How would you like your son to marry this little #####?

[vraiblonde]

http://www.handbag.com/relationships/friendsfamily/meddlingmum/

Is this the way it is? Your son gets married and suddenly you don't exist anymore? If you so much as want to be part of their wedding, you're meddling?

If your future mother-in-law is frantically trying to meddle in your wedding, the chances are she is just desperate to be involved. Give her things that you don't have time to do, things she can't mess up or that don't matter that much.

I find that offensive. As you all might have guessed, my son is getting married. In fact, he may BE married by the time you read this. In her home town, with her Mom and sister in attendance in front of some JOP in some seedy courthouse. PS, we weren't invited because it's not the "real" wedding, which will take place in September.

So you Moms with married sons, give me the 411. When your son gets married, do you cut off contact with him? Do you never call for fear of his wife thinking you're meddling? I had hoped that when my son got married, I would be getting another daughter, but that doesn't seem to be the way it's working out.

What's this new relationship supposed to be? I'm reading all these meddling mother-in-law stories and it seems that your DIL will hate you if you so much as buy your grandchildren a toy.

 

[Sharon]

we weren't invited because it's not the "real" wedding, which will take place in September.

Surprise them and invite yourself!

 

[JabbaJawz]

What the heck?? I'd be offended as crap if I wasn't invited to the JOP ceremony... It's not fair for the groom's parents to be any less included than the parents of the bride.

 

[FancyBelle]

I was real lucky, my DIL included me in everything before the wedding. She didn't always use my suggestions, but it was her wedding day and she had it planned down to the second. I only call them when I want to invite them somewhere with me or to dinner or if there's a family problem. I never drop by unexpectedly. Likewise they do the same. Some may think I am being distant because her mother is there all the time I think. I am so afraid of turning into a Marie Barone! The last thing I want is someone intruding on my life so I treat them just as I want to be treated.

 

[CMC122]

What the heck?? I'd be offended as crap if I wasn't invited to the JOP ceremony... It's not fair for the groom's parents to be any less included than the parents of the bride.

YOUR son is getting married too dosen't matter if it's JOP or not!

 

[Suz]

Surprise them and invite yourself!

If it hasn't already taken place I would do exactly that!

 

[huntr1]

If it hasn't already taken place I would do exactly that!

p.s. tell him no more jerky if this crap keeps up.

 

[meme]

Vrai...

My son is only 8 weeks old but if and when he does get married and didn't invite me to the wedding, even if it is a JOP ceremony I would be completely hurt. I would be just as equally hurt if my daughter pulled the same stunt. Marriage is marriage no matter how you look at it...but that's my opinion.

 

[Kain99]

This is one of those situations that can easily get out of hand quickly. Call your son and tell him how you feel. Sometimes, people who love us overlook important things. I promise you.... The DIL wants you to love her!

Just clear the air.

 

[Tonio]

Surprise them and invite yourself!

That's just asking for trouble.

Vrai, don't take this personally, but I find it hard to be sympathetic with your situation. Not the JOP wedding, because I think they should have invited you and Larry. But just the assumption that your future DIL is to "blame." Ultimately, it's their wedding and they can do what they want.

You've seen some of the posts about my family. Here's the specific incident that led to me cutting off my family:

When my wife was due with our oldest daughter, the OB wanted to induce. So I told my family to stand by that day and wait for my phone call after we knew how the labor was progressing. I did this specifically because we knew we would be uncomfortable with a big welcoming party when we arrived at the hospital. My father's response was, "That's not good enough for the women." My mother goes behind our back to call my mother-in-law (the other labor coach) to find out what time we would be arriving at the hospital, so I call my mother to tell her I didn't appreciate her behavior.

Then on the day of the delivery, I call my father as planned, and he tells me I have no right to get angry at my mother. Offensive enough as that was, I was in disbelief that he would say something like that to me during the birth of my child. So after my parents visit in the delivery room for a few minutes, the nurse shoos them away and my mother then tries to peek over the doorway curtain. Later, when I demand an apology for that, both parents insist that she did nothing wrong and she did what she did out of love. They had no clue how betrayed and violated we both felt when she did that.

