I am so tired of my EX and her CRAP!!!

[sgt_turmoil]

Last month I received an email from her asking what I thought of my son coming to live with me. Without hesitation I said YES and started making arrangements. I bought his ticket and so on. Within a few days she had changed her mind and only wants him to come up for the summer. A few days after that she called me at Midnite saying she couldn't take it anymore and wanted to know if I could get a sooner flight. I dealt with it and continued the plans for him to stay.

2 weeks ago I picked up from the airport. By the way he will be 15 this summer. According to Florida state law, he has the right to make his own decision with which parent he wants to live with. Within a day of him arriving he had decided he wanted to live with me. I told him he needed to seriously think about it before making the decision and that I would definitely want him to stay.

Now for some history. My son will be 15 in July. He nearly failed the 8th grade 2 years in a row. The main reason for this is the lack of supervision by his mother in making him do his homework and studying. The only reason he passed this year is because of his F-CAT scores and age. Something like the MD standard tests they give. The only reason he failed or would have failed is because he didn't complete his necessary school work (homework, projects and etc.) All of this should be supervised by his mother. He also lives with his Mother and Step father who has told him on several occasions that at age 18 he will be kicked out of the house. My son is also interested in getting part time work to help pay for the insurance when he gets his license (that of course depends on if his grades are good enough) When he told them this...it was said that if he worked, he would have to pay rent. WTF? What is the $1200 a month in Child Support I send to them for? Now when he arrived here...he had NO clothes that fit him. I had to go out the next day and spend $200 on clothes to wear while he is here.

Now to the point. Up until a few days ago, he was convinced he wanted to stay. We all had an agreement that he would stay until the earliest 25th of July when he flies back. Well he mentioned to his mother he wanted to stay here. The next day she calls and asks him he wants to go to a Yankees game on the 12th of July. Well this has totally PISSED me off. Now he has changed his mind because of this. She also promised him things would be different. Now it upset me most because we had an agreement of how long he would stay...now by her getting him tickets to the games shortens my time with him by 3 weeks. I only get him during the summer because of the distance between us. Now she is cutting into the short time I get with him.

WHY?

I think the main reason she is doing this is because she will lose the $1200 a month income that she gets from me. She doesn't currently work and has barely held a job for over a year for the entire time I have known her.

Currently I am married with a wonderful wife and daughter who both very much want him to be a part of our lives. However, there will need to be some changes done. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment and would need to move to a bigger place if he decides to stay. However, it takes time and money to do this.

I am thinking of making him make his decision now. If he decides to stay...alot will need to be done, registering him for school, moving and etc.

I guess my main point is this...what should I do...should I make him make a decision or what?

I have told him that if he decides to go back to his mother and then changes his mind a month or so later..there will be nothing I can do. I won't be able to get another place on such short notice or would want him to change schools in the middle of a semester.

I know this is long winded and I apologize. I thank you for taking the time to read this and appreciate and responses.

Re-open the custody case. He is old enough to take the bench. Im sure the courts will ask him about the time spent with the both of you. I have custody of my 4 year old little boy and my ex is giving me a hard time because im dating someone new. She re-opened it saying i dont put our son in a seat belt and she is worried about his safety. Hes getting ready to start school and she hasnt even bought him a car seat and she doesnt ever ride in my truck to even know about the seat belt issue shes trying to use. Im trying to figure out when shes gonna fight for the other three kids she all gave up because she didnt know who the kids fathers were. Im ticked because she lied to me and I didnt even know she abandonded her marriage until we went to court for custody the first time. Yep she was still married, get that crap. Evne though I have custody I still have to pay her 2 time filing for bankruptcy broke tail 100 dollars a month when my son lives with me. talk about getting a free ride. I wrote B. mikulski and said that the laws need to be changed. if the custodial parent gets caught using drugs or busted for a DUI then reduce the amount owed by the other parent by 50 percent for a year. A second offense by the custodial parent reverses the courts decision by default. In addition to that the parent gets hit with a child neglect charge. If social services find out the parent is involved and living with a new partner then child support should be reduced by 25 %. I dont think a person should be able to ride the system, collect child support and lets say remarry or live with someone making 75,000 a year when the father, lets say he works in construction making 30,000 a year.

