jetmonkey
New Member
I'm not sure; I don't watch porn :shrug:
Dear Abby: My wife used to.....
- Thread starter Misfit
- Start date
I'm not sure; I don't watch porn :shrug:
kwillia
n/a
Larry. The fact is he can take his "things he doesn't want known" to his grave thus she can indeed live in blissful ignorance of these things for the rest of her life. But no mather how much she never wanted this part of her life known, she could NOT take it to her grave thus leaving him to live in blissful ignorance for the rest of his life. She chose to make porn for public consumption and that means the odds were that someone would tell him. She was wrong for keeping something that she knew WASN'T secret a secret from him.
She made a choice to put her ####fest on pay-per-view display and by doing so she chose to live with the fact that folks she sees now in her grown up day to to day life have access to something a lot of people feel is private. By her not telling him upfront she took his opportunity to make the conscious choice away from him. Had she been upfront about it and he chose to continue the relationship he would have relinquished his rights to be upset when his buddies wink 'n elbow each other when she walks in the room. He should have been given the opportunity to mull it over and decide is this was something he could live with or did he have to walk away before he jumped into a fully committed relationship. Period.
Dakota
~~~~~~~
What if you were dating a person that used to be in the Mofia??? You all are saying you wouldn't want to know because it was before you?
I just think there should be no secrets like that and being a previous porn person seems rather important. I'm sure the question of "where have you worked" has come up. That seems so basic.
I just think there should be no secrets like that and being a previous porn person seems rather important. I'm sure the question of "where have you worked" has come up. That seems so basic.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
I agree and that is how I would have looked at it. Period.
And, having said that, I would not be saying "We have a great relationship and trust her completely". Period.
Nor would I be saying "I have things I would never tell anyone." Period.
However, HE said those very things and either we take him at face value that he means it or we go off in pursuit of what he didn't say. Madness that way lies.
Period.
stockgirl
Stocki
kwillia
n/a
"Period"s are so powerful...I agree and that is how I would have looked at it. Period.
And, having said that, I would not be saying "We have a great relationship and trust her completely". Period.
Nor would I be saying "I have things I would never tell anyone." Period.
However, HE said those very things and either we take him at face value that he means it or we go off in pursuit of what he didn't say. Madness that way lies.
Period.
Dakota
~~~~~~~
I agree and that is how I would have looked at it. Period.
And, having said that, I would not be saying "We have a great relationship and trust her completely". Period.
Nor would I be saying "I have things I would never tell anyone." Period.
However, HE said those very things and either we take him at face value that he means it or we go off in pursuit of what he didn't say. Madness that way lies.
Period.
I get what you are saying. He did say he trusted her completely and that he has things he hasn't told anyone.... How he can feel that way is beyond me. I'd feel somewhat betrayed in a sense that she didn't tell me that sooner.
"Period"s are so powerful...
Not as powerful as cramps.
stockgirl
Stocki
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Exactly. If the Dear Abby writer has his own secrets that he isn't sharing with his wife, then it's not about Her "dishonesty" Vrai. It's about his insecurities.
If you are in a good relationship, which the idiot says he is in, then he should not be worrying about what happened before "he" came into the picture.un:
You are a wise and learned person who forms opinion based on the facts you are presented with.
I can think he is full of #### and did not have a great relationship nor trust her completely before this but, where does that go? He's not even real and is just an assistant making #### up to write about? :shrug:
Dakota
~~~~~~~
You are a wise and learned person who forms opinion based on the facts you are presented with.
I can think he is full of #### and did not have a great relationship nor trust her completely before this but, where does that go? He's not even real and is just an assistant making #### up to write about? :shrug:
Yep... just sounds like bullchit but I'm bored. 
Larry Gude
Strung Out
"Period"s are so powerful...
Yes. They make a point. They have the power to end sentences. To convey meaning...to express all manner of. But. When use.d im.properl.y they just hu.r.t.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Yup. So, therein lies the answer to his question; he has chosen to not tell her certain things, judging them not worth mentioning, or too afraid or embarrassed to, or whatever but, thereby making it impossible for HER to make an informed decision. So, all he has to do is consider that he didn't want her to worry about X so, that's all she did. If his 'secrets' didn't prevent him from fully loving and trusting her, maybe hers shouldn't prevent him.
:shrug:
kwillia
n/a
But her secret is NOT secret... it is available for public consumption. I truly believe that makes a huge difference.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Right but, that's how these things are; either you start with 'bull####!' and don't bother or, for the sake of entertainment, take it at face value. Or, write ones own 'Dear Abbey' to suit how you may view a given issue.
Again, once you leave the premise that they are being honest about the important parts of the story, the whole thing is gone. Setting all that aside, it's not hard for me to believe that the woman was mortified about that time in her life and, given the nature of porn where the shear volume of it makes it possible, if not probable, that he'd never find out, and that she'd hope to leave that all behind, find true happiness with a man she grew to love and honor and cherish forever, just be happy. And, worst case, if her ever did find out, he'd love her so much, be so happy and so trusting about everything in THEIR life together that it just wouldn't matter.
:shrug:
stockgirl
Stocki
Yeah, yeah, and I should go back to my romance novels and battery operated boyfriend.
Pardon me if I take you all's relationship advice with a grain of salt....I think "I was a porn star and made 10 or 20 movies" is an important piece of information with regard to one's significant other. Honesty is important to me. Your mileage may vary.