Dates with an ex lover

acommondisaster

acommondisaster

Active Member
Dakota said:
Okay, here is the deal. Man goes out on dates with a women he used to have sex with but is involved with somebody else. He says they are 'just friends,' and claims to be happy with his S.O.

How would you feel if you were the women the man was now involved with? Men, how would you feel if your girlfriend was having dinner/lunch dates and doing things with somebody they used to have sex with?

My husband and I tend to agree in opinion on this but we were out with some others who had a difference of opinion so I'm curious what the majority stands on this issue.


Originally deleted from Parenting and Children... need more coffee :doh:
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If he's making the "we're just friends" claim, then it sounds like it must bother the new SO. If it bothers her, he should respect her wishes and stop going on DATES with another woman, especially if it's an old girlfriend. If he wants to see the old GF, and they're "just friends", he should be taking the SO along. Is he hiding text messages? Emails? or can the SO see them whenever he and the old gf are in contact?

For crying out loud, there are enough people in this world that if you break up with someone, you can find other people to hang out with and not depend on the old boyfriend for "lunch dates". And if they have mutual friends that they both still keep in contact with, that should be when they see each other.

Ex-spouses and offspring are a different story, and ideally, they get along well enough to be able to deal with the kid things together, and a new SO should encourage a good relationship between them.
 
I

inkah

Active Member
Dakota said:
I’m going to bring up a taboo…. Something a few of my middle-aged girlfriends have talked to me about…. According to them, their upper 40 and 50 year old husbands cannot seem to hold out in the bedroom leaving them feeling as if they have lost their luster. I don't think they would want to share what little tid bits they get with another women. I hear men say how wonderful this would be but really??? Can they keep that up as they get older?

And women in other cultures put up with that because it is the norm.
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I don't know... I am slightly more inclined to think he has just used it up elsewhere....
 
Dakota

Dakota

~~~~~~~
I've been real busy lately but the verdict in this conversation was that we personally didn't think it was a good idea to hang out with another who has seen your ecstasy face unless it was for the children. :jet:
 
Radiant1

Radiant1

Soul Probe
vraiblonde said:
I'm good friends with men I used to date but I'm very careful not to stomp on their girlfriend's toes.
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And that's the way it should be. If you're an ex, act like it and be respectful of your ex's current relationship.

ZARA said:
Ex-girlfriends & boyfriends- Need to stay in the past. I have yet to meet one that has not attempted to weasel their way back in. If they are Ex's why do they feel the need to stick around and linger? It's time for them to move on with their lives. Just My Opinion.
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:dingding:

Dakota said:
I've been real busy lately but the verdict in this conversation was that we personally didn't think it was a good idea to hang out with another who has seen your ecstasy face unless it was for the children. :jet:
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:clap: Good conclusion!

Of course it's possible to be friendly with your ex-lover, but there's always going to be some small emotional tie or memory attached; therefore, I conclude that ex-lovers are just that and not "just friends".

My man is on friendly terms with his ex-lover, and that would be fine with me except she NEVER discusses me or the kids whom are a large part of his life, which is what friends do. Instead, she will say things like, "I went through old pictures last night, we were great together!" "Are you sure you're doing ok? If you ever need me you have my digits." These are not the conversations of a friend, but rather an ex-lover, and it's because of this that I have a problem with her.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Radiant1 said:
My man is on friendly terms with his ex-lover, and that would be fine with me except she NEVER discusses me or the kids whom are a large part of his life, which is what friends do. Instead, she will say things like, "I went through old pictures last night, we were great together!" "Are you sure you're doing ok? If you ever need me you have my digits." These are not the conversations of a friend, but rather an ex-lover, and it's because of this that I have a problem with her.
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I would want to smack her in the jaw.

See, there's the difference. She's clearly coming on to him and I wouldn't like that, either.
 
ZARA

ZARA

Registered User

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Radiant1

Radiant1

Soul Probe
vraiblonde said:
I would want to smack her in the jaw.

See, there's the difference. She's clearly coming on to him and I wouldn't like that, either.
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ZARA said:
Smack..no...that's a punch to the solar plexis and throat.
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She was mildly annoying until she decided to send him pics of herself on his birthday. She had already crossed the line as far as I was concerned, but that was a huge leap. I didn't want to just smack her in the jaw or punch her in the solar plexus, I was thinking more in terms of slicing and dicing her to tiny pieces with a very sharp machete.

It was at that point that I took my chances and threw the gauntlet down. I explained to J why I was bothered, and it was either a "friendship" with her or a long-term relationship with me because the two of us were NOT going to co-exist in his life. He chose me, he's a smart man. :biggrin:
 
RareBreed

RareBreed

Throwing the deuces
Back in late 2000, I was about 9 months pregnant with our first son. My husband comes home and tells me that he received an email at work (supposedly a secret government email address that nobody should be able to get off the internet) from the woman he dated before me. She wanted him to contact her. They only dated 2 years and hadn't seen or spoken to each other in 6 years when she emailed him out of the blue. My husband wrote back to her and told her that he was married and expecting his first child. She never wrote back. I'm positive she was testing the waters out even though she was married with at least one kid herself.
 
ZARA

ZARA

Registered User
Radiant1 said:
She was mildly annoying until she decided to send him pics of herself on his birthday. She had already crossed the line as far as I was concerned, but that was a huge leap. I didn't want to just smack her in the jaw or punch her in the solar plexus, I was thinking more in terms of slicing and dicing her to tiny pieces with a very sharp machete.

It was at that point that I took my chances and threw the gauntlet down. I explained to J why I was bothered, and it was either a "friendship" with her or a long-term relationship with me because the two of us were NOT going to co-exist in his life. He chose me, he's a smart man. :biggrin:
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You are a woman after my own heart. :buddies:

RareBreed said:
Back in late 2000, I was about 9 months pregnant with our first son. My husband comes home and tells me that he received an email at work (supposedly a secret government email address that nobody should be able to get off the internet) from the woman he dated before me. She wanted him to contact her. They only dated 2 years and hadn't seen or spoken to each other in 6 years when she emailed him out of the blue. My husband wrote back to her and told her that he was married and expecting his first child. She never wrote back. I'm positive she was testing the waters out even though she was married with at least one kid herself.
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I ran into this issue myself except it was a phone call. Told my Beloved, "How would you feel and What would you do if I were in your shoes and you were in mine right now?" That's all I had to say. Haven't heard from her since. And when we go home to visit family, hubs does not go to places where we might run into her.

Wise choice.
 
Monello

Monello

Smarter than the average bear
PREMO Member
1 (or both) are secretly hoping to get lucky. Yes some times lightening does strike twice.
 
Bann

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
vraiblonde said:
I would want to smack her in the jaw.

See, there's the difference. She's clearly coming on to him and I wouldn't like that, either.
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:yay: My exact thought when I read radiant's post was - I'd like to cut her!
 
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