 

[Qurious]

WOWZERS!!! 15 years old and u pay $1200 a month?

Is that just for him or do you have another kid with her? (didnt read the whole thread)

I'd ask for a modification quick since its obvious she's using that money not on the child.

Also, just outta Quriousity...why did you move to another state? Your kid wasn't enough reason to stay near by?

 

[BillnChristi]

WOWZERS!!! 15 years old and u pay $1200 a month?

Is that just for him or do you have another kid with her? (didnt read the whole thread)

I'd ask for a modification quick since its obvious she's using that money not on the child.

Also, just outta Quriousity...why did you move to another state? Your kid wasn't enough reason to stay near by?

ok..I'm going to answer all of your questions. I hope..LOL..

the $1200 a month is for 2 kids. However, it's only supposed to be half of the total amount. Also, the support amount includes daycare. Neither of my kids have been in daycare for 5 years. So a good portion of that should be reduced. Also, she is order to provide the medical coverage, but I am to pay for it. That lasted about 3 months before she stopped paying the insurance and I had to put them on my insurance. So a portion of the $1200 is also for insurance that she is supposed to provide. Over the last 5 years I have tried getting a modification. The last time I filed for a modification was May of last year. I just spoke with the states attny last month and was asked if I still wanted a modification. Because I live out of state, my case has no priority and the courts will see me when it's convenient.

As far as moving...she was the one that moved. We separated when I was in the Marines and she moved back home to FL to live with her parents. I did try and follow but work in FL is very limited in availability and pay. So I was forced to take a different job out of state. Yes I would have loved to stay in FL but only making $11 per hour and still pay $1200 a month is hard when I barely made that so she was get 60% of my net income and I was going in the arrears each month. And according to FL law you cannot file for 3 years after the initial divorce unless the payments would adjust by 25%...mine would adjust by 22% so they said I couldn't file. Isn't that messed up. So I had to find another job and fast. I tried looking around and the only thing I could find was out of state. I couldn't even get a part time job because they would take 60% of that job too.

So all in all..it was better for me to move..even though I had to leave my kids. It was either move or end up in jail for not paying the total amount. See another thing that is different is support enforcement. When you are called in front of the judge for non-payment...even if it is just a small amount of you obligation. The judges DON'T CARE. I was once told that first I pay my child support then I eat. The judge told me if I couldn't afford rent that he would give me a place to stay in JAIL and then I wouldn't have to worry about eating or a roof over my head. Now I am paying for all the dead beat fathers out there who DON'T PAY. When I pay every month!!! One time in the court, a person was in front of the judge who had 5 children and no job. The judge asked him if he could afford $50 a month. Of course the person said yes. When I went up in front of him, he told me I needed to find a better job. And NO this is not an exaggeration. It is actually recorded and part of the court records. My lawyer has a copy of the transcripts and is waiting for the modification to take place to present it. This court date was a preliminary hearing over a year ago and still haven't gotten the final court date for in FL.

 

[Booboo3604]

ok..I'm going to answer all of your questions. I hope..LOL..

the $1200 a month is for 2 kids. However, it's only supposed to be half of the total amount. Also, the support amount includes daycare. Neither of my kids have been in daycare for 5 years. So a good portion of that should be reduced. Also, she is order to provide the medical coverage, but I am to pay for it. That lasted about 3 months before she stopped paying the insurance and I had to put them on my insurance. So a portion of the $1200 is also for insurance that she is supposed to provide. Over the last 5 years I have tried getting a modification. The last time I filed for a modification was May of last year. I just spoke with the states attny last month and was asked if I still wanted a modification. Because I live out of state, my case has no priority and the courts will see me when it's convenient.

