Brothers kids call me by my first name.

[BlueBird]

Ever since my niece and nephew were old enough to speak my brother has taught them to call all of their aunts and uncles by their first names. I find this disrespectful and have addressed it with him. Nothing has changed and I don't get it. all thoughts are welcome. obviously I don't appreciate them calling me by first name and need some advice.

 

[DEEKAYPEE8569]

Ever since my niece and nephew were old enough to speak my brother has taught them to call all of their aunts and uncles by their first names. I find this disrespectful and have addressed it with him. Nothing has changed and I don't get it. all thoughts are welcome. obviously I don't appreciate them calling me by first name and need some advice.

I would be more concerned if my own children called me by my first name. "Uncle" or "Aunt" etc. is a title; like Mr. or Mrs..
That being said, my own Nieces and Nephews call me "Uncle D."

 

[BlueBird]

I would be more concerned if my own children called me by my first name. "Uncle" or "Aunt" etc. is a title; like Mr. or Mrs..
That being said, my own Nieces and Nephews call me "Uncle D."

Is it disrespectful? I think it is. My kids would never call an aunt or uncle by their first name or any adult by their first name. I need to know how to deal with this because its making me want to have nothing to do with them.

 

[2BRN2B]

Is it disrespectful? I think it is. My kids would never call an aunt or uncle by their first name or any othe r adult by their first name. I need to know how to deal with this because its making me want to have nothing to do with them.

Of course it's not disrespectful. Do they call you bitch or ####er or ####? Those things are disrespectful. Do they do drugs, steal, riot in the streets? Those things may cause one to have "nothing to do with them". But using your first name? Give me a break. Are they at least kind, make conversation, polite?

Why not be thankful they have anything to do with you and enjoy the time together?

 

[Larry Gude]

Is it disrespectful? I think it is. My kids would never call an aunt or uncle by their first name or any adult by their first name. I need to know how to deal with this because its making me want to have nothing to do with them.

Why does this bother you? You told your brother you don't like it and he, apparently, is more concerned with how he wants to raise his kids than how you think he should. Does he mean his kids to be disrespectful of you by addressing you by your...name? Are you a good uncle who plays with them in an uncle type fashion? Take them fishing? Go play putt putt? Hang out? Do you really want to be that stuffy uncle that the kids don't want to have anything to do with because you're more concerned with titles and what you think proper in terms of titles than the fun uncle who is part of their development in other areas?

I'm just asking. Maybe they're holy terrors and are ill mannered all the way around? You don't have to subject yourselves to kids who are taught to not respect you at all. However, an uncle can go a LONG way in the development of a kid. Ideally, they will benefit from your involvement including explaining to them why you think what you think about the proper title thing.

What is brothers reasoning and does it ring true to you? Are they good kids and your brother simply likes the informality of it?

I guess, in my view, if they're good kids and you're hung up on titles that's one thing. If they're not, that's another. But, still, you can play a role in their lives if you want to.

 

[Bann]

My advice: I don't think it rises to the level of being something to get worked up over.

 

[Larry Gude]

My advice: I don't think it rises to the level of being something to get worked up over.

But, he is. That it is making him feel like wanting to have nothing to do with his niece and nephew, that's a problem worth addressing, I think. So, what is the rest of the picture? He's either the kind of person who gets worked up over silly stuff and would rather not have anything to do with good kids and, therefore, that's probably better for the kids or, there are other issues as well in which case the kids would probably benefit from having a good uncle around or somewhere in between. That's he's asking about it is the indicator, to me, that it's worth discussing and, maybe, getting worked up over.

 

[BOP]

To you, it may be silly, Larry; to the OP, it's clearly not. They're being disrespected by children, and doubly disrespected by their own brother. For children to call an adult by his or her first name effectively puts the child on par with the adult without the experience, and the knowledge and wisdom that comes from having lived one's life. That's the theory, anyway. Clearly many people in this country have not moved beyond, or have regressed to childhood.

Not only that, but the brother is NOT teaching his children to respect others, and at the same time IS teaching them to disregard the feelings of others. The deeper issue to me is the lack of respect the brother has to the OP.

 

[Larry Gude]

To you, it may be silly, Larry; to the OP, it's clearly not. They're being disrespected by children, and doubly disrespected by their own brother. For children to call an adult by his or her first name effectively puts the child on par with the adult without the experience, and the knowledge and wisdom that comes from having lived one's life. That's the theory, anyway. Clearly many people in this country have not moved beyond, or have regressed to childhood.

Not only that, but the brother is NOT teaching his children to respect others, and at the same time IS teaching them to disregard the feelings of others. The deeper issue to me is the lack of respect the brother has to the OP.

It's not silly to me if there are other issues.

My intent was to ask and find out if it is JUST the title thing or more to it, as I have also known people far more concerned with manners than other stuff. They'd enjoy dinner with the devil if he had good manners.

I've known some kids who were taught to call adults by their name from day one and are good, respectful adults and were good kids, too.

So, I don't mean to be biased one way or the others. Just asking.

