Military stories no one would ever believe

[Misfit]

A co-worker and I were at the bar swapping stories, laughing about some of the crazy, unbelievable, things that happened while we were in the service and after a few hours I wondered if anyone had ever written any of that madness down…

I remember sitting in the back of a military van while covering a jump where we watched a guy in our platoon’s parachute not open just like Wile E. Coyote…we ate his lunch.

I remember a line of at least 20 guys outside the barracks in San Diego. I asked the guy at the end what the line was for and he said some girl wanted to see how many men she could do.



I went to a party where some sailor was duct taped to a cross in the back yard and being force fed liquor. I wasn’t there long because I went chasing skirts, but he wasn’t at quarters Monday morning because he died.

 

[Larry Gude]

Not exactly what they want shown down at the recruiters, is it?

 

[Clem72]

#2 is exactly why I had to repeatedly remind my son never to date any women in the military. While I may just be an unenlightened old man, I have heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves once surrounded by hordes of horny single (or at least unaccompanied) young men.

 

[GURPS]

.... heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves .....

When I was @ Ft. Carson in 1985, the story goes:

.... one guys wife was seen down at the enlisted club, while our unit was out on Field Training Exercises ....
.... drunk on the dance floor pointing to this big brother, saying how she wanted him, and was going to have him tonight ....

there were some interesting things that went on .....

 

[Monello]

I'll try to keep this readable for civilians.

Most of the story was told to me by some of the involved parties. The ship's engines use fuel injectors. These are usually serviced by contractors in port. The chief of the enginemen encourage his charges to procure extra injectors when the contractors were on board. They would take them out of their tool boxes when they were distracted. The chief would keep them in his locker and change them out when the ship was underway when they clogged up.

So the chief leaves. The new chief tells the master at arms their is a theft problem. They open up a kids locker and find the stolen injectors. Kid claims he was just following the previous chief's orders. Kid goes to mast. He claims the chief engineer of the ship was aware of the arrangement. The chief engineer does a Sgt. Schultz imitation. Kid gets busted and restricted to the ship.

A couple of weeks later the can't be found on board. Seems he either jumped overboard and swam to shore(unlikely) or at night he shimmied down the ship's lines unnoticed then hit the pier and ran(likely).

 

[itsbob]

Do you know the difference better a fairy tale and a war story?

 

[Merlin99]

Do you know the difference better a fairy tale and a war story?

One starts "this is no ####".

 

[itsbob]

One starts "this is no ####".

Once upon a time

versus

You ain't going to believe this ####..

 

[itsbob]

When I was @ Ft. Carson in 1985, the story goes:

.... one guys wife was seen down at the enlisted club, while our unit was out on Field Training Exercises ....
.... drunk on the dance floor pointing to this big brother, saying how she wanted him, and was going to have him tonight ....

there were some interesting things that went on .....

Fulda Germany.. young soldier finds out wife was having an affair while she was in the hospital giving birth..

He delivers her boyfriends head to her.. freshly detached from his body.

 

[RareBreed]

#2 is exactly why I had to repeatedly remind my son never to date any women in the military. While I may just be an unenlightened old man, I have heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves once surrounded by hordes of horny single (or at least unaccompanied) young men.

Former neighbor's daughter joined the Navy. She ended up not liking it and found out she could get kicked out for getting pregnant. That ended up being her mission and it was completed. This is the same girl who was so lazy, she'd back her car down to the end of the Court to get the mail and then drive back to the house. Her parent's house was the second one on our Court so the mailboxes were close by.

 

[Merlin99]

We had a guy who decided he didn't like the Navy so much he was going to get out any way he could, he found that the easiest way with no repercussions was to "be gay". He started the effeminate act, hanging out a little too long in the showers and going to the local gay bar. Unfortunately he took the act a little to far, the Navy released him, he decided he liked being gay and, last I heard, he's now a male escort in Mesa, Arizona. RIP Tom Manios, hope it was worth the effort (he goes by Tonia now).

 

[molly_21]

#2 is exactly why I had to repeatedly remind my son never to date any women in the military. While I may just be an unenlightened old man, I have heard too many stories from too many people about how these ladies comport themselves once surrounded by hordes of horny single (or at least unaccompanied) young men.

I was Navy myself. While there are a lot of slutty women in the Navy (I can only speak for Navy and the squadrons I was in). There are equally a lot of slutty men. I know when I was overseas on deployment a lot of married men would be the ones going off to find women at bars and other places and would brag about. Most of the slutty women would be single. It was rare (at least from my experience) to find the married women hoing around. If they did, they were more discreet about their doings.

Former neighbor's daughter joined the Navy. She ended up not liking it and found out she could get kicked out for getting pregnant. That ended up being her mission and it was completed. This is the same girl who was so lazy, she'd back her car down to the end of the Court to get the mail and then drive back to the house. Her parent's house was the second one on our Court so the mailboxes were close by.

They don't kick women out now for being pregnant. In my Mother in Laws day (she is also a Navy Vet) they did. I forget when they changed the rule. Now it is the big stuff that gets you kicked out, drugs, DUI, etc. Being Gay or Pregnant, nope. Heck, when I was in when DADT was active. There were a lot of day people I served with. It was an open secret. As long as you showed up Monday morning intact and stayed out of trouble, they did not care, gay or straight.


