________ Wife.

[migtig]

EWWWWWWWWWWW. Delete that!

Color that poster clueless.

Back to the OP:

I've never seen "civilians" do it. However, in regards to the military, if your spouse is career and over a certain rank you are by de facto his representative of his rank to the spouses of husbands of lower rank. This comes with responsibilities. Believe it or not, there is actually military spouse training for this responsibility as well.

Does a younger family need baby formula and can't afford anything until the next payday? Then you help out of your own pocket if neccesary (if you are unable - you go up your spouse chain of command until you get the help you need) and then you get them into Navy Assistance or WIC programs.

Is a junior ranking guy acting aggressive towards his wife? Then it's your responsibility to work back channels to get them both in counseling and make sure that your spouse is aware of the situation unofficially. Then he can observe the situation and if things don't improve, official channels can be opened.

Is your husband's unit gone on some kind of deployment? Then it's your responsibility to check in with other junior ranking families and make sure everybody's doing ok. You'll feed them info on the deployment that you've received from wives senior to yourself.

Another thing is safety and welfare checks - you go with your spouse and "visit" with other lower ranking families "off duty". You are observing if they have food, clean and safe place to live, etc. You also in turn host events at your own home for single lower ranking members to have a home cooked meal and spend time with on holidays and during difficult "personal" times.

It's military structure program. It has its own rewards and benefits. There are jokes that if the military had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one. But honestly, the military trains senior wives until they are "issued". There are sometimes, it occurs unfortunately, some spouses who wear their husbands rank in a demanding manner - but there are bad apples in every barrel. Most career military wives, wear their husbands rank quietly, behind the scenes, in ways meant to assist and enable a happy home life for the lower ranking military members and their families.

 

[pelers]

Military wives are somewhat of a unique group because they have experiences that other women don't necessarily have. A woman who identified herself as a "Giant Produce Manager wife" would just be odd.

That's also how I see the "military wife" stuff. Have tons of respect for those ladies (and the men whose wives are military). If my husband was gone for half a year, year at a time while I was left home to raise Sprout all by myself I'd probably go bonkers. Especially now when odds are he would be in a combat zone.

I, personally, absolutely despise being referred to only as my husband's wife. The letters that come addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Husband's Full Name make me twitch. I get that it used to be respectful, I don't find it to be so now. I am my own person, I do exist outside of the context of my husband. I love my husband, I'm proud to be married to him... but we are a team.

 

[ArkRescue]

My ex would always introduce me as "my wife"....no name, just "my wife"

Annoying would not even begin to describe him doing this....Sometimes, I just wanted to grab a hold of him my his ears and scream at him "When I married you, I didn't change my entire name to 'my wife'"

 

[ArkRescue]

These are wimmins who know their place. Good for them. I still can't believe wimmins can vote and drive. WTF is THAT all about.

don't even flinch, you know you like it

 

[Nickel]

Depending on the situation, I like it when someone introduces and identifies themselves - "Hi, I'm Joanna, Bob's wife." Now I can put Joanna with Bob and get a conversational grip. Like when Larry and I would go to grower functions, I always identified myself as Larry's wife so people could have a reference point. They don't really give a crap about me, personally, because it's not my gig and there was no point in asserting my individuality.

Exactly. It's the quickest way to get from point A to point B. If I'm in a room with my husband's coworkers, I'm going to introduce myself in the context of being his wife (of course I use my name first). If I don't, then nobody knows who I am. If we're at the wedding of a friend of mine, he introduces himself as my husband. Nobody's feelings are hurt and nobody's individuality has been stifled.

Military wives are somewhat of a unique group because they have experiences that other women don't necessarily have. A woman who identified herself as a "Giant Produce Manager wife" would just be odd.

This is something that I think a lot of people don't think about or understand. My BFF often says that we (my family) live in some bizarro world because none of it makes sense to her. Dustin and I have probably been apart for almost half of our 6 year marriage. I don't know where we'll be living this time next year. His ship caught on fire a few years ago - I heard about it on the news but I didn't hear from him for a week.* Sometimes it's hard, but it's the life I chose and I don't complain. Do I walk around calling myself a Navy wife? No, because that would be weird. But I am married to someone in the Navy and that is part (not all) of my identity.



*This is not pointed out to imply that I am in any way "special"; rather, it is just an example of how my lifestyle may differ from someone married to a civilian.

 

[onebdzee]

Color that poster clueless.

