Boy got suspended today

[Magnum]

:tapschesttwiceandthrowspiecesign:

Yep saw lots of that

 

[kwillia]

Is anyone else picturing Tonio curling into a fetal position after stumbling onto this thread...

 

[nomoney]

Don't know if I am handling my son's situation depussificably but initially when he was about 6-7y/o if trouble erupted outside at play (usually minor but upsetting to him) I would just let him come in the house.

After his brother moved back to DC this seemed to be a regular thing. Then one day he got in a fight with a boy his age came in the house steaming mad and was planning to stay in when I told him that he wasn't running in the house and to get his butt back out there.

So, after that he stayed out and fought and held his own and would only come inside when the older brothers of his playmates would try to get involved when he handled his biz.

I always encouraged him to defend himself but if its a really big kid or more than one to come get me. I can't see that being a bad thing. Running to mommy might be wrong but I don't want him laid out in the grass somewhere and I don't know just because he shouldn't come get me.

I would like to see some opinions from men on how mom's should have their son's handle altercations at different ages when mom may be the only one around to handle it at the time.

I think if your son was getting into fist fights at the age of 6 and got jumped by a group of kids at the age of 8, that you need to stop letting your kids play with thugs. (that's the way I'd handle it). No you can't let them come crying to mommy all the time but a 6 year old shouldn't even be put in that situation to begin with.

 

[bohman]

Trust me, I don't want to make a sissy out of my boy but I've got to get this off his record - there is college to think about. It would be different if this happened in the neighborhood....just not at school.

Please don't worry about the record. I was in a similar situation, and it did not prevent me from going to college. Nobody ever asked about during the application process, as far as I know.

The goofy thing about my fight was that it really prevented a lot of problems for me. Sophomore year of high school, never been in a fight before, and I was getting picked on by one guy for a couple weeks. He was having fun, and like somebody else here mentioned, his buddies were starting to think that it was fun, too. I finally snapped and bent him backwards over a cafeteria table and worked his face til I got pulled off him. He never picked on me again, and all his buddies started treating me better too. In fact, I never got picked on ever again.

Yeah, I got suspended, but the VP apologized to my dad at the mandatory conference, and said that the other guy deserved the beating I handed him. He compared him to "an itch that you just can't scratch."

The only catch in all this "defend yourself" advice being handed out: make sure the aggressor doesn't have any weapons. These days, you'd better be careful when you fight back. But in this case, your boy was trapped and had no other choice.

 

[bresamil]

I think if your son was getting into fist fights at the age of 6 and got jumped by a group of kids at the age of 8, that you need to stop letting your kids play with thugs. (that's the way I'd handle it). No you can't let them come crying to mommy all the time but a 6 year old shouldn't even be put in that situation to begin with.

I agree with this. Unfortunately there may be no other playmates available in the neighborhood.

 

[Masey]

Curious what the kid did/said that got him picked on in the first place. Not saying he provoked the fight but usually there's some reason.

Boy and the other kid at one time were good friends - this other kid has been in my house. Basically what happened was boy and other kid were horse playing in the hall at school about 2 weeks ago - the other kid pushed just a little too hard and boy fell into a table/desk and hurt is back. Later in the day some of boy’s and the other kid’s mutual friends told boy that the other kid said he laid you out in the hall. Boy tells them no he didn’t the table/desk did because he could never lay me out. For about a week the back and forth “I could kick your ass”, “I could take you” talk kept going and it was fed by mutual friends - you know the “he said” crap! My husband and I had no idea that this was going on. The VP told me yesterday that he had spoken with both boys on three separate occasions about the growing tension between them but the school not once attempted to contact us. So the situation came to a head on the school bus with the other kid making a threat against boy. Bus driver overhead the threat and witnessed boy ignoring other kid - the bus driver has written the other kid up and he’ll be permanently kicked off the buss. As far as the actual fight, the other kid was the aggressor, he entered boy’s 1st period class with two friends and confronted boy. Two friends blocked doors so no one could exit. The other kid shoved boy - boy shoved back - other kid swung and hit boy - boy swung and hit other kid knocking him to the floor. This is the not so good part - when the fight was broken up boy had the other kid pinned to the ground pummeling him. The other kid is a good foot taller than boy and over sixty pounds heaver than boy. The first teacher to arrive to break up the fight was the football coach - he made a comment to boy that he should play football. Even the VP told me “you know how big the other kid is.” I don’t know if we’ll be able to get the suspension withdrawn - my husband and I have a meeting with the school administrators this afternoon.

 

[nachomama]

Masey - sounds to me you have a couple defenses here of your own:

1 - this was an ongoing thing and although Boy never said anything to you about it, the school has talked to him 3 times - and they NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO YOU EITHER. They dropped the ball.
2 - Bus driver confirms that Boy ignored other kid on the bus.
3 - Other kid came into Boy's classroom - kind of a form of tresspassing AND skipping - he wasn't where he was supposed to be at the time.
4 - Other kid had backup - what about the kids who blocked the door? Any punishment for them?
5 - Other kid is bigger than Boy but Boy had the upperhand at the time the teacher FINALLY came in - See 3 & 4, that gives him reason to defend himself, ESPECIALLY since the TEACHER wasn't even in the classroom like they were supposed to be.

