Help With The Kid..........

[Jeff]

Stay out of it. Be there for him but don't be the one to bring it up in conversation. Let him know you are concerned and are there for him and if he needs your help he needs to ask for it. But stay out of it unless he asks.

If you want to expend some energy on it try to read into things a bit and do a little research on whatever he is going through so you may be a bit better informed about what you think he might come to you about.

If he is smart and mature he will pick a direction to go in and deal with it. If not, he needs to learn his lesson. Either way, he has to be allowed to deal with this on his own. He will be a beter man for it if he can get through this without mommy.

 

[GeezLouise]

Where in the hell did you get that info from?

If I remember correctly....if you are not married, "the father" can sign an affidavit (at the hospital) saying that he is definitely the father, or they offer to do a blood test. I think, don't quote me though.

 

[kom526]

....my son walked in on her, naked, IN BED, with his friend.......and he still thinks there is some relationship to salvage!


Help guys................................

His "friend" would/SHOULD have needed a helo up to Hopkins or some shiat like that. Tell us, when were his testicles removed?

 

[Kain99]

His "friend" would/SHOULD have needed a helo up to Hopkins or some shiat like that. Tell us, when were his testicles removed?

The day he got married, silly!

 

[Jeff]

The day he got married, silly!

I know the feeling

 

[sockgirl77]

If I remember correctly....if you are not married, "the father" can sign an affidavit (at the hospital) saying that he is definitely the father, or they offer to do a blood test. I think, don't quote me though.

You are correct. No paternity test is needed.

 

[MMDad]

His "friend" would/SHOULD have needed a helo up to Hopkins or some shiat like that. Tell us, when were his testicles removed?

Why is it the friends fault? Isn't the wife the one that promised something like "foresaking all others?"

 

[JPC sr]

Batman

I am looking for help for the kid..........he's 21 and going through a nasty divorce. Unfortunately he married a pathological liar, a cheater and a thief! My husband walked in on her - in OUR HOUSE - fooling around with one of my sons friends....my son walked in on her, naked, IN BED, with his friend.......and he still thinks there is some relationship to salvage!

I know, as a mom, that I should stay out of it and try and just listen to him and let him vent. However, he has a 2 year old and still thinks that he and his wife should work things out for her! This girl is my sons kryptonite!

What do I do??????? Keeping my mouth shut and not saying a word has almost driven me insane! He's my son and I know how much he hurts - but this girl is TRASH~!

Help guys................................

I say you or any grandparents or in-laws all need to try to help preserve that family and try to stop the divorce.

Even if the woman / mom is going through some stuff then that is no reason to turn against her.

The couple needs help to survive and they already have enough help pushing for a divorce.

 

[Tinkerbell]

I say you or any grandparents or in-laws all need to try to help preserve that family and try to stop the divorce.

Even if the woman / mom is going through some stuff then that is no reason to turn against her.

The couple needs help to survive and they already have enough help pushing for a divorce.

Every time someone brings up a divorce, you say "STOP THE DIVORCE!!"

Is there ever a situation where you feel that divorce is warranted?

 

[JPC sr]

Batman

Every time someone brings up a divorce, you say "STOP THE DIVORCE!!"

Is there ever a situation where you feel that divorce is warranted?

I do know that in some few cases like with violence or debauchery then a divorce can be justified,

but every divorce is a failure for us all and not just for the individuals involved.

And when their is child(ren) then the divorce must be resisted even harder.

Many people claim that staying together for the children is wrong but that would be a virtue to stay for the kids. To preserve the marriage based on duty to family is a great hight in virtue and not wrong at all.

What God has joined is not meant to be separated, link HERE.

Marriages can be broken for some reasons but we see families like President Clinton and Hillary setting an example of doing the right thing after repentance as they refused to destroy their family and worked to save it.

It is true that I failed my own marriage and now I know better - too late.

Another of my big points is that even if a couple does separate then they do not have to get a divorce as many wait long years still married but separated, and especially when there are child(ren) involved then running to the divorce is destructive to the family, to society and destructive to each individual child and parent.

Pretending to be happy and satisfied after a divorce is a life long lie.

Many people do not truly regret until 30, 40 or 50 years old but regrets always come for us all.

Even the coldest hearted must face the regrets in their children when there in none in themselves.

Here too is another perspective Link HERE and it gives us options instead of Caesar's (gov) divorces.

I tell people to look for the options and find other ways and to see divorce as the failure that it is.

 

[This_person]

Many people claim that staying together for the children is wrong but that would be a virtue to stay for the kids. To preserve the marriage based on duty to family is a great hight in virtue and not wrong at all.
Pretending to be happy and satisfied after a divorce is a life long lie.

Many people know splitting for the sake of the children is the best thing to do when they've made huge mistakes with the person with whom they chose to create life.

Pretending to be happy and satisfied before a divorce should not be the life long lie, either.

 

[camily]

I do know that in some few cases like with violence or debauchery then a divorce can be justified,

but every divorce is a failure for us all and not just for the individuals involved.

And when their is child(ren) then the divorce must be resisted even harder.

Many people claim that staying together for the children is wrong but that would be a virtue to stay for the kids. To preserve the marriage based on duty to family is a great hight in virtue and not wrong at all.

What God has joined is not meant to be separated, link HERE.

Marriages can be broken for some reasons but we see families like President Clinton and Hillary setting an example of doing the right thing after repentance as they refused to destroy their family and worked to save it.

It is true that I failed my own marriage and now I know better - too late.

