Parental Differences/Disagreement

[crabcake]

Any suggestions on how to handle a difference of opinion when it comes to medication? DQ is taking Daytrana for ADHD prescribed by her pediatrician who has consulted with both a psychiatrist and psychologist on her case for over a year now ... point being, we didn't just run out and buy this on the black market to make her behave. I've done my research, we've gotten second opinions, etc., and after some trial-and-error with other meds, we've finally found one that works great for her, doesn't zombie her out, and basically lets her be her with a little help in the focus/concentration department.

So, DQ spends the week with her dad for Thanksgiving, and when I asked her if she'd remembered her patch each day, she said "Daddy said I shouldn't use it; that I should be able to control myself without medication." So I ask, "How do you feel?" And she responds, "I feel like I need it to help me concentrate and behave better. I'm not behaving as well as when I don't wear it." So I ask dad, "WTF?" He said she didn't need it, that she was behaving fine without it, and he didn't want her taking it.

Now, my first thought is -- you no-medical-degree-having/non-researching ass, jacked up from your own childhood issues, Tom Cruise-wannabe MFer ... then my second thought is, "if her pediatrician has prescribed it under the consult with the chief psychiatrist at a very well-respected medical facility, isn't it parental neglect to not provide her with the medication for which she is prescribed?

How do I address this? I'm really pissed off at the fact that after all the time invested in finding something to work for her, and to have HER say she knows it works for her, and to see the results of her being on something that works for her (e.g., her recent acceptance into the academically gifted program), he takes it upon himself and his non-doctor-consulting self to just not give it to her.

Suggestions?

 

[crabcake]

And for the record, I'm not interested in opinions of whether or not you believe ADHD exists, think kids should be medicated for it, etc.

It's a simple issue of the fact that a doctor prescribed medication for her, and he's not giving it to her. Period.

 

[smoothmarine187]

I could understand if she had some terminal illness and she had to take the medication or she would become very sick, but this is only for ADHD. If my X-wife put my kids on that crap, I wouldn't give it to them either. She only thinks she needs to be on it now, because of you and other doctors telling her that she needs it.

 

[crabcake]

I could understand if she had some terminal illness and she had to take the medication or she would become very sick, but this is only for ADHD. If my X-wife put my kids on that crap, I wouldn't give it to them either. She only thinks she needs to be on it now, because of you and other doctors telling her that she needs it.

Like I said, I'm not interested in your opinions on whether medication is necessary for it or not. The evidence of its necessity is her behavior/grades/etc from last year to this year is proof enough that it is necessary for her. It's a principle issue -- he is NOT a doctor. He has had ample opportunity to talk to the pediatrician, psychiatrist, psychologist, etc., and even get his own medical opinions from doctors where he lives, and we tried a lot of other natural and non-medication options before going this route. But when an 8 year old takes it upon herself to put it on (it's a patch) because she knows she focuses/concentrates better with it, that's saying something.

He's a big religious freak, and I'm not. I agreed to let her go to Sunday school while she is with me (which is most of the year). Perhaps I cease her participation in that ... given it's not medically necessary or a matter of life and death.

 

[smoothmarine187]

If your X can handle her when she is not on it, then why does it matter? Just put her back on it when she gets home. Sorry, its just hard for me to get into this subject without being biased. My son's teacher wanted to put him on that stuff, because she couldn't handle him. He always told me that the teacher was really boring and he acted that way because he was bored out of his mind. I got into it quite a few times with his teacher, but guess what, this year he has a new teacher and she thinks he's great.....and he gets good grades.

 

[happyappygirl]

I could understand if she had some terminal illness and she had to take the medication or she would become very sick, but this is only for ADHD. If my X-wife put my kids on that crap, I wouldn't give it to them either. She only thinks she needs to be on it now, because of you and other doctors telling her that she needs it.

i guess you'd...oh nebbermind :grr: SmoothButtMunch. She SAID she'd rather not hear opinions on her daughter's diagnosis.

Crabby, i'd prolly call your attorney and strongly consider eliminating unsupervised visits for reasons of neglect. YOU have gone to a lot of trouble to do what's best for your child. He can't, in her best interest, undermine that. I assume you are custodial parent.

