Misfit
Lawful neutral
That was freaking funny! It's just like my house!
Facebook & teenagers
- Thread starter hotmomma
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That was freaking funny! It's just like my house!
Dakota
~~~~~~~
Now that doesn't sound like fun at all.
Sadly, there are MANY girls out there willing to send photos of themselves without being coerced. I monitored for a long time and never could find evidence where he asked for those pictures. In fact, he was stressed because of these girls and the drama they brought with them... fighting over him, spreading rumors, etc. that not only did we change his cell number but he shut down the one email account so they couldn't contact him. The drama ended up acting itself out in school and teachers (one male - one female) had to tell these girls to stop. These teachers also told me in a meeting that they didn't see any behavior from my son that showed he was encouraging this in any fashion. In fact.... they seemed angrier than I was at the time. I was just grateful that in this instance some were able to see beyond the double-standard - including myself.
I know this sounds ridiculous but my son didn’t want to be mean to these girls in fear of being thought of as a ###... It is good you stay on top of this. You never know what will happen to your photos and videos you send out. Some vindictive prick could send those pictures around the net and they could end up being viewed by some sicko that ends up - you know - playing with them self while looking/viewing. It is better to be safe than sorry and just not put yourself in the position.
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libertytyranny
Dream Stealer
I may be in the minority here, but I think that spying software is wrong. Yes, monitor the facebook, be friends with them(on facebook, I mean), have open dialogue..but to install software on them that sends you all their mail and stuff..its just..wrong. I understand the desire to know everything..but your kid deserves some privacy. and if you have a good relationship with them, they will tell you important things. At the very, very least if you have a younger teen and want the software, let them know it is there.
Protecting your kid from everything does nothing to help them learn to deal. Case and point..I went to a catholic college which is fed into by tons of local catholic high schools..kids whose parents sheltered them and never told them about life and how to deal. I, on more than one occasion, had to drag girls out of parties where they were about to get seriously taken advantage of. Including one chick who I pulled out of a room, drunk, with about 6 lacrosse players about to do God know's what. And I had JUST heard her convo in class a few weeks before about how her parents wouldn't let her have a myspace (before facebook got going) and how they read her phone every night (in my child psych class) . There is a link, i saw it time and time again. One girl I had to take to my room after a scary incident, became a good friend of mine. I helped her learn a lesson without super harsh reprecussions, and she still thanks me.
Coolest thing my mom ever did, was when I was in high school was help me myspace back a girl who was sending me nasty messages. She wanted my bf..blah blah blah stupid girl stuff and I was getting overwhelmed with her and her friends sending me messages saying mean stuff to me. So mom helped me formulate a couple comebacks that shut them the hell up. It was awesome. And my mom was always a "I am a mom not a friend" type mom. But she lived, she dealt with #####es, she dealt with girl drama and learned from it. And she gave me some awesome tools. Later in life, when I dealt with another biatch, I remembered my moms advice. And I dealt with it better. My mom didnt say "no drinking ever" she told me how things could go wrong, and why you should be careful about it. She didn't tell me to "unfriend" every guy who tried to get dirty with me..she explained to me that men wills crew anything, and that you have to value yourself more than that, and how your reputation can become a total detriment after the "coolness" of being a slut wears off. She prepared me, not sheltered me. And I will do the same with my daughter. Even when it is tough to picture them that way..a 14 yo in just 4 short years will technically be an adult. 4 years is a blink of an eye. they arent children, even when you want to see them that way.
Protecting your kid from everything does nothing to help them learn to deal. Case and point..I went to a catholic college which is fed into by tons of local catholic high schools..kids whose parents sheltered them and never told them about life and how to deal. I, on more than one occasion, had to drag girls out of parties where they were about to get seriously taken advantage of. Including one chick who I pulled out of a room, drunk, with about 6 lacrosse players about to do God know's what. And I had JUST heard her convo in class a few weeks before about how her parents wouldn't let her have a myspace (before facebook got going) and how they read her phone every night (in my child psych class) . There is a link, i saw it time and time again. One girl I had to take to my room after a scary incident, became a good friend of mine. I helped her learn a lesson without super harsh reprecussions, and she still thanks me.
