Mothers-in-Law

[Chasey_Lane]

Life is way too short to fret over these type of things. It never ceases to amaze me the things people make themselves miserable over. Enjoy the break your MIL is trying to give you and take it for what it is, her being nice and trying to do nice things for you.

JMHO. :shrug:

Hey now... go away with your common sense and understanding... shew...

 

[libertytyranny]

Pelers..since I too have a new baby, I am going to tell you that I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. however, my mil lives about..oh....2 minutes from my house.


I think a lot of the people here have older children and maybe can't remember what it is like..because I am sure as they get older it is easier and easier to let someone else take over for a bit.

My MIL is wonderful. She really, truely is. She bought us lots of baby stuff, took tons of pics for me, gets new ones printed for me all the time, anytime I merely mention something that would be neat boom..there it is on my doorstep. She LOVES monster..would watch her any minute of the day, and has watched her a few times while I went out, or shopped baby free. She rarely tries to tell me what to do (mostly because I have NO problem asserting myself and my plans, shocker, I know) and is an all around dream MIL when I think about it logically.


However, I still have severe internal reactions whne she does some things. Like when I am visiting or she is over and she repeats over and over and over again that she smells poop and helps herself to my things to change her, allll the while repeating she just KNEW she had a poopy diaper. Like I never change my kid and thank God she was there to do it,.....or when she sticks her unwashed hands in my kid's mouth constantly, over and over again, or when she wont give me her back when she is crying and tries to calm her herself to no avail, or the backhanded comments about me breastfeeding and that's the only reason monster likes me, or calling monster "her" babygirl, or repeating questions to her 20,30 times in a row like shes waiting for an answer, or trying to tell me things about my own kid "oh it calms her right down if I do such and such, she loveeeees such and such"...I could go on and on and on for days. ANd to most people I realize, it looks totally illogical, crazy even that such petty things would make me feel like plucking my eyeballs out with a fork. But they do. These things create an evil feeling in me..to the point where I want to snatch monster and run away screaming and never ever come back.


But I don't. I grit my teeth and let her do it. I put my foot down about the hands in the mouth thing, and a few other things..but for the most part I keep shut up and ignore the evil stabby feelings inside. Because I know they are illogical and no doubt, hormonal. I have no advice. Other than to pick your battles..safety issues , or for me nutrition things and toys/baby crap cuz I am particular about those things..and let the rest go. Easier said than done. But it helps me to vent to my own mom . Also, I get sick satisfaction in making sure she is wearing an "I love my mommy" type outfit whenever she goes over there.


I am positive it will go away. Because look, all these moms in here can't even remember what it was like to feel those feelings

 

[kwillia]

But I don't. I grit my teeth and let her do it. I put my foot down about the hands in the mouth thing, and a few other things..but for the most part I keep shut up and ignore the evil stabby feelings inside. Because I know they are illogical and no doubt, hormonal. I have no advice. Other than to pick your battles..safety issues , or for me nutrition things and toys/baby crap cuz I am particular about those things..and let the rest go. Easier said than done. But it helps me to vent to my own mom . Also, I get sick satisfaction in making sure she is wearing an "I love my mommy" type outfit whenever she goes over there.

Perfect way to handle it!

I am positive it will go away. Because look, all these moms in here can't even remember what it was like to feel those feelings

Bullhocky, we remember. We are just wise enough in our years to recognize the hang-ups you express are more the result of being a new, insecure mother rather than really problems with the M-I-L.

We were insecure defense new moms ones too. You'll see things differently in a decade or so once you have more experience under your belt.

 

[vraiblonde]

I have a different take. When my son was born, I was a 19 year old nucklehead living half the country away from anyone I was related to by either biology or marriage (except my equally nuckleheaded husband). Sitting up at night with a crying infant that I had no idea what to do with, exhausted to the point of psychosis, I'd have given anything for my Mom or MIL to come tell me what to do, hook me up with some clean laundry, a hot meal, and a vacuumed floor.

So when Dougie was 2 weeks old and my Mom finally did come, I let her have at it. I don't remember feeling possessive about the baby or insecure in my new role as mother, I just remember feeling like a total dopehead and thrilled that someone experienced and more energetic than me was there to help.

Now, of course, she is 28 years older and not as, um, cognizant as she once was. But back then, she was on it and I was grateful.

 

[pixiegirl]

I will have you know that I have now gone FOUR week long visits with my mother, the remote controller, without having a single cross word with her. I think if I can do that, you can certainly behave with your MIL for a few days.

