Parental Differences/Disagreement
- Thread starter crabcake
- Start date
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Q: What does...
...the cross and Damocles's' sword have in common?
A: I am not going to intentionally hang either one over my head.
Sharon said:No cursing and remember to remove the cross hanging above first.
...the cross and Damocles's' sword have in common?
A: I am not going to intentionally hang either one over my head.
crabcake
But wait, there's more...
Larry Gude said:
When we went from the behavioral mediation and natural/herbal "medication" stuff to a prescription medication, I discussed it with him, and while he wasn't overly happy with it, he agreed. The other stuff (natural/herbal options, behavioral modification, etc) wasn't cutting it; she needed something more. When she was with him before and was taking a pill presciption, he/his wife would give it to her and didn't biatch about it much, except that she wouldn't take pills without putting up a big fight (it's a pill phobia thing with her). When the news came out that her medication was coming available in patch form, she asked for it. She's on it (patch) now, does soooo much better with it, even going so far as to remember to put it on by herself. She tells me and her pediatrician that she feels like she can concentrate better and focus on her school work with this than the other things we've tried. No one is filling her head with information to spout out, or forcing anything on her in that respect. The whole objective of the medication is to get her in a place where she can focus/concentrate on what she needs to do to better enable her to become aware of her habits, triggers, etc. so that she can learn how to control it. The patch gets her in that place to be able to do that, and she is learning and beginning to identify certain behaviors and catch herself before continuing with the behavior, so it IS helping. Eventually, the objective is to retrain her brain to manage this stuff so that she can come off the medication. But it's only been four months, and I don't expect an overnight miracle with this. But it IS working; she IS doing better; and it IS a success in her case.
If I were giving her a couple hits on a joint before school to take her down a notch, or were getting various drugs off the black market to try, then I could see there being concern for her health. But she is being very closely monitored by her pediatrician (we email regularly between appointments on her status), psychologist, etc., and this is an FDA regulated and approved medication of which she was started on the very lowest dosage.
And again, let me remind those of you who don't know that in (true/valid) cases of ADHD -- if left untreated -- kids are more likely to develop addictions to alcohol and drugs later in life. I'm doing everything in my power as a parent to not only enable my child to perform better in school now, but to perform better in life later on. It's easier to learn the positive habits/behaviors now than when she's in her late teens or early twenties and trying to reprogram herself. If you disagree with that, so be it ... but disagreeing with it does NOT justify just yanking her off the medication without educating yourself about it and her condition.
crabcake
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bohman said:
She is with me most of the year. He has her every other holiday and summers. I fully discussed her situation/condition, symptoms, test results, options, etc. beforehand with him. He said then that he was not keen on medications, and I wasn't in a rush to just put her on something for the sake of medicating her, so we tried the natural/herbal remedies out there that claimed to help (they didn't). We tried various behavioral modification techniques (didn't help). (I say "we" in those instances, but really, it's "me" because she is with me during the school year.) He has had MORE than ample opportunity to talk to all of her doctors, as well as obtain his own opinion by his own doctors last summer, and he hasn't. The ONLY time he talked to one of her doctors was when the psychologist wanted to get some background/feedback from both parents, and she called him. He didn't rush to return her call, either.
On his side, there is a lot of negativity toward any sort of mental health/psychology-psychiatry/medication. When he was young, his parents got divorced, and the mother tossed him and his brother into counseling, and I recall him saying that he didn't like it then either. So I think it's more of a "him" thing. That's why I said from the get-go that he was very Tom-Cruise-esque about this. He doesn't have any real, legitimate, valid reason ... it's "just cuz".
Nanny Pam
************
crabcake said:
The whole objective of the medication is to get her in a place where she can focus/concentrate on what she needs to do to better enable her to become aware of her habits, triggers, etc. so that she can learn how to control it. The patch gets her in that place to be able to do that, and she is learning and beginning to identify certain behaviors and catch herself before continuing with the behavior, so it IS helping. Eventually, the objective is to retrain her brain to manage this stuff so that she can come off the medication. But it's only been four months, and I don't expect an overnight miracle with this. But it IS working; she IS doing better; and it IS a success in her case.
If I were giving her a couple hits on a joint before school to take her down a notch, or were getting various drugs off the black market to try, then I could see there being concern for her health. But she is being very closely monitored by her pediatrician (we email regularly between appointments on her status), psychologist, etc., and this is an FDA regulated and approved medication of which she was started on the very lowest dosage.
