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Last evening, Joe Biden delivered his second national address since rolling into the White House. At times whispering, at times quietly shouting, gritting his teeth, squinting, clearing his throat every six words, and pointing straight at Hell, Joe Biden shot for “steely resolve,” which unfortunately came out looking more like a man anticipating a difficult bout of constipation:
In a few long words, veins popping out on his forehead and his face shining like a Klieg light, Joe said Americans are losing focus, and after everything he’s done for us. He said we need to stop forgetting about his family’s investments in Ukraine, which are suffering because Putin. And — oh yeah — also Israel, which is suffering
just like Ukraine. In fact, in a way,
Putin made Hamas attack Israel, because
Putin is getting away with his Ukraine invasion right now. Plus, blue cities —
blue cities! — are also suffering, just like the jews, who are suffering just like the Ukrainians, but the cities are suffering from the U.S.’s border problem, which is also just like Ukraine, and is also Putin’s fault. So, the bottom line is: let’s all print a lot more money and then send most of it to Ukraine!
Here’s the transcript:
Okay, I took a
little authorial liberty there, but you got the gist. In his actual speech, Biden broke his $100 billion proposed aid package down like this: $10 billion for Israel and $60 billion for Ukraine. Of the remaining $30 billion, some for Taiwan; some for “humanitarian aid” (Hamas); and some for “our own border security.”
Last night, Senator Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) tweeted a response video saying she’d heard that the actual bill directs the requested border money not to the border, but to big blue cities like Chicago, Philadelphia and New York, to help accommodate
even more illegals. Brilliant.
Watching Biden is a morbid kind of exercise. Biden still has that dual-chin thing going on (is the bottom of his face collapsing?), and when he talks none of the skin on his face moves. It’s either a mask or a horrifying Botox fail. Ironically, Joe Biden is several years older than both the modern State of Israel, created in 1948, and the modern state of Ukraine, which separated from the Soviet Union in 1991.
Bizarrely, Fox’s Brit Hume described Biden’s speech as “the best of his presidency.” It wasn’t, even though he faced the very low bar of having given only one other national address, and still failed. And you can tell that everybody agreed it was horrible, because two of four Israeli newspapers didn’t even mention Biden’s speech on their home pages this morning. The Wall Street Journal didn’t even run a real story about it, publishing just a handful of bullet points instead.
I could kiss every single Republican in the House for
not electing a Speaker (admittedly, some more enthusiastically than others, but I digress). Because of that, Biden’s aid package can’t be jammed through before anybody gets a chance to read it. Otherwise it would probably have already passed, since right after Biden’s speech the Senate voted 97-0 on a resolution supporting Israel.
The battle for Speaker is a very fine bit of passive-aggressive political jiu jitsu.
What are they supposed to do? They don’t have a Speaker yet.
I don’t know whether they planned it this way or not, but the Republicans are looking like geniuses at this point.
Take your time, Republicans. Do it right.
Biden's big speech, condensed for legibility; Musk yeets the NYT; NYT doxxes the whole Israeli army; Biden doxxes special forces; worldwide caution alert; Newsom goes there; SADS catchups; and more.
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