Kids being "Ugly"

C

carolinagirl

What's it 2 U
I have three kids and my middle daughter, who is 4 yo, acts out and is hard to handle. I lose my temper with her very quickly sometimes and my husband has pointed this out. I think alot of it is that she has a personality very similar to mine, and while I love that about her, we also tend to butt heads because of it. Everyone of my children have different personalities and the same punishment doesn't always work for all of them. Find what works for your middle daughter and go from there. Also, maybe you could ask her to assist you in taking care of her older sibling so she is part of that and doesn't feel left out. I have an infant and my middle daughter was always acting out because I depended more on my 12 yo to help me with him. I was afraid the 4 yo wouldn't be able to handle him. But, one night the baby was fussy because he was tired, the oldest was doing homeowrk and I was trying to make dinner, the middle girl pitched such a fit to hold him, so I think okay, I'll fix her, so I give him to her and think in two seconds he'll be wiggling and crying so bad she'll call me to come get him. So I walk back in the kitchen and two minutes pass and nothing. So I walk back in the living room and darn if that child hadn't rocked that baby to sleep that quick. I had been trying for 10 minutes to get him to be still. Needless to say she gets to hold him more often!
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
I am the oldest of three girls, one is a special needs child, my middle sister. It isn't easy, I helped a great deal when I was younger, I didn't have the freedom other kids my age had, I had to help. My sister demanded a lot of my mother's attention, but my mother made sure I had an adult understanding of her situation very early on.

First, ask yourself if you are not cattering to your special needs child too much and hindering their ability to do things for themselves? You are not always going to be around, and your special needs child will have to take care of themselves the best they can, give that child as many tools as you can. Don't overdo it, and even a special needs child needs to be pushed to do things for themselves, no different than a non-special needs child.

Second, does this special needs child stay home with you all day? If so, get them in a program, FB Gwynn Center, school or something like that, don't keep them in the house all day. If they are in a program, great.

Third, sit down and talk to your "problem" child, explain that the problems that exist with your special needs child do demand a lot of your time, what you have to do for that child because they cannot do for themselves. She is not too young to understand compassion and your role as a caregiver. She is also not too young to understand that she should be lucky she can do for herself, things like college, getting married, having a family, driving a car, jumping, running, playing, swimming, those things that are not limited by a special need. Let her think you need her help and find her some way to help. You can also check with Social Services, Community Services see if they have volunteers to come in and help, your health insurance provider may provide a home care nurse in your home and afford you the opportunity to get out with the "problem or neglected" child(ren) at least one evening a week for a few hours, call FB Gwynn, I was a volunteer when I was a teenager that sat with special needs children while parents went to dinner or just to run household errands. These people do exist. It is important that you spend some one on one time with your non-special needs children, without the special needs child destracting your attention. Where there is a will, there is a way, nothing is hopeless.

Good luck. It is a long road.
 
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C

carolinagirl

What's it 2 U
Unosmom said:
Our church offers the oldest child special sunday school studies, but for dealing with the 6 year old there really is nothing there.

Thanks for the idea though!
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If you live in Charles County, I can recommend a church program for your 6 yo. My 4 yo goes and loves it.

Also, in regards to your older daughter, maybe social services can send a therapist or recommend a program your older daughter can attend to give you a break. I have a friend in Delaware that has a severly disables oldest child and they would send her a therapist to work with her once a week or so. I believe it is free of charge. I have also seen programs in Charles County of disabled children. Check with Community Services.
 
U

Unosmom

New Member
The 6 year old is very very active in helping out with the olest. She even helps take care of her baby sister from time to time. Now I am not saying that she enjoys doing it, because she will pitch a total fit over it, but she will do it.

I too love the fact that she alot like me. But this butting heads thing needs to go!

She told me again this morning that she was so excited that her birthday is in 2 days. This is only part of the problem with her behavior right now. Not too sure what the rest of it is yet. Could be a Full Moon and the Demon in her is just coming out!
 
U

Unosmom

New Member
Also, in regards to your older daughter, maybe social services can send a therapist or recommend a program your older daughter can attend to give you a break. I have a friend in Delaware that has a severly disables oldest child and they would send her a therapist to work with her once a week or so. I believe it is free of charge. I have also seen programs in Charles County of disabled children. Check with Community Services.[/QUOTE]

Social Services has no help for me! We make too much money, besides the oldest child attends school (A Special Needs School). Heck, the State of Maryland won't even help let alone the Federal Gov.!

