I am so tired of my EX and her CRAP!!!

[BillnChristi]

Last month I received an email from her asking what I thought of my son coming to live with me. Without hesitation I said YES and started making arrangements. I bought his ticket and so on. Within a few days she had changed her mind and only wants him to come up for the summer. A few days after that she called me at Midnite saying she couldn't take it anymore and wanted to know if I could get a sooner flight. I dealt with it and continued the plans for him to stay.

2 weeks ago I picked up from the airport. By the way he will be 15 this summer. According to Florida state law, he has the right to make his own decision with which parent he wants to live with. Within a day of him arriving he had decided he wanted to live with me. I told him he needed to seriously think about it before making the decision and that I would definitely want him to stay.

Now for some history. My son will be 15 in July. He nearly failed the 8th grade 2 years in a row. The main reason for this is the lack of supervision by his mother in making him do his homework and studying. The only reason he passed this year is because of his F-CAT scores and age. Something like the MD standard tests they give. The only reason he failed or would have failed is because he didn't complete his necessary school work (homework, projects and etc.) All of this should be supervised by his mother. He also lives with his Mother and Step father who has told him on several occasions that at age 18 he will be kicked out of the house. My son is also interested in getting part time work to help pay for the insurance when he gets his license (that of course depends on if his grades are good enough) When he told them this...it was said that if he worked, he would have to pay rent. WTF? What is the $1200 a month in Child Support I send to them for? Now when he arrived here...he had NO clothes that fit him. I had to go out the next day and spend $200 on clothes to wear while he is here.

Now to the point. Up until a few days ago, he was convinced he wanted to stay. We all had an agreement that he would stay until the earliest 25th of July when he flies back. Well he mentioned to his mother he wanted to stay here. The next day she calls and asks him he wants to go to a Yankees game on the 12th of July. Well this has totally PISSED me off. Now he has changed his mind because of this. She also promised him things would be different. Now it upset me most because we had an agreement of how long he would stay...now by her getting him tickets to the games shortens my time with him by 3 weeks. I only get him during the summer because of the distance between us. Now she is cutting into the short time I get with him.

WHY?

I think the main reason she is doing this is because she will lose the $1200 a month income that she gets from me. She doesn't currently work and has barely held a job for over a year for the entire time I have known her.

Currently I am married with a wonderful wife and daughter who both very much want him to be a part of our lives. However, there will need to be some changes done. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and would need to move to a bigger place if he decides to stay. However, it takes time and money to do this.

I am thinking of making him make his decision now. If he decides to stay...alot will need to be done, registering him for school, moving and etc.

I guess my main point is this...what should I do...should I make him make a decision or what?

I have told him that if he decides to go back to his mother and then changes his mind a month or so later..there will be nothing I can do. I won't be able to get another place on such short notice or would want him to change schools in the middle of a semester.

I know this is long winded and I apologize. I thank you for taking the time to read this and appreciate and responses.

 

[Midnightrider]

I think the main reason she is doing this is because she will lose the $1200 a month income that she gets from me. She doesn't currently work and has barely held a job for over a year for the entire time I have known her.

slacker biatches, almost as bad as JPC


dont put any ultimatums on him, if he goes back make sure he knows your door is always open, thats all you can do.

 

[dems4me]

...
Now for some history. My son will be 15 in July. He nearly failed the 8th grade 2 years in a row. The main reason for this is the lack of supervision by his mother in making him do his homework and studying. ... I know this is long winded and I apologize. I thank you for taking the time to read this and appreciate and responses.

How can he nearly fail 8th grade two years in a row?

 

[vraiblonde]

If it were my kid, I'd just tell them I don't really care what their teenage self wants - they're staying with me and they can thank me later.

But that's just me. I'm not really interested in the impulsive, dumb "decisions" teenage people make and don't really care to indulge the fantasy that they're mature enough to know what's best for them.

