In laws and Retirement

[rdkarob]

If you and your husband don't take her in, she'll be remarried so fast it'll make your head spin.

OH NO...you do not know my mother in law....no one will give her the time of day....she doesn't leave the house...hense QVC and HSN

 

[kwillia]

I am just venting and wondering how to handle this. This woman is in so much debt and keeps spending spending spending. She has no clue what she is doing to US financially...she says that if they die we do not have to pay their bills??? Is that true or isnt there some things about estates....Nope they have nothing but debt, who is responsible for this money owed?

I don't see how you could be held responsible for their bills, but on another note do you realize it will take approx $10,000 plus for one funeral should you chose a burial? Does hubby have any siblings?

 

[aps45819]

It is causing major problems because he will not speak with them

So you want hubby to grow a set and tell his mother to change the habits she's learned over her lifetime.

 

[vraiblonde]

Not you, unless you've cosigned for them.

PS, you don't even have to pay for a funeral for them. My bio-dad was cremated by the State and nobody pestered me for a dime.

 

[Sharon]

I am just venting and wondering how to handle this. This woman is in so much debt and keeps spending spending spending. She has no clue what she is doing to US financially...she says that if they die we do not have to pay their bills??? Is that true or isnt there some things about estates....Nope they have nothing but debt, who is responsible for this money owed?

You are not responsible to pay their bills (other than funeral expenses if you choose) when they die and have no financial holdings. As long as you or your husband haven't co-signed on any of their credit cards or loans. Your MIL is responsible for the debt if her husband dies.

How does she get credit for the things she buys if she has no or very little income?

 

[rdkarob]

Exactly.

Actually we are going through this with my Grandmother right now and our state stinks for helping out the elderly. (This is why we want to evaluate my inlaws situation) The waiting list for assistance right now is 18 mos. Who is suppose to pay for it for those 18 months. That would be us right? We can't put her on the street right, and his SS. is 650 a month. How does one live on this? They don't the kids help and it is ticking me off about the spending habits, not really the who is going to take care of her but her thinking is not for her future and is very selfish.

 

[aps45819]

OH NO...you do not know my mother in law....no one will give her the time of day....she doesn't leave the house...hense QVC and HSN

that will stop when the cable bill doesn't get paid. Evidently they pay enough of their bills to continue to have credit cards.

 

[mike44md]

Sheesh getting old sucks,,,,

 

[Sharon]

Actually he says he agrees with me and is upset about it but he doesn't know what to do. It is causing major problems because he will not speak with them

Mail them this thread and see what happens.

 

[cattitude]

Actually we are going through this with my Grandmother right now and our state stinks for helping out the elderly. (This is why we want to evaluate my inlaws situation) The waiting list for assistance right now is 18 mos. Who is suppose to pay for it for those 18 months. That would be us right? We can't put her on the street right, and his SS. is 650 a month. How does one live on this? They don't the kids help and it is ticking me off about the spending habits, not really the who is going to take care of her but her thinking is not for her future and is very selfish.

Been there, done that.

What type of assistance are you waiting for?

 

[rdkarob]

So you want hubby to grow a set and tell his mother to change the habits she's learned over her lifetime.

YES...THANK GOD SOMEONE GETS ME....My husband doesn't think it will help but who cares...step up to the plate and take up for your family...oh I have a 5 year old too...so she will do without so we can afford to take her in.

 

[Christy]

Actually he says he agrees with me and is upset about it but he doesn't know what to do. It is causing major problems because he will not speak with them

What do you think speaking to them would resolve? Do you believe she'll all of the sudden start socking money away and turning off QVC? They managed to survive without your intervention for how many years now? I think it is unfortunate that there is so much dislike between you and your in-laws. Especially with your father in-law in such bad health. I imagine it's got to suck for your husband being caught in the middle. Doesn't sound like dad has much time. It's a shame to see him put on the spot like that when you should be focusing more on spending as much time with him as you can. JMHO :shrug:

 

[virgovictoria]

All I know, is that with experience from terminal illness or cancer is - when the going gets tough - the tough go shopping. I don't know why, it just seems to happen. The Scarlett O'Hara mentality of "I'll think about it tomorrow" sets in. I guess some folks just want comfort. Doesn't make it right... Just is what it is.

Unfortunately, the only clear solution to your dilemma is to plainly identify your boundaries with your in-laws. That is, you may be willing to give them a roof over their head, a bed for them to sleep in, meals and conversation... But you will not, in no uncertain terms, dig them out of their debt. You will offer to help them find aid via resources, but you will not give them aid via your bank account.