I don't have any cool stories. Just stupid stuff that most military members have seen throughout their career. People getting kicked out for DUI's, smoking pot, doing more hard core drugs or selling hard core drugs (cocaine, etc), or subordination, etc. I think a lot of stuff I've seen is more stupidity (like DUI or selling drugs) than trying to do it to get kicked out (which granted some I am sure did it in hopes to get kicked out). Which I never understood people who smoke pot lets say to get kicked out. I would think you would just suck it up for 4 yrs or whatever and just get out vs. getting a general or dishonorable discharge because you hated the military that much. But that is my viewpoint.

 

[DoWhat]

Waiting in the chow line on the hangar deck on board the USS Saratoga.
A sailor walks over to one of the elevators that was up.
Takes off his boots, steps over the stanchion cable and does a swan dive into the Mediterranean Sea.
Now they call man over board and general quarters.
Mess deck shuts down.
I didn’t get to eat.

 

[RareBreed]

I was Navy myself. While there are a lot of slutty women in the Navy (I can only speak for Navy and the squadrons I was in). There are equally a lot of slutty men. I know when I was overseas on deployment a lot of married men would be the ones going off to find women at bars and other places and would brag about. Most of the slutty women would be single. It was rare (at least from my experience) to find the married women hoing around. If they did, they were more discreet about their doings.




They don't kick women out now for being pregnant. In my Mother in Laws day (she is also a Navy Vet) they did. I forget when they changed the rule. Now it is the big stuff that gets you kicked out, drugs, DUI, etc. Being Gay or Pregnant, nope. Heck, when I was in when DADT was active. There were a lot of day people I served with. It was an open secret. As long as you showed up Monday morning intact and stayed out of trouble, they did not care, gay or straight.


I don't have any cool stories. Just stupid stuff that most military members have seen throughout their career. People getting kicked out for DUI's, smoking pot, doing more hard core drugs or selling hard core drugs (cocaine, etc), or subordination, etc. I think a lot of stuff I've seen is more stupidity (like DUI or selling drugs) than trying to do it to get kicked out (which granted some I am sure did it in hopes to get kicked out). Which I never understood people who smoke pot lets say to get kicked out. I would think you would just suck it up for 4 yrs or whatever and just get out vs. getting a general or dishonorable discharge because you hated the military that much. But that is my viewpoint.

She was dishonorably discharged and both her and her Dad said it was because she got pregnant. Maybe she had sex with somebody (in the Navy) that she shouldn't have?? Sort of like a teacher having sex with their student.

 

[Misfit]

In one of the barracks we were staying in we had maid service. A buddy and I shared a room and after an already insane evening, in the morning there was a knock on our door. This young Filipino girl says “maid service” and opens the door. Her and her female co-worker come in and start cleaning. I’m in bed and after a few minutes the one girl stops and says “You good looking” “We ride you?” My buddy pulls his covers over his head and mumbles “Jesus Christ! I’m never going on orders with you again”



And for the record my response was “Nah, I’m good”.

 

[Misfit]

In Istanbul we were hanging out with Turkish Frogmen and they were showing us around. We ended up in a bar, say it isn’t so, and I met this group of Turkish girls, that although they didn’t speak English, were really pretty cool. As the evening progressed, three of them told our translator they wanted to show me around the “city”. I was a hot mess by that point and translator wrote a note on a bar napkin for me to give to a taxi driver to get me back to the ship I was on that week.

The women and I ended up going to some of the seediest places I’ve ever been too and any of you who know me can imagine how I’d stick out in a room full of Turkish people.

When I got back on board the next day, someone (One of my platoon mates) had climbed the Embassy that night, stolen the Turkish flag, and hung it off the mast of the mine sweeper we were on.

We ended up standing in front of the C.O. and I truthfully had no idea who’d done it. He wasn’t happy where I’d spent my evening but the quarterdeck log was my proof I hadn’t hung the flag.

How I wasn’t murdered in Turkey is an absolute miracle.

 

[Merlin99]

In one of the barracks we were staying in we had maid service. A buddy and I shared a room and after an already insane evening, in the morning there was a knock on our door. This young Filipino girl says “maid service” and opens the door. Her and her female co-worker come in and start cleaning. I’m in bed and after a few minutes the one girl stops and says “You good looking” “We ride you?” My buddy pulls his covers over his head and mumbles “Jesus Christ! I’m never going on orders with you again”



And for the record my response was “Nah, I’m good”.

Was this in Millington?

 

[molly_21]

She was dishonorably discharged and both her and her Dad said it was because she got pregnant. Maybe she had sex with somebody (in the Navy) that she shouldn't have?? Sort of like a teacher having sex with their student.

The person who got her pregnant was probably in her chain of command and someone wanted to push the issue and got her kicked out. On saying that, While I am not really sure if there is something written about COC stuff or Enlisted/Officer dating depending on what branch of service. Maybe there were other issues going on and she used the baby thing to state why is was kicked out as people who don't know any better will take it as face value in your friends situation. At least when I was in the Navy, it was an "unsaid" (again, not sure if there is anything really stating this), that officers/enlisted should not date or even jr./Sr. Enlist should date, even if they not in your COC. Maybe someone will correct me.

 

[Misfit]

Was this in Millington?

Coronado, California.

 

[Merlin99]

About 20 years ago here at Pax, we had a lieutenant shoot the guy who was having an affair with his wife, in the neck, with a crossbow. He then cut up the guy and carried him a piece at a time to the landfill. This one just had a lot of interesting points;
Lieutenants don't normally kill enlisted, that normally stays officer on officer, enlisted on enlisted.
Crossbows aren't your normally a murder weapon.
Lieutenant left a very detailed list of how to do it.
Chopping a guy up takes some nerve, as I understand it it was while he was while he was still in the parking lot.

This was in Wildwood.