 

[This_person]

Last month I received an email from her asking what I thought of my son coming to live with me. Without hesitation I said YES and started making arrangements. I bought his ticket and so on. Within a few days she had changed her mind and only wants him to come up for the summer. A few days after that she called me at Midnite saying she couldn't take it anymore and wanted to know if I could get a sooner flight. I dealt with it and continued the plans for him to stay.

2 weeks ago I picked up from the airport. By the way he will be 15 this summer. According to Florida state law, he has the right to make his own decision with which parent he wants to live with. Within a day of him arriving he had decided he wanted to live with me. I told him he needed to seriously think about it before making the decision and that I would definitely want him to stay.

Now for some history. My son will be 15 in July. He nearly failed the 8th grade 2 years in a row. The main reason for this is the lack of supervision by his mother in making him do his homework and studying. The only reason he passed this year is because of his F-CAT scores and age. Something like the MD standard tests they give. The only reason he failed or would have failed is because he didn't complete his necessary school work (homework, projects and etc.) All of this should be supervised by his mother. He also lives with his Mother and Step father who has told him on several occasions that at age 18 he will be kicked out of the house. My son is also interested in getting part time work to help pay for the insurance when he gets his license (that of course depends on if his grades are good enough) When he told them this...it was said that if he worked, he would have to pay rent. WTF? What is the $1200 a month in Child Support I send to them for? Now when he arrived here...he had NO clothes that fit him. I had to go out the next day and spend $200 on clothes to wear while he is here.

Now to the point. Up until a few days ago, he was convinced he wanted to stay. We all had an agreement that he would stay until the earliest 25th of July when he flies back. Well he mentioned to his mother he wanted to stay here. The next day she calls and asks him he wants to go to a Yankees game on the 12th of July. Well this has totally PISSED me off. Now he has changed his mind because of this. She also promised him things would be different. Now it upset me most because we had an agreement of how long he would stay...now by her getting him tickets to the games shortens my time with him by 3 weeks. I only get him during the summer because of the distance between us. Now she is cutting into the short time I get with him.

WHY?

I think the main reason she is doing this is because she will lose the $1200 a month income that she gets from me. She doesn't currently work and has barely held a job for over a year for the entire time I have known her.

Currently I am married with a wonderful wife and daughter who both very much want him to be a part of our lives. However, there will need to be some changes done. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and would need to move to a bigger place if he decides to stay. However, it takes time and money to do this.

I am thinking of making him make his decision now. If he decides to stay...alot will need to be done, registering him for school, moving and etc.

I guess my main point is this...what should I do...should I make him make a decision or what?

I have told him that if he decides to go back to his mother and then changes his mind a month or so later..there will be nothing I can do. I won't be able to get another place on such short notice or would want him to change schools in the middle of a semester.

I know this is long winded and I apologize. I thank you for taking the time to read this and appreciate and responses.

He may have the choice by FL law, but that would still require court time to change the actual physical placement and child support issues. The sooner the better.

I have two of my own, and two step, and all live with me. I've been divorced about 10 years and had the kids the whole time. In my opinion, your son is playing the two of you for the best deal he can get (it's very common for children of divorce, I'm not criticizing your son). If he's not getting parented well and it will effect his future, I'd push for him to make a decision and do whatever is necessary short term to make sure the decision is you. If it's any other issue, I wouldn't push him now. Try to think about his future more than the child support issues, or housing issues, or any of that. Obviously, something's working for you now, a few more weeks (maybe even a couple of months) would be workable in the short term to positively effect his future. If parenting issues for school are an issue, would it really be that bad to change schools mid-semester? Literally, write down your priorities and make your decision off of that.

 

[BillnChristi]

How can he nearly fail 8th grade two years in a row?