Back to the OP:

I've never seen "civilians" do it. However, in regards to the military, if your spouse is career and over a certain rank you are by de facto his representative of his rank to the spouses of husbands of lower rank. This comes with responsibilities. Believe it or not, there is actually military spouse training for this responsibility as well.

Does a younger family need baby formula and can't afford anything until the next payday? Then you help out of your own pocket if neccesary (if you are unable - you go up your spouse chain of command until you get the help you need) and then you get them into Navy Assistance or WIC programs.

Is a junior ranking guy acting aggressive towards his wife? Then it's your responsibility to work back channels to get them both in counseling and make sure that your spouse is aware of the situation unofficially. Then he can observe the situation and if things don't improve, official channels can be opened.

Is your husband's unit gone on some kind of deployment? Then it's your responsibility to check in with other junior ranking families and make sure everybody's doing ok. You'll feed them info on the deployment that you've received from wives senior to yourself.

Another thing is safety and welfare checks - you go with your spouse and "visit" with other lower ranking families "off duty". You are observing if they have food, clean and safe place to live, etc. You also in turn host events at your own home for single lower ranking members to have a home cooked meal and spend time with on holidays and during difficult "personal" times.

It's military structure program. It has its own rewards and benefits. There are jokes that if the military had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one. But honestly, the military trains senior wives until they are "issued". There are sometimes, it occurs unfortunately, some spouses who wear their husbands rank in a demanding manner - but there are bad apples in every barrel. Most career military wives, wear their husbands rank quietly, behind the scenes, in ways meant to assist and enable a happy home life for the lower ranking military members and their families.

I'm assuming that every branch is different....I spent more than 20 years as a Marine wife.....started out as a lower enlisted and ended with a upper enlisted and never went through any classes to help the lower ranking military members and/or their families....As a lower ranking spouse with a child, I was never offered help from the upper ranking spouses/members anytime during my ex's deployment and/or his time at home....Let me tell you, there were times when we didn't know if we were going to have enough to buy groceries till the next payday and asked for help....after getting the run around from his shop, we ended up asking my mother-in-law for help

 

[ftcret]

I'm assuming that every branch is different....I spent more than 20 years as a Marine wife.....started out as a lower enlisted and ended with a upper enlisted and never went through any classes to help the lower ranking military members and/or their families....As a lower ranking spouse with a child, I was never offered help from the upper ranking spouses/members anytime during my ex's deployment and/or his time at home....Let me tell you, there were times when we didn't know if we were going to have enough to buy groceries till the next payday and asked for help....after getting the run around from his shop, we ended up asking my mother-in-law for help

Ombudsman in the Navy - not all go through it and some are better than others.

 

[libertytyranny]

there is a difference between introducing yourself in a situation where your spouse is known and you are not, ie at SO's work party I would be introduced as LT, his SO. Thats just identification for people to connect you with someone they already know...and simply identifying yourself and your very identity with your so's job. I do know people that do that..have the "navy wife" stickers, post all of those "I am a military spouse" fowards on facebook, go to meetings..or thats the first thing they mention on "about me" sections on various websites..like thats the first thing they associate with themselves..when I describe myself my SO doesn't even really cross my mind./ I do understand, coming from a military family, that a lot of the time your life can sort of be overshadowed by military commitments and logistics..but you can still be a real individual.

 

[Nickel]

I do know people that do that..have the "navy wife" stickers, post all of those "I am a military spouse" fowards on facebook, go to meetings..or thats the first thing they mention on "about me" sections on various websites..like thats the first thing they associate with themselves..

Replace "military spouse" with "boxer lover" or "soccer mom". They're just words. Why does it matter that this hypothetical person chooses to identify themselves this way? You want to assert your independence outside of your relationship. I'm with you 100%. Not everyone is like that and it's no skin off my back. I will say that in my experience, the "OMG Navy wife/girlfriend" girls are usually very young or very early on in their relationships. The women I know who are married to the military do not identify themselves as such. I live in base housing and I don't believe I've seen one Navy wife bumper sticker. I see a lot of honor roll ones, though!

And speaking of FB, I have a friend who constantly posts photos of pit bulls in shelters. I'm talking at least 20 a day. That is ANNOYING, and if I didn't know her IRL I would think she was some crazy lady (if she keeps it up I will think she's crazy). But I'm not going to judge her entire self based on some FB posts or bumper stickers.

 

[MMDad]

The blank can be anything… most commonly seen with branches of the military. (Army Wife, Navy Wife... ect.) What do you think of women that identify themselves by their husband’s profession or title? Or ones who don’t even say their own name when they introduce themselves?