Sorry for rambling so long, but my point is that a married man must stick up for his wife, even if it's at the expense of his mother.

 

[Ken King]

Is this a ploy by your son's future MIL to have the JOP wedding now and avoid a later finacial commitment for the grand scale church/reception wedding of the future?

Also don't be too upset, how would you have felt if the son just went and eloped with a girl? Bet you would still love him.

 

[Otter]

Just clear the air.

This sucks to start off a week agreeing with Kain..

 

[JabbaJawz]

Also don't be too upset, how would you have felt if the son just went and eloped with a girl? Bet you would still love him.

That's different. Eloping involves only the couple. This situation involves her family and not his family.

I'd be very hurt and disappointed in both my son and his wife.

 

[Ken King]

This sucks to start off a week agreeing with Kain..

You drink too much this weekend?

 

[Ken King]

That's different. Eloping involves only the couple. This situation involves her family and not his family.

I'd be very hurt and disappointed in both my son and his wife.

Of course it is different but it still leaves people out of the ceremony and I am sure it in no way would diminish her love for her son.

 

[Dymphna]

That's just asking for trouble.

Vrai, don't take this personally, but I find it hard to be sympathetic with your situation. Not the JOP wedding, because I think they should have invited you and Larry. But just the assumption that your future DIL is to "blame." Ultimately, it's their wedding and they can do what they want.

You've seen some of the posts about my family. Here's the specific incident that led to me cutting off my family:

When my wife was due with our oldest daughter, the OB wanted to induce. So I told my family to stand by that day and wait for my phone call after we knew how the labor was progressing. I did this specifically because we knew we would be uncomfortable with a big welcoming party when we arrived at the hospital. My father's response was, "That's not good enough for the women." My mother goes behind our back to call my mother-in-law (the other labor coach) to find out what time we would be arriving at the hospital, so I call my mother to tell her I didn't appreciate her behavior.

Then on the day of the delivery, I call my father as planned, and he tells me I have no right to get angry at my mother. Offensive enough as that was, I was in disbelief that he would say something like that to me during the birth of my child. So after my parents visit in the delivery room for a few minutes, the nurse shoos them away and my mother then tries to peek over the doorway curtain. Later, when I demand an apology for that, both parents insist that she did nothing wrong and she did what she did out of love. They had no clue how betrayed and violated we both felt when she did that.

Sorry for rambling so long, but my point is that a married man must stick up for his wife, even if it's at the expense of his mother.

Heaven forbid your parents should want to be their for the birth of their grandchild. Sounds like a good reason to cut them out of your lives.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Of course it is different but it still leaves people out of the ceremony and I am sure it in no way would diminish her love for her son.

Of course she'd still love the crap out of him, but gosh I'd be hurt. It would take me a while to get over that one.

 

[Oz]

The kitty sure does make guys to dumb stuff!

It's one thing to be your own man. But it's foolish to bring heartache to your own Mom, because between the separation and divorce, you're going to want Mom around to help pick up the pieces.

BTW - hate the idea of having a "real wedding" after the fact. That's tacky, it's a show, and it's wrong.

 

[Fruitcake Lady]

Vrai I must be honest; I think your attempt to raise such a stink about the meddling MIL situation is in fact meddling.....get over it; you'll be in the real wedding in sept. Do you actually want to travel to her home town for a 5 min. ceremony anyways?

and Tonio...for crap sake if I was your wife I'd beat you over the head with the after birth.

 

[mAlice]

Vrai I must be honest; I think your attempt to raise such a stink about the meddling MIL situation is in fact meddling.....get over it; you'll be in the real wedding in sept. Do you actually want to travel to her home town for a 5 min. ceremony anyways?

and Tonio...for crap sake if I was your wife I'd beat you over the head with the after birth.

I disagree. This is the real wedding. This is when they tie the knot. I'd be hurt if my daughter did this to me.