I have talked with a lot of people about this, the forum on here, and friends that know the bride, groom, and I. Her friends told me that it isn't that I am not wanted at the bachelorette party, but it going to be a lot of friends from out of state that she hasn't seen for a while, and the bride knew I would feel out of place with that group. I have never barged into Chad's house late at night while he is sleeping, or anything inconsiderate like that. I have hung at his house before, but we usually end up going out with a group of people. He and I talk on the phone alot, and that has changed since he started seeing her as it does with all relationships, and I am fine with that. She and I are definately getting along, and I think it is very sweet of her to think of my feelings when deciding that I would like to go to the bachelor party instead of with her friends. I have been invited to the coffee house with them for the first part of the evening, and then the limo will be coming to the grooms father's house to take me to meet the guys at 10. This way I get the girl time, but also get to party with one of my close friends before the biggest night of his life. Over the past 4 years, he and I have talked with each other about a lot of things, I was the 1st friend he called after the engagement happened. I know we will not be as close as we were before the marriage/engagement, that would be immature of me to think that. However, with the bride the way she is and he the way he is, and me just being me, I know we have a great friendship between all of us that won't be torn apart by jealousy or anything of the sort. He and I never went out drinking together, unless with other people, never went anywhere alone..so, that isn't something that will change. Thank you to everyone for your responses to this thread, good and bad, and if the situation was different, I wouldn't be going with the guys. For example, when my friend gets married in Nov, the ex that everyone thought I would end up with, I will NOT be going to the bachelor party. Even though I am friends with all the guys in that situation, I know the bride is weary of his and I's relationship, and I wouldn't go knowing she would be uncomfortable with it, even if she told me it was fine. He and I had a romantic history, where this upcoming groom and I have been platonic since the beginning.
I don't think marriages between 1st cousins is legal in Iowa, but she saw me as a threat. That marriage lasted about a year. 
Even without a freaky, jealous nature, any bride feels a little insecure right before the wedding. She doesn't need some chick hanging out with her guy at the bachelor party.
