SoMDGirl42
Well-Known Member
1 child is not biologically his.
and I get what you are saying as well. I mentioned something similar. I do think some of his actions sound resentful.
Divorce/Separation process
- Thread starter jaclyn
- Start date
1 child is not biologically his.
and I get what you are saying as well. I mentioned something similar. I do think some of his actions sound resentful.
jaclyn
Not a Lurker anymore!
I only work seasonally. So, I'm not gone everyday. For two months out of the year, I am gone 3 evenings a week.
During the rest of the year, I am almost always home. I "go out" maybe once a month or less. If I do, it's to the movies, shopping or a friends birthday dinner.
Those are the ONLY times he is left with the kids.
I do not call them "my kids" to him. I say "the girls".
jaclyn
Not a Lurker anymore!
My oldest is not biologically his. However, he has been her father for 12 years.
He treats her better than he treats the youngest one, so I don't think he's harbouring any resentment.
I've been reading what everyone is writing...and I appreciate the advice.
There's times when I feel like I am asking for too much and being selfish, but there's other times when I can't help but want more for "our" kids.
I just want the girls to be happy and have a happy childhood. I want them to have a father who is there for them more than just financially.
Trust me, even though he works 6 or 7 days a week, he finds plenty of time to do things he wants to do. If I ask him to take off work while the kids are in school, he will. He has no problem taking time to spend with me. However, when I ask him to take off to do something with the girls and I, it's a fight.
Maybe I'm asking for too much.
jaclyn
Not a Lurker anymore!
Maybe he shouldn't be working 6 or 7 days a week. Financially, we are fine.
S
shiki
Guest
jaclyn
Not a Lurker anymore!
Maybe he's just TIRED working his azz off to take care of his family
He doesn't have to work his azz off to take care of us. Certainly not 7 days a week.
P
playerhater
Guest
So why is he working 7 days a week then if he does not have to. Missing out on a lot of family time, not just him and the kids together but with you also. Then having family time just with the kids forced on him just because, hmmm. I don't think you really want this divorce or your just being selfish and want to get back on the market and the single life again because you work out and looking good
We all love extra money but money can't replace lost time. You sound way to confused especially if you still hit in it and you both need to make changes if your so concerned about the girls.
jaclyn
Not a Lurker anymore!
So why is he working 7 days a week then if he does not have to. Missing out on a lot of family time, not just him and the kids together but with you also. Then having family time just with the kids forced on him just because, hmmm. I don't think you really want this divorce or your just being selfish and want to get back on the market and the single life again because you work out and looking good
We all love extra money but money can't replace lost time. You sound way to confused especially if you still hit in it and you both need to make changes if your so concerned about the girls.
I don't know why he works so much. He certainly doesn't have to. I guess (for him) the time he spends with us is enough.
Who said anything about me 'working out'?
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lisa8439
New Member
I apologize if this has already been mentioned, but have you ever sat down and told him what you are saying here? Have you said that you don't like the way he treats the girls and given him examples of how he has said hurtful things to them when with them and how he has ignored them? I honestly don't think that if he really loves them, as you say he does, that he would want to leave them so easily.
Your girls are a bit older - have you asked them how they feel about some of this? Does your 10 year old tell you that it hurts her feelings when he acts or says something hurtful to her? Have you asked them if they want him to spend more time with them when you aren't home? When I was that age, I wanted my alone time - I loved my Dad to pieces but I didn't exactly want to play board games with him when my Mom wasn't home. If he is meeting their needs while you are away and is telling them that he loves them (and he means it, especially in their eyes) then I don't really see the issue here. yes, *you* would like him to do more quality stuff with the kids - but marriage is a two way street, and with kids your age you have to take into consideration how they feel about things too. If your 10 year old is telling you that it does bother her when he says that stuff, or if the girls genuinely want to spend time doing things with him when you aren't home (and since you have girls that age I'm assuming you have a pretty good B.S. meter to see if they are lying and just saying that for you) then I think you have some issues that you need to talk about with him. They might not be issues at all to the girls though - and if you are really doing this 'for them' then you need to make sure that this is what they would want too...
My feeling (and I'm sorry for putting it this way, I don't mean any disrespect) is that you are having a bit of a mid-life crisis and you are sort of bored with your marriage. You love your husband but you aren't 'in love' with him anymore. Other guys hit on you and you start to think about what it might be like to not be tied down... and honestly, I think that most women (and men) fantasize about that after 12 years with the same person. I don't think that it's uncommon at all - it's just something that you need to reconcile within yourself. If you truly love your husband and feel that he loves you and provides for you and your family, then I think you can make it work. It will be tough and you'll have to stand your ground - but it doesn't sound like you have really tried yet. If it doesn't work, then hey - you gave it a shot, and now you know that you won't be happy with him and that you need to get out of the marriage.
