own money, they can raise children without benefit of some guy, and they can do pretty much anything a man can do. This has made the average guy obsolete. Now you have to bring something to the table and up your game.

Any woman worth her salt isn't going to put up with the crap women put up with back in the day.

 

[ItalianScallion]

I think women are no longer willing to settle for bull####. They earn their own money, they can raise children without benefit of some guy, and they can do pretty much anything a man can do. This has made the average guy obsolete. Now you have to bring something to the table and up your game. Any woman worth her salt isn't going to put up with the crap women put up with back in the day.

And a lot of guys can't handle those things in a woman. It is no threat to me, personally, though. I thoroughly enjoy an independent woman who has spunk and can hold on a good conversation with me and who offers a lot to me as a guy, while still keeping her femininity...

I think the media has a lot to do with the impression that guys are incompetent boobs. While there are many, not all of them are...

 

[Cheeky1]

And a lot of guys can't handle those things in a woman. It is no threat to me, personally, though. I thoroughly enjoy an independent woman who has spunk and can hold on a good conversation with me and who offers a lot to me as a guy, while still keeping her femininity...

I think the media has a lot to do with the impression that guys are incompetent boobs. While there are many, not all of them are...

Feminine vs feminist.....

Masculine vs supremicist.....

 

[warneckutz]

I think the media has a lot to do with the impression that guys are incompetent boobs. While there are many, not all of them are...

You have moobs?

 

[EmptyTimCup]

I think the media has a lot to do with the impression that guys are incompetent boobs.

any number of TV shows where the white guy in some ignorant rube .......

the Mullets, Every Loves 'a jerk' errr Raymond, King of Queens .....

then on the other side are the 'SLUTS' if Wisteria Lane

 

[Otter]

Funny tread!

 

[ItalianScallion]

You have moobs?

Not I; I work hard to prevent them

any number of TV shows where the white guy in some ignorant rube .......
the Mullets, Every Loves 'a jerk' errr Raymond, King of Queens .....
then on the other side are the 'SLUTS' if Wisteria Lane

AND radio commercials too... They live by the saying: the best way to elevate yourself is to berate someone else. (It happens on here all the time). I know there are some guys that fit the stereotypes to the max BUT it's sickening to those of us that don't.

 

[struggler44]

I think women are no longer willing to settle for bull####. They earn their own money, they can raise children without benefit of some guy, and they can do pretty much anything a man can do. This has made the average guy obsolete. Now you have to bring something to the table and up your game.

Any woman worth her salt isn't going to put up with the crap women put up with back in the day.

Thanks, you may just have deciphered what made OWS participants they way they are......