Facebook & teenagers

[hotmomma]

I would like to hear some opinions.

My daughter just turned 14 and she is a freshman at Chopticon. A few weeks ago I allowed her to open a facebook acct. I monitor it daily and she knows the rules I set in order for her to keep the acct.

Scenerio: A freshman boy pm'ed her and wanted to play "the question game". That means you ask a question and I answer and vise versa.

He asked her if she ever had sex, if she had done some specific things sexually, if she wears thongs and if she would send him a picture. She answered his questions by simply saying no and didnt ask him any personal questions. She called me and told me what was going on so she wouldnt get in trouble. I told her to "unfriend" him, which she did.

My question: As a parent, would you contact the boy personally and tell him to stay away from your daughter and you know the conversation that took place or just leave it alone and chalk it up to him being a horny 14/15 (may be 16, she said he failed a grade) year old kid.

 

[Baja28]

If you forbid everything, she will find a way around you. Face it head on.

He won't be the last that asks her those line of questions and she can't unfriend/ignore every horny, adolescent that asks them.

Let her respond by telling him that it is none of his business and she doesn't appreciate those type of questions. She can make it clear that she won't tolerate it and the word will get out that she doesn't play those games.

 

[Bann]

If you forbid everything, she will find a way around you. Face it head on.

He won't be the last that asks her those line of questions and she can't unfriend/ignore every horny, adolescent that asks them.

Let her respond by telling him that it is none of his business and she doesn't appreciate those type of questions. She can make it clear that she won't tolerate it and the word will get out that she doesn't play those games.

I totally agree!

 

[kwillia]

Point blank make sure she understands she should respond by telling him that it is none of his business and she doesn't appreciate those type of questions. She can make it clear that she won't tolerate it and the word will get out that she doesn't play those games.

 

[libertytyranny]

They are being normal. Calling the boy will embarass the hell out of her and make her unwilling to keep you in the loop about these things. You want that communication if you don't want to be a grandma just yet. Try to calm down the momma sense that's tingling, and think calmly. If you have taught your daughter well and she knows the physical and emotional effects that come with being sexually active and you do not allow her undue opportunity, she will be just fine

 

[kwillia]

They are being normal. Calling the boy will embarass the hell out of her and make her unwilling to keep you in the loop about these things. You want that communication if you don't want to be a grandma just yet. Try to calm down the momma sense that's tingling, and think calmly. If you have taught your daughter well and she knows the physical and emotional effects that come with being sexually active and you do not allow her undue opportunity, she will be just fine

A young girl answering questions about her sex life to someene she casually knows or knows even less than casually is not okay and she needs it pointed out to her that there is a better way to handle it.

 

[hotmomma]

They are being normal. Calling the boy will embarass the hell out of her and make her unwilling to keep you in the loop about these things. You want that communication if you don't want to be a grandma just yet. Try to calm down the momma sense that's tingling, and think calmly. If you have taught your daughter well and she knows the physical and emotional effects that come with being sexually active and you do not allow her undue opportunity, she will be just fine

I am actually very proud of her. I love that she called me right away and told me what was going on. I didnt get mad at her. She is not a kid that opens up very much.

I just worry because she is a honor roll kid who has always done great in school but when it comes to "street smarts" she has a long way to go. She is too much of a follower and wants to fit in that I worry she is gonna eff up and send a pic or do something sexual just because a boy asked her to.

 

[Baja28]

I am actually very proud of her. I love that she called me right away and told me what was going on. I didnt get mad at her. She is not a kid that opens up very much.

I just worry because she is a honor roll kid who has always done great in school but when it comes to "street smarts" she has a long way to go. She is too much of a follower and wants to fit in that I worry she is gonna eff up and send a pic or do something sexual just because a boy asked her to.

Sounds like you're already teaching her correctly. Keep it up!

Make sure she sets the "first impression" with these guys now. It's better she be known as "frigid" (or whatever term they use now) than loose and wild.

 

[hotmomma]

A young girl answering questions about her sex life to someene she casually knows or knows even less than casually is not okay and she needs it pointed out to her that there is a better way to handle it.

I told her to tell him its not appropriate or its none of his business but she thinks that will make her a geek or cause her to get teased so she just stopped the conversation. I just dont get it. She is a poplular girl and has a social life with her girl firends and with school activities so I dont understand why she cant speak up for herself.

I just dont understand teenagers.

 

[kwillia]

Sounds like you're already teaching her correctly. Keep it up!

Make sure she sets the "first impression" with these guys now. It's better she be known as "frigid" (or whatever term they use now) than loose and wild.

Make sure she understands that each and everything she types on the internet or text on a phone should be considered to be public information and not at all private. If she wouldn't want you to ever read it, she shouldn't be typing it.

Nothing is truly private and she should assume it will be shared.

 

[Bann]

I am actually very proud of her. I love that she called me right away and told me what was going on. I didnt get mad at her. She is not a kid that opens up very much.

I just worry because she is a honor roll kid who has always done great in school but when it comes to "street smarts" she has a long way to go. She is too much of a follower and wants to fit in that I worry she is gonna eff up and send a pic or do something sexual just because a boy asked her to.

 

[kwillia]

I told her to tell him its not appropriate or its none of his business but she thinks that will make her a geek or cause her to get teased so she just stopped the conversation. I just dont get it. She is a poplular girl and has a social life with her girl firends and with school activities so I dont understand why she cant speak up for herself.

I just dont understand teenagers.

This is an actual excerpt of a conversation in the high school lunch room:

Teen Girl1: "I'm going to stop going out with him all he wants is sex."

Teen Girl2: "Well, if you aren't going to sleep with him why bother dating him."

Your daughter is hearing stuff like this every day and seems to be confused that this is what is expected of her... really... so please help her understand it is not "the norm" and that there are plenty of girls with more respect for themselves than that but they aren't as verbal about it as those willing to blow or lay some dude under the bleachers or in the back of a bus.

 

[Bann]

I told her to tell him its not appropriate or its none of his business but she thinks that will make her a geek or cause her to get teased so she just stopped the conversation. I just dont get it. She is a poplular girl and has a social life with her girl firends and with school activities so I dont understand why she cant speak up for herself.

I just dont understand teenagers.

Well we're not supposed to, not totally! They're all brain damaged!

But seriously, just keep telling her that being true to herself, her values, morals, scruples, etc. - is NEVER *always easy. Sometimes, you're out there on a limb by yourself with your "goody goody" values, morals & scruples. But standing up for what she believes in - even her own "goody goody" values, etc. is *always the right thing to do.

Love, Doris Day.

 

[Bann]

This is an actual excerpt of a conversation in the high school lunch room:

Teen Girl1: "I'm going to stop going out with him all he wants is sex."

Teen Girl2: "Well, if you aren't going to sleep with him why bother dating him."

Your daughter is hearing stuff like this every day and seems to be confused that this is what is expected of her... really... so please help her understand it is not "the norm" and that there are plenty of girls with more respect for themselves than that but they aren't as verbal about it as those willing to blow or lay some dude under the bleachers or in the back of a bus.

 

[Baja28]

I told her to tell him its not appropriate or its none of his business but she thinks that will make her a geek or cause her to get teased so she just stopped the conversation. I just dont get it. She is a poplular girl and has a social life with her girl firends and with school activities so I dont understand why she cant speak up for herself.

I just dont understand teenagers.

See post 8.

 

[Pete]

See post 8.

If they had facebook when you were a freshman you would be in trouble

 

[RoseRed]

There is a lot of good information in this thread.

 

[Baja28]

If they had facebook when you were a freshman you would be in trouble

This is why I know how to handle it...

Now tell to leave her daughter alone.

 

[Pete]

This is why I know how to handle it...

Now tell to leave her daughter alone.

Wasn't him I hope..

 

[vraiblonde]

she can't unfriend/ignore every horny, adolescent that asks them.

Well, yeah, actually she can.

Anyway, Momma, advise her but let her handle it. Don't contact the boy or anything like that.

Let her respond by telling him that it is none of his business and she doesn't appreciate those type of questions. She can make it clear that she won't tolerate it and the word will get out that she doesn't play those games.

^This^ There's no geekdom in telling some horndog to buzz off. He's the dipchit, not her.