What does the VP mean by "you know how big the other kid is"? That right there should tell you that most people, with any common sense, aren't going to pick a fight with someone that much bigger than them. Not to mention the fact that the boy was in a classroom he didn't belong!

I'd fight with everything I had girl!

 

[Masey]

Masey - sounds to me you have a couple defenses here of your own:

1 - this was an ongoing thing and although Boy never said anything to you about it, the school has talked to him 3 times - and they NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO YOU EITHER. They dropped the ball.
2 - Bus driver confirms that Boy ignored other kid on the bus.
3 - Other kid came into Boy's classroom - kind of a form of tresspassing AND skipping - he wasn't where he was supposed to be at the time.
4 - Other kid had backup - what about the kids who blocked the door? Any punishment for them?
5 - Other kid is bigger than Boy but Boy had the upperhand at the time the teacher FINALLY came in - See 3 & 4, that gives him reason to defend himself, ESPECIALLY since the TEACHER wasn't even in the classroom like they were supposed to be.

What does the VP mean by "you know how big the other kid is"? That right there should tell you that most people, with any common sense, aren't going to pick a fight with someone that much bigger than them. Not to mention the fact that the boy was in a classroom he didn't belong!

I'd fight with everything I had girl!

Our letter of appeal actually mentions each point you have raised - except for number 5....do you think I should point out the size difference between the two? I still have time to modify our appeal letter because our meeting isn't until this afternoon.

We have no idea what has happend to the other boys punishment wise - the school can't tell us because of privacy rights.

 

[nachomama]

Privacy rights?! Puleez, they were part of a conspiracy to get your child beat up. And besides, I'm sure his "privacy rights" will not even be thought about today when the rest of the school is talking about it! What school? I have kids at CHS...

I don't think using #5 as a talking point would hurt, I mean, if there's that big of a size difference and you throw in the other factors, I would hope that it would help justify your request to have it overturned.

 

[Pete]

School systems have created a flock of sheep in which the wolves feed off. Tell them your kid is not a sheep and wont sit home for 5 days for exercising his right to defend himself.

 

[Oz]

What happened to work hard and be nice?

 

[Magnum]

I agree with this. Unfortunately there may be no other playmates available in the neighborhood.

I grew up without playmates. I had fun alone, building forts climbing trees. No one lived near me only time I saw other kids is when my cousins came over. I guess I was brought up in a different time, Go to school work hard get good grades, go home do homework then go play in the woods. When I was young I always wondered what it would be like to live near people and have a friend next door, I look back and I am thankful for where and how I was raised.

 

[kom526]

What happened to work hard and be nice?

 

[Mikeinsmd]

Boys dad made sure he knows to defend himself...why is it that fathers don't want their boys to walk away from a fight?

Afraid they'll grow up to become democrats? :shrug:

 

[crabcake]

Afraid they'll grow up to become democrats? :shrug:

Momma's don't let your babies grow up to be liberals ...

 

[SouthernMdRocks]

Exactly - I asked about witnesses and if any investigative work had been done. The VP said no because there was testing going on today so they couldn't question other students yet.

I say he has ever right to defend himself..Big time appeal.

 

[nitwhit3286]

Masey I honestly think you should talk to your son. Ask him how school is and have these other children harrassed him before now. Maybe this was just when the shiat hit the fan and these boys decided to gang up on yours. I really wouldn't try to press the issue with the school. The boy did what he thought was right and fought back. Good for him. I just got out of high school 2 years ago. I can tell you from my experience...that whenever I saw a fight I saw both parties fighting, not just one. Word gets around so quick about fights, who was in the fight who won..who was the puss. I don't want your son being harrassed even more at school because you are trying to press the issue at school. I knowyou have seen those lifetime movies....they are true!!

 

[Tonio]

Is anyone else picturing Tonio curling into a fetal position after stumbling onto this thread...

In middle school I used to punch kids who laughed at me or said rude things to me. I thought this would convince the others to leave me alone, like Harry Truman ordering the atomic bombing of Hiroshima to scare Japan into surrendering. In fact, one time I punched a boy who was really giving me a hard time. My gym teacher saw the incident, and said he deserved it and I did the right thing. But my parents told me I was bringing the mistreatment on myself.

 

[LexiGirl75]

I think if your son was getting into fist fights at the age of 6 and got jumped by a group of kids at the age of 8, that you need to stop letting your kids play with thugs. (that's the way I'd handle it). No you can't let them come crying to mommy all the time but a 6 year old shouldn't even be put in that situation to begin with.

You know I use to feel that same way and then I realized keeping him from going outside to play is punishing him. So then I would just tell him certain children to play with but the ones that keep stuff going are always coming to play with him when he is outside. So the most I could do is encourage him to hold his own and if it escalates to what he can't handle then to come with me.

I would rather for him to learn now about self-defense so that his confidence builds by the time he is in middle school and high school. I am still looking for children's boxing classes but the closest ones are in DC.

 

[Masey]

Well, absolutely no decision was made yesterday - with any luck I'll hear something today. All the principal did was accept our letter of appeal - she wouldn't even discuss the situation with us because while all the reports and evidence collected concerning the fight were on her desk, she has not had time to review them. I plan on calling the school every hour today "the squeaky wheel gets oiled" theory!