How is what I would like to really know. The only answer I can come up with is his Mothers lack of supervision. I know I didn't state this in the post before because it was long enough. But she picks them up from home when they get off school and they are off. She loves going to WalMart, the Mall and other places on a daily basis. Very rarely is she home. Every time I call to talk to them..they are out and about. She has always been this way. Even when we were married, and she wasn't working, she would drop the kids off at daycare to go out on her escapades. Her current husband works long hours so she doesn't have too. By the way..I have a daughter with her also who is 11. Now she also has another child which my 11 year old basically raises. She does everything for the child that my ex should do. And my son does the rest of the stuff around the house. While my son was here...she texted me reminding him that it was trash day where she is. Now I know she did it jokingly..but geesh...enough is enough. Don't get me wrong, I feel kids should have responsibility but the parents should contribute..especially if they aren't working.

Thanks for everyones advice so far..I will continue to reall all the future posts also.

 

[BillnChristi]

He may have the choice by FL law, but that would still require court time to change the actual physical placement and child support issues. The sooner the better.

I have two of my own, and two step, and all live with me. I've been divorced about 10 years and had the kids the whole time. In my opinion, your son is playing the two of you for the best deal he can get (it's very common for children of divorce, I'm not criticizing your son). If he's not getting parented well and it will effect his future, I'd push for him to make a decision and do whatever is necessary short term to make sure the decision is you. If it's any other issue, I wouldn't push him now. Try to think about his future more than the child support issues, or housing issues, or any of that. Obviously, something's working for you now, a few more weeks (maybe even a couple of months) would be workable in the short term to positively effect his future. If parenting issues for school are an issue, would it really be that bad to change schools mid-semester? Literally, write down your priorities and make your decision off of that.

You are exactly right...my main concern is his education. I can care less about the child support..that is HER main reason for him not coming to live with me. He knows it will be better for him.

Another thing that happened while he was here is that she went and deleted all of his friends from his myspace account. Why is it that she can monitor his myspace account but can't monitor his school work. She doesn't have a computer with internet access..but yet she can go over someone elses house to check his account..but can't come home and make sure he has done his homework...doesn't this seem funny to anyone else?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

How is what I would like to really know. The only answer I can come up with is his Mothers lack of supervision. I know I didn't state this in the post before because it was long enough. But she picks them up from home when they get off school and they are off. She loves going to WalMart, the Mall and other places on a daily basis. Very rarely is she home. Every time I call to talk to them..they are out and about. She has always been this way. Even when we were married, and she wasn't working, she would drop the kids off at daycare to go out on her escapades. Her current husband works long hours so she doesn't have too. By the way..I have a daughter with her also who is 11. Now she also has another child which my 11 year old basically raises. She does everything for the child that my ex should do. And my son does the rest of the stuff around the house. While my son was here...she texted me reminding him that it was trash day where she is. Now I know she did it jokingly..but geesh...enough is enough. Don't get me wrong, I feel kids should have responsibility but the parents should contribute..especially if they aren't working.

Thanks for everyones advice so far..I will continue to reall all the future posts also.

Since when is shopping a crime? If you are concerned about your children, I'd suggest getting a better answer than "The only answer I can come up with is his Mothers lack of supervision." To me it sounds like your are making assumptions based on what? Do you call your children nightly to make sure their homework is complete? Ask them how their day went? Ask them how school is going and if they are having trouble. Talk to your ex, open the lines of communication. Don't base your "accusations" based on what the children say alone.

 

[BillnChristi]

If it were my kid, I'd just tell them I don't really care what their teenage self wants - they're staying with me and they can thank me later.

But that's just me. I'm not really interested in the impulsive, dumb "decisions" teenage people make and don't really care to indulge the fantasy that they're mature enough to know what's best for them.

Unfortunately, I can't do that since I am not the custodial parent. It would have to be up to him or his mother to make the decision. I would have to prove that she is unfit to get full custody and him failing 8th grade twice does not justify her being an unfit Mother. The only thing I can do is convince him to stay.

