J
julz20684
Guest
BillnChristi said:
She got a Harley out of it, SWEEEEEEET
I am so tired of my EX and her CRAP!!!
- Thread starter BillnChristi
- Start date
She got a Harley out of it, SWEEEEEEET
kwillia
n/a
Your ONLY recourse is to file for full custody and hope you win.BillnChristi said:
But as you know, your son's age will give him the right chose the parent he wishes to live with and unless it can be proven the parent of choice is "unfit" the courts usually rule in favor of the child's choice.
If you are serious about helping your son, than you should contact a lawyer and see what you need to do to build your case and begin legal proceedings.
Toxick
Splat
BillnChristi said:
I would - but you have to make it perfectly clear that this is an important decision that needs to be carefully consider because there are no take-backs. Such a move shouldn't be decided on a whim, and you know how subject to whims that kids are.
I would also avoid trying to influence him - especially with gifts, which is what it sounds like mom is doing, and it doesn't sound like he recognizes the manipulation. That's why you need to explain that theres a lot more at stake... like his future.
BillnChristi said:
I hope things work out for the both of you.
BillnChristi
New Member
Chasey_Lane said:
So who's fault is it? Is it mine? I guess I am supposed to pick up all my stuff here and move down to Florida. It was her decision to move there..NOT MINE. So you are saying it's ok for her to let our kids go out and do what they want whenever they want. Never give them a chance to do their homework.
I guess you are missing the big picture. It's the lack of supervision...not the shopping that is the problem. Regardless of how many times I call them..I can not MAKE them do their homework from 2000 miles or however many it is away. I have tried to work with here. SHE WON'T DO IT!!! She NEVER graduated from High School and neither did her current husband. But I guess that is MY fault too.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Someone forget their sarcasm at home today.Toxick said:While the kid walks around with holes in his clothes and shoes.
Way to put the kid first
Your ex's lack of supervision, him not having clothes that fit him, and him almost failing twice is a start to changing physical custody. He is old enough to do his work without constant supervision, but she needs to participate in that. He is a teenager after all. I am surprised that FL law allows a 15 year old to be the sole deciding factor in where s/he lives. Most states go by the "best interest of the child" standard. The kids above a certain age are allowed to state a preference but they do not make the final decision. Your situation is exactly why-the kids will go where it looks better for them. He likes the freedom, the baseball tickets, the promises of "things will be better" and the ex likes the child support. To her credit, she also loves her son.
Your son probably knows he will have stability, security, and a good home if he stays with you. He also probably knows that he will have to shape up-do his homework, not get into fights, and work hard. If he gets to choose, then he is going to go for the best deal. Show him why he is better off with you and your family here.
It does little good to blame your ex or other factors. Continue to try to talk with her. Find out what the issues are, what is going on-maybe schedule times to talk. And, while shopping is not a crime, when it interferes with supervising and being there for your children-that is when it is a problem. Remember, this is your son and you only have a little while before he is grown and your chance to teach him what he needs to know as a grown up is over. You have a right to be concerned and want the best for him. He needs stability, a good education, a good work ethic, etc. The goal should be to take care of him and his best interests and not to fight with your ex.
Your son probably knows he will have stability, security, and a good home if he stays with you. He also probably knows that he will have to shape up-do his homework, not get into fights, and work hard. If he gets to choose, then he is going to go for the best deal. Show him why he is better off with you and your family here.
It does little good to blame your ex or other factors. Continue to try to talk with her. Find out what the issues are, what is going on-maybe schedule times to talk. And, while shopping is not a crime, when it interferes with supervising and being there for your children-that is when it is a problem. Remember, this is your son and you only have a little while before he is grown and your chance to teach him what he needs to know as a grown up is over. You have a right to be concerned and want the best for him. He needs stability, a good education, a good work ethic, etc. The goal should be to take care of him and his best interests and not to fight with your ex.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
And it sounds like mom can't either. That sounds more than just "lack of supervision." If both of you have tried and nothing works, there may be deeper issues with your son.BillnChristi said:
baileydog
I wanna be a SMIB
Midnightrider said:
I believe 15 is still too young to make a life decision. And I dont believe an open door policy is good either, kids like to play parents against each other. The parents need to make this decision and stick with it, the child should only have an opinion about what he would like to do but not the final say. JM2cents
BillnChristi
New Member
aosmiles said:
Thanks for your reply. I really appreciated the time you took and write it and I am definitely going to pursue what is best for him. I also appreciate everyone else's posts. You ALL have giving me alot to consider. Overall, I am going to do what's best for him. You all have helped me tremendously..even the ones I didn't agree with. Thanks for all of your help, understanding and replies. Thanks most importantly for your time.
I will post on occasion what is happening if anyone is interested. But my main concern is his welfare. That is what is the driving force behind this whole thing. Thanks again to everyone and I wish everyone the best.