:shrug:

 

[kwillia]

YES...THANK GOD SOMEONE GETS ME....My husband doesn't think it will help but who cares...step up to the plate and take up for your family...oh I have a 5 year old too...so she will do without so we can afford to take her in.

IMO, you are attempting to force your husband into a confrontation that he cannot win. If his parents are already in debt, they will not get out of debt in their lifetime so there is no way for them to begin "saving for the future". IMO, you should back off and start saving as much as you can now because the writing is on the wall.

 

[rdkarob]

What do you think speaking to them would resolve? Do you believe she'll all of the sudden start socking money away and turning off QVC? They managed to survive without your intervention for how many years now? I think it is unfortunate that there is so much dislike between you and your in-laws. Especially with your father in-law in such bad health. I imagine it's got to suck for your husband being caught in the middle. Doesn't sound like dad has much time. It's a shame to see him put on the spot like that when you should be focusing more on spending as much time with him as you can. JMHO :shrug:

Actually my father in law and I are very close and I don't hate my mother in law I just dont understand. We stay with them a lot and I help with a lot of things for her and him. My husband is not caught in the middle, he is the one who did the investigating to find out they are in about 30K debt not including their cars and they have no life insu. or savings for her to live off of...we were clueless. I thought that I would have to pay down their credit cards and loans (after things are sold) but I guess not???? Nope we are not on any of them so spend lady spend.....if I am not responsible but how will she pay these credit cards when he passes?????? she is not old I think she is 64 so when she asks us for money tell her No, I would never do that because she wiped my husbands behind and took care of him. I am just in need of advice as to how to handle this...because it is out of control and has been for about 15 years, not just lately.....

 

[Elle]

I don't see how you could be held responsible for their bills, but on another note do you realize it will take approx $10,000 plus for one funeral should you chose a burial? Does hubby have any siblings?

Actually without having a plot you better figure closer to $15,00 for an average size arrangement.

 

[Christy]

but who cares...step up to the plate and take up for your family...oh I have a 5 year old too...so she will do without so we can afford to take her in.

His mother and his father are his family as well. This is really sad. Although it does make me thankful for the family I have, (on both sides).

 

[rdkarob]

All I know, is that with experience from terminal illness or cancer is - when the going gets tough - the tough go shopping. I don't know why, it just seems to happen. The Scarlett O'Hara mentality of "I'll think about it tomorrow" sets in. I guess some folks just want comfort. Doesn't make it right... Just is what it is.

Unfortunately, the only clear solution to your dilemma is to plainly identify your boundaries with your in-laws. That is, you may be willing to give them a roof over their head, a bed for them to sleep in, meals and conversation... But you will not, in no uncertain terms, dig them out of their debt. You will offer to help them find aid via resources, but you will not give them aid via your bank account.

:shrug:

ABSOLUTELY, but she expects us to pay her bills....this has already been said...and I quote, " It is a shame you will have to help me pay my bills once "he" passes, I won't have enough money"

 

[kwillia]

Actually my father in law and I are very close and I don't hate my mother in law I just dont understand. We stay with them a lot and I help with a lot of things for her and him. My husband is not caught in the middle, he is the one who did the investigating to find out they are in about 30K debt not including their cars and they have no life insu. or savings for her to live off of...we were clueless. I thought that I would have to pay down their credit cards and loans (after things are sold) but I guess not???? Nope we are not on any of them so spend lady spend.....if I am not responsible but how will she pay these credit cards when he passes?????? she is not old I think she is 64 so when she asks us for money tell her No, I would never do that because she wiped my husbands behind and took care of him. I am just in need of advice as to how to handle this...because it is out of control and has been for about 15 years, not just lately.....

If you get to the point where she is asking for money, I would recommend you pick and chose where you and your hubby spend your money. What I mean by that is you shouldn't hand her cash or a blank check. You could make a direct payment to the electric company or a direct payment to cover rent if it's just an occasional handout she'll be needing. But if she wouldn't be able to afford to live on her own... I wouldn't waste you money on trying to pay down her debt. You might be better off letting her go bankrupt and then you will most likely have to pull her in under your roof.

 

[rdkarob]

IMO, you are attempting to force your husband into a confrontation that he cannot win. If his parents are already in debt, they will not get out of debt in their lifetime so there is no way for them to begin "saving for the future". IMO, you should back off and start saving as much as you can now because the writing is on the wall.

Yeah I know, and that is the problem I am having....we have worked so hard and are finally at a place where we can do whatever we want, but I guess that is over....Thank God for my parents. At least I don't have to worry anything about them....Everything down to the funeral has been taken care of and if one passes the other will have more than enough to be taken care of no matter what happens.
Thanks all for your imput.....