Passive/Aggressive & Narcissistic Boyfriends or Girlfriends?

[girlie]

After 5 months, I broke it off a week ago w/a man who finally admitted (once I started getting fed up), that he had some therapy years ago & was told he is passive/aggressive and has a narcissistic personality disorder. Ugh!! He also told me they "gave up" on him. I can believe it.

I spent 3 weeks educating myself & researching both of these disorders (I must be an expert on their behaviors and thought patterns by now), before making the decision to walk away from him.

Just wondering if any of you are currently involved with, or have ever been involved with people who have one or both of these "disorders" and what your experiences are or were with these people.

 

[Steve]

@ Otter

 

[kwillia]

@ Otter

 

[Vixen]

I work in a clinical intervention environment with many people classified with these disorders. A year ago, it was not something I knew much about, but due to numerous budget cuts in the state’s mental health services, a selected few of us were trained in my job to learn how to deal with these types of people, our training was provided by St. Elizabeth’s Hospital by some of the top doctors in the field. I will admit looking back that it was a rude awakening and something I wasn’t mentally prepared to deal with at the time and it completely knocked me of my high horse in thinking I was able to tackle any project. Like I said before, it was a rude awakening.

You are not going to find the compassion and sympathy on this board you are looking for. A good place is MSN groups on the subject matter, but even that is something you have to sort thru and decide if it is just a person scorned or an actual target of the disorder so I’d just stick to the doctor’s articles, recommended books and websites.

Also, instead of being a victim, you need to find out why you were vulnerable to end up in this type of situation. There are reasons and you need to deal with them and understand them.

Also, I would highly recommend reading how to cut contact with this type of person. There is a smart way to do it and an absolutely stupid way to do it.

 

[aps45819]

Live the life you want and if you find somebody along the way that's great. If not, you're still living the life you want. If you feel you need somebody to "complete" you, you might want to work on becoming a whole person,

 

[girlie]

Omigoodness, Vixen. I fear I was misunderstood. I really wasn't looking for compassion or sympathy. Thought it might just make for an interesting discussion - I find this kind of stuff interesting, that's all. I did break it off, completely. Maybe you didn't see that in my post (??). Your advice to examine why you became involved, in the first place is excellent. I have done that and I now realize the "red flags" I need to look for in the future. Having never been involved w/someone who exhibited these behaviors I didn't understand them -- but I do now.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

 

[Vixen]

Maybe I should have worded that to say; you will not find people who will pour their souls on the subject. In a sense, and I think you’ll agree, it is embarrassing to admit you were in a vulnerable situation with a person like this and tolerated what you did. Just because you ended it a week ago, doesn't mean it is over on his end and if it is, consider yourself very lucky.

 

[K_Jo]

After 5 months, I broke it off a week ago w/a man who finally admitted (once I started getting fed up), that he had some therapy years ago & was told he is passive/aggressive and has a narcissistic personality disorder. Ugh!! He also told me they "gave up" on him. I can believe it.

I spent 3 weeks educating myself & researching both of these disorders (I must be an expert on their behaviors and thought patterns by now), before making the decision to walk away from him.

Just wondering if any of you are currently involved with, or have ever been involved with people who have one or both of these "disorders" and what your experiences are or were with these people.

Does your ex-boyfriend live on the Eastern Shore?

 

[Wickedwrench]

Maybe I should have worded that to say; you will not find people who will pour their souls on the subject. In a sense, and I think you’ll agree, it is embarrassing to admit you were in a vulnerable situation with a person like this and tolerated what you did. Just because you ended it a week ago, doesn't mean it is over on his end and if it is, consider yourself very lucky.

I think we talked about one of these disorders before didn't we?

 

[Vixen]

I think we talked about one of these disorders before didn't we?

Somewhere in there and your ex. But that was offline.

 

[girlie]

LOL, K Jo - no he doesn't, why do you have an ex like that on the Eastern Shore?

 

[MJ]

Does your ex-boyfriend live on the Eastern Shore?

 

[Joe'smom]

I think what "Vixen" is saying --- and this I know to be true.....these folks depending on the classification of their personality type can be quite vicious when relationship ties are cut. If he was "feeding" (I believe is the term )off of you in some way---you could be in for a real time! Their retaliation is not often direct but well thought out and planned ....things will happen that you have no way of explaining but are usually very damaging if not down right dangerous! Are you a person in a powerful position somehow? Is there something for him to gain from you emotionally? All I can say is watch your back!