As far as moving...she was the one that moved. We separated when I was in the Marines and she moved back home to FL to live with her parents. I did try and follow but work in FL is very limited in availability and pay. So I was forced to take a different job out of state. Yes I would have loved to stay in FL but only making $11 per hour and still pay $1200 a month is hard when I barely made that so she was get 60% of my net income and I was going in the arrears each month. And according to FL law you cannot file for 3 years after the initial divorce unless the payments would adjust by 25%...mine would adjust by 22% so they said I couldn't file. Isn't that messed up. So I had to find another job and fast. I tried looking around and the only thing I could find was out of state. I couldn't even get a part time job because they would take 60% of that job too.

So all in all..it was better for me to move..even though I had to leave my kids. It was either move or end up in jail for not paying the total amount. See another thing that is different is support enforcement. When you are called in front of the judge for non-payment...even if it is just a small amount of you obligation. The judges DON'T CARE. I was once told that first I pay my child support then I eat. The judge told me if I couldn't afford rent that he would give me a place to stay in JAIL and then I wouldn't have to worry about eating or a roof over my head. Now I am paying for all the dead beat fathers out there who DON'T PAY. When I pay every month!!! One time in the court, a person was in front of the judge who had 5 children and no job. The judge asked him if he could afford $50 a month. Of course the person said yes. When I went up in front of him, he told me I needed to find a better job. And NO this is not an exaggeration. It is actually recorded and part of the court records. My lawyer has a copy of the transcripts and is waiting for the modification to take place to present it. This court date was a preliminary hearing over a year ago and still haven't gotten the final court date for in FL.

Is this Hillsborough County by any chance?

 

[BillnChristi]

Is this Hillsborough County by any chance?

Nope..it's Brevard County.

Well I figured I would give everyone an update that is interested.

My Ex now knows he wants to stay with me. And let me tell you she is not happy about it. While my son was on the phone with her, she finally admitted to him that she was concerned about the loss of income. Finally, my son realizes that she doesn't care for his best interests...only hers. He is a bit upset about this and realizes that what I have been telling him all these years is true. He even got on the phone last nite with his grandmother and told her (my ex's step mother). His grandmother is supporting his decision which is good. She has decided not to take sides and will support whatever he wants.

I have talked with the State's Attorney and have started the process for full custody. Things are looking good.

For years my ex has been lying to my kids, from everything to why we divorced to what happened when she wouldn't let me talk to them. Finally, now he sees how a family should be (seeing my wife, her daughter and us together) and he very much wants to be a part of it. He now knows that a family needs comes first instead of the individuals. His mother for years has refused to work and thinks only she should get the new clothes, phones with $150 bluetooth headsets, trips to concerts every other weekend with her current husband and leaves the kids at a relative, all with THE CHILD SUPPORT I SEND! Oh yeah...lets not forget about the new motorcycle with a $2000 paint job, boat and new car too.

But that's enough about that. I made her an offer hopefully she won't refuse. And hopefully things don't change.

 

[BS Gal]

Do you have a picture of the motorcycle?

 

[bresamil]

With all the valid concerns, will you also be asking for full custody of your daughter?

 

[ShyGirl]

Finally, my son realizes that she doesn't care for his best interests...only hers. He is a bit upset about this and realizes that what I have been telling him all these years is true.

 

[Elle]

Nope..it's Brevard County.

Well I figured I would give everyone an update that is interested.

My Ex now knows he wants to stay with me. And let me tell you she is not happy about it. While my son was on the phone with her, she finally admitted to him that she was concerned about the loss of income. Finally, my son realizes that she doesn't care for his best interests...only hers. He is a bit upset about this and realizes that what I have been telling him all these years is true. He even got on the phone last nite with his grandmother and told her (my ex's step mother). His grandmother is supporting his decision which is good. She has decided not to take sides and will support whatever he wants.

I have talked with the State's Attorney and have started the process for full custody. Things are looking good.

