More online dating observations
- Thread starter vraiblonde
- Start date
Chemistry can be felt in the first couple minutes. It's either there or it's not.
ah huh ....
if more people were picky there would not be so much DRAMA in life ....
but I have seem 'chemistry' last a couple months then fizzle out ..
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itsbob
I bowl overhand
On a completely different topic than Crocs, it is highly adviseable gentlemen to not send pictures of yourself in a banana hammock as an introductory photograph, it is likely to wind up someplace like this.
*WHEW*..
Not MY banana Hammock picture..
Besides, mine would be more like a Plantain Hammock..
So? Most of the people you date will fizzle out. Many of the people you marry will fizzle out. Chemistry is at least a good place to start.
Misfit
Lawful neutral
If breaking it off is considered failure, what is success? When you date someone, marry them, and live happily ever after until one of you dies? If that's the case, we will have a zillion failures in our lives but only one success, if even that.
JeJeTe
Happiness
I don't consider it a failure because I really think the old cliche is true. You really do learn something from every relationship that doesn't work out.
kwillia
n/a
I don' t consider breaking it off a failure at all. As I explained to my daughter when we allowed her to start dating, the purpose of dating is to figure out if someone is truly compatible for the long haul. Sometimes you know immediately it won't work and sometimes it takes a long while to figure it out. Failed relationships shouldn't be looked at negatively but rather as a positive. You learn more about yourself and what you want from a man and what would make a long term relationship work or not work for you. Move on.
SamSpade
Well-Known Member
A *LOT* of things in life are like that - hell, even being CONCEIVED is like that. Generally, when you have "success", you stop trying to succeed - like when you search for something that is lost - so the pattern is failure after failure until you succeed.
And hopefully you learn from those failures. My mom used to say that no one ever learned from success. When Edison was asked ‘Isn’t it a shame that with the tremendous amount of work you have done you haven’t been able to get any results?’ Edison turned like a flash, and with a smile replied: ‘Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results! I know several thousand things that won’t work.’
Larry Gude
Strung Out
That, to me, is a fools errand. You can not 'figure out' if someone is 'truly compatible for the long haul' UNTIL you've made that journey, that long haul, with them.
We all know couples that were together forever and simply put up with one another for this reason or that.
We all know couples that seem fine over 50-60 years but, it sure ain't our view of what 'happy' is.
We all know couples that either have or will pretty much die at the same time because the survivor can't carry on without the other.
And, we all know couples that, at first glance, seem like the 'know it won't work right away' class and others that seem like sure bets. That ain't how life works. That's why we play the game, to see.
It's an enormous mixed bag. Point being life is a contact sport. You, as you say, try to figure it out, make your best guess, but, at some point, you either get in there and work it, live that life, or you keep finding excuses not to or, somewhere in between.
DEEKAYPEE8569
Well-Known Member
"Dot com" is a common phrase these days, so pretty much anything can be a website, identifiable by the .***; dot net, dot org, dot com.....you get the idea.....postinontheforumsdotomg
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Nice post and I completely agree.
I hope it didn't come off as my usual jerk self but, It's all we have; best guess. Two people can vow to stick it out to the end but, it ain't likely to be, to remain, what they planned on, envisioned and agreed to at 20, 25, 30. Life, kids, family, money, sex, lifestyle, hopes, dreams, hell, one another, is not much going to be the same 50, 60 years later.
So, to stick it out becomes to stick to the agreement; Not the terms and conditions that lead to that agreement. Best case, change isn't dramatic enough to be bothered with; happily ever after is achieved. Worst case, sticking it out for its own sake. Or for the kids. Or pride. Or making it to a number, all of which have to replace those original reasons and feelings and ideas.
:shrug:
kwillia
n/a
Nice post and I completely agree.
I agree with him too.. I guess a better choice of words would have been to say dating should teach you to become better aware of the red flags and to cut your loses with the one's who keep tossing flags and move on until you find someone less tossy.... there is that better?
I cant even imagine dating at this point in my life and that is probably a good thing. I have had two bad marriages and then after the first year apart I started casually dating one person for 18 months. I knew upfront he would not be my forever guy but we fun and I cant lie I have never has so much fun in my life as I did with him but he was not forever material. The last 7 years I was with what I thought was the one. Then one day I was I told it wasn't going to work and I needed to leave. It went from warm, supportive and loving to cold, indifferent and contrite. My children are destroyed as they feel they have lost the only father they ever really knew. So I am not prepared to bring anyone else in my picture because they have flat out told me they are done and would not even try. I could maybe go to dinner but that would be outside and away from them. That may change in the next few years as they grow and hopefully move on with their lives. So for the next 5 yrs. I am going to have to happy to just be me and that other stuff can wait a few years.