Before actually going to court, I'd ask him who her pediatrician is (when she stays with him-he d@mn well better have one) and forward her medical records to their office, with an explanation that he purposefully won't give the meds to her, and request that they send him something in writing with the positive results your pediatrician has achieved, and a script for them. If THAT doesn't work, then I'd haul his A$$ to court, and ELIMINATE his parental rights for neglect. End of story. Sorry i show NO MERCY. Rottncop knows it would be far cheaper to keep me, homegirl don't play around.

 

[happyappygirl]

If your X can handle her when she is not on it, then why does it matter? Just put her back on it when she gets home. Sorry, its just hard for me to get into this subject without being biased. My son's teacher wanted to put him on that stuff, because she couldn't handle him. He always told me that the teacher was really boring and he acted that way because he was bored out of his mind. I got into it quite a few times with his teacher, but guess what, this year he has a new teacher and she thinks he's great.....and he gets good grades.

you could have gotten him a new teacher LAST year. that's your right as a parent. enact it. your kid also has to know it's not appropriate behavior to disrespect a teacher while YOU are trying to do something about the situation, he won't get along with every single teacher he has for the rest of his education. Did you?

the issue is these meds are cumlative...meaning you can't give it sporadically, it's like allergy medicine. it has to be maintained at a constant level if i remember correctly. my nephew was on it. With that said it is NOT the decision a teacher should make, Crabby has gone the right route. Kudos to you!

 

[mAlice]

Are there any side effects to stopping the medication abruptly? Some med's have serious side effects if not removed gradually. That would be my first concern.

 

[C-Murda]

You white peoples is crazy, what that kid nees is a good butt whiping when she gets outta line. When my son Leroy tries to raise up on me, I just wax em.

 

[crabcake]

If your X can handle her when she is not on it, then why does it matter? Just put her back on it when she gets home.

Yes, there are side effects to going on and off and on and off. It is taken daily so as to maintain a presence in her system. One day missed ... not a problem. A week? Problems.

But the bigger picture here is her. It's not fair to her to take it from her then yell/punish her for not being able to follow through. The point of the medication is to level her out so she can develop good habits and behaviors allowing her to learn to concentrate/focus so that she could eventually come off the medication. She's in that learning stage right now. She's taking the medication and is becoming aware of the differences in her behavior on and off, and how she can get control of that. To take it away, then get mad at her for not listening or controlling herself is not fair to her.

 

[happyappygirl]

You white peoples is crazy, what that kid nees is a good butt whiping when she gets outta line. When my son Leroy tries to raise up on me, I just wax em.

oh and that will make him become the model citizen his daddy is...avoidin' da man, low riding in his tinted window'd escalade, packin' and druggin'

 

[crabcake]

You white peoples is crazy, what that kid nees is a good butt whiping when she gets outta line. When my son Leroy tries to raise up on me, I just wax em.

Maybe if someone had done that to your crackhead mother, we wouldn't have to contend with the likes of you. :shrug:

 

[Vince]

Are there any side effects to stopping the medication abruptly? Some med's have serious side effects if not removed gradually. That would be my first concern.

You can't just stop and start meds. Some have to be taken awhile before they have an effect. Perfect example: My son is autistic and on a few meds including Paxil. Paxil has to be taken for a few days before it's affects can be seen.

 

[crabcake]

Are there any side effects to stopping the medication abruptly? Some med's have serious side effects if not removed gradually. That would be my first concern.

Since I don't personally take the medication, I can't say whether there are mental side effects (e.g., hallucinations, etc.) that occur. But I know that her behavior is much more erratic when she's taken off and on, off and on. There is also a self-esteem issue. She doesn't like when her behavior is out of hand anymore than I do, and it bothers/saddens her that it happens. Not so much right away or in the midst of the behavior ... but later, once she's calmed down enough to identify with her behavior, what she did wrong, etc.

 

[smoothmarine187]

you could have gotten him a new teacher LAST year. that's your right as a parent. enact it. your kid also has to know it's not appropriate behavior to disrespect a teacher while YOU are trying to do something about the situation, he won't get along with every single teacher he has for the rest of his education. Did you?

Thats my point exactly! Why would I switch out his teacher? then he would think that everytime things got hard, he could just bail out. I know he won't get along with every teacher, my point being, he didn't need drugs to make him focus. He just needed a better teacher, but believe me we worked on it alot. Anyway, sorry for ruining this thread, I won't post again because I can't get into this subject without getting pissed off.

