Engagement Ring & Retirement

Chasey_Lane · Aug 2, 2006

If a couple does not make it to the altar, should she give him the ring back? I do believe this issue has been discussed before. I'm going to throw retirement into the mix now. Should a wife get a portion of her husbands retirement if the marriage ends?

My answer is to give the ring back and give up all rights to retirement/pension. What do ya'll think?

ememdee19 · Aug 2, 2006

Chasey_Lane said:
If a couple does not make it to the altar, should she give him the ring back? I do believe this issue has been discussed before. I'm going to throw retirement into the mix now. Should a wife get a portion of her husbands retirement if the marriage ends?

My answer is to give the ring back and give up all rights to retirement/pension. What do ya'll think?

I say give the ring back.

As far as retirment goes, I say it's only fair that the spouse gets half of the retirment based on how long the marriage lasts. I believe that the military mandates at least 10 years of marriage for the spouse to be entitled to half. Is that correct?

CandyRain · Aug 2, 2006

Chasey_Lane said:
If a couple does not make it to the altar, should she give him the ring back? I do believe this issue has been discussed before. I'm going to throw retirement into the mix now. Should a wife get a portion of her husbands retirement if the marriage ends?

My answer is to give the ring back and give up all rights to retirement/pension. What do ya'll think?

The ring thing is sticky. I've heard that the rule is, if the ring is given as a gift, i.e., birthday or Christmas (or Peteza :lmao:

), she CAN keep it. Personally, I don't know why any woman would want a reminder of what wasn't. :shrug:

On retirement, legally he/she is entitled to it UNLESS he/she signs away entitlement.

itsbob · Aug 2, 2006

As far as the retirement goes, I don't think it matters what we think.. I think the law states it's a marital asset, and it is to be split.

I have to pay my ex 1/2 of my military retirement FOREVER.. has nothing to do with child support or how much money she or I makes, she gets half.

HollowSoul · Aug 2, 2006

Chasey_Lane said:
If a couple does not make it to the altar, should she give him the ring back? I do believe this issue has been discussed before. I'm going to throw retirement into the mix now. Should a wife get a portion of her husbands retirement if the marriage ends?

My answer is to give the ring back and give up all rights to retirement/pension. What do ya'll think?

with you posting this.....and Day posting bout lawyers....is it safe to say that you will be available soon

itsbob · Aug 2, 2006

CandyRain said:
The ring thing is sticky. I've heard that the rule is, if the ring is given as a gift, i.e., birthday or Christmas (or Peteza ), she CAN keep it. Personally, I don't know why any woman would want a reminder of what wasn't. :shrug:

On retirement, legally he/she is entitled to it UNLESS he/she signs away entitlement.

I think the ring should be returned.. It's a HUGE investment for him, most times ridiculously so, why should she get to keep it, while he's still making payments on it??

Of course I think the situation should dictate.. if she catches him with her bridesmaid prior to the wedding doing the nasty.. then all deals are off.

Chasey_Lane · Aug 2, 2006

CandyRain said:
The ring thing is sticky. I've heard that the rule is, if the ring is given as a gift, i.e., birthday or Christmas (or Peteza ), she CAN keep it. Personally, I don't know why any woman would want a reminder of what wasn't. :shrug:

Regardless of the time of year, wouldn't a ring be a gift anyhow?

I was given my ring Thanksgiving weekend, but I don't connect it with turkey. :shrug:

Chasey_Lane · Aug 2, 2006

ememdee19 said:
I say give the ring back.

As far as retirment goes, I say it's only fair that the spouse gets half of the retirment based on how long the marriage lasts.

Why is that fair? If the marriage ends, all connections/ties should then follow (except in c/s). A marriage is a combination of two individuals and when those individuals choose to go their separate ways, each should take his/her own and nothing more.

cattitude · Aug 2, 2006

Depends. If it's an amicable split before marriage, I'd give the ring back. If the guy dumped me, TFB, the ring is mine. If I'm the dumper, I'd give it back.

As for retirement, I think it depends whether the wife has a job and retirement of her own and how long they've been married. I know the law takes this into account and men can be entitled to the wife's retirement as well. I would think if at the time of the split, if kids are provided for and wife has a decent job, or the man in the reverse, then each to his own retirement.

