Respecting parents' wishes

[cattitude]

I'm not a fan of the Ferber method (letting them cry it out) it solves nothing.

Feber method? Everything has a name anymore. I dunno, I just went with my instincts, didn't read any books. I let mine cry but not to the point of hysteria.

When my kids were with my parents, I trusted them to care for them and didn't set restrictions, etc. When they were with the other grandparents, I let them care for them. Children (babies) are flexible...and they really NEED to be flexible and raised that way.

 

[lak]

Or "demands" might be more appropriate.


Anyway, it ended with me saying that this is my grandson and I'll rock him if I want and there's not a damn thing she can do about it.



I was in this situation 20 years ago. You need to remember it is HER son not yours, she is the MOTHER not you. You must abide by her rules and not criticize her techniques for raising her son. She is doing the best she can. Gently give her suggestions, and your daughter will eventually realize you have motherly wisdom and will accept your advice.

 

[morningbell]

No rock??? What crock!!! I rocked mine all the time, and when I wasn't rocking them one of their Grandmothers or Great Grandmother rocked them. They both slept through the night early, and never had any trouble falling asleep. They also managed somehow to grow up to young adults and not have any lingering adjustment problems. Sometimes the "child rearing" books are just plain stupid!!

My early memories of my Nan (grandmother) was her rocking me. When she knew I needed it (and she knew) she'd call me to her, she was so comfortable, and I was out like a light in no time.

 

[my-thyme]

Children (babies) are flexible...and they really NEED to be flexible and raised that way.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I'm sorry you did that much crying.

Actually, I didn't. I still like my sleep to this day and have no problems falling asleep.

 

[virgovictoria]

Feber method? Everything has a name anymore. I dunno, I just went with my instincts, didn't read any books. I let mine cry but not to the point of hysteria.

When my kids were with my parents, I trusted them to care for them and didn't set restrictions, etc. When they were with the other grandparents, I let them care for them. Children (babies) are flexible...and they really NEED to be flexible and raised that way.

With the exception of setting expectations on your children at various ages - obviously not talking about rocking age and such - I would imagine instinct should play the biggest role.

As a parent, you'll know when your baby needs a comforting rub or nuzzle or when it just needs to be left alone to "get it out", don't you?

And if you trust your parents as caregivers, it would seem that aside from pertinent instructions, they are capable of giving love and care to your little ones.

When it comes to rocking, WTH is up with no rocking? That is one that I just don't get.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think it must be that whole night time thing. The first time my son visited with 2 toddlers, when I heard them crying in the night (yes, after I had rocked them to sleep), I got this really stupid grin on my face (couldn't see it, but it sure felt stupid), and kept thinking "I don't have to get up, I DON'T HAVE TO GET UP!"

Oh my gosh! The spare bed is in Riggs' room, so I heard him first in the morning (or in the night). It was all I could do to let him grunt around a bit to make sure he was really awake before I'd snatch him out of that crib.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

How about a happy medium? Rock him until he gets drousy and put him in bed to go to sleep on his own?

BTW, I rocked mine, especially when nursing them to sleep

 

[pebbles]

My son is almost 18 months old & he still gets rocked to sleep EVERY night. I don't regret it at all. However he does NOT regularly sleep through the night (he did last night!) when we asked his dr about this she said let him cry it out. He needs to learn to soothe himself back to sleep. We've tried that (no more than 10 minutes) & usually it doesn't work. What works is picking him up & holding him a few minutes & then putting him back in his crib. But sometimes that doesn't either & then I hear he's just spoiled etc.
It's kind of a catch 22

But grandparents should be allowed to be grandparents to the extent of not altering their entire routine completely.

For example I had problem when Grammie decided that since daughter (now 7) ate 2 or 3 bites of her dinner it was okay to give her ice cream. This infuriated me. She knew the ongoing problems we were having getting her to eat regularly but did it anyway.

 

[Cowgirl]

Children (babies) are flexible...and they really NEED to be flexible and raised that way.

I'll agree with that one! I've seen the difference between my sister's kids and D's kids. My sister is very much a routine oriented person. If the schedule is off, it's a big to-do. I love her dearly, and she's a great mom, but she definitely kept a tight schedule with her first. She's relaxed a bit with her second though.

D's kids have a general routine when they're with us, but they get bounced between their mom and grandmom when they're not with us (not slamming, just saying). They're much more flexible because of not always having the exact schedule all the time.

 

[Kain99]

Baby daughter is the parent now. You should respect her wishes.

 

[Cowgirl]

Oh, and I have one thing to add. What's up with mothers turning into pushovers when they turn into a grandmother? I know my mom and D's mom didn't let us get away with half the crap they let the grandkids get away with!

 

[Pete]

I asked Boy if he wanted me to rock him in the rocking chair last night. He said no. It is a good thing too because he had just taken a shower and was wearing enough Axe to choke a Water Buffalo.

 

[kom526]

Oh, and I have one thing to add. What's up with mothers turning into pushovers when they turn into a grandmother? I know my mom and D's mom didn't let us get away with half the crap they let the grandkids get away with!

The seem to have gotten much more liberal with the purse strings too.

 

[vraiblonde]

Baby daughter is the parent now. You should respect her wishes.

Well, I'm not going to. I was just curious how it works with other people.

 

[DoWhat]

Well, I'm not going to. I was just curious how it works with other people.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Well, I'm not going to. I was just curious how it works with other people.

as the parent of a 3 year old, I don't even try to tell her grandmother what to do/not do anymore because I'll loose.

as a grandmother, I always win when I do things their mother doesn't want me to do.

 

[BLUIGAL]

I think you did the right thing.......I rocked every baby I ever took care of, they need to feel the love and be comforted..........it's the human bonding and condition...........you're a good Grandma.

 

[DoWhat]

as the parent of a 3 year old, I don't even try to tell her grandmother what to do/not do anymore because I'll loose.

as a grandmother, I always win when I do things their mother doesn't want me to do.

You are a Grandmother, and also have a 3 yr old daughter?

 

[vraiblonde]

At least I'm honest about it