I need the abuse

Lugnut

Lugnut

I'm Rick James #####!
CandyRain said:
That's not hard. The hardest thing is not e-mailing or calling. :ohwell:
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Email or call somebody else. You're going to want to talk about this a LOT so hopefully you have a friend that will support you.

Make new friends, stay active and actually DO something. DOn't sit in front of a TV watching "Lifetime". I swear that channel has got to be the cause of half the nuerosis that women have these days! :lmao:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnum
Thats what I did. Erase everything and go for a fresh start.

CandyRain said:
Men are waaaaayyy better at doing that than women.
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For what it's worth, nobody is GOOD erasing the past and starting fresh unless they didn't give a rats @ss about the person in the first place. BUt it certainly helps to try!
 
K_Jo

K_Jo

Pea Brain
PREMO Member
kwillia said:
I'm still waiting to find out if ya'll will let me in with a 81 handicap...:tap:
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Team Captain Otter told me the higher the better. :shrug:
 
M

Magnum

Should be Huntin
Lugnut said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnum
Thats what I did. Erase everything and go for a fresh start.



For what it's worth, nobody is GOOD erasing the past and starting fresh unless they didn't give a rats @ss about the person in the first place. BUt it certainly helps to try!
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Thats all one can do is try. I mean we split a few months ago, but it took about 4 to get to that point. At the point of the break up I knew it was going to happen for a while, so that helped I guess. I still have thoughts and memories, none really bad... which makes it worse. It's easy to hate someone that betrayed you, or did something to you, but it's really hard when they have done nothing. I still have my moments where I wonder how she is doing, if everything is ok, and I feel like I should check, but I buckle down and distract myself with something else
 
K_Jo

K_Jo

Pea Brain
PREMO Member
otter said:
:smack: I was talking bout pushemup bras, not the bowling team.
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I thought you said it didn't matter how perky they were as long as I could spin 'em. :frown:
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
Get a notepad...

CandyRain said:
And I know I've come to the right place. :howdy: Besides, it can only make me stronger.

I'm newly single after a 5 year relationship. :bawl: We've definitely had our ups and downs and we stayed together despite them. I know in my head that it's not a good relationship, fundamentally, and that it's not progressing as it should but I can't seem to get my heart to catch up.

How do you do the right thing and still manage to go about daily life when your heart is telling you to go back, don't let it end, the good times are great and the bad times aren't so bad?

I'd ask friends and family but they're biased. Some anonymous suggestions would be good food for thought. :yay:

Bring it on :snacks:
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...and a pencil. Sit down when you've got some time to reflect and are feeling clear headed. Make two columns, one is 'looking for' the other is 'found'.

List all the things you want and like in a mate in 'looking for'.

Personality type. Interests you have that you want them to share (not necessarily everything you like). Religion. Views on money. Lifestyle. Music. Political views. Goals. Kids. Food. TV. You name it.

Now, check off what you found in this other person. If they are at 60%, you have a 'D' relationship with that person. 70%, is a C and so on.

Now, what are you happy with? 60%? 100%? 75%?

Look at the list again. Are you being honest with yourself? About them? Did you list stuff that really doesn't matter? Did you leave out stuff that should?

Show the 'looking for' column to someone you trust who you KNOW will tell you if you are being honest with yourself or lying to yourself ABOUT yourself or if perhaps you just don't know yourself very well. Show them the found list and have them do the same thing.

The thought of someone who really knows you looking at the list will make you really look it over, but good, before you let them see it. Make a note of everything you changed before you let them see it. Those are probably the things you are struggling with or lying to yourself about given you don't want them to see your original notes.

If you aren't willing to dig that deep into yourself AND have someone who will not pull punches work it over with you then you are never allowed to publicly cry about how unhappy you are. Why is it fair to bother friends and family with your mistakes when you didn't seek them out when you were looking for the questions and answers to begin with?
 
CandyRain

CandyRain

New Member
And I thought I was going to be bored tonight. I've got homework!! :yahoo:

This goes against my gripe in the "back to school" thread.
 
Xbrand

Xbrand

New Member
CandyRain said:
I'd ask friends and family but they're biased. Some anonymous suggestions would be good food for thought. :yay:

Bring it on :snacks:
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Depsite that I just spent 10 mins attempting to type out my thoughts on this, I promptly deleted the message and in turn decided this might be the best for me to say.

Stay Positive.
Go out and do the things you enjoy.

That annoying gnawing your experiencing (urge to email, phone) will eventually go away.

It didn't work for a reason, you may never fully come to understand why, and you know what? Thats cool, sometimes we don't get an answer. Just don't dump it on the next person.
 
Pete

Pete

Repete
I am nearly 100% certain a bona fide relationship expert will chime in on this thread soon. :yay:
 
I

IcePrincess

Guest
Nickel said:
I don't know what that means. :eyebrow:
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I think she was referring to me, but can't be sure :shrug:

CandyRain, my heart goes out to you. Been there, done that and am pulling through myself right now. Larry had good advice, as well as others. Fight that urge to contact, you HAVE to do that. Like Nickel said, you just have to move on. For whatever reason, it didn't work, and you know it wasn't right, so don't fall back into the trap.

Find distractions, whatever they may be, i.e., toys, friends, somd.com, family, work, hobbies, community service. If you surround yourself with activities and friends, you truly will pull through.

:flowers:
 
P

Pandora

New Member
The days turn into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. After awhile it is a faded memory.
 
I

IcePrincess

Guest
Pandora said:
The days turn into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. After awhile it is a faded memory.
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Yeah man :yay:
 
persimmoncf

persimmoncf

Persimmon Creek Farm
Magnum said:
My ex lives next door to my cousin, which is where my welding shop is set up. I used to go there all the time, that ended a few months ago as well. I tried to go there to visit my cousin and ran into my ex and her family on the dirt road.. just kept on driving. I had to go to his house a couple weeks ago to take care of his goats since he was out of town. I rolled in there with some pantera blaring in my Blazer, did what I had to do then got out of there as fast as possible. I wanted to take my welder and my stuff from my cousins and bring it home, but I just had to go.
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:yeahthat: and my ex and his "reason for leaving" lives next door :jameo: It is good for the kids, and Im getting used to it all.
Time Heals ALL wounds...give yourself some self-absorbed time.
 
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