Disrespect

[vraiblonde]

It's a "funny" feeling

Though I'm sure it was nothing like you are feeling, but I even felt that way when my car was broken into, not once but twice. Having the police at your door at 3am because your doors are wide open and your personal belongings strewn about is unsettling.

It's the same feeling on maybe a different scale. Now imagine being personally violated and how that changes you.

That's why it's so infuriating when someone takes up for a criminal and insists that they're not really a bad person, that they just made some "mistakes". Yes, they are a bad person, and they cause more damage than people realize.

 

[Dakota]

Addiction is an incurable disease,

I don't like hearing that and I have heard it before. I think addiction is a manageable problem. Both my parents drank in excess when I was growing up and I won't post details but to say my parents were bi-polar drinkers - going from happy, party-like to ragging a-holes, fighting, dragging me out of bed at 2-3 a.m. to clean the house or just to beat me. DSS did visit our house a few times if that gives you any indication that the problems were seen and noticed by those outside the home. Complaints were made by the neighbors and the school. My gma wondered how I could forgive my father and well, I just did. He's a changed man but she never seem to hold her daughter (my mother) accountable for her role in those earlier, horrible days. I never spoke poorly about my mother to my gma (she was her only child) and it was difficult when she would speak about my mother like she was a saint. It wasn't until my gma died that I finally answered some questions my sister had because I wouldn't answer them while gma was alive. Mom died when she was 12 years old. You cannot change what that person put you or others through and when they are dead, you no longer have that option for reconciliation... it just is what it is... and you have to rise above that and move on. In my younger years, I found myself more focused on those who treatment me poorly rather than those relationships that are positive... something children of addicts tend to do. I had to break that cycle for numerous reasons and did.

I have no clue who Hoover or what Hoover was talking about when she started this thread but over the years, I have seen comments about addicts who died that may seem mean to outsiders looking in... and the article I posted was something I saw recently that was an example of what she posted about in her 1st posting.

 

[mamatutu]

Nice post

Tutu said in one post that stolen things can be replaced, and that's true. What cannot be replaced is the fear and sleepless nights caused by the robbery. When my house was robbed, replacing what was taken took a couple of days. But I dozed on my couch for the first two weeks after because I was afraid to be in my bedroom where I couldn't hear someone break in. I was afraid to leave my house for fear someone would break in while I was gone. Two and a half years later, it still affects me and I still feel a low-level dread.

So thieves take much more than money and a few items. And that was just a robbery, not a death or physical assault. Like Bilbur said, they are crimes - not mistakes.

You are right. This has been a good thread, and causes one to think. I get the feeling violated concept. My house was broken into 25 years ago in Montgomery County, and it took me a long time to get over that. We think it was the local movers we had used, but could never prove it. Today, when my husband goes out of town, I sleep on the couch, so I can "hear". We should respect the family of the deceased, but I totally understand why that doesn't change how the living feel, that were harmed by the deceased. Just because the person died doesn't erase the damage done. It is always good to get more perspective.

 

[kwillia]

It's a "funny" feeling

Though I'm sure it was nothing like you are feeling, but I even felt that way when my car was broken into, not once but twice. Having the police at your door at 3am because your doors are wide open and your personal belongings strewn about is unsettling. It happened to also be not long after I had my second child and I was particularly forgetful. I had my camcorder in my glove box, and i forgot to take it out. I didn't often take video, so a tape would last a long time. I lost 2 tapes of the kids, and that can never be replaced. It still bothers me to this day. They could have left the tapes.

Another time someone stole a case of beer from our garage fridge in broad daylight. I did not report it, and when I mentioned it to the police during the car incident they said that's a mistake and that people often escalate their actions. I had no idea that it was actually a felony.

See... B & E of a car or house isn't considered a violent crime so there are folks who believe these "petty" thieves should be left to roam the streets and that only violent criminals should be in jail. After all, they aren't hurting any people so they aren't all that bad right?

 

[acommondisaster]

And this is where you're wrong. To the victim, they matter very much... They didn't matter when they were robbed. They didn't matter when they found drugs on their property that the addict put there without concern of them losing it to forfeiture. They didn't matter when lost a loved one years before to somebody else"s callous act.

I didn't matter to you or your little eff up before but I'm gonna make sure you know the FULL EXTENT of the damage your little eff up has done in life...

Some of us, who might be harboring some sort of long term hate or pain call this closure...it's kinda necessary to move on in life

I guess you didn't really understand my context. I meant it in the OP's context - it's one thing to be affected by someone's actions, it's another thing for a thread about someone dying to turn into a pile-on for everyone. I've seen threads here about people who were nothing more than bad drivers turn into "he deserved to die, the way he cut over into that lane" sort of thing.

I don't think there's anyone who reads these forums that will deny that there's a penchant for feeding frenzies when there's an opportunity for one. And it was in that vein that I said "none of you really matter".

If my "eff up" died, and someone posted "yeah well s/he was nothing but a drug addict anyway", and there were 3 or 4 pages of judgements about him or the way I brought him up - even though only ONE person here made the accusation or had knowledge - it would be typical for this forum. There's also a pretty quick call to judgement about the lives surrounding the eff up, as seen in this very thread. And it is in that vein that I meant that it would hurt, even though none of you really matter in my life - the pilers-on.

 

[vraiblonde]

And it is in that vein that I meant that it would hurt, even though none of you really matter in my life - the pilers-on.

And it is on that note that I hope, in the event you had a death in your family of someone who was, mmm, not quite inside the norm with regard to social behavior, you wouldn't be on a website reading the comments. You would already know that the person in question had a few haters.

Or, instead of getting angry and defensive, you would acknowledge the hurt this person caused others. "Yes, Jimmy did some damage during his life, and I'm sorry for the people he hurt." That would be a lot classier than going, "Well eff you! You didn't know him, don't you judge, blah blah blah..." The latter response would shine a spotlight on you as an enabler and part of the problem in this person's destructive life.

(You, of course, is you figuratively, not you personally )

 

[BernieP]

I don't like hearing that and I have heard it before. I think addiction is a manageable problem. .

The problem is the addict / alcoholic, like any person with a mental illness, has to seek help. They have got to want to change.
While the physical addiction can be cleared in a fairly short time, the mental portion is a lifetime struggle. Ask former cigarette smokers, those that quit. The honest ones will tell you there are days they crave a puff.
They don't know why, they just know they want one.