Another event that happened while in school was that he got into a fight with another kid. the other kid got 2 days suspension and he got expelled and sent to a special school. His mother did nothing to fight it...she even charged him gas money to take him to school because there wasnt' a bus and if he didn't have the money...he didn't go. Oh yeah...the other kid started it..and said he started it along with witnesses. My son just defended himself. And that I got directly from his mother

 

[BillnChristi]

Since when is shopping a crime? If you are concerned about your children, I'd suggest getting a better answer than "The only answer I can come up with is his Mothers lack of supervision." To me it sounds like your are making assumptions based on what? Do you call your children nightly to make sure their homework is complete? Ask them how their day went? Ask them how school is going and if they are having trouble. Talk to your ex, open the lines of communication. Don't base your "accusations" based on what the children say alone.

did you not read the part where I said whenever I call them..THEY are OUT. Don't forget I was married to her for 8 years. I know how she is. As far as assuming, it's not really an assumption. I do talk with her and she says HE DOESN'T DO HIS SCHOOLWORK. Hmmm...sounds like someone should be making that happen. And yes, I call them quite frequently. I have offered numerous times to have them call if they have any problems with their homework and like I said when I call...they are often OUT and not at home...what part of that did you not understand? And that comes directly from their mother..so that was not an assumption

 

[dems4me]

How is what I would like to really know. The only answer I can come up with is his Mothers lack of supervision. I know I didn't state this in the post before because it was long enough. But she picks them up from home when they get off school and they are off. She loves going to WalMart, the Mall and other places on a daily basis. Very rarely is she home. Every time I call to talk to them..they are out and about. She has always been this way. Even when we were married, and she wasn't working, she would drop the kids off at daycare to go out on her escapades. Her current husband works long hours so she doesn't have too. By the way..I have a daughter with her also who is 11. Now she also has another child which my 11 year old basically raises. She does everything for the child that my ex should do. And my son does the rest of the stuff around the house. While my son was here...she texted me reminding him that it was trash day where she is. Now I know she did it jokingly..but geesh...enough is enough. Don't get me wrong, I feel kids should have responsibility but the parents should contribute..especially if they aren't working.

Thanks for everyones advice so far..I will continue to reall all the future posts also.

I think I'm confused. How many years was he in eigth grade that he didn't nearly fail?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

did you not read the part where I said whenever I call them..THEY are OUT. Don't forget I was married to her for 8 years. I know how she is. As far as assuming, it's not really an assumption. I do talk with her and she says HE DOESN'T DO HIS SCHOOLWORK. Hmmm...sounds like someone should be making that happen. And yes, I call them quite frequently. I have offered numerous times to have them call if they have any problems with their homework and like I said when I call...they are often OUT and not at home...what part of that did you not understand? And that comes directly from their mother..so that was not an assumption

Again, since when is shopping a crime? So your son is not doing homework, failing grades and getting into fights. Anything else that is the mothers fault?

 

[Kyle]

I hate re-runs.

 

[Chain729]

Last month I received an email from her asking what I thought of my son coming to live with me. Without hesitation I said YES and started making arrangements. I bought his ticket and so on. Within a few days she had changed her mind and only wants him to come up for the summer. A few days after that she called me at Midnite saying she couldn't take it anymore and wanted to know if I could get a sooner flight. I dealt with it and continued the plans for him to stay.

2 weeks ago I picked up from the airport. By the way he will be 15 this summer. According to Florida state law, he has the right to make his own decision with which parent he wants to live with. Within a day of him arriving he had decided he wanted to live with me. I told him he needed to seriously think about it before making the decision and that I would definitely want him to stay.

Now for some history. My son will be 15 in July. He nearly failed the 8th grade 2 years in a row. The main reason for this is the lack of supervision by his mother in making him do his homework and studying. The only reason he passed this year is because of his F-CAT scores and age. Something like the MD standard tests they give. The only reason he failed or would have failed is because he didn't complete his necessary school work (homework, projects and etc.) All of this should be supervised by his mother. He also lives with his Mother and Step father who has told him on several occasions that at age 18 he will be kicked out of the house. My son is also interested in getting part time work to help pay for the insurance when he gets his license (that of course depends on if his grades are good enough) When he told them this...it was said that if he worked, he would have to pay rent. WTF? What is the $1200 a month in Child Support I send to them for? Now when he arrived here...he had NO clothes that fit him. I had to go out the next day and spend $200 on clothes to wear while he is here.