Of course, I made merciless fun of her and had several belly laughs at her expense, but I didn't get mad or even irritable. She was pretty pissed, but I was calm and serene.

I do not like her doing my laundry, not because I'm worried about her seeing my undiepants but because she doesn't sort. My Dad has more pink t-shirts than anyone you've ever seen. So when she told me to go get my things so she could wash them, I just told her no, I'll do them when I get home. She insisted, I said no, I'm ticky about my laundry. She started getting bent, I asked her if she was seriously going to have a fit because I wouldn't let her wash my clothes. She proceeded to have a fit and I said, well, I guess that answers my question.

My dad was howling

At one point she wanted to drive my rental car for whatever reason. I told her no, it's a rental and she wasn't on the insurance. This was right after she told me her car was in the shop because - ready? - she'd driven it into a concrete wall.

Really.

She huffed and said, "You act like I'm retarded." I replied, "No, YOU act like you're retarded." This made my dad and I both crack up laughing, and she pouted until we'd recovered, then all was well.

But I did not get cross or feel frustrated in any way. And I think if I can deal with that crazy person, you can deal with someone who's actually trying to be nice. Just tell her you're ticky about your laundry - make it your problem and not hers.

Does your mom cry? Mine does and it makes me feel guilty and I often conceed or apologize when I shouldn't. Tell me how to not give a crap!!!!

 

[vraiblonde]

Does your mom cry? Mine does and it makes me feel guilty and I often conceed or apologize when I shouldn't. Tell me how to not give a crap!!!!

She doesn't cry because she knows I'm immune to blatant manipulation tactics, but she tries to guilt me in other ways, which I ignore.

Now my daughter tries that crap - "OMG, you're acting just like Grannie!" in hopes I'll be so horrified at the thought that I'll stop doing whatever it is she doesn't want me to do. I just tell her to shut up.

 

[Bann]

I believe I know the answer to that.

When I stayed with my daughter, there was a bed in Riggs' room that I slept on. He wakes up in the morning, I hear him first, we chat for awhile, then I do his morning tending while Mommy and Dad sleep in.

When we were all at my Mom's house or when I'm at my son and DIL's, he sleeps in a portacrib in my room for that same reason - so I can get him when he first wakes up.

So I suspect Pelers' MIL wants to make sure she hears the grandtot first so she can have the morning with him and let Pelers and Mr. Pelers sleep in. My Mom used to do the same thing when my kids were little.

I get that - if the extra bed is in the baby's room already. Or if you are with him someplace else, of course.

But Pelers kind of makes it sound like the grandmother wants to take over all the duties of mom while she's there.

I dunno. My mom was nearby when I had Thing1 and so she had opportunity to see him a lot. We moved to FL and the kids got to see her a lot there, too.

MIL was in Mon-fricking-tana and she didn't lift a finger to help with Thing1 as a bebe when she came to visit. In fact, years later when the EX was getting ready to have his retirement ceremony - she visited for a WHOLE WEEK before the shingdig. She didn't help with the kids or take them places, or do anything for them then either. In fact, she'd get out her box of cheese nip snacks in the afternoon and hell if she'd even offer some to the boyz!

Dang heifer.

 

[doubtfull24]

I don't have any advice sorry However I love my mother-inlaw !!I'd be lost without her! I don't have my mother around so she has been a blessing.

 

[LazySmurfette]

I don't have a MIL as she passed two years ago. Although there was a 6hr drive between us, the kids did make the trips up to see her with their father (for extended weekends). And she would come down to visit. When we made the trips together a few times before she passed, it was a very you do your thing type of situation and she would help out whenever. The girls were about 5yrs old so the whole baby stage had come and gone and they had (and still have) no problem voicing what they wanted/needed. So there was no real "hogging" of the kids, and with twins, it can be overwhelming so I didn't expect her to try and take over either. Everytime I would try and help out around her house, she would tell me go relax and if she needed help she would call and actually had the kids help more than me which in turn meant they left mommy and daddy alone.

I do agree with most posters when they say lay some ground rules as far as sticking to a schedule and asking if she wants to help with the house chores, and as far as laundry... I would make sure everything you don't want her washing is either washed or hidden. All you can do is voice your concerns and hope she respects your rules/concerns as it's your and your husband's house and child.

BTW How'd finger painting go?!?!?

 

[vraiblonde]

But Pelers kind of makes it sound like the grandmother wants to take over all the duties of mom while she's there.

She probably does.

