Divorce/Separation process

Merlin99

Merlin99

Visualize whirled peas
PREMO Member
VoteJP said:
.


Red Alert, red alert ...



No, but a counselor or Minister might remind you of your duty.

And the idea is to take the husband along, so the Counselor might influence the husband in a positive way.



When one parent stops arguing then both stop at the same time.

If you stop your side of the arguing then both sides stop.



Red Alert, red alert ... = are the words of another.

.
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I know I'm going to regret this ,but what do you consider doing her duty?
 
MMDad

MMDad

Lem Putt
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kwillia said:
Baja28 said:
You are a woman who knows her place. I like that. :love:
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In all honesty most women will remain discontent until they come to the realization that they and only THEY are solely responsible for their happiness in life. No man, child, money nor career can do this for them... all a man, child, money or career can do is compliment a situation. If the soup is sour... blame the ingredients of the soup...not the crackers.
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You're stirring the soup again, aren't you?
 
MMDad

MMDad

Lem Putt
Wirelessly posted (Change we can believe in!: Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; IEMobile 7.7) 320x240; VZW; Motorola-Q9c; Windows Mobile 6.0 Standard)

kwillia said:
MMDad said:
Wirelessly posted (Change we can believe in!: Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; IEMobile 7.7) 320x240; VZW; Motorola-Q9c; Windows Mobile 6.0 Standard)



You're stirring the soup again, aren't you?
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:smack:
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Is that you thumping the man in the boat?
 
jaclyn

jaclyn

Not a Lurker anymore!
shiki said:
Why can't he watch tv? He's grown. Your kids are 10 and 13, surely they have interests that don't require daddy holding their hands. Do they eat? Are they safe? If so cut the apron strings, tell them to stop calling.

If whatever he's not doing so important to be done why aren't you the one there doing it? People have different parenting styles. What do you expect him to do while you're gone and who will be doing it when you separate?
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Yes, they eat. Yes, they are safe.

I guess I just want him to be more interactive with them while I am gone.
 
jaclyn

jaclyn

Not a Lurker anymore!
SoMDGirl42 said:
You said you've been married 11 years (12 in Nov). Is the oldest child his? I ask because it sounds like he could be harboring some resentment.

A. the child isn't his so he feels no need to be a father
B. the child is his and feels like he was "trapped" into marrying you

and I'm not saying you trapped him. I'm just trying to figure out why he doesn't want to be a father to his two girls. Unless of course, he's just a POS.

Does your house have a basement or extra bedroom? I ask because I've read many couples are currently living in the same house and still going through the divorce process but because of the recession can not afford to live apart.

If you can, I'd advise you to retain a lawyer if you can afford it. You will get your best course of action through him/her.

BTW, I had to be legally separated for 1 year before I could file for divorce. Separated in April 97, divorce final Nov 98. If either party is committing adultery, you can file for the divorce after 3 months of separation. I actually filed 6 months into our separation, and it still took a total of a year and a half for it to be finalized.
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My oldest daughter is not his. I had her when I was a teen. My husband and I met when she was 15 months.

I do have another level of my house that is not being used, really.

Thanks for the advice on the lawyer, I think thats what I need to do.
 
BadGirl

BadGirl

I am so very blessed
jaclyn said:
Yes, they eat. Yes, they are safe.

I guess I just want him to be more interactive with them while I am gone.
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Does your husband tell the girls that he loves them? Do they know that he loves them? Are they missing out on anything, other than a doting/participating father?
 
jaclyn

jaclyn

Not a Lurker anymore!
BadGirl said:
Does your husband tell the girls that he loves them? Do they know that he loves them? Are they missing out on anything, other than a doting/participating father?
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Yes, he tells them he loves them. I'm sure they know that he does.

As far as them missing out on anything: He's never home. He works 6 (sometimes 7) days a week.

When he is here and our youngest sits next to him on the couch...he gets ignorant. Says things like "get away, Im hot" or "go play in your room" or "dont u have any friends you could be playing with?" Its ridiculous.

They are older (13 and 10), so they dont constantly need his attention, but it would be nice for him to be more interactive with them.
 
SoMDGirl42

SoMDGirl42

Well-Known Member
jaclyn said:
My oldest daughter is not his. I had her when I was a teen. My husband and I met when she was 15 months.

I do have another level of my house that is not being used, really.

Thanks for the advice on the lawyer, I think thats what I need to do.
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I think you already knew what needs to happen, you just needed some support to realize it. It's not an easy decision, nor one that should be made in the heat of the moment. Best of luck with whatever decisions you come to.

Since you do have another level, could you suggest to him that your "separation" take place within the house? Tell him you need space before making that final jump into a costly separation/divorce. Take a time out? Come up with a plan, then follow through. Put it in writing so he can read it. That way it won't turn into an argument and the things you want to say will be said without getting side tracked.

Maybe you could suggest he move into the basement. He can "visit" with the kids on certain evenings for dinner, homework etc. Make it fair. And be prepared to negotiate with him. If you both want to make it work, maybe you could set aside a night a week/month etc that you two can be together to discuss things. Preferably away from the ears in the cornfield (kids). Sounds like you both need to communicate with each other. You need to tell him what you want. Write him letters!!! That way there is no mistake in what you are saying.

Honey, I want you to spend QUALITY time with the kids when I'm out. (Hard to misinterpret what you are saying.)
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
jaclyn said:
Yes, he tells them he loves them. I'm sure they know that he does.

As far as them missing out on anything: He's never home. He works 6 (sometimes 7) days a week.

When he is here and our youngest sits next to him on the couch...he gets ignorant. Says things like "get away, Im hot" or "go play in your room" or "dont u have any friends you could be playing with?" Its ridiculous.

They are older (13 and 10), so they dont constantly need his attention, but it would be nice for him to be more interactive with them.
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To be fair, him works 6-7 days a week does not give him much opportunity to become more involved with his family. You have to recognize the Herculean effort on his part to provide what he does for the family. What do you do to make the very little bit of time he has at home with you and the girls quality time?

And I can't help but wonder what life will be like for the girls with you having to spend more time outside of the house once you become the bread winner in their life.

I hate to see a family get disolved when it doesn't really have to happen.
 
SoMDGirl42

SoMDGirl42

Well-Known Member
jaclyn said:
Yes, he tells them he loves them. I'm sure they know that he does.

As far as them missing out on anything: He's never home. He works 6 (sometimes 7) days a week.

When he is here and our youngest sits next to him on the couch...he gets ignorant. Says things like "get away, Im hot" or "go play in your room" or "dont u have any friends you could be playing with?" Its ridiculous.

They are older (13 and 10), so they dont constantly need his attention, but it would be nice for him to be more interactive with them.
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Let him know that if he keeps pushing you all away, eventually you will go away, permanently. Ask him if that is what he wants. Maybe it is.
 
kom526

kom526

They call me ... Sarcasmo
They'll end up hating him as they get older. (Somebody quote this)

Anybody can be a father - see: James P Cisick
It takes someone special
To be a dad.
 
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