Now to the point. Up until a few days ago, he was convinced he wanted to stay. We all had an agreement that he would stay until the earliest 25th of July when he flies back. Well he mentioned to his mother he wanted to stay here. The next day she calls and asks him he wants to go to a Yankees game on the 12th of July. Well this has totally PISSED me off. Now he has changed his mind because of this. She also promised him things would be different. Now it upset me most because we had an agreement of how long he would stay...now by her getting him tickets to the games shortens my time with him by 3 weeks. I only get him during the summer because of the distance between us. Now she is cutting into the short time I get with him.

WHY?

I think the main reason she is doing this is because she will lose the $1200 a month income that she gets from me. She doesn't currently work and has barely held a job for over a year for the entire time I have known her.

Currently I am married with a wonderful wife and daughter who both very much want him to be a part of our lives. However, there will need to be some changes done. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and would need to move to a bigger place if he decides to stay. However, it takes time and money to do this.

I am thinking of making him make his decision now. If he decides to stay...alot will need to be done, registering him for school, moving and etc.

I guess my main point is this...what should I do...should I make him make a decision or what?

I have told him that if he decides to go back to his mother and then changes his mind a month or so later..there will be nothing I can do. I won't be able to get another place on such short notice or would want him to change schools in the middle of a semester.

I know this is long winded and I apologize. I thank you for taking the time to read this and appreciate and responses.

This screams 3 words: Borderline Personality Disorder. Look it up. There are plenty of resources for dealing with people with it. All I can tell you beyond that is "good luck."

 

[Geek]

I feel for you son. It must be really tough dealing with this. I wouldn't force him to make any decisions based on money.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

This screams 3 words: Borderline Personality Disorder. Look it up. There are plenty of resources for dealing with people with it. All I can tell you beyond that is "good luck."

No, it screams manipulation - by everyone involved.

 

[BillnChristi]

Since when is shopping a crime? If you are concerned about your children, I'd suggest getting a better answer than "The only answer I can come up with is his Mothers lack of supervision." To me it sounds like your are making assumptions based on what? Do you call your children nightly to make sure their homework is complete? Ask them how their day went? Ask them how school is going and if they are having trouble. Talk to your ex, open the lines of communication. Don't base your "accusations" based on what the children say alone.

oh yeah....and NO shopping is not a crime..but going shopping on a daily basis and then sending my son up here with NO clothes that fit him and holes in his tennis shoes and I have to go out and spend $200 the day after he gets here for stuff to where. What is she doing with the $1200 that I send her on a monthly basis. And before you reply to rent and so on....here morgate payment is only $700 a month which I am only supposed to pay a portion of. And if you say it takes $2400 a month to raise 2 kids and my son doesn't have proper clothes then something is seriously wrong. So who am I supposed to believe...her or my son. According to her they go to concerts every other weekend or trips to Daytona and so on and leave my kids with her Parents. So I guess it's ok for her to go shopping every day and spend all of the money I send her on HER and HER HUSBANDS KID and enjoy a new boat, a new mini-van and a Harley also. I guess it's ok...right

 

[flomaster]

I got custody of my daughter when she was 12 and she told the court she wanted to liove with me and along with the host of other badness that the court saw, I got custody.

IMO you need to do whats best for your son and it seems like he isn't getting what he needs from living with Mom. I know my daughter thought life would be rosie when she got to live with me because its always fun when you hang with the non custodial parent. Thank god she did reasonably okay and is off to college in NY.

You want to do whats best for him and his future. Ex's can be a pain in the butt. Hope it works out.

Good luck.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I guess it's ok...right

Right.

 

[Chain729]

No, it screams manipulation - by everyone involved.

Dealing with my fair share of problems and seeing this cycle first hand, I picked up on a lot more than just that. Manipulation is a symptom of the root problem. And, yes, I agree, no one is innocent- people never are.