We don't live in Charles. And any activities I find for either child cost an arm and a leg. I guess I am just stuck!
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Unosmom said:
I guess I am just stuck!
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I think you have a bad attitude. And I don't believe you really want a solution to your problem - you just want to complain and say why nothing works, even if you've never tried it.

I also don't believe for one minute that, if you asked your congregation for help, they would turn you down. There have GOT to be ladies at your church who would be happy to come over and give you a hand in the afternoon, at least occasionally.

Another great resource is the college. Get someone majoring in child development to come intern for you - they welcome that kind of involvement and they might even get a credit out of the deal.

Maybe I just dense this morning, Not enough coffee yet.
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Then drink up and pay attention. Kizzy gave you some great advice, as did CC, as did I.
 
crabcake

crabcake

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vraiblonde said:
I also don't believe for one minute that, if you asked your congregation for help, they would turn you down. There have GOT to be ladies at your church who would be happy to come over and give you a hand in the afternoon, at least occasionally.
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:yeahthat: That's exactly what I was talking about. Perhaps there is someone who could come and either spend some time with your special needs child or the one needing more attention. Have you thought about getting him/her a big brother/big sister? :shrug:

When I was on active duty, the base had a program called "Give Parents A Break" where, once a month, kids would spend the night doing a 'camp out' thing at the youth center so parents could go out and have an evening among themselves. I never used it but I certainly would now as a single parent ... not only to give myself a night out but for the social interaction and fun it would be for kids. I'm sure there's something in the county like this ... have you tried calling Social Services to see if they can recommend something? :shrug:
 
U

Unosmom

New Member
I have TRIED All those places!!!!!!! And if you all think I can get this Doo Doo for free you are on the wrong Freakn' Planet! I don't have Money coming out my Butt! Obviously you all do! So unless you are willing to offer your services for free I don't want to hear about how I'm screwing this up! All I wanted was some ideas, you gave them, but to telll me I am not doing something that I have already done and tried to do. You all have no Freakn' clue!!!!!

Our church doesn't offer any services like that. If they DID don't you think I would have capitalized on it? He11 I couldn't even tell you the last time we had a night to ourselves. You all aparently go out ALL the time. Must be nice!

Do you all KNOW how much it cost to have some-one take your special needs kid for a night? The ARC wants nothing for the oldest, but wants $34 per hour per extra child. Now you tell me what am I to do?

You all can just Bite ME!!!!!!!
 
U

Unosmom

New Member
tlatchaw said:
:yeahthat: Remember, most of these people are NOT here to be your friends.
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And this is the reason why i don't normally post anything. I just thought I give it a try and see if it changed. It Hasn't!
 
crabcake

crabcake

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Unosmom said:
And this is the reason why i don't normally post anything. I just thought I give it a try and see if it changed. It Hasn't!
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so you have called Big Brothers/Big Sisters and they told you to go fly a kite ... that you had to pay for their 'services'? I have a hard time believing that.
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
Unosmom said:
And this is the reason why i don't normally post anything. I just thought I give it a try and see if it changed. It Hasn't!
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I made a few suggestions last night. I personally do not have experience with special needs children, therefore cannot offer up anymore suggestions.

Good luck to you.
 
Pete

Pete

Repete
Unosmom said:
And this is the reason why i don't normally post anything. I just thought I give it a try and see if it changed. It Hasn't!
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You are right. People who come here whining about a problem, then discount or thumb there nose at all the suggestions given rarely are treated that well.

GO BITE YOURSELF

And remember NO DIVING in the shallow end of the pity pool.
 
crabcake

crabcake

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vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Unosmom said:
Our church doesn't offer any services like that.
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:banghead:

Your church doesn't have any members in it? Or it doesn't have any that would help you???

We're not talking about an organized program, we're talking about some woman that you go to church with that might be willing to help you. If there is not one single person in your whole entire church who is kind and generous enough to lend a hand to a fellow Christian, I would seriously consider changing churches.

I suspect you haven't asked. And I'll bet if you talked to your pastor and asked him to make an announcement that you need some help, you would have little ladies falling all over themselves wanting to help you. It has been this way with EVERY church I've ever gone to - an announcement is made that so-and-so could use some help, and these babes RUSH to lend a hand.
 
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