“Well I am MRS. Colonel Smith…. You DO know who he is right?”

I can see having pride and support of your man’s job, but how about your own identity?

Some women choose the job of wife as their career. They see it as their job to maintain the house, raise the kids, and support their husband so that he can be successful outside the house.

If that's what they want to do, why not? Why does that make them any less of a person? Being a homemaker is a demanding job, and it seems you under-appreciate it.

 

[libertytyranny]

Replace "military spouse" with "boxer lover" or "soccer mom". They're just words. Why does it matter that this hypothetical person chooses to identify themselves this way? You want to assert your independence outside of your relationship. I'm with you 100%. Not everyone is like that and it's no skin off my back. I will say that in my experience, the "OMG Navy wife/girlfriend" girls are usually very young or very early on in their relationships. The women I know who are married to the military do not identify themselves as such. I live in base housing and I don't believe I've seen one Navy wife bumper sticker. I see a lot of honor roll ones, though!

And speaking of FB, I have a friend who constantly posts photos of pit bulls in shelters. I'm talking at least 20 a day. That is ANNOYING, and if I didn't know her IRL I would think she was some crazy lady (if she keeps it up I will think she's crazy). But I'm not going to judge her entire self based on some FB posts or bumper stickers.

sure, and as a young person myself my friends are by and large young as well.and those are just examples done by people like that..not if you do those things you have no identity. But if your first thought when describing yourself is that you are a military spouse thats a little sad..at least if you are a "boxer lover" its because you like them..not because your spouse does..i disagree with those "soccer mom" labels as much as I do the military spouse ones..if you are a soccer player and a mom...then I guess you could technically be a soccer mom ..but why identify your self and soak up the identity of what your child does? I can see why people do that, and if it makes them happy, go for it...but its a little sad that today as women we are free to have any sort of career, lifestyle, or interests we want..and some people still only identify themselves with something someone ELSE does. why not mention you are an avid knitter, a part time fry cook, a cattle rancher, a gardener, a fitness isntructer, a romance novel reader...any of the above. :shrug: we learn nothing about you if you say you are a military spouse or a soccer mom..we only learn your spouse is in the military, or your kid plays soccer...

 

[Nickel]

i disagree with those "soccer mom" labels as much as I do the military spouse ones..if you are a soccer player and a mom...then I guess you could technically be a soccer mom ..but why identify your self and soak up the identity of what your child does?

If you take the "soccer mom" bumper sticker and assume that this woman has no identity outside of her little David Beckham, then aren't you just as bad for reducing this woman to no more than a cutesy label? And I specifiy bumper sticker because I've never met a woman who used the term "soccer mom" in any way that wasn't meant to elicit a chuckle.

 

[StrawberryGal]

If you take the "soccer mom" bumper sticker and assume that this woman has no identity outside of her little David Beckham, then aren't you just as bad for reducing this woman to no more than a cutesy label? And I specifiy bumper sticker because I've never met a woman who used the term "soccer mom" in any way that wasn't meant to elicit a chuckle.

Or maybe she doesn't like a forumite member whose name was "soccermom". :shrug:

 

[libertytyranny]

If you take the "soccer mom" bumper sticker and assume that this woman has no identity outside of her little David Beckham, then aren't you just as bad for reducing this woman to no more than a cutesy label? And I specifiy bumper sticker because I've never met a woman who used the term "soccer mom" in any way that wasn't meant to elicit a chuckle.

bumper stickers, social networking, cute signs in the yard..just examples..I don't mean if you have one of these you don't have your own identity..just examples of things people without their own identity do...its not "proof" of anything for sure. you could be a total stpeford wife and have no stickers anywhere...or a soccer mom bumper sticker your kid's team sold as a fundraiser but don't identify yourself that way...its just that people who are the "omg navy wife" often have those things..

 

[twinoaks207]

These are wimmins who know their place. Good for them. I still can't believe wimmins can vote and drive. WTF is THAT all about.

Feeling rather feisty today, are we?

The blank can be anything… most commonly seen with branches of the military. (Army Wife, Navy Wife... ect.) What do you think of women that identify themselves by their husband’s profession or title? Or ones who don’t even say their own name when they introduce themselves?

“Well I am MRS. Colonel Smith…. You DO know who he is right?”

I can see having pride and support of your man’s job, but how about your own identity?

Thanks for posting this start to an interesting thread, even though it makes me feel old and raises thoughts of digging out my old ERA bracelet...