Another of my big points is that even if a couple does separate then they do not have to get a divorce as many wait long years still married but separated, and especially when there are child(ren) involved then running to the divorce is destructive to the family, to society and destructive to each individual child and parent.

Pretending to be happy and satisfied after a divorce is a life long lie.

Many people do not truly regret until 30, 40 or 50 years old but regrets always come for us all.

Even the coldest hearted must face the regrets in their children when there in none in themselves.

Here too is another perspective Link HERE and it gives us options instead of Caesar's (gov) divorces.

I tell people to look for the options and find other ways and to see divorce as the failure that it is.

Is hell freezing over? Are pigs flying?
I actually agree with him.
Happy people don't cheat. Work on the marriage by BOTH people and I believe most marriages can be saved. People give up too easily these days.
A strong marriage has been through ups and downs. When kids are involved you OWE it to them to do all you can to stay together. JMO

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Mom,

Your job is to get in the back seat, sit down, shut up and hold on tight for the train wreck that is surely coming! You'll be right there when it happens to pick up the pieces. Good luck. Hope he comes to his senses soon.

 

[This_person]

Mom,

Your job is to get in the back seat, sit down, shut up and hold on tight for the train wreck that is surely coming! You'll be right there when it happens to pick up the pieces. Good luck. Hope he comes to his senses soon.

Looking after your grandchild's interest, because the parents will be more worried about the wrong things until the hate clears.

 

[gigi6]

Thanks guys..........the info has been quite valuable! I know my job is to sit tight and hang on! You're right about venting, too! Its just amazing at the audacity of some people these days!

As for the people who say stay together? Excuse me? It wasn't my son who broke the marriage vows! He was away at school. Why would you stay married to someone who lied and cheated? I know I wouldn't! I couldn't even begin to live my life with someone who I could not trust!

Either way, my granddaughter is the only thing that really counts. She is the most awesome thing in the world. That is our entire family's focus, now. That and supporting our son in any way he needs.

 

[CRoyal]

I am looking for help for the kid..........he's 21 and going through a nasty divorce.

Okay wow. He is certainly a KID. with a KID. Why in the he!l is a 21 year old married? That is why he is going through a divorce. This isnt 1955. People should be marrying later. Not settling down with their high school sweetie who got knocked up. Go get an education, a job, THEN a spouse.
Hope he does get a divorce and both of them mature before decided to make such a HUGE commitment again because clearly he wasn't thinking straight the first time.

and yes I am sure I will get 'well I married my HS honey at 18 and we're still together'

Good for you, you're rare.. and if you got married this day in age your chances for success are slim to nil.

 

[Gwydion]

Okay wow. He is certainly a KID. with a KID. Why in the he!l is a 21 year old married? That is why he is going through a divorce. This isnt 1955. People should be marrying later. Not settling down with their high school sweetie who got knocked up. Go get an education, a job, THEN a spouse.
Hope he does get a divorce and both of them mature before decided to make such a HUGE commitment again because clearly he wasn't thinking straight the first time.

and yes I am sure I will get 'well I married my HS honey at 18 and we're still together'

Good for you, you're rare.. and if you got married this day in age your chances for success are slim to nil.

I agree. Your son was off at school while his wife was at home sleeping around. How old is the kid? How old is the girl? 21 with a kid. I applaud your son for going off to school (I hope this is college and not night classes to get his GED), but with the girl 21, I don't see her jumping for joy while her broke husband is paying for college and leaving her at home for 3 months at a time. God knows what hes doing while hes there.

 

[JPC sr]

Batman

I agree. Your son was off at school while his wife was at home sleeping around. How old is the kid? How old is the girl? 21 with a kid. I applaud your son for going off to school (I hope this is college and not night classes to get his GED), but with the girl 21, I don't see her jumping for joy while her broke husband is paying for college and leaving her at home for 3 months at a time. God knows what hes doing while hes there.

That is so true,

and the unfortunate girl has a mother-in-law that thinks "HER SON" (the girl's husband and child's dad) can do no wrong.

The mother-in-law from Hell that wants her son to get a divorce fast and nasty.

 

[gigi6]

That is so true,

and the unfortunate girl has a mother-in-law that thinks "HER SON" (the girl's husband and child's dad) can do no wrong.

The mother-in-law from Hell that wants her son to get a divorce fast and nasty.

NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No - my son was at school FURTHERING HIS EDUCATION in the field he is working in! The school was 7 weeks, AND.......it was in New Jersey. He would travel back and forth to make sure the wife and kid was okay.

As far as a mother in law who thinks "HER SON' can do no wrong - YOUR WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!! I believe that both are to blame when a relationship hits the skids. However - I know that this kid was NOT doing anything wrong while he was at school because he was living with another family while he was there!!!!!!!!!! He paid for the school himself and came home every Thursday night and returned to school either late Sunday night or very early Monday morning. While he was at school - HE WAS STUDYING! Which is why he got the highest marks in class!

Obviously YOU need to read the former threads. I just wanted to know how to support my son - not ram him into the wall. But thanks - with your comments, now I know how to NOT treat another human being!

 

[JPC sr]

Batman

I just wanted to know how to support my son - not ram him into the wall.

In my opinion,

if you really want to help your son and his family then he needs to make up with his wife and get back his daughter's family unit.

His wife is his first duty and not you nor that schooling.

The grandparents have so very much power and influence so that if the grandparents help the marriage then it is more likely to stand the trials,

and if the grandparents do not accept the divorce then it is much harder to happen.

But grandparents and parents-in-law that push for divorce or even accept divorce puts a huge burden on any young family.

Your daughter-in-law is now forever a part of your family whether you like it or divorce or not.