Respecting parents' wishes

[vraiblonde]

Actually, it went really well. My Mom smokes a lot less than normal when she's here because she's so distracted by her one & only grandbaby. Plus she always has to go outside in order to smoke. She's really good about washing her hands after smoking. When we're outside with the baby, she walks pretty far away from him.

Someone had pointed out to me that we'd be changing our son's clothes so often that he wouldn't even have a chance to smell like smoke. Boy, were they right! Dumb naive me hadn't thought of that. Here I was thinking that we'd just be changing diapers and he could wear the same outfit all day for the most part.

Oh good! I'm glad everything worked out well!

 

[CalvertNewbie]

What about helping out in the house?? When mothers, fathers, and inlaws come do you help or wnat help from them? like Dishes, dinner, laundry folded or would u assume they sit on their butts and do absoulty nothing? I have terrible inlaws so i am courious to see how other people do it? By the way i dont want a maid just asking lol!

My Mom helps more around the house than my inlaws. Both always ask if they can help with anything. Sometimes I take their help, other times I tell them to go hang out with their grandson instead. I'd rather have them play with my son. This is gonna sound stupid, but I actually enjoy cooking & cleaning while they're here. I get so much more done & get it done a lot faster.

They both insist that hubby & I to go on a date night while they're here because we have nobody in the area to babysit. Last time we just went to the Greene Turtle to watch the Caps game. We had many, many drinks. We brought home dessert to eat with my Mom.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Oh good! I'm glad everything worked out well!

Thanks, it sure did. And I'm glad you got to spend some quality time with your little grandbaby too, they grow so quick! And I can't forget to mention the quality time spent with your daughter also.

 

[Cowgirl]

Actually, it went really well. My Mom smokes a lot less than normal when she's here because she's so distracted by her one & only grandbaby. Plus she always has to go outside in order to smoke. She's really good about washing her hands after smoking. When we're outside with the baby, she walks pretty far away from him.

Someone had pointed out to me that we'd be changing our son's clothes so often that he wouldn't even have a chance to smell like smoke. Boy, were they right! Dumb naive me hadn't thought of that. Here I was thinking that we'd just be changing diapers and he could wear the same outfit all day for the most part.

Sounds great! Glad it worked out for you!

 

[mamissa3]

My mom is gone, but when she was slive she would help out often. Nbody offers or anything, i could get alot more done if they did help with kids. Oh well lol.

My Mom helps more around the house than my inlaws. Both always ask if they can help with anything. Sometimes I take their help, other times I tell them to go hang out with their grandson instead. I'd rather have them play with my son. This is gonna sound stupid, but I actually enjoy cooking & cleaning while they're here. I get so much more done & get it done a lot faster.

They both insist that hubby & I to go on a date night while they're here because we have nobody in the area to babysit. Last time we just went to the Greene Turtle to watch the Caps game. We had many, many drinks. We brought home dessert to eat with my Mom.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

My mom is gone, but when she was slive she would help out often. Nbody offers or anything, i could get alot more done if they did help with kids. Oh well lol.

It does sound kind of strange that they wouldn't spend time with the kids so you could at least get the housework & cooking done. Isn't that why they come to visit, to spend time with the grandkids? But the fact that they stay in a hotel......how did you swing that one?

 

[JULZ]

My DIL thinks girls should not have Barbie dolls, promotes a poor self image. As baby grandaughter ages, I'm probably gonna have trouble abiding by this one!

New Homely Doll To Improve Self-Image Of Young Girls | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

 

[bcp]

Anyway, the point is - where do you draw the line? When do you abide by Mommy and Dad's rules, and when do you tell them to beat it and let you tend your grandchild?

BTW, this was prompted by the Great Cereal Debate where someone's MIL gave the baby rice cereal against the express wishes of the Hyper-Mommy.

The freezer, I definately draw the line at putting them in the freezer to keep the from disturbing me.
When my daughter was of that age and she started the hour long cry fest, I didnt care who wanted to hold her. if they could shut her up, she was all theirs till they put her bed.

 

[depechemode]

Feber method? Everything has a name anymore. I dunno, I just went with my instincts, didn't read any books.

No books, just instincts.

But yes everything has a name now. I do not do cry it out so that means I have attachment parent style or something like that. The labels are a little silly and out of control if you ask me.

 

[depechemode]

I think if the grandparents don't see the grandchildren very often, they should be allowed to "spoil" the kids (as long as it's not something major, like not wearing seatbelts or something ). :shrug: If the grandparents are in a situation where they babysit frequently, or see the kids frequently, then they should listen to the requests of the parents when it comes to the major things. :shrug: I don't see anything wrong with grandparents having a discussion about something or suggesting new things to the parents though.

OMG my FIL tried to do that! We went there to visit and when the kids got up my MIL took them and told us to go back to bed, they were going to take the kids on their walk with the dogs. Sounds nice right? Well as I was drifting back off I remembered that they drive to the place they walk to so I got up to give them the keys to our car, which had the car seats--my kids were almost 3 and 18 months at the time. My FIL seriously said 'why do I need these? It's a 5 minute drive they can sit in our lap'.
I thought I was going to pass out from shock.

 

[mamissa3]

They have always just stayed in a hotel. I never said they couldnt stay here, but the leave here at like 9 or 10 pm and than show back up aroung 8am. Even if kids go to hotel with them, those are the times.

It does sound kind of strange that they wouldn't spend time with the kids so you could at least get the housework & cooking done. Isn't that why they come to visit, to spend time with the grandkids? But the fact that they stay in a hotel......how did you swing that one?

 

[Hoover]

Or "demands" might be more appropriate.

Most of us managed to get our kids from infancy to adulthood without killing them, right?