And she also probably knows that if bebe is sleeping in his own room, Pelers will get up with him in the morning because she'll hear him first, which prevents Grandma from being able to get up with him. When my kids were young, at my Mom's house they slept in the room next to my folks. My husband and I were in the basement. And when they came to visit, my Mom would make absolutely sure that she woke the second she heard any peeps coming out of children in the morning.

But I never had a problem with her doing the morning thing. Even if I'd wake up, I was content to let her feed, water and diaper while I enjoyed my coffee in another room. My Mom and I had a thousand conflicts, but that was never one of them.

 

[bcp]

And here I've always assumed that the rants you make on your MIL were/are part of your schtick. I never realized that you really disliked her that much.

You know, when I make the stories about my wife, they are mostly for fun, she is one of the most wonderful women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. (certain stories are true, like her zip lock ocd thing and when I vaccumm packed all of her panties.. those are real)
The jokes I make about skillet girl are mostly true, but spun a bit to make them interesting. (she gets her learners permit on Monday, she will be driving the Dually to learn, watch for stories) oh, and if I go a few days with out stories, show concern....

anyway, when it comes to my MIL, its more true than fable. we tolerate each other but neither one trusts the other, or for that matter much likes the other.
And yes, I would have loved to keep my ex MIL, now she was the greatest MIL anyone could ever wish to have,, and she was a milf.

 

[vraiblonde]

and she was a milf.

Wouldn't that be a MILILF?












Ew, I just grossed myself out.

 

[Bann]

She probably does.

And she also probably knows that if bebe is sleeping in his own room, Pelers will get up with him in the morning because she'll hear him first, which prevents Grandma from being able to get up with him. When my kids were young, at my Mom's house they slept in the room next to my folks. My husband and I were in the basement. And when they came to visit, my Mom would make absolutely sure that she woke the second she heard any peeps coming out of children in the morning.

But I never had a problem with her doing the morning thing. Even if I'd wake up, I was content to let her feed, water and diaper while I enjoyed my coffee in another room. My Mom and I had a thousand conflicts, but that was never one of them.

 

[Bann]

You know, when I make the stories about my wife, they are mostly for fun, she is one of the most wonderful women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. (certain stories are true, like her zip lock ocd thing and when I vaccumm packed all of her panties.. those are real)
The jokes I make about skillet girl are mostly true, but spun a bit to make them interesting. (she gets her learners permit on Monday, she will be driving the Dually to learn, watch for stories) oh, and if I go a few days with out stories, show concern....

anyway, when it comes to my MIL, its more true than fable. we tolerate each other but neither one trusts the other, or for that matter much likes the other.
And yes, I would have loved to keep my ex MIL, now she was the greatest MIL anyone could ever wish to have,, and she was a milf.

Wouldn't that be a MILILF?


Ew, I just grossed myself out.

 

[bcp]

Wouldn't that be a MILILF?


Ew, I just grossed myself out.

back in the day, all my friends thought those evil thoughts about her.
She was tall, blond, thin with an impressive rack that seemed to defy gravity.

Im sure she is not quite the same anymore.

 

[pelers]

BTW How'd finger painting go?!?!?

Alas, it has not gone yet! But I have the supplies in hand and am going to be trying again today (sometime this weekend FOR SURE), hopefully. He seems to be moving from 3ish naps a day down to 2 naps, so that late afternoon catnap hasn't happened the last couple of days and he's been a little bit fussy when I pick him up from daycare.

 

[Cheeky1]

For those of you who are mothers-in-law to somebody could you please explain something to me. Why is it that once there is a grandbaby in the picture you seem to totally change? Suddenly it feels like you are trying too hard and it makes what used to be a fairly comfortable relationship awkward and strained.

Is there a polite way to ask you to please, back off just a bit? I get that you want to see your grandbaby and I'm thrilled that you are willing to travel to do it so that I don't have to. But when you get here, could you please not try to take over my home? I like to spend time with my baby as well. I also prefer to do my own dishes and coming home to find out you've done my laundry (and folded my underwear and lingerie) is a wee bit violating (and incredibly awkward).

I mean, I get trying to suck up if it was a bad relationship previously... but it wasn't. It wasn't a Best Friends for LIFE relationship, but it was friendly and comfortable. I'm just at a bit of a loss here.

...damned if you do, damned if you don't...

Do you believe she trying to get under your skin by doing your laundry?





underwear/lingerie ....violated?....she isn't TSA. She didn't *grope* you...hopefully


My FIL watched one my kids yesterday, while sibling #1 was at the doctor. FIL cleaned the kitchen and picked up the place. My wife and I thought it felt weird, but hey - we didn't to take the time to do it....we certainly had a lot on our minds as it was. Just say, thanks!