And again, let me remind those of you who don't know that in (true/valid) cases of ADHD -- if left untreated -- kids are more likely to develop addictions to alcohol and drugs later in life. I'm doing everything in my power as a parent to not only enable my child to perform better in school now, but to perform better in life later on. It's easier to learn the positive habits/behaviors now than when she's in her late teens or early twenties and trying to reprogram herself. If you disagree with that, so be it ... but disagreeing with it does NOT justify just yanking her off the medication without educating yourself about it and her condition.
I think you are a fantastic Mom. I have seen the before & after as far as K is concerned, and believe me, there is a remarkable difference.
Because K is on this medication, she is able to attend hockey games, basketball games, NASCAR races, and other events. She is in total control of herself. She pays attention to what is going on. She doesn't miss anything.
When she talks to me on the phone, she told me that her daddy told her she didn't need this medication. She told me, she thought she did. She said that she had a hard time with her behavior. Poor kid. To me ....she sounded like more of a adult than her "dad.'
How would any of you feel if you definately needed a pain medication, and you were told "you don't need it."
Think about it.
crabcake
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Sharon said:This is pointless...kids in high school sell/give away their ADD/ADHD medications all the time. I can't believe starting and stopping these meds is THAT dangerous.
This whole ordeal is a battle of wills between two parents to justify medication which may or may not be needed.And we're only hearing one side and it's from the giver of meds. Crabby if you think the stop/start cycle is dangerous to your child take her back to the docs and get medical proof, not just opinions.
The "other side"'s response when I asked "why" was that she should be able to control herself without medication. That's it. No medical evidence ... no professional opinion ... no consultations with pediatricians, psychologists, witch doctors, church officials, scientologists, et al. It's HIS opinion ... and HE is not educated in the condition. He's never read a single book about it, he's never called HIS DAUGHTER'S doctors to discuss it, he's never taken her to a doctor of his choosing to have it evaluated/treated. It's "just cuz".
If she should be able to control herself without medications, then in theory he should be able to control his headaches, heartburn, and limp-dick conditions on his own without medications, but no one is biatching about the use of imitrex, the "purple pill", or viagra.
....and her name is not Shaqueta. It's "Ellie May." and she will give you an azz beatin'. :
crabcake
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vraiblonde said:
Adverse reactions (while very important) aside, it's also not fair to her to take her off the medications, then yell at her/punish her when she doesn't act in a manner that he expects. She's learning how to control herself right now; to identifiy the things that trigger her behavior, when her mind is racing and how she can control that. And it's working. I'm seeing that ... but he's never around her long enough to see the differences in her when she is on and off ... he's not around when it's taking 2+ hours to finish a 15 word spelling list because she can't focus. And he's not here to see that the homework is now finished and legible in a much more reasonable amount of time, and with pride. I've shared these things with him, but it's as if it doesn't matter. He thinks
so that's the way it should be. Yet he hasn't provided any information/opinions (professional) to back his opinion. :shrug:And as an example, keep in mind what I posted about 2 weeks ago. Last year, she had one helluva time in school. This year, she's entering the academically gifted program. I think that right there is proof positive that this is helping her tremendously when it comes to her schoolwork.
Okay, but those aren't mood/behavior-altering drugs.crabcake said:
I don't know a whole lot about ADD, but I do know everybody's kid seems to have it and now nobody can play dodgeball anymore because it's too violent. Coincidence?
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Then that...
...is simply an issue you have to keep talking to him about, fighting with him over; If he agreed, is commited to this treatment, then he's gotta keep up his end of the deal.
All the rest is boiler plate and irrelvent. I don't care if we're talking about allowing her to wear pink sunglasses; either he agreed or didn't.
crabcake said:
...is simply an issue you have to keep talking to him about, fighting with him over; If he agreed, is commited to this treatment, then he's gotta keep up his end of the deal.
All the rest is boiler plate and irrelvent. I don't care if we're talking about allowing her to wear pink sunglasses; either he agreed or didn't.
Toxick
Splat
The way that I understand the way these adhd medicines work, its not like taking an aspirin, or taking cough medicine or taking a huff off an asthma-blower or something like this. It is not a situation where you simply take the medication during 'episodes'.
They are similar to high-blood pressure medications, or heart medicine where there should be a reasonably stable amount of the drug in the system at all times. Off-and-on usage is detrimental and counterproductive.
Therefore I would say that any non-custodial parent who ignores a doctor prescribed medical regimen, simply because they disagree with it, is grounds for withholding visitation.
