Kids being "Ugly"
- Thread starter Unosmom
- Start date
sweetpea
Bjo
Mine too is very strong willed for being 4. I have to remind myself that she is not always this defiant and ride it out the best i can. However my pride will not allow me to let her "win" so to speak. As i said she's been acting a fool all week and this too shall pass but along the way i have been making it clear that it is not acceptable behavior. I am fortunate that i can send her next door to her G-parents for a while and that helps a lot.
Why? The idea is that she does NOTHING until her sentences are done and she hands them to you, neatly written.Unosmom said:
You're right - it's you. She has the upper hand because she has more stamina than you and can outlast you. You don't MAKE her complete her punishments. You don't MAKE her stand there until she comes up with the reason why she was sent to her room. You cave in and she trots off, the winnah and still champion.
Either decide to be a parent, with all of it's boring inconveniences, or quit complaining about your kid. :shrug:
Pete
Repete
RoseRed said:
She doesn't want my advise, she won't like it.
Besides she has already lost. She doesn't have the stones to take control. She relies on "Daddy" to be the mean one. Military School? You figure they can fix in a few months what you have allowed for 6 years?
Get used to hell, you are in for long haul of being bossed around by your kid.
I definitely cannot complain about my almost 5yo, he is as anal retentive as they get (room clean, toys put away before moving on to soemthing else, etc), so obedient, and loves me to distraction. However I know that MANY times I have felt too tired or busy to follow thru on the empty threats, and that is when he knows he can push buttons. It IS hard being an only parent, but you HAVE to follow thru for your own sanity, no matter how tired you are or how frustrated. It will only get worse. This is when they need it. You really think it will get better after Christmas?
Several times when Child has acted up in public, I have 1) left an entire cart of food in Shoppers and walked out, 2) waited 15 minutes in line in Panera only to walk out just before the kid took my order because of Child's behavior. Both times it was "Stop now or we'll go straight home." You can't think about what others will say, and you gotta surprise them by making good on whatever you threaten (so you really can't threaten to cancel Christmas, or kill her, or send her away, because she'll call your bluff, as she has been doing.)
Can you try cutting back on what you tolerate? When I walked out of Panera, it was for him hanging on my purse strap and pockets of my jeans, not because he was making a screaming spectacle or wanting soemthing. I have found that you can't wait until they are hollering or whining bloody hell before you "pay attention" by yelling at them.
I sure hope you will find some thing that works, but my bet is more of your time and attention on a one-on-one basis. Kids crave that, especially the middle ones!
Several times when Child has acted up in public, I have 1) left an entire cart of food in Shoppers and walked out, 2) waited 15 minutes in line in Panera only to walk out just before the kid took my order because of Child's behavior. Both times it was "Stop now or we'll go straight home." You can't think about what others will say, and you gotta surprise them by making good on whatever you threaten (so you really can't threaten to cancel Christmas, or kill her, or send her away, because she'll call your bluff, as she has been doing.)
Can you try cutting back on what you tolerate? When I walked out of Panera, it was for him hanging on my purse strap and pockets of my jeans, not because he was making a screaming spectacle or wanting soemthing. I have found that you can't wait until they are hollering or whining bloody hell before you "pay attention" by yelling at them.
I sure hope you will find some thing that works, but my bet is more of your time and attention on a one-on-one basis. Kids crave that, especially the middle ones!
vraiblonde said:
What she seems to have missed in all of this is that the middle child has completed the assignment and turned it in to me. I think she saw it and forgot. I have it in my room now.
One other note that we're dealing with here is that this kid is very much like her mother in alot of ways. She even looks like her. I think that some of this might be the problem of two people with the same personality in the same family. I've seen it over and over again. (Yes, Unosmom is my lovely wife)
Pete said:
What you all fail to inderstand is that she is one of 3. My oldest is a Special Needs Child, and takes alot of my time, and she will always need that. Go back and read!!!! What the middlechild is doing it totally unacceptable. I am just totally exhausted! Dealing with the oldest child is like handling 12 children at one time.
Thank you all for making me feel more like total Doo Doo!
aHA! Well, then what's going on? Is it really that bad - demon spawn - or is it typical kid crap that you have to deal with until they're older and stop acting like idiots?tlatchaw said:
Then you need some help. Do you have family nearby or a neighbor that can come help you? I suspect the 6 year old (right? She's 6?) is feeling neglected because of all the time the older kid takes up. This is NOT your fault - it's simply the way it is.Unosmom said:
Now that I know the whole story, I would forget the punishments and just tell her like it is - her sibling needs constant care and supervision and you need her help, not her acting up and making you crazy. I don't think she's too young for that.
It's my observation that siblings of special needs kids go one of two ways - they're either highly compassionate and end up in some caregiver career (nurse, social worker, etc.) OR they run wild and aren't worth a damn because they were neglected and not made part of the family challenge.
vraiblonde said:
Thanks for the input! The only family near by is my sister-n-law. But, she is very very pregnant right now. She is having issues with hers! I don''t want her stressing anymore than she needs to right now. As for anyone else, NO! My parents are totally worthless when it comes to that. Besides they are in Baltimore.
Vince
......
I know what it's like, believe me. And at times I felt my daughter was neglected because I had to spend alot of time with my son, but we got through it somehow. Daughter is in college and doing well. My son is still at home with me and doing fine also. There are times with him that I felt I wouldn't survive either, but I did. I don't know how your daughter was when she was younger, but my son was very violent. Had to do time outs with him in his bedroom and physically hold him down to keep him from hurting himself or someone else. Autism is a lifetime commitment, but then you knew that.Unosmom said:
[ I don't know how your daughter was when she was younger, but my son was very violent. Had to do time outs with him in his bedroom and physically hold him down to keep him from hurting himself or someone else. Autism is a lifetime commitment, but then you knew that.[/QUOTE]
Yes, have gone through bouts of being Violent! Have had to put a helmet on her to keep her from banging her head on the floor and wall. Now she has moved into turning her room upside down. Time out works ok for her when it is something minor, but then again it's hard to tell what will happen when you tell her to sit in time-out. Sometimes she is ok with it, other times she isn't. Have to keep her away from her siblings when she totally melts down! It is real ugly!
Yes, have gone through bouts of being Violent! Have had to put a helmet on her to keep her from banging her head on the floor and wall. Now she has moved into turning her room upside down. Time out works ok for her when it is something minor, but then again it's hard to tell what will happen when you tell her to sit in time-out. Sometimes she is ok with it, other times she isn't. Have to keep her away from her siblings when she totally melts down! It is real ugly!
