JULZ
BFJ
Shouldn't you direct your anger toward your wife?
Could you forgive your cheating spouse?
- Thread starter HappyMOM
- Start date
Shouldn't you direct your anger toward your wife?
MMDad
Lem Putt
The spouse made a promise before everyone present at their wedding (and God if you are a believer).The "other person" never promised they wouldn't cheat.
The "other person" never promised they wouldn't cheat.
Ok but then it goes deeper than that ,depending on the vows you also say to love honor ...etc,if there is no love ...of whatever kind who is at fault?
JULZ
BFJ
MMDad
Lem Putt
If there's no love, why would you stay in a marriage?
It's pretty easy: if you aren't getting what you need out of your marriage, end the marriage before you go hunting for some strange.
Who knows why people stay in a loveless marrage but all I'm saying is that it take 2 and it takes communication....in a lot of the marriages we've seen go wrong there was none and people just blame each other!
greeneyes36
New Member
I loved my husband and he loved me... watching him sign the separation/divorce papers that morning in court broke my heart... but i tried for years to deal with the drinking. Just couldnt do it anymore and I couldnt give him the "support" he needed. He wouldnt quit and wouldnt seek counseling of any sort. Sometimes you cant stand by someone that wont stand by themselves. The affair was a by-product of the alcohol and the life it was for him. I know in my heart that he wouldnt have done that w/out the drinking. She accepts the drinking and partakes in that lifestyle. Something i was never a part of with him. I do think to this day he loves me. very sad but like i said before, i've forgiven him and her for what they did to our family. It was not her fault. and He was my best of the best for many many years... my ONLY complaint was the alcohol... he was the love of my life...and i was his. but the alcohol won.
W
wkndbeacher
Guest
Im sorry to hear about that. I hope you find someone that doesnt abuse alcohol and loves you for you.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
theArtistFormerlyKnownAs
Well-Known Member
This folks, is the reason people stay in loveless relationships. Even this case, where there MAY have been love...the husband loved something MORE than the wife. Good on wife for TRYING to stick by him, but is it really worth it if he does not love you more than a liquid poison? I am all for indulging in alcohol (and other things) for pleasure, but when it becomes a burden on your family/friends/self then you have a problem. If he loved alcohol more than you, there was little reason to be in the relationship :shrug:.
greeneyes36
New Member
Exactly. Grant it, I was no saint.. none of us are. But he knew i loved him and would be home when he eventually got there. My little girls are the light of my life - and i tried longer than i should have to stick it out. i realize that now. if i'd made my move way back when, my oldest wouldve been too little to realize and know all that she does. she wouldve been the age of my youngest - 4 - while she's very smart and has quite a bit figured out, she doesnt have near the issues of the divorce as my oldest. that is my only regret... that waiting and hoping for change has just made it harder on her. but a friend of his once told me - if you can walk away and not look back and not cry, you're ready to leave. until then, you're not. while i've cried my share since he walked out the door, i do not regret putting an end to it by filing for divorce. Our divorce was fairly simple - i gave up his retirement money (BIG bucks too) to keep our house and not have to move my kids. I love him for who he is - even as much as i should hate the crap out of him - i can't. my kids would eventually see all of that and what good would that be for their life. they know i love him as their dad. they know i care about his well being and theirs. it's a VERY UNIQUE relationship at this point. but it's a lot of hard work to keep from letting all the mud get in the waters. i want him to be on his best for the kids - sometimes i get disappointed - but for the most part, he's awesome with the girls. It sucks for them to have to go back and forth, but living in a home diseased with alcoholism would suck worse. Onward for a better life. When he has them - 1-2 evenings during the week and every other weekend - and any time in between he wants to see them, he's doing great things emotionally for them. and it's good for him too. if he's with them, he's not drinking. sounds like a win-win to me 
theArtistFormerlyKnownAs
Well-Known Member
Exactly. Grant it, I was no saint.. none of us are. But he knew i loved him and would be home when he eventually got there. My little girls are the light of my life - and i tried longer than i should have to stick it out. i realize that now. if i'd made my move way back when, my oldest wouldve been too little to realize and know all that she does. she wouldve been the age of my youngest - 4 - while she's very smart and has quite a bit figured out, she doesnt have near the issues of the divorce as my oldest. that is my only regret... that waiting and hoping for change has just made it harder on her. but a friend of his once told me - if you can walk away and not look back and not cry, you're ready to leave. until then, you're not. while i've cried my share since he walked out the door, i do not regret putting an end to it by filing for divorce. Our divorce was fairly simple - i gave up his retirement money (BIG bucks too) to keep our house and not have to move my kids. I love him for who he is - even as much as i should hate the crap out of him - i can't. my kids would eventually see all of that and what good would that be for their life. they know i love him as their dad. they know i care about his well being and theirs. it's a VERY UNIQUE relationship at this point. but it's a lot of hard work to keep from letting all the mud get in the waters. i want him to be on his best for the kids - sometimes i get disappointed - but for the most part, he's awesome with the girls. It sucks for them to have to go back and forth, but living in a home diseased with alcoholism would suck worse. Onward for a better life. When he has them - 1-2 evenings during the week and every other weekend - and any time in between he wants to see them, he's doing great things emotionally for them. and it's good for him too. if he's with them, he's not drinking. sounds like a win-win to me
Sounds like it all worked out. Staying together ISN'T always the best option. If a situation occurs (like this one) then sometimes its better to move on, but still be a part of eachother's life if it is possible. Granddad and Grandma seperated for the same reason but stayed friends until he passed. I think grandma still loved him more than she does her current husband (honestly it seems like it is totally a money thing
...they both know the other has money and I think they are trying to outlive eachother...but thats just my opinion 
).
MMDad
Lem Putt
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Larry Gude
Strung Out
greeneyes36
New Member
standing with his girlfriend at the ballfields watching my oldest play ball was the test of time last fall...but i didnt have that urge to choke the living crap out of her -- THAT's when i knew i'd finally honestly forgiven them. She knew my kids and I before she ran around with him the 1st time back in 2004. And she certainly knew us when she continued their relationship again in 2005/2006 before we were separated again. But being able to talk to her in person and not have that adrenaline rush was truly AMAZING. i felt HEALED!! LOL. he on the other was steady smoking those cigs at the back of the field... nervous as ever obviously. I was once considered a fighter when it came to saving what was mine...(and he knew that). i've grown alot from experiencing all of this that's for sure... and i know that there is something and someone better out there for me. We've all been in the same place at the same time on numerous occasions now and the odd thing is i'm not at all phased by her presence anymore. It was weird in the fall, but now it's not even "weird" anymore. Time does heal all wounds. Hugging her to thank her for coming to a christmas event for my kids i think sent them both into shock, but hey, it's who i am. THe look on both of their faces was priceless though
MMDad
Lem Putt
...we used to. First, we get undressed...
I hope you have unlimited calling for that.