I'm usually 100% behind non-custodial parents rights - because they usually get the #### end of the stick - but in this case, I believe they should defer to the judgement of the custodial parent, and their pediatrician. If they want to contest the judgement of the parent and the pediatrician, I can understand that. But simply not giving them the medicine is just flat out wrong.
They are similar to high-blood pressure medications, or heart medicine where there should be a reasonably stable amount of the drug in the system at all times. Off-and-on usage is detrimental and counterproductive.
Therefore I would say that any non-custodial parent who ignores a doctor prescribed medical regimen, simply because they disagree with it, is grounds for withholding visitation.
I'm usually 100% behind non-custodial parents rights - because they usually get the #### end of the stick - but in this case, I believe they should defer to the judgement of the custodial parent, and their pediatrician. If they want to contest the judgement of the parent and the pediatrician, I can understand that. But simply not giving them the medicine is just flat out wrong.
Nicole_in_somd
How you like me now?
crabcake said:
The whole objective of the medication is to get her in a place where she can focus/concentrate on what she needs to do to better enable her to become aware of her habits, triggers, etc. so that she can learn how to control it. The patch gets her in that place to be able to do that, and she is learning and beginning to identify certain behaviors and catch herself before continuing with the behavior, so it IS helping. Eventually, the objective is to retrain her brain to manage this stuff so that she can come off the medication. But it's only been four months, and I don't expect an overnight miracle with this. But it IS working; she IS doing better; and it IS a success in her case.
If I were giving her a couple hits on a joint before school to take her down a notch, or were getting various drugs off the black market to try, then I could see there being concern for her health. But she is being very closely monitored by her pediatrician (we email regularly between appointments on her status), psychologist, etc., and this is an FDA regulated and approved medication of which she was started on the very lowest dosage.
And again, let me remind those of you who don't know that in (true/valid) cases of ADHD -- if left untreated -- kids are more likely to develop addictions to alcohol and drugs later in life. I'm doing everything in my power as a parent to not only enable my child to perform better in school now, but to perform better in life later on. It's easier to learn the positive habits/behaviors now than when she's in her late teens or early twenties and trying to reprogram herself. If you disagree with that, so be it ... but disagreeing with it does NOT justify just yanking her off the medication without educating yourself about it and her condition.
This is your child and you know better than anyone else in here. If these people want to deny their own children something that could benefit them then so be it that is their ignorance and their child is made to suffer. You did your research and you are staying on top of it and this post says it all.
none of these people in here have a medical degree, and even if they did they are not treating your child and do not know crap about it.
You know what is best, listen to your heart and use your head.
Nicole_in_somd
How you like me now?
C-Murda said:
You again? Go play in traffic dumbass
crabcake
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vraiblonde said:
No, they aren't. But did you read the fine print on the viagra ad? "If an erection is maintained for longer than 4 hours, seek emergency medical attention." That's because limpy could suffer a heart attack.
What about imitrex?
No matter what medication you take, there are possible side effects. That's why (with ADHD meds) you start out with the lowest possible dosage, and if needed, work your way up.
I agree a LOT of kids are diagnosed, and I'd venture to guess that at least half of those diagnoses are inaccurate. I agree that a LOT of parents out there just want their kid to sit down, shut up, and behave. That's not the case here. I used to be one of the ADHD/Medication naysayers, thinking it was all a bunch of
... until I educated myself about it, evaluated the symptoms and what DQ was presenting, did a lot of reading, and talking to professionals (pediatricians, psychologists, etc), teachers (not just DQ's, but teachers in my family as well), guidance counselors, and other parents with children who demonstrate the characteristics. I belong to a local group for ADHD support, and while I don't go to their meetings (mostly because a lot of them are REALLY far out there 
), I get a lot of good resources and ideas from their site and forum. Behavior modification is the big component of helping a child with ADHD overcome their obstacles; but in some cases, medication is necessary. Unfortunately, that's the case with DQ. If I weren't seeing the incredibly positive results since she's been on it, I wouldn't keep giving it to her. We'd try something else. But the proof is in the puddin' with this one, and for her, it's night and day, 180-degrees, not a doubt in my mind. And let's keep in mind here who was blessed with the common sense in DQ's parentage. Her father put her on the back of his motorcycle several times at the age of 5 (KNOWING I didn't approve) ... that, to me, is NOT an example of his stellar common sense or parenting expertise.