Your girls are a bit older - have you asked them how they feel about some of this? Does your 10 year old tell you that it hurts her feelings when he acts or says something hurtful to her? Have you asked them if they want him to spend more time with them when you aren't home? When I was that age, I wanted my alone time - I loved my Dad to pieces but I didn't exactly want to play board games with him when my Mom wasn't home. If he is meeting their needs while you are away and is telling them that he loves them (and he means it, especially in their eyes) then I don't really see the issue here. yes, *you* would like him to do more quality stuff with the kids - but marriage is a two way street, and with kids your age you have to take into consideration how they feel about things too. If your 10 year old is telling you that it does bother her when he says that stuff, or if the girls genuinely want to spend time doing things with him when you aren't home (and since you have girls that age I'm assuming you have a pretty good B.S. meter to see if they are lying and just saying that for you) then I think you have some issues that you need to talk about with him. They might not be issues at all to the girls though - and if you are really doing this 'for them' then you need to make sure that this is what they would want too...
My feeling (and I'm sorry for putting it this way, I don't mean any disrespect) is that you are having a bit of a mid-life crisis and you are sort of bored with your marriage. You love your husband but you aren't 'in love' with him anymore. Other guys hit on you and you start to think about what it might be like to not be tied down... and honestly, I think that most women (and men) fantasize about that after 12 years with the same person. I don't think that it's uncommon at all - it's just something that you need to reconcile within yourself. If you truly love your husband and feel that he loves you and provides for you and your family, then I think you can make it work. It will be tough and you'll have to stand your ground - but it doesn't sound like you have really tried yet. If it doesn't work, then hey - you gave it a shot, and now you know that you won't be happy with him and that you need to get out of the marriage.
DocHudson
Seat Belts Save Boobs
Might have been said,
I have not read the whole thread so pardon me if this has been coverd: You must make the Seperation a matter of Record and have been seperated for 1 year before moving forward. You can file for Divorse Pro Se in Circuit Court with just filing fee's. This also gives you a year to turn things around if that is your intent. Remember, what you 2 decide to tell the Master is between you.
Good Luck,
Remember to protect/keep track of all assets prior to and during this process.
I have not read the whole thread so pardon me if this has been coverd: You must make the Seperation a matter of Record and have been seperated for 1 year before moving forward. You can file for Divorse Pro Se in Circuit Court with just filing fee's. This also gives you a year to turn things around if that is your intent. Remember, what you 2 decide to tell the Master is between you.
Good Luck,
Remember to protect/keep track of all assets prior to and during this process.
BadGirl
I am so very blessed
Uh, no you don't.
If you separate informally you can - after a year of separation - still file your request for divorce paperwork and get it.
DocHudson
Seat Belts Save Boobs
U may be right
You may be right, and if so a better way to go. Thank GOD i'm basing my advice on the way i did it 13 years ago.
You may be right, and if so a better way to go. Thank GOD i'm basing my advice on the way i did it 13 years ago.
Maybe he's just TIRED working his azz off to take care of his family
Yeah, well, we all were and we did it anyway.
Obviously Jaclyn is unhappy with her marriage. She has either tried or not to broach this subject to her husband, apparently without satisfaction or she wouldn't be posting on here about it.
I find it appalling that some of you are sticking up for the husband reflexively, without even considering how Jaclyn feels or what she has actually posted. Him being a good financial provider is not enough, and anyone who thinks it should be is pathetic.
Jaclyn, leave him, make your own money, and get a life. If it's bad enough that you have to ask the advice of strangers on the internet, then it's bad enough for you to call it a day and move on toward your future.
His lawyer will advise what?? Not in this county the lawyer won't..not if he/she is worth paying a fee to and still has a license to practice. Discovery and Requests for Production are thorough and taken quite seriously as they relate to the division of marital property. Any attempts to hide or liquidate assets are practically impossible to conceal and such attempts, if they are discovered, are looked upon VERY unfavorably by Master or Judge presiding.
Now, that said, very 'vigorous' argument over the actual division of debt and assets?..another matter entirely.
.
DocHudson
Seat Belts Save Boobs
Much of my work is locating assets that have been hidden. Some lawyers in that practice arent worth paying for period.
Protect You Assets.
Protect You Assets.
His lawyer will advise what?? Not in this county the lawyer won't..not if he/she is worth paying a fee to and still has a license to practice. Discovery and Requests for Production are thorough and taken quite seriously as they relate to the division of marital property. Any attempts to hide or liquidate assets are practically impossible to conceal and such attempts, if they are discovered, are looked upon VERY unfavorably by Master or Judge presiding.
Now, that said, very 'vigorous' argument over the actual division of debt and assets?..another matter entirely.
.
Much of my work is locating assets that have been hidden. Some lawyers in that practice arent worth paying for period.
Protect You Assets.
Just out of curiosity more than anything...what 'assets' and how 'hidden' when we are talking about yr average middle-class family with a mortgaged house, the contents of the house, and a couple of cars..maybe a retirement plan or two that are practically public information?
Whats to hide..and how the heck could it be hidden?
EXACTLY!! Very well said, just because he brings in money, doesn't give him the right to act anyway he wants.
or she could be exaggerating.