 

[2BRN2B]

To you, it may be silly, Larry; to the OP, it's clearly not. They're being disrespected by children, and doubly disrespected by their own brother. For children to call an adult by his or her first name effectively puts the child on par with the adult without the experience, and the knowledge and wisdom that comes from having lived one's life. That's the theory, anyway. Clearly many people in this country have not moved beyond, or have regressed to childhood.

Not only that, but the brother is NOT teaching his children to respect others, and at the same time IS teaching them to disregard the feelings of others. The deeper issue to me is the lack of respect the brother has to the OP.

It's short sided to think the brother is being disrespectful because of how he is raising his kids.

Your statement implies that respect would be the brother doing what his sister asked, correct? You get the fallacy of that thought don't you? You don't think it's disrespectful for a sister to say she wants nothing to do with her brother's children because they call her by her name? If only "respect" was that easy.

Get over it. Be thankful for family.

 

[2BRN2B]

And, why is it if one had strong feelings about something everyone else must accommodate it? THAT is childish.

 

[Larry Gude]

And, why is it if one had strong feelings about something everyone else must accommodate it? THAT is childish.

But, doesn't that depend on WHAT and WHY? I mean, I get the 'respect your elders' thing but, there are a lot elders that are not worthy of respect. Age itself should never be the measure. So, I am interested in the brother, his motivations and how things are in general. I can see this being a petty brother/brother tiff. I can see this being something more. What I can't see is the one size fits all everyone MUST address everyone 'properly' as per Ms. Manners rules.

There is just too much culture that says otherwise. There is a great song "The Devil came to dinner' and it address this; some people don't want to eat with angels because they have 'poor' manners and are excited over dinner with the devil because his manners are impeccable.

 

[Bobwhite]

I was raised by my mother's sister. I was never told to call her Aunt Julie. I always called her Julie. Julie had two children of her own and all of us always called my mother's siblings by their first names. I can tell you that I never had a doubt about who was in charge.

Respect is something that is earned, not gained by the use of a title.

There is a man living a couple of hours up the road who has a very well know title and I have absolutely no respect for him.

 

[rhenderson]

I don't think either the OP or the brother are 100% correct in this one.

Obviously the OP was raised to use the titles. I suspect the OP had a special feeling for one or more of their aunts/uncles which they want to replicate with their brother's children. First names are friends - Aunts/Uncles are family.

The brother should be teaching his children to address family members in the manner that each member prefers (within reason). Ignoring the OP's preference is disrespect by the brother.

I recommend that the OP inform the brother that they intend to ask the children to use the correct title. When asking the children to use the title, there will be a good opportunity to discuss the concepts of family relationships and the "special" bonds that may exist within a family

 

[Bann]

But, he is. That it is making him feel like wanting to have nothing to do with his niece and nephew, that's a problem worth addressing, I think. So, what is the rest of the picture? He's either the kind of person who gets worked up over silly stuff and would rather not have anything to do with good kids and, therefore, that's probably better for the kids or, there are other issues as well in which case the kids would probably benefit from having a good uncle around or somewhere in between. That's he's asking about it is the indicator, to me, that it's worth discussing and, maybe, getting worked up over.

I get all your points, but the OP didn't give a lot of details other than he thinks it's disrespectful and thinks it may be affecting his relationship with them.

Instead of letting it get to him, maybe he can just greet the children with "HI! Susie and Johnny! Uncle Bluebird loves you, come give Uncle Bluebird a hug." (or other similar greetings and salutations)

Addressing himself to the children will let them know his "title" and maybe hey will start calling him by that. I would think that would be almost natural with children to do that.

 

[MMDad]

You called them your "brother's kids" not your nieces and nephews. Respect is a two way street. If you respect them they might return it.

 

[vraiblonde]

Ever since my niece and nephew were old enough to speak my brother has taught them to call all of their aunts and uncles by their first names. I find this disrespectful and have addressed it with him. Nothing has changed and I don't get it. all thoughts are welcome. obviously I don't appreciate them calling me by first name and need some advice.

I don't understand. Are they supposed to call you Mr. Bird?

 

[luvmygdaughters]

The way my sisters and I were raised, you called your parents brothers and sister by Aunt____ or Uncle____, you never called them by their first name without the aunt or uncle in front of it. I raised my two daughters the same way. To this day I still address my Aunts and Uncles as such. So do my daughters. Any adult that is not related to you is to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs. ____. It is a matter of respect, in my humble opinion.

 

[Rommey]

Our kids and our friend's kids were all taught to address adults by their first name as long as it was preceded by "Miss" or "Mister" (in fact these fully grown children still call those adults from their childhood that same way). And they all call their relatives by their relation-name (i.e., Grandma, Aunt Susan, etc.).

To the OP: if it bothers you and you have addressed the issue with their parent (i.e., your brother), then maybe talk to the kids directly and tell them how you would like to be addressed. If they all can't or won't call you in a manner that you desire, then you can accept that or not be part of their lives as much.

 

[musiclady]

You've talked with your brother who is not going to help you. I'd go to the source and tell the kids to call you Uncle ... Every time you hear them call you by your first name, tell them you'd like it if they call you Uncle.