Actually, I think we can use both to our advantage. I have a brain and a college degree (or two) and my own career and interests. I've also invested a lot of love and time in the "Mrs." role. For the most part, I am known as myfirstname/hislastname in everything that I do. There are however, some occasions when I must be Mrs. Hislastname. That is okay with me. I've even been know to use that on one or two occasions where the goal was worth putting his identity first.

Perhaps, in most cases, being okay with your own identity comes with age and/or maturity.

 

[Nickel]

Perhaps, in most cases, being okay with your own identity comes with age and/or maturity.

Eh, I'm youngish (young adjacent? ) and see no need to assert my independence. I know who I am and I'm happy. Doesn't matter if xyz on the internet knows I have an identity or not.

 

[Nickel]

bumper stickers, social networking, cute signs in the yard..just examples..I don't mean if you have one of these you don't have your own identity..just examples of things people without their own identity do...its not "proof" of anything for sure. you could be a total stpeford wife and have no stickers anywhere...or a soccer mom bumper sticker your kid's team sold as a fundraiser but don't identify yourself that way...its just that people who are the "omg navy wife" often have those things..

There's a reason we're called "dependents".

In all seriousness, we seem to be going around in circles. I'll sum up my opinion by saying I have no opinion about how someone chooses to label themselves. The OMG girls will either grow out of it or get divorced anyways.

 

[bulldog]

Color that poster clueless.

Back to the OP:

I've never seen "civilians" do it. However, in regards to the military, if your spouse is career and over a certain rank you are by de facto his representative of his rank to the spouses of husbands of lower rank. This comes with responsibilities. Believe it or not, there is actually military spouse training for this responsibility as well.

Does a younger family need baby formula and can't afford anything until the next payday? Then you help out of your own pocket if neccesary (if you are unable - you go up your spouse chain of command until you get the help you need) and then you get them into Navy Assistance or WIC programs.

Is a junior ranking guy acting aggressive towards his wife? Then it's your responsibility to work back channels to get them both in counseling and make sure that your spouse is aware of the situation unofficially. Then he can observe the situation and if things don't improve, official channels can be opened.

Is your husband's unit gone on some kind of deployment? Then it's your responsibility to check in with other junior ranking families and make sure everybody's doing ok. You'll feed them info on the deployment that you've received from wives senior to yourself.

Another thing is safety and welfare checks - you go with your spouse and "visit" with other lower ranking families "off duty". You are observing if they have food, clean and safe place to live, etc. You also in turn host events at your own home for single lower ranking members to have a home cooked meal and spend time with on holidays and during difficult "personal" times.

It's military structure program. It has its own rewards and benefits. There are jokes that if the military had wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one. But honestly, the military trains senior wives until they are "issued". There are sometimes, it occurs unfortunately, some spouses who wear their husbands rank in a demanding manner - but there are bad apples in every barrel. Most career military wives, wear their husbands rank quietly, behind the scenes, in ways meant to assist and enable a happy home life for the lower ranking military members and their families.

Please define "senior"

 

[2lazy2P]

Why can't the misses be Proud to be a Military Wife and want to show that pride off to whoever will listen to it? That is the identity she chooses for herself.

 

[migtig]

Please define "senior"

It varies from duty station to duty station and from military branch to military branch. However, it's been my experience that there are 2 sets of senior wives. There are the ones who are officers wives, and usually the "commanding" rank will be the wife of a Col. who organizes and structures the other officers wives under her "command". Not every wife will be part of this. She'll pick and choose. The lowest ranking officer's wife in her "command" is then the POC with the officers wives for the lady in charge of the second group of senior wives for the NCO's. That is usually run in much more hands on manner, with newsletters, websites and phone trees. On average that is run by a Top Sergeant's wife (or First Sergeant's wife). Her recruiting methods for assistance will be a bit different than the officers wives who are sort of mandated by their spouses to keep up appearances. A senior NCO's wife will usually ask for volunteers with various activites (family days, newsletters, et al) and then she is completely dependent on them pulling their weight for the jobs they volunteered for.

Now, unlike IcIt's experience, every military base I've been to, has had some sort of wives program to some level or another. Also unlike Icit, I know the USMC has something called the "Key Wives" program that runs really well. The Army has "Officers Wives Club" and "Family Readiness Groups". The Air Force has ESC and Key Wives. The Navy has Key Wives as well with Ombudsmen.

If anybody is a wife of a military man and interested in getting involved in program that helps with your own military community, I suggest you contact your Forward Readiness Officer (FRO). If you don't know who that is, your spouse should.