For years my ex has been lying to my kids, from everything to why we divorced to what happened when she wouldn't let me talk to them. Finally, now he sees how a family should be (seeing my wife, her daughter and us together) and he very much wants to be a part of it. He now knows that a family needs comes first instead of the individuals. His mother for years has refused to work and thinks only she should get the new clothes, phones with $150 bluetooth headsets, trips to concerts every other weekend with her current husband and leaves the kids at a relative, all with THE CHILD SUPPORT I SEND! Oh yeah...lets not forget about the new motorcycle with a $2000 paint job, boat and new car too.

But that's enough about that. I made her an offer hopefully she won't refuse. And hopefully things don't change.

I'm glad that you are happy to be with your son now but you still sound very bitter to your wife, if you wish to improve his life the way you say I think you all should go to counseling; this will be a big change for him and you as well.

 

[Chain729]

I'm glad that you are happy to be with your son now but you still sound very bitter to your wife, if you wish to improve his life the way you say I think you all should go to counseling; this will be a big change for him and you as well.

Who goes to counceling with their EX-wife? Counceling doesn't help people like that- they don't want, nor even see a need, for change.

 

[Chain729]

I have talked with the State's Attorney and have started the process for full custody. Things are looking good.

If your situation is as you describe, good for you

 

[Elle]

Who goes to counceling with their EX-wife? Counceling doesn't help people like that- they don't want, nor even see a need, for change.

I meant he and his son.

 

[BillnChristi]

LOL..sorry no..no pic of motorcycle..not that I would want one. But I have seen it.

Trying for full custody is not possible for my daughter. While she is not spending the support on my kids like she should, she also is not un-fit. That is the only way I would be able to get custody. I would have to prove her un-fit, which according to the courts she isn't. Fortunately, my daughter is doing well enough and also she is under the age of 12 and unable to make the decision (according to the courts) on where she wants to live. Also, she is happy there where my son isn't. He gets treated differently by his step-father than she does. However, I have let her know that if she wants to come live with me, she is MORE than welcome. I think one of the issues is that my son looks and acts alot like me and that is why his mother treats him like she does. She takes her dislikes of me out on him. But she doesn't do it with our daughter. One of these days I am hoping she will grow up....but I don't see that day coming anytime soon. When I had to take off of work for a month or so to get surgery done, she decided it was easier to let the satellite/tv get shut off rather than getting a part time job in the evenings. She absolutely refuses to work and I really hope that doesn't rub off on our daughter. Yes, I would take my daughter in to live with us in a heartbeat...but she is doing ok. But she is starting Middle School this year and things may change. I guess we will just have to wait and see. If she starts failing Middle School then something is wrong and I WILL fight for custody for her. But if I tried for both now...their Mother would fight and the chances would be slim. However, if I can get her to give up my son willingly..it may only be time before my daughter follows.

 

[BillnChristi]

I'm glad that you are happy to be with your son now but you still sound very bitter to your wife, if you wish to improve his life the way you say I think you all should go to counseling; this will be a big change for him and you as well.

A little more history for everyone...we have been divorced for nearly 8 years now. During most of that time I never spoke bad about my ex to either of the kids. I just let her keep talking. It wasn't until recently (over the last year or so) that my son started questioning her and when he didn't believe her, he started asking me. I kindof misspoke when I said I've been telling him for years...actually it's only been since he started asking. But what I have also done is provide him with proof of emails she has sent me and MY mother. He has really opened his eyes to what is going on. I am not really bitter with her....I am bitter with her ways. She has always been about herself on the inside and claiming everything is for the kids on the outside. This has made me bitter. I am sending her a lot of money and she should be using it the way she is supposed to. I have tried with the courts to get verification of her spendings but they won't do it because the kids aren't "neglected". So in a way I am also bitter with the courts, not just her. I know it may sound that way in my posts...I just think it is unfair that I should have to financially support my kids, her, her new husband and their new child. That is what I am "bitter" about.

 

[aps45819]

LOL..sorry no..no pic of motorcycle..not that I would want one.