Nickel · Aug 2, 2006

ememdee19 said:
I say give the ring back.

As far as retirment goes, I say it's only fair that the spouse gets half of the retirment based on how long the marriage lasts. I believe that the military mandates at least 10 years of marriage for the spouse to be entitled to half. Is that correct?

My parents were married for 14 or 15 years, and my mom doesn't receive any portion of my dad's military retirement. Although, she may have refused it, as she's not the type of person that would stake a claim on someone else's retirement money. :shrug:

kwillia · Aug 2, 2006

An engagement ring is accepted by a woman who has "intent to marry". If she reneges on the deal, she should give the ring back.

As for retirement... any retirement earned during the marriage should be split. If both are earing retirement, it could be a wash. If both are gainfully employed and only he or only she is dumping into retirement, it's usually because the other check is used in full as family income... any money being tucked away for retirement should be split fair and square.

itsbob · Aug 2, 2006

Chasey_Lane said:
Why is that fair? If the marriage ends, all connections/ties should then follow (except in c/s). A marriage is a combination of two individuals and when those individuals choose to go their separate ways, each should take his/her own and nothing more.

How about the couple that have been married 30 years, and they have ONE retirement plan under his name.. they have both worked for the entire time, but she has no retirement plan of her own.

Which I think is the norm even today.

Of course the opposite is true if SHE has the retirement account.

itsbob · Aug 2, 2006

Nickel said:
My parents were married for 14 or 15 years, and my mom doesn't receive any portion of my dad's military retirement. Although, she may have refused it, as she's not the type of person that would stake a claim on someone else's retirement money. :shrug:

If she was married to him for 10 or more of the years he was on active duty, according to the law, she earned 1/2 of his retirement.

LordStanley · Aug 2, 2006

CandyRain said:
The ring thing is sticky. I've heard that the rule is, if the ring is given as a gift, i.e., birthday or Christmas (or Peteza ), she CAN keep it. Personally, I don't know why any woman would want a reminder of what wasn't. :shrug:QUOTE]

And marriage is supposed to be "till death do us part" but we all know that dosent work.

I say get the ring back.... The engagement ring is based on love and commitment. If either ends give him the ring back... I was engaged once before and when she left me, I got my ring back....

Nickel · Aug 2, 2006

itsbob said:
If she was married to him for 10 or more of the years he was on active duty, according to the law, she earned 1/2 of his retirement.

They met in A school, so yes, she was with him for over 10 years in the military. I'd bet that she didn't want it. :shrug:

Chasey_Lane · Aug 2, 2006

kwillia said:
As for retirement... any retirement earned during the marriage should be split. If both are earing retirement, it could be a wash. If both are gainfully employed and only he or only she is dumping into retirement, it's usually because the other check is used in full as family income... any money being tucked away for retirement should be split fair and square.

I contribute towards my company's retirement and day contributes towards his. I wouldn't take his money just as I wouldn't want him to take mine. If we're contributing into a separate account, say through BOA, that's a different story. I would fully expect my hard earned money back. :biggrin:

itsbob · Aug 2, 2006

Nickel said:
They met in A school, so yes, she was with him for over 10 years in the military. I'd bet that she didn't want it. :shrug:

So she divorced him while they were still in the military and retirement wasn't even on the table at that point..

He probably slipped through tthe cracks on that one..

Although if she was on active duty too, I don't know how that would effect it.. I think it would seeing how she would be working towards her own retirement for some of those years.

Jameo · Aug 2, 2006

Pawn the ring and I don't want HIS retirement money.

kwillia · Aug 2, 2006

My brother was married for three years and then divorced. The law stated she was only allowed to claim a portion of his retirement for the time they were married. He was able to decide whether he wanted to give her her "portion" she was owed up front during the settlement or whether she had to wait for him to croak... he chose to make her wait and hopes to have a long long long life.

SamSpade · Aug 2, 2006

I'm pretty sure the law supports returning the ring if there is no marriage - at least, in some states.

I have no opinion on retirement - I think if you don't plan for your own retirement, you're a damned fool. What happens to the retirement fund if the guy marries again, and divorces - again? And, does he get to split HER retirement fund also?

I think it ought to be based on each person's contribution such as, proceeds from the sale of a home that both contributed to the purchase. But I don't know the law in this.

Engagement Ring & Retirement

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