So here's a story about my daughter, which isn't all that, but the idea is to discuss grandparents vs. parents and when we Dodie types get to wave Mommy away and enjoy our grandchildren.

When I was visiting my daughter and her family, which includes 6 month old Riggs (aka CUTEST BABY EVER!), she put him down for night-night and he was fussing a bit. So I picked him up and headed for the rocking chair. She stopped me and said, "Oh no - we don't rock him."

WTH?? I said he was too young to bawl himself to sleep like that, and he needed some soothing to settle him in. She said the pediatrician and all her crazy Mommy books say not to rock them because it makes them spoiled and then they'll never learn to sleep on their own.

I replied that I rocked her and her brother most nights until they were around 8 or 9 months old, and they learned to sleep on their own just fine. And what the hell's the point of having a baby if you can't rock them???

She said, "BLAH!"

I retorted, "BLAH"

Anyway, it ended with me saying that this is my grandson and I'll rock him if I want and there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

This was not a fight, but more of a discussion - nobody was angry. Bebe Daddy stayed out of it because he and she have already had this conversation, with him being pro-rocking and thinking her ped and the books are nutty. (I didn't know this until after I put my foot down.)

After seeing that rocking is so much more pleasant that listening to a crying baby getting all worked up, she's taken to giving him a few minutes of bonding before bedtime.

Anyway, the point is - where do you draw the line? When do you abide by Mommy and Dad's rules, and when do you tell them to beat it and let you tend your grandchild?

BTW, this was prompted by the Great Cereal Debate where someone's MIL gave the baby rice cereal against the express wishes of the Hyper-Mommy.

With my first child (previous marriage), I would ask for insight from my In Laws because they had 7, I was young, immature and nieve, so I thought they knew what they were doing - WRONG! WRONG WRONG!!! My 1st son is totally F'd up due to them. My second child (CL and I) I did what CL and I thought needed to be done with him and he is a pretty cool kid.
Now I am a grandparent and my first son has a child and he is doing the same thing CL and I did with his brother - just do what your gut tells you. I am happy to say I have a happy and healthy little granddaughter. She is a pleasure to be with and is very comfortable in herself. She is content to play by herself or with others, sleeps all night, eats like a horse, and is very social. She will be 1 on June 20th.

 

[Cowgirl]

My 1st son is totally F'd up due to them.

How so?

 

[DoWhat]

How so?

Never heard anyone call a son/daughter F'ed up.

 

[Bann]

Or "demands" might be more appropriate.

Most of us managed to get our kids from infancy to adulthood without killing them, right?

So here's a story about my daughter, which isn't all that, but the idea is to discuss grandparents vs. parents and when we Dodie types get to wave Mommy away and enjoy our grandchildren.

When I was visiting my daughter and her family, which includes 6 month old Riggs (aka CUTEST BABY EVER!), she put him down for night-night and he was fussing a bit. So I picked him up and headed for the rocking chair. She stopped me and said, "Oh no - we don't rock him."

WTH?? I said he was too young to bawl himself to sleep like that, and he needed some soothing to settle him in. She said the pediatrician and all her crazy Mommy books say not to rock them because it makes them spoiled and then they'll never learn to sleep on their own.

I replied that I rocked her and her brother most nights until they were around 8 or 9 months old, and they learned to sleep on their own just fine. And what the hell's the point of having a baby if you can't rock them???

She said, "BLAH!"

I retorted, "BLAH"

Anyway, it ended with me saying that this is my grandson and I'll rock him if I want and there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

This was not a fight, but more of a discussion - nobody was angry. Bebe Daddy stayed out of it because he and she have already had this conversation, with him being pro-rocking and thinking her ped and the books are nutty. (I didn't know this until after I put my foot down.)

After seeing that rocking is so much more pleasant that listening to a crying baby getting all worked up, she's taken to giving him a few minutes of bonding before bedtime.

Anyway, the point is - where do you draw the line? When do you abide by Mommy and Dad's rules, and when do you tell them to beat it and let you tend your grandchild?

BTW, this was prompted by the Great Cereal Debate where someone's MIL gave the baby rice cereal against the express wishes of the Hyper-Mommy.

I rocked both of mine, and they both were sleeping through the night pretty early on. They were also independent sleepers, they didn't sleep in our bed - never even got up to come get into our bed as toddlers. I think that's because it was what was expected of them.

The cereal thing - I agree with you. I was just beside myself that Thing2 couldn't go longer than 2 hours between feedings and he was only 5 weeks old! There were nearly 5 years between he & Thing1 and the "conventional" practice at that time was not giving cereal before a certain amount of months, blah blah blah. My mom said give him cereal, a neighbor said give him cereal, my best friend said give him cereal. I called the nurse's hotline [in NAS Oceana when we were stationed there] & a very nice matronly "old fashioned" sounding nurse took my call. Thank GOD! She said "honey, YOU know that baby & what he needs. That baby is hungry. FEED that baby!" So I did. He only needed a little teeny bit, and he was fine from then on.

 

[Bann]

Well, crap. I wish somebody would have told my mother this. I had tons of Barbies..got one the first year they came out. I've been going to counseling for years and Barbie wasn't mentioned one time.

Barbie and I are the same age! I had a bunch a Barbies, too. We used to make her clothes, make her furniture, etc. It was a huge big deal. Sheesh!

 

[Baja28]

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[kwillia]

...

Twice... whataman...

 

[Bann]

Oh, and I have one thing to add. What's up with mothers turning into pushovers when they turn into a grandmother? I know my mom and D's mom didn't let us get away with half the crap they let the grandkids get away with!

My dad called it "inflation".

 

[Bann]

I asked Boy if he wanted me to rock him in the rocking chair last night. He said no. It is a good thing too because he had just taken a shower and was wearing enough Axe to choke a Water Buffalo.