You just made it difficult to be sympathetic

 

[Elle]

A little more history for everyone...we have been divorced for nearly 8 years now. During most of that time I never spoke bad about my ex to either of the kids. I just let her keep talking. It wasn't until recently (over the last year or so) that my son started questioning her and when he didn't believe her, he started asking me. I kindof misspoke when I said I've been telling him for years...actually it's only been since he started asking. But what I have also done is provide him with proof of emails she has sent me and MY mother. He has really opened his eyes to what is going on. I am not really bitter with her....I am bitter with her ways. She has always been about herself on the inside and claiming everything is for the kids on the outside. This has made me bitter. I am sending her a lot of money and she should be using it the way she is supposed to. I have tried with the courts to get verification of her spendings but they won't do it because the kids aren't "neglected". So in a way I am also bitter with the courts, not just her. I know it may sound that way in my posts...I just think it is unfair that I should have to financially support my kids, her, her new husband and their new child. That is what I am "bitter" about.

I still don't agree with your actions any more than hers (as in proving your attempts while discrediting her to a child, and your lack of visitation ~ short of him being kidnapped or you be shipped off to some foreign country ~ there are no valid reasons in my mind) but again, if you and your son are happy now, then that's all that matters.

 

[BillnChristi]

I meant he and his son.

Yes, my son and I are planning on attending counseling. It was his idea. He needs someone he can talk too other than me. He has been here only about a month and has grown up so much in that short time that I think I am looking and talking with someone else. He just wants to be treated fairly and he wants to be able to express his opinions. We have discussed this and I only may 2 promises to him:

1. I will do whatever it takes to get him through High School and
2. His opinion matters in our family.

Now he knows this doesn't mean he will always get what he wants. But his opinion will be taken into consideration with family decisions. Even if it is something as little as where we go for dinner or what vegatable we have with dinner. Just something that little as made a difference for him. Apparantly, he gets NO say whatsoever in anything his mother decides. It is all about what she wants and that's it.

So, yes, we do plan on attending counseling. Sorry I post so much on here. I just get typing and don't know when to shut up. I guess I would make a good author...that's if I had a good idea on grammatical stuff and could spell halfway decent...LMAO

 

[BillnChristi]

I still don't agree with your actions any more than hers (as in proving your attempts while discrediting her to a child, and your lack of visitation ~ short of him being kidnapped or you be shipped off to some foreign country ~ there are no valid reasons in my mind) but again, if you and your son are happy now, then that's all that matters.

Please clarify what actions you are specifically talking about. I have not tried to discredit her in anyway prior to him asking. I kept my mouth shut for years not saying anything and I let them believe what she told them.

My lack of visitation was not by choice. I offered her many times to put them on a plane and I would pay for it. It was her that said NO. It was easier for me to fly both of them up and have them stay with me during the summer and holidays then for me to go to FL...get a hotel and so on. I have no family there. And it would cost me a couple thousand dollars for a couple weeks. She also refused to meet me anywhere halfway. I would have to all the way to get them. I did it once when I lived in TX and it wasn't too bad. But I was able to fly there...rent a car and drive back and forth and then fly back...the flights were paid for by my company because it was business related. You don't seem to understand that she is supposed to pay for half of all travel expenses. And since I was giving up over half my net income...coming up with that kind of money to visit was nearly impossible without any help from her. I visited when I could also. Just last weekend, she finally agreed to meet in NC to bring my daughter up for a visit. It cost me nearly $600 for the trip and I had to give her money also. I could write a book on everything that has happened and maybe then you would understand. I did get to see them when I could....it's not as much as I would have liked. I also don't claim to be the perfect father...I have made mistakes..but I am learned from them..and admitted them to my kids. They are old enough to understand and realize that things aren't nearly as bad as their mother claimed them to be

 

[Elle]

So, yes, we do plan on attending counseling. Sorry I post so much on here. I just get typing and don't know when to shut up. I guess I would make a good author...that's if I had a good idea on grammatical stuff and could spell halfway decent...LMAO

In a way it's probably a good relase for you

 

[kalmd]

You sound like a great dad.