Forgiving A Cheater

[KWAK]

Let me set the stage for this one. . . You and your husband/wife have been married for 6 years, when suddenly you aren't living under the same roof - not because anyone chose to leave, but because the 'landlord' wouldn't allow one of you to stay. During this time, you continue to see each other every day - spend holidays together - celebrate your wedding anniversary - say "I Love You's" - bedroom action stays the same. . . . all while you're trying to save money to move your family elsewhere.

Some months later. . . your partner tells you that he's begun seeing someone and has been sleeping with them. Days later they tell you that they ended that relationship - they miss you - they messed up so bad - whatever.

Being stupid, you take them back - bound and determined to not fail at your marriage. A while later you secretly move them back in - and one morning you find condoms in their wallet (when the two of you don't use them, and the other person admitted to not using them to the confession piece of @ss) and see a phone number in their cell phone. The phone call lasted for 35 seconds only.

Because I'm obviously stupid to keep taking this person back, would you assume they're still cheeating? Or would you think that because they moved back in, it's all over with? Assuming, it is all over - could you forgive a cheater?

How would you handle this, knowing that the other person will 'attack' you if you so much as mention this?

 

[MMDad]

Sounds like you already know the answer. Trust yourself.

 

[shygirlmd]

Let me set the stage for this one. . . You and your husband/wife have been married for 6 years, when suddenly you aren't living under the same roof - not because anyone chose to leave, but because the 'landlord' wouldn't allow one of you to stay. During this time, you continue to see each other every day - spend holidays together - celebrate your wedding anniversary - say "I Love You's" - bedroom action stays the same. . . . all while you're trying to save money to move your family elsewhere.

Some months later. . . your partner tells you that he's begun seeing someone and has been sleeping with them. Days later they tell you that they ended that relationship - they miss you - they messed up so bad - whatever.

Being stupid, you take them back - bound and determined to not fail at your marriage. A while later you secretly move them back in - and one morning you find condoms in their wallet (when the two of you don't use them, and the other person admitted to not using them to the confession piece of @ss) and see a phone number in their cell phone. The phone call lasted for 35 seconds only.

Because I'm obviously stupid to keep taking this person back, would you assume they're still cheeating? Or would you think that because they moved back in, it's all over with? Assuming, it is all over - could you forgive a cheater?

How would you handle this, knowing that the other person will 'attack' you if you so much as mention this?

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Make an escape plan and pack up and leave. Make yourself (and your kids if any) happy first and live without all the drama. My mom did it and never looked back.

 

[toppick08]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Make an escape plan and pack up and leave. Make yourself (and your kids if any) happy first and live without all the drama. My mom did it and never looked back.

keep on pushing on....

 

[vraiblonde]

knowing that the other person will 'attack' you if you so much as mention this?

I was either/or until this sentence.

If your husband would "attack" you over your expressing insecurity stemming from something devastating that HE did, he's an azzhole and you should kick him in the nuts, then throw him to the curb.

My assumption about your "landlord" is that they are your parents, who threw your husband out because they can no longer bear to watch you cater to this man who obviously does not have your best interests at heart.

Am I right?

 

[PrepH4U]

Let me set the stage for this one. . . You and your husband/wife have been married for 6 years, when suddenly you aren't living under the same roof - not because anyone chose to leave, but because the 'landlord' wouldn't allow one of you to stay. During this time, you continue to see each other every day - spend holidays together - celebrate your wedding anniversary - say "I Love You's" - bedroom action stays the same. . . . all while you're trying to save money to move your family elsewhere.

Some months later. . . your partner tells you that he's begun seeing someone and has been sleeping with them. Days later they tell you that they ended that relationship - they miss you - they messed up so bad - whatever.

Being stupid, you take them back - bound and determined to not fail at your marriage. A while later you secretly move them back in - and one morning you find condoms in their wallet (when the two of you don't use them, and the other person admitted to not using them to the confession piece of @ss) and see a phone number in their cell phone. The phone call lasted for 35 seconds only.

Because I'm obviously stupid to keep taking this person back, would you assume they're still cheeating? Or would you think that because they moved back in, it's all over with? Assuming, it is all over - could you forgive a cheater?

How would you handle this, knowing that the other person will 'attack' you if you so much as mention this?

