Leaping into bed harms relationships

mv_princess

mv_princess

mv = margaritaville
MMM_donuts said:
I, personally, would never marry anyone without having sex with them first. I mean, honestly, if there's an area where you're going to see their true personality, it would be the bedroom. Do they compromise, respect boundaries, communicate, have a sense of humor, are they open or closed minded, playful, health conscious?

I mean, it's all spelled out for you right there AND you get to see them naked.
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:lol: I am not saying anyone should wait till marriage, but I do think I am about waiting for more than a first date.

No matter how hot and steamy that first kiss might be, leading up to something more maybe waiting will make it THAT much better. Teasing is good for everyone
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
MMM_donuts said:
I, personally, would never marry anyone without having sex with them first. I mean, honestly, if there's an area where you're going to see their true personality, it would be the bedroom. Do they compromise, respect boundaries, communicate, have a sense of humor, are they open or closed minded, playful, health conscious?

I mean, it's all spelled out for you right there AND you get to see them naked.
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:banana:

:lol:

Really, though, there's a lot of truth to that. Men are at their most vulnerable and intimate when they's nekkid - that's the best time to see the real them.

But MV is right - I come at this from a different perspective because I'm 48, been married twice, my kids are adults with their own lives, I make my own money and own my own house. I have different criteria than a younger woman who is looking for a husband, good provider, and bebe daddy.

So in the end it boils down (once again) to "depends on what you want."
 
mv_princess

mv_princess

mv = margaritaville
vraiblonde said:
:banana:

:lol:

Really, though, there's a lot of truth to that. Men are at their most vulnerable and intimate when they's nekkid - that's the best time to see the real them.

But MV is right - I come at this from a different perspective because I'm 48, been married twice, my kids are adults with their own lives, I make my own money and own my own house. I have different criteria than a younger woman who is looking for a husband, good provider, and bebe daddy.

So in the end it boils down (once again) to "depends on what you want."
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I see your point though. At a certain age you start looking for hot in the sheets, instead of thinking about what comes next.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
mv_princess said:
I see your point though. At a certain age you start looking for hot in the sheets, instead of thinking about what comes next.
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Not necessarily just hot in the sheets, but you're not in a huge hurry to "settle down", either. I never really understood the concept of "what happens next". If you're happy in the relationship, enjoying each other and having fun, why does anything have to come next? Why can't it just stay the same and everyone remain happy?
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
vraiblonde said:
I'm talking about longterm relationships as well. You don't test drive a rental.
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Aaaaaand we circle back around... there is no marriage license in chemistry so why folks keep bringing that up in this thread I have no clue...:lol:

Did you see the supporting link I gave that better explains why waiting a couple months makes biological sense?
 
mv_princess

mv_princess

mv = margaritaville
vraiblonde said:
Not necessarily just hot in the sheets, but you're not in a huge hurry to "settle down", either. I never really understood the concept of "what happens next". If you're happy in the relationship, enjoying each other and having fun, why does anything have to come next? Why can't it just stay the same and everyone remain happy?
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Because from a small age you are thought that things come next "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby carriage." It's just something that is....well...expected?

Lot's of people can have healthy relationships with no legal binding contracts, or next steps. However for me personally I want that next step, I want what comes next. I have been going about how to get this wrong, and so far by changing a few things. It seems to be going in my favor.
 
JenniferCNJR

JenniferCNJR

Member
mv_princess said:
I see your point though. At a certain age you start looking for hot in the sheets, instead of thinking about what comes next.
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I think being an established adult makes it easier to focus on what you "want" from a relationship as opposed to what you "need" from a relationship. With independence comes a greater freedom to choose and not to settle.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
kwillia said:
Did you see the supporting link I gave that better explains why waiting a couple months makes biological sense?
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I saw the link but, again, they're probably talking about younger women who are looking for "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes..." and not someone my age who has already had all of that.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
vraiblonde said:
I saw the link but, again, they're probably talking about younger women who are looking for "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes..." and not someone my age who has already had all of that.
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Yep... agreed! It makes sense that women who are no longer of childbearing age to no longer have the same biological needs and reactions that define what we want from a relationship.

As I have now hit my mid-40s I don't get why women in their 20s and even 30s dread getting old... I find it to be something embraced...:lol:
 
libertytyranny

libertytyranny

Dream Stealer
So many young women are stupid, and don't realize that just because a man will have sex with you, does not mean they love you. Like my mom always said, when they have nothing else men in the desert have sex with goats, don't be proud because you are one step above a goat"

So of course many of them will have lower relationship satisfaction when they jump right into bed, probably a good half of them were never in a "relationship" to begin with, they just thought they were :killingme

if youa re truely attrated to someone, you are both legal adults, and want to go for it, theres no reason you cant and have a perfectly lovely relationship develop from there..however, it only works when both partners are normal rational humans with realistic expectations, and we know that is rare.
 
JenniferCNJR

JenniferCNJR

Member
kwillia said:
Yep... agreed! It makes sense that women who are no longer of childbearing age to no longer have the same biological needs and reactions that define what we want from a relationship.

As I have now hit my mid-40s I don't get why women in their 20s and even 30s dread getting old... I find it to be something embraced...:lol:
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Not just childbearing (for those who made the choice not to venture that road), but also obtaining financial stability and obtaining the American Dream.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
JenniferCNJR said:
Not just childbearing (for those who made the choice not to venture that road), but also obtaining financial stability and obtaining the American Dream.
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Agreed... if you take yourself out of the child-rearing market it makes sense you look for something different than someone who is looking for that guy who will be there to raise and nurture family for the next few decades.
 
Misfit

Misfit

Lawful neutral
kwillia said:
As I have now hit my mid-40s I don't get why women in their 20s and even 30s dread getting old... I find it to be something embraced...:lol:
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What's between a 45 year old woman’s breasts that’s not between a 20 year old woman’s breasts?






















Their navel.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
libertytyranny said:
So many young women are stupid, and don't realize that just because a man will have sex with you, does not mean they love you. Like my mom always said, when they have nothing else men in the desert have sex with goats, don't be proud because you are one step above a goat"

So of course many of them will have lower relationship satisfaction when they jump right into bed, probably a good half of them were never in a "relationship" to begin with, they just thought they were :killingme

if youa re truely attrated to someone, you are both legal adults, and want to go for it, theres no reason you cant and have a perfectly lovely relationship develop from there..however, it only works when both partners are normal rational humans with realistic expectations, and we know that is rare.
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My son keeps his private life.... private. A couple months ago I asked my son (he will be 20 in a couple weeks) about a specific person who's name came to light... his reply, "Mom, the day I bring a girl home to meet you is the the day you need to know about the girl." :lol:

Point made and I agree... they don't typically bring the POA home to meet mom and I'm glad for it. :yay:
 
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