Thanks
BillnChristi
New Member
Chasey_Lane said:
If you are going to quote me on something..make sure you do the whole quote. As I said..I can't do it from 2000 miles away. But if he were here I could. I have a daughter (actual step) but I consider her my own and she is 11 just like my other daughter. She currently gets A's and B's on her report. Everyday I pick her up of the bus and I am home with her. She does her homework while I cook dinner and then by the time my wife gets home, we eat and then check her homework. If she has problems, she comes to me and we work it out together. My wife and I have only been together for ayear and since then we have turned our daughter from a mediocre student to being on the honor role every quarter is year. And the whole time my daughter had to deal with me (her new step-father..geesh I hate that word), her mother getting married, us moving, and her to a new school. I think we all did well and we have a wonderful relationship. We go out and do things as a FAMILY. My son doesn't get that where he is now and loves how all of us get along. That is the thing he says he likes most. Even if we don't have money..we will go to the park..play basketball, ride bikes or whatever. That is the only promise I make him is that we WILL BE A FAMILY. The only other promise I have made him is to treat him like he matters. His opinions and needs are always taken into consideration. I can't compete with gifts..but I can compete with LOVE. And I have told him that..but afterall he is still a kid.
jenbengen
Watch it
It sounds like your son isn't mature enough to make that decision solely on his own if he can be swayed with Yankee tickets. I know it is difficult to sit down with ANY teenager and have a heart-to-heart, but you really should try talking to him about ALL the pros and cons (leave out your emotion) and maybe write them down or something. He is being forced to grow up by picking between his parents and it is probably very tough. Keep saying nothing negative about his mom to him, as well.
How his mom lives off of just your payments is beyond me. Sounds like your family is ready to open up their arms to him but he may be resistent because he sees more structure at your home and may fear some loss of freedom that he probably NEEDS.
Hang in there, stay calm, don't pressure him as much as possible. Keep us updated if you can!
How his mom lives off of just your payments is beyond me. Sounds like your family is ready to open up their arms to him but he may be resistent because he sees more structure at your home and may fear some loss of freedom that he probably NEEDS.
Hang in there, stay calm, don't pressure him as much as possible. Keep us updated if you can!
SoMDGirl42
Well-Known Member
Damn, my ex swayed my son with a 4x4 super cab truck (but only if he chose to move to FL and stay with him. If he came back, the truck stayed). When he totaled that, he bought him a brand new Mustang GT. My sons response, "Man, this car is FAST"! My response? 
Can you guess what he chose to do?
Can you guess what he chose to do?
that's what Xs do
baileydog
I wanna be a SMIB
I forgot, if you already have return plane tickets for a specific date, I would not let him leave early just cause mom went and bought game tixs for him. He would just have to miss it. And when he complains thats not fair.....here comes my fav....tell him.....drumroll.....LIFES NOT FAIR, GET OVER IT!
abbey
abbey normal
I would make sure before you do anything drastic you realize that at age 15 everything is dramatic, if he is telling you stories of his tourtourous chores you must remember he is 15. My son is 13 and everything is drama, also I make sure he does his homework and part of his homework now is him showing me that he puts it in his bookbag, if it doesn't make it to class after all that I think he is just going to have to learn the hard way. I am not saying your ex wife is doing an excellent job, but maybe she told him to pack for his fathers and all he packed was clothes that were too small so he didn't do a very good job, I don't think a mother needs to pack for a 15 year old, if not watched my 13 year old would go out of the house wearing crazy things like a sweater and shorts and mismatched socks. Just something to think about.
BillnChristi
New Member
sccrmommy said:
I am quite sure those tickets would definitely sway him....but I am not going to sink to her level. Today at lunch we had a talk and I discussed with him how rude it was for her to even offer to get him tickets when he is supposed to be with me. I asked him if the roles were reversed, what would she do and he said she would throw a "Bxxch Fit" I then asked if he thought it was fair and he replied, "NO". He then got on the phone and called his mother and told her he wanted to spend the time up here that we all agreed upon. I was proud of him and let him know it. I also told him that this is not going to be a contest. I was not going to buy him gifts or promise him things. I told him that I would do 2 things for him:
1. I told him that his main focus here will be completing high school and that if he wants I will do what ever it takes for him to graduate high school when he is supposed to. I explained to him that he would have to work hard in order for that to happen and that I would be there for him but would NOT do it for him.
2. I let him know that his opinions and needs are important. I will let him grow up and learn to make his own decisions but that any bad decisions he would have to pay the consequences.
As of right now he is undecided. I think his biggest problem now is that he is missing his family along with his friends also. Yesterday, we stopped by the high school and he saw the Tech Center and said he didn't one of those in his area. I explained to him today that it would take a lot of work to get accepted there and the counselors told him that they do interviews for the following year in February. So he would be able to attend in his sophomore year. So he has decided that he will make a decision on what happens when he gets his report card from last year and we go in and talk to the Principle and Counselors. That to me is a step in the right direction. That shows me that he is thinking of what is best for him. FINALLY!!!
I know that it's a small step..but at least it's a step. Thanks for everyone's input again..and I will keep everyone informed. This post might grow and grow over the next month or so...but I will check it daily and keep everyone up to date.
Thanks again everyone.
BillnChristi
New Member
abbey said:
Speaking of the clothes issue...not an hour ago, I got a text from her asking if he brought any clothes with him. I said "no that he claimed they didn't fit so I went out and bought him some" Her reply was "well he did need them".
I also come from a divorced family and when I visited my father, my mother made sure that I had appropriate clothes for all occasions with me and got upset with me if I came back with new stuff that was not necessary. And we do the same for our daughter here. When she goes to visit her father, she has good, clean and un-holy clothes. I take pride on how my kids look. We only get $200 a month from her father but we make sure that she gets what she needs.
I don't care what she does with the child support I send her. As long as the kids get what they need. He was wearing a pair of shoes that I had bought him the xmas before last. Over a year ago and he has only gotten one pair of new shoes and from what he says..he bought them himself. I believe them considering he had to sell his PSP to get them. Which was also an xmas gift. But as I was saying, as long as they get what they need...she can do whatever is leftover as she sees fit as long as they get what they need.