Grossly Overweight Spouses

[mainman]

Originally posted by IM4Change
BTW, mainman

You are awesome. 8 1/2 months and 70 lbs. Keep up the great work!

It is so easy to gain the weight and much harder to get it off. I will admit that pictures of various family trips would be taken and if I got a hold of a fat picture of me, I tore it up. I do have 1 picture stashed in the house to be dug up after I get all the weight off.

I am much the same way, my wife has actually had professional photos taken with her and the boy and I refuse to participate. Its sad the way we choose not to live life because of the way we choose to live life. <----(damn that was pretty deep) Anyways thanks for the encouragment. Congrats are in order for you too.
Its nice to know I'm not the only one struggling.

I went to Kings Dominion a few years back and couldnt ride anything... TOO FAT!!!! Talk about a kick in the teeth. I bet the next time I go I will fit...

 

[Kain99]

Katie, Mainman, IM4 and everyone else who has made a life change... I am in awe! You guys rock!

Unfortunately I feel strongly that Rabbit Lady was out of line to "out" her husband on this forum.

Sometimes, I feel like this entire world has gone crazy.... "Embarrassed by your spouse?" Sorry, Not in my Encyclopedia!

It's like love means nothing anymore.... It's all about image and perception and a host of other ridiculous ideas.

I sure am glad that Biscuit hasn't logged on and complained about my puffy face or insist bad breath in the morning... Chryst where would I be?

I'm sick of people and their superficial Crap!

Rabbit Lady, You want my positive attention... Log on and talk about how afraid you are that one day you will live without him. Don't use your adolescent children to support your embarrassment!

 

[Christy]

I dunno Kain, I think she was just being honest.

I'm split on the gastric bypass surgery. I think it's a good option as a last resort. My best friend comes from a "big" family. She fights every day to not put on the poundage. Her dad had the bypass surgery and he's doing great. He was at least 500 lbs. Fantastic guy, incredibly smart and witty, just HUGE.

I think sometimes obesity is genetic (as I've witnessed with my friend). She cannot eat like the rest of us without gaining massive weight.

 

[Ken King]

Originally posted by Kain99
Had RL said the first thing about love or his health I'd consider her a different type of human being. She is embarrassed as are her children.

Let me suggest that roles be reversed here. Imagine....Your husband wrote in describing how fat you are and how embarrassed he was. As a remedy he invites you to join the forums so the people there can help you take off the weight. You see his post. .....

Humiliated?



This is how she's looking at the situation. Horrible mistake. His weight is not a result of a lack of love for her or the children. It is about a lack of love for himself. She's going through pain and so is he. Fat is not something he's doing to her. She's failing to see the forest for the trees.

As a side note: Fat is not always a result of laziness and gluttony. But I'm sure you'll find some law to post that will prove otherwise.

No need for a law here. It’s common sense and understanding of what one reads (something I have noticed that you lack regularly). I read and understand the issue of the overweight spouse and I can see the concern this person has for their spouse (aka love), along with her frustration (nagging hasn’t worked). She states that he has been huge for ten years now, which I take to mean he wasn’t always like this (he got comfortable and lazy). Maybe if you had less body fat trapped between your ears you might see that too.

 

[RabbitLady]

Originally posted by Kain99
I agree with cmcdanal. I feel so sorry for your husband. Don't you love him?

Sometimes, excess weight is a form of self punishment, just like alcoholism only harder to hide. Don't you realize that he is judged every waking moment of his life? The very same people who go home and down a six pack every night look at him with contempt and disdain.

You are his wife..... Fearing his death is one thing, publically humiliating him on this forum is another.

You should look into counseling or maybe a divorce. I am certain that there is a woman out there who will love your husband beyond what you are capable.

My husband is in counseling and I'm not publicly humilating him on this fourm...(you do have to notice I didn't mention his full name !!) I do fear his death and wonder if I will be a widow in the next few years because he obviously doesn't care about his health. At one point, my husband mentioned that I was to blame for his weight!!! So give me a break.. I just wanted a little sympathy out there. It's quite obvious that you don't fully understand my problem...and yet you're so willing to give advice....

 

[RabbitLady]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
RabbitLady, it's not about him being unattractive - it's about him dying of a heart attack and leaving you a widow. I used to laugh at women who monitored their husbands' diet like some little martinet - "You can't have that!" "Don't you eat that!" Now Larry is carrying 30 extra lbs. and I live in fear that he's going to keel over. We have our retirement plans in place and it would really screw us up if he doesn't take care of his health.

Would he consider counseling? A happy, productive person doesn't just gain 150 lbs. - that's another whole human! Obviously there's something else going on that would make him do this.

I wish you good luck and hope everything works out for you!

Thanks for the support...it's obvious that you're a little more sympathetic than others on this board.