What do you mean by attack? :shrug: Is there a history of violence and is that the reason the landlord will not allow him to live with you? :shrug:

 

[nomoney]

Let me set the stage for this one. . . You and your husband/wife have been married for 6 years, when suddenly you aren't living under the same roof - not because anyone chose to leave, but because the 'landlord' wouldn't allow one of you to stay. During this time, you continue to see each other every day - spend holidays together - celebrate your wedding anniversary - say "I Love You's" - bedroom action stays the same. . . . all while you're trying to save money to move your family elsewhere.

Some months later. . . your partner tells you that he's begun seeing someone and has been sleeping with them. Days later they tell you that they ended that relationship - they miss you - they messed up so bad - whatever.

Being stupid, you take them back - bound and determined to not fail at your marriage. A while later you secretly move them back in - and one morning you find condoms in their wallet (when the two of you don't use them, and the other person admitted to not using them to the confession piece of @ss) and see a phone number in their cell phone. The phone call lasted for 35 seconds only.

Because I'm obviously stupid to keep taking this person back, would you assume they're still cheeating? Or would you think that because they moved back in, it's all over with? Assuming, it is all over - could you forgive a cheater?

How would you handle this, knowing that the other person will 'attack' you if you so much as mention this?

Put on your big girl panties and ask him, if he has the bad reaction and isn't understanding to your trust issues then tell him see you later. There's other guys out there that are capable of giving you the big O, move on.

 

[KWAK]

My assumption about your "landlord" is that they are your parents, who threw your husband out because they can no longer bear to watch you cater to this man who obviously does not have your best interests at heart.

Am I right?

Damn - you're good. . . .

 

[AiryT]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Make an escape plan and pack up and leave. Make yourself (and your kids if any) happy first and live without all the drama. My mom did it and never looked back.

Yeah that You could forgive them, but you'd only be delaying the inevitable. If they know they got away with it once, they will always try again, kick them to the curb (JMO)

 

[KWAK]

What do you mean by attack? :shrug: Is there a history of violence and is that the reason the landlord will not allow him to live with you? :shrug:

Attack as in scream and holler - in a very loud and threatening way. He's never laid a hand on me - although he's broken things around the house.

 

[Pete]

Damn - you're good. . . .

How old are you?

 

[bresamil]

Attack as in scream and holler - in a very loud and threatening way. He's never laid a hand on me - although he's broken things around the house.

And you would want him back, why?

 

[BS Gal]

Attack as in scream and holler - in a very loud and threatening way. He's never laid a hand on me - although he's broken things around the house.

Get rid of the turd.

 

[KWAK]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Make an escape plan and pack up and leave. Make yourself (and your kids if any) happy first and live without all the drama. My mom did it and never looked back.

Can I just take our daughter and go? Would that be kidnapping?

 

[KWAK]

How old are you?

Old enough to know better. . . .

 

[shygirlmd]

Attack as in scream and holler - in a very loud and threatening way. He's never laid a hand on me - although he's broken things around the house.

...yet. See about a protective order and have your parents ban him from the property. If he comes around, they can charge him with trespassing.

 

[KWAK]

And you would want him back, why?

Most of it is because of my daughter. She's 2 and the light of my life - I can't bear the thought of losing her - even for every other weekend! It's been easier for me to have him drop by and visit for 20 minutes every other day than to think she's going to spend a weekend away from me!

 

[shygirlmd]

Can I just take our daughter and go? Would that be kidnapping?

To protect your daughter, I would go. Contact the court and get some sort of visitation order in place. Not positive but you can only "kidnap" your own child if it violates a visitation order.

 

[Larry Gude]

Wtf???

- not because anyone chose to leave, but because the 'landlord' wouldn't allow one of you to stay.

Please explain that one.

 

[cattitude]

I think you can forgive a person who has an affair/fling..whatever you want to call it. People make mistakes. But once you decide to forgive the person, you cannot constantly throw the mistake in their face. You need to get counseling, individually and then jointly if you truly love each other and want to make the marriage work.

I'm not talking about someone who habitually cheats, but someone who made one mistake. Sometimes things happen in a marriage, communication stops..spouses feel neglected and they can turn elsewhere or find themselves in a situation before they know it. It doesn't make it right but happens.