I guess you could threaten your X, and tell him that you are going to take him to court if he does it again. I would rather have my son/daughter there on drugs, then not see them at all.

 

[crabcake]

While I truly don't want to take anything away from her that she enjoys (e.g., Sunday School), I think I'm going to use that argument on him. And if he doesn't change his attitude about it, it might be worth a consult with an attorney about it.

There's far more evidence of the existence of ADHD and the benefits associated with medicating it when necessary than there is an afterlife. I've accomodated his beliefs and made arrangements for her to participate in sunday school because she enjoys it and she gets something good from it. I don't see her medication (something SHE wants to take to better herself) any different.

And no, I didn't force the medication issue on her. She's seen what it does for her. She didn't want to take a pill, but now that it's available in a patch form, she pretty much takes control of putting it on and taking it off on her own.

 

[crabcake]

Thats my point exactly! Why would I switch out his teacher? then he would think that everytime things got hard, he could just bail out. I know he won't get along with every teacher, my point being, he didn't need drugs to make him focus. He just needed a better teacher, but believe me we worked on it alot. Anyway, sorry for ruining this thread, I won't post again because I can't get into this subject without getting pissed off.

I guess you could threaten your X, and tell him that you are going to take him to court if he does it again. I would rather have my son/daughter there on drugs, then not see them at all.

Okay, your situation is one the where your kid didn't need medication to help him. Mine does. No two kids are alike, and no two cases of ADHD are alike. Many have accompanying "disorders" that go along with the diagnosis, and it takes a LOT of time, patience and effort to pin down exactly what's going on with them.

I don't get the big hoopla with people's not believing/agreeing in ADHD and medicating it. I don't see it any different than any other medical condition out there ... heart disease, diabetes, schizophrenia, etc. All are medical conditions diagnosed by physicians, have been studied for years, and have medications to help with them. ADHD is no different. To say it doesn't exist or require medication in some cases is no different than saying heart disease doesn't exist. :shrug:

 

[C-Murda]

oh and that will make him become the model citizen his daddy is...avoidin' da man, low riding in his tinted window'd escalade, packin' and druggin'

Let me tell you somthin, all dat my son be knowin is that Im a business man. I leaves the crib in a suit, and I comes back home in a suit. I roll in a big bolla Escalade, my bladez probly cost more than your car!

 

[happyappygirl]

Thats my point exactly! Why would I switch out his teacher? then he would think that everytime things got hard, he could just bail out. I know he won't get along with every teacher, my point being, he didn't need drugs to make him focus. He just needed a better teacher, but believe me we worked on it alot. Anyway, sorry for ruining this thread, I won't post again because I can't get into this subject without getting pissed off.

I guess you could threaten your X, and tell him that you are going to take him to court if he does it again. I would rather have my son/daughter there on drugs, then not see them at all.

my daughter had a eacher she was terrified of. that 2nd grade teacher told her that city kids got their fingers chewed off by rats while they slept. She was afraid to sleep for a week before she finally admitted what the teacher told her. they had read a story about poverty in a newspaper and that was her anecdote. i snatched my sweet little girl out of that class room so quickly it made her head spin. AND i tried to get that woman's pension pulled. what an idiot.

it IS your right and responsibility as a parent to know who your child will learn from before they get into the classroom. you can meet the teacher before, talk to other parents, and get a feel for the teachers methods, to see if they agree with your philosophy and your child's personality, and if not, request a different teacher. we have more say so with their education than most parents know.

crabby, mentioning the ADHD meds to a teacher MAY backfire on you too...so be VERY careful when talking to her teachers. some feel the same way as smoothmarine and your daughter will suffer for it. talk to the principal beforehand to be sure the teachers are EDUCATED about it. then proceed with discussing it with the teachers....

 

[happyappygirl]

Let me tell you somthin, all dat my son be knowin is that Im a business man. I leaves the crib in a suit, and I comes back home in a suit. I roll in a big bolla Escalade, my bladez probly cost more than your car!

i doubt it.

he knows. people talk.

btw..your fake dialect is a no go here. and before you call ME a racist, you'd better get to know me first. you haven't got a clue.