 

[RabbitLady]

Originally posted by Kain99
Katie, Mainman, IM4 and everyone else who has made a life change... I am in awe! You guys rock!

Unfortunately I feel strongly that Rabbit Lady was out of line to "out" her husband on this forum.

Sometimes, I feel like this entire world has gone crazy.... "Embarrassed by your spouse?" Sorry, Not in my Encyclopedia!

It's like love means nothing anymore.... It's all about image and perception and a host of other ridiculous ideas.

I sure am glad that Biscuit hasn't logged on and complained about my puffy face or insist bad breath in the morning... Chryst where would I be?

I'm sick of people and their superficial crap!!

Rabbit Lady, You want my positive attention... Log on and talk about how afraid you are that one day you will live without him. Don't use your adolescent children to support your embarrassment!

So...you're sick of people and their superficial crap??!!! how interesting..then why exactly did you respond to my forum.??
I guess you have such a perfect life with a perfect spouse....you need to get a life. Also, I'm not using my adolescent children to support my embarassment...were you "way off" on this interpretation.

Unlike some people. I do have a very fulfilling life outside this message board. Enough said.

 

[Heretic]

Originally posted by RabbitLady

Unlike some people. I do have a very fulfilling life outside this message board. Enough said.

With the exception of your husband being fat eh?

 

[Dymphna]

RL,

BTW, welcome to the forums. You are well loved, if not, you'd not get any responses. You'll find all types of views here, good and bad. If the people here didn't care, they would have changed this thread to another subject, probably about what bar they are going to tonight.

Don't worry about "outting" your husband, as you said, you didn't mention names, so I don't know why that's even an issue. You may have noticed that a lot of people here know each other IRL. They sometimes forget that most people approach forums anonomously.

I'm sorry if my first post came off as negative or that it was quoted to a more negative slant. Excuse me for repeating part of it to emphasise a point.

I'm not saying that you don't love him and really want what's best for him but you sound more embarassed and ashamed of him. If that's how it sounds to me, a total stranger, imagine how it sounds to him.

Maybe in your years of frustration with his weight you've lost sight of what's really important -- that you love him and want what's best for him. (When you say you don't want to be a widow, it's about you, when you say you don't want to lose him, it's about him.)

You said he blames you for his weight gain. Did he specify why? Obviously, it's not you, it's him and how he feels about himself that caused this problem but is he blaming you for his low self-esteem? If that's the case, you both need to find out why.

What diet he choses, Atkins, Weight Watchers, etc. is less important then the fact the he choses to lose weight. As mentioned, you can't decide for him, he has to commit himself to it. But you can make the changes in what you buy and cook and be supportive. And when he demands back those cookies you threw away, make it about him. (I love you and I don't want to lose you).

 

[callmewhatuwant]

well said

 

[Katie]

What isn't right is that he blames you for making him big. You didn't force the food down his throat by holding his mouth open and shoveling the food down his throat.

 

[pixiegirl]

Kain, Shut up! If my husband got huge over 10 years I'd be embarassed to and I'd hope that he would be embarrased for himself.

I can't stand people who live in glass houses....

 

[SxyPrincess]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
If my husband got huge over 10 years I'd be embarassed to and I'd hope that he would be embarrased for himself.

I thought you were the one that bought him the penile pump? :shrug:

 

[cattitude]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
Kain, Shut up!

(wiping water spewed from nose and mouth off of monitor)

 

[justhangn]

My brother in law just had his stomach done to lose weight and has lost over 300 lbs now.

He wasn't fat because he had a health issue; he was HUGE because he couldn't stop eating.

You may think of this operation as an option.

 

[Heretic]

Its really awful that we live in a society in which being a drug addict is more acceptable to many people that being fat.

As far as health concerns go, yes being fat does make your health decline, however I always hear this from people that smoke. Did you know smoking increases your risk of a heart attack more than being a lard ###?

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Heretic
Its really awful that we live in a society in which being a drug addict is more acceptable to many people that being fat.

Not here, it's not. I'd take Jabba the Hutt over a druggie any day of the week.

Did you know smoking increases your risk of a heart attack more than being a lard ###?

Not true. Obesity is the #1 cause of heart disease, which is the #1 cause of death in the US - so sayeth the Health and Human Services website. In fact, all the old data about smoking causing cancer and other health problems is being re-examined. Apparently you're much better off being a skinny smoker than a fat non-smoker.

 

[JolietJake]

What about alcoholic assclowns?

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by JolietJake
What about alcoholic assclowns?

I avoid them too.

 

[Toxick]

I don't really have anything to add. I'm not sure how I would react if my SO gained all that weight, so I'm not going to make any judgements on anyone either way.....


All I want to know is... What the crap is gastric bypass?

Surely it can't be an operation that directs food around the stomach and directly into the intestines for processing into BM's. That sounds too much like a frickin' horror show.