 

[girlie]

Thanx, Joe's mom - I honestly don't believe he'll become vicious, but I know that's often the case with these types, so I will certainly "watch my back". He's emotionally dangerous, never physical & as there is no contact now, there's no opportunity.

I don't know if I broke it off in a smart way but when I did, I was very calm & rational, didn't say anything that was accusatory or do anything to aggravate him. I was firm, brief, unemotional & just said I wasn't willing to deal with all his "stuff", that it's not what I wanted for myself. I wished him well in the future, etc.

He sent an e-mail a few days ago also wishing me the best in the future. I did not respond. I believe if I just maintain no contact, regardless of what he writes (I don't think he will again and if he calls I will not answer or call him back). His grown daughter moved in w/him recently, so I expect he'll transfer any anger at me, to her. And she will likely become his narcissistic "source", until he can find another one. He's hers to deal with now.

I think he's well aware that he'll get nothing from me, emotionally or in any other way. I always maintained firm boundaries - only saw him twice a week, etc. - had I not maintained my boundaries and been so much my own person, I expect things may be more difficult now.

 

[Qurious]

Try dating someone who after 3 years finally comes to the realization that he may be bipolar. I sensed it all along but men hate being diagnosed with anything, they'll stay in denial as long as us women let them.

Treat the illness so you two can move on with your lives together or apart.

 

[Vixen]

Try dating someone who after 3 years finally comes to the realization that he may be bipolar. I sensed it all along but men hate being diagnosed with anything, they'll stay in denial as long as us women let them.

Treat the illness so you two can move on with your lives together or apart.

Bipolar can be treated with therapy and medication for the most part. Narcissistic and passive aggressive are disorders that are imbedded for life. The rate of recovery is so small, that you either deal with it or leave and most professionals in a clinical environment will encourage you to leave. Unless you like living in a drama world where you will never be anything more than a mere menial person to them to put down and used often for their benefit.

I don't know if I broke it off in a smart way but when I did, I was very calm & rational, didn't say anything that was accusatory or do anything to aggravate him. I was firm, brief, unemotional & just said I wasn't willing to deal with all his "stuff", that it's not what I wanted for myself. I wished him well in the future, etc.

Whether you meant to be accusatory or not, you were. The statement above is an accusatory statement and one that has the potential to wound a person suffering from this disorder send them into an attacking/revenge mission.

Just like Joe’s mom said, “watch your back.” Hopefully, you did keep strong boundaries and this person doesn’t have any leverage to seek any type of revenge against you. Meaning, they have no contact with the people you have contact with in your life.

 

[girlie]

OK, Enough. I am outta here.

The few responses I received have led me to conclude that you are not a supportive, friendly group. In fact, most of you sound angry, most of the time - and not just at me, at life in general. Some of your screen names even sound angry.

None of you sound like people I'd choose as friends, or confidents. And now, after looking at several archived posts, it sounds like many of you are young marrieds (not me) and have a lot fewer life experiences than I.

Maybe that's the reason for what appears to be a lack of depth in responses. I wonder what you will be saying, or feeling in another 20 or 30 years?

F**k you all, very much!

 

[Otter]

The few responses I received have led me to conclude that you are not a supportive, friendly group. In fact, most of you sound angry, most of the time - and not just at me, at life in general. Some of your screen names even sound angry.

None of you sound like people I'd choose as friends, or confidents. And now, after looking at several archived posts, it sounds like many of you are young marrieds (not me) and have a lot fewer life experiences than I.

Maybe that's the reason for what appears to be a lack of depth in responses. I wonder what you will be saying, or feeling in another 20 or 30 years?

F**k you all, very much!

 

[mAlice]

Am I missing something? I read this whole thread and didn't see anything angry or unfriendly. What a nut job...probably did the exbf a favor.

 

[mainman]

The few responses I received have led me to conclude that you are not a supportive, friendly group. In fact, most of you sound angry, most of the time - and not just at me, at life in general. Some of your screen names even sound angry.

None of you sound like people I'd choose as friends, or confidents. And now, after looking at several archived posts, it sounds like many of you are young marrieds (not me) and have a lot fewer life experiences than I.

Maybe that's the reason for what appears to be a lack of depth in responses. I wonder what you will be saying, or feeling in another 20 or 30 years?

F**k you all, very much!

Wow.... I feel sorry for the bastard you sink your hooks into...