Coolest thing my mom ever did, was when I was in high school was help me myspace back a girl who was sending me nasty messages. She wanted my bf..blah blah blah stupid girl stuff and I was getting overwhelmed with her and her friends sending me messages saying mean stuff to me. So mom helped me formulate a couple comebacks that shut them the hell up. It was awesome. And my mom was always a "I am a mom not a friend" type mom. But she lived, she dealt with #####es, she dealt with girl drama and learned from it. And she gave me some awesome tools. Later in life, when I dealt with another biatch, I remembered my moms advice. And I dealt with it better. My mom didnt say "no drinking ever" she told me how things could go wrong, and why you should be careful about it. She didn't tell me to "unfriend" every guy who tried to get dirty with me..she explained to me that men wills crew anything, and that you have to value yourself more than that, and how your reputation can become a total detriment after the "coolness" of being a slut wears off. She prepared me, not sheltered me. And I will do the same with my daughter. Even when it is tough to picture them that way..a 14 yo in just 4 short years will technically be an adult. 4 years is a blink of an eye. they arent children, even when you want to see them that way.
Dakota
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And I actually respect your opinion and understand your feelings. I monitored for a short amount of time because I knew something was wrong and wasn't sure what it was.... I no longer do that now and will tell anyone to proceed with caution. It is an option if you have a reason to use it. It helped me get to the bottom of a problem.
libertytyranny
Dream Stealer
I'm with you on that! And I bet it can be very helpful if you suspect your child is doing drugs or something they would def hide. I just don't like the idea of regual monitoring just because. Granted, parents have their own ideas and will do what they want
but thats me..having been a teen not tooo long ago when this stuff just started becoming an issue.truthfully, I feel for parents of teens, and even more for the teens themselves. It is tough..internet bullies are a "brave" breed. and knowing how to navigate what you publish and what you don't is something that you can only really learn through experience.
Dakota
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I saw HUGE changes in personality, his grades were slipping and it just wasn't like him. He has always been very involved in sports and seemed not interested in that either. My first thought was drugs, I'll be honest. Never did I think he had a group of girls doing all this. I was relieved to get to the bottom of it and it opened my eyes to the double-standard I think I had at the time. Once it stopped.... his personality was back, sports interest returned and his grades shot up.
He hide it and didn't discuss it with me because.... just what I said earlier...
I know this sounds ridiculous but my son didn’t want to be mean to these girls in fear of being thought of as a ###
He's a guy... he should enjoy this kind of attention - but he really wanted it all to go away and didn't know how to deal with it. Girls can be JUST as bad as guys I've learned and sometimes you monitor and learn that it isn't what you thought.... I'm not sure he would have come out and told me had I not invaded his privacy. And trust me, this cause a huge riff with my husband who felt my doing what I was doing was completely wrong. 3 years later and I will say my son and I are closer than ever.
He hide it and didn't discuss it with me because.... just what I said earlier...
I know this sounds ridiculous but my son didn’t want to be mean to these girls in fear of being thought of as a ###
He's a guy... he should enjoy this kind of attention - but he really wanted it all to go away and didn't know how to deal with it. Girls can be JUST as bad as guys I've learned and sometimes you monitor and learn that it isn't what you thought.... I'm not sure he would have come out and told me had I not invaded his privacy. And trust me, this cause a huge riff with my husband who felt my doing what I was doing was completely wrong. 3 years later and I will say my son and I are closer than ever.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
I see no reason to get the school involved over something that is outside of their control. But, that's just my opinion (which really doesn't matter).
kwillia
n/a
I am a "trust but verify" monitor... my kids understand that it means I give them their space and their privacy, but reserve the right to totally intrude should I feel their is a need to do so.
I do not regularly "creep" my daughter's FB, but she also knows that at any time of my chosing I can say, "Log in and let me sit down." and then I can and will browse whatever I chose. And I do this at times because I see FB as being public and anything she post or sends in private message should be considered 'public knowledge'.
Up to this point, I have never browsed my daughter's text messages as see those to be private conversations. But she also knows that if she ever gives me a reason to do so, I will grab that phone in a heartbeat to get to the bottom of something. I believe that this gives her her privacy and space, but also makes her think twice when she carries on a conversation.
Her and I have an awesome relationship because we have established expectations and boundaries set... so far so good.
Expect & inspect. I expect him to act & behave a certain way & I will inspect that he does.
Dakota
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I contradicted myself earlier by saying “I monitored for a long time” in one post and saying “ I monitored for a short amount of time” in another. I am surprised nobody called me on it (slackers) but I did tell on myself.
So I feel like I need to clarify.... I monitored for a long time (1 year) but intervened only for a short amount of time when I saw a reason. The software I was using at the time only sent activity reports, emails rec'd and sent (not the content) - how long programs were in use - sites visited - nothing specific. I couldn't read messages from chat programs, emails or view photos unless I was sitting at his computer. When I saw several emails with photo attachments show up on his activity report coupled with his unusual behavior, I snooped into the matter further.
I believe what I was doing at the time might fit into your definition. I trusted him but this software made it easier to verify if there was a reason.
It may be hard to believe but he is almost 17 now so I have had to slack off him and hope I did a good job.
So I feel like I need to clarify.... I monitored for a long time (1 year) but intervened only for a short amount of time when I saw a reason. The software I was using at the time only sent activity reports, emails rec'd and sent (not the content) - how long programs were in use - sites visited - nothing specific. I couldn't read messages from chat programs, emails or view photos unless I was sitting at his computer. When I saw several emails with photo attachments show up on his activity report coupled with his unusual behavior, I snooped into the matter further.
I believe what I was doing at the time might fit into your definition. I trusted him but this software made it easier to verify if there was a reason.
It may be hard to believe but he is almost 17 now so I have had to slack off him and hope I did a good job.
I'm a big girl, so you can say whatever you like about me - I really could care less.
Leave my (anyones') kids out of your
It's the lowest form of pondscum.
thurley42
HY;FR
I'm a big girl, so you can say whatever you like about me - I really could care less.
Leave my (anyones') kids out of your
Actually you couldn't care less. Saying you could means you in fact care.
thurley42
HY;FR
whatever.He can lay off the kids - that's my point.
Hey now. Don roll eyes at me, I'm just trying to help you out!
*I* was posting about my son, you posted something highlighting my post. I didn't insinuate anything -I specifically refer to a story about a hot tub. Therefore, your post refers to what I said about my son.
*You are the effing drama llama around here. If you weren't making some snarky ass comment about my kid then you wouldn't have been highlighting my post about him. You didn't have anything constructive or positive to offer Momma by your post.
As usual, you like to sit behind your computer screen and throw out your bullsh*t and when people say something to you, then you try to make it their fault in some way. For some reason you have decided that you're going to stalk my postings here and peck at every word I say. Classic troll. Classic bullying. So yeah - you go on ignore, a**hole.
Bah. They can have privacy when they grow up and get their own place to live. Until then, they're texting on a phone *I* bought, FBing on a computer *I* bought, etc etc. In our house you didn't just get respect for nothing - you had to earn it. If they're cruising along just peachy and I have no concerns, they can have privacy. But the second I see a potential issue, all your base are belong to us.
Hank
my war
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Dymphna
Loyalty, Friendship, Love
My 13 year old wants nothing to do with facebook. I've told him about it and I told him he could get an account and he said it was dumb and too many kids put too much info out there to the point of being unsafe and he had no interest.
It's also like pulling teeth to get him to check email. Lots of people want to communicate with him that way, but unless they copy me or my husband on the emails or tell one of us that he can expect a message, he won't check.
He also doesn't have a cell phone. None of us, him included, see the need for him to have one because even when he is at extracurricular activities, there's always and adult with a phone around. Plus he'd lose it.
Basically, my kid lives in a cave. High school starts in a few months, though. We'll see what happens then.
It's also like pulling teeth to get him to check email. Lots of people want to communicate with him that way, but unless they copy me or my husband on the emails or tell one of us that he can expect a message, he won't check.
He also doesn't have a cell phone. None of us, him included, see the need for him to have one because even when he is at extracurricular activities, there's always and adult with a phone around. Plus he'd lose it.
Basically, my kid lives in a cave